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Authors: C T Adams,Cath Clamp

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Even this morning, our bodies were charged with energy. It rolled across my skin and made me shiver. Whatever was between us wasn't temporary. I knew that if I took her now it would be as intense and fierce as yesterday.

I pulled back from the kiss, leaving her breathless. She let out a little laugh. "Good morning to you too!" she said as I gently lowered her feet to the floor.

"Now, what did you mean, you're glad I'm back?"

"I was worried." She stopped when she saw my expression. "You don't remember, do you?"

I shook my head with a frown. "What happened?"

She smelled embarrassed and couldn't meet my eyes. She stood and walked toward the fireplace. "I feel just horrible. I didn't mean to let you out… "

"Out?" A buzzing filled my ears. "What do you mean, out?"

She glanced at me, still anxious. She chewed on her lower lip for a moment. "Last night. I went downstairs after we… well, you know. While you were sleeping. I got back to the room a little after dark. I thought it would be okay. But when I got here, you'd already changed."

I was starting to feel butterflies in my stomach. "When I opened the door, you sprang past me, faster than I could move."

Oh, shit! I sat down heavily on the sofa. "You mean I was out all night?"

She turned then and looked at me. "I honestly don't know. When you bolted I tried to follow you. I swear I did. I thought that once you found that you were confined to this floor you'd come back to the room with me.

I had a flash of memory, just like yesterday. I stalked the hallway, feeling trapped. There were walls all around me. They led in a circle. I remember one man exiting the elevator as I walked past. I bared teeth at him and snarled. He backed into the elevator before the doors shut. I felt his fear as I passed and it was good. Fear was a good thing. Sour and sharp. It made me hungrier, though.

Sue's words sifted through the memories of grey walls and black carpet; where scents were visible in the air like faded watercolors. They were recollections of a world sharply focused and alien.

"You slowed down when you heard my voice," she continued. "But something else caught your attention. I don't know what. You headed toward the window at the end of the hall. It was almost faster than I could see. But I could feel it." There was an odd edge to her voice. I looked at her. She hugged herself and shivered.

"I could literally feel you move. Experience your anxiety. You felt trapped. Before I could react, you took a running leap and went… "

"Right through the window," I completed softly, distantly. I remembered it now. I saw the moon through the window and needed to reach it. Needed to touch it, let it touch me. I leapt and I soared through the air. The window glass felt like tissue paper. It was nothing to me.

Sue nodded. "I was terrified. We're nine stories up!" She walked toward me and drenched my senses in the clove-scent of pride with a healthy dose of fear. "I rushed to the window. I couldn't believe it. I saw you jump into space and then land on the roof of the hospital across the street. Across the street!" Her voice held amazement but her scent was still pride.

I knew that it should be a big deal. Really. But it didn't feel like I was straining at the time-. It was just an average jump. Nothing special.

"I felt you jump, felt my muscles react and my breathing increase. It was incredible; wonderful. Like flying but better."

I nodded, still lost in the dream of it. I felt free. So trapped for so long and I was finally free. It was my turn to shiver.

"You ran to the other end of the roof and then I don't know where you went. I could feel you go but I lost sight of you."

I knew where I went. I needed trees. I needed meat. I picked up the story where Sue left off. I could hear my own voice from a distance as if I were narrating a movie. "I needed the night. Too trapped for too long," I heard myself say.

Sue nodded in agreement and hugged herself again. "I felt that too." She smiled suddenly and it was beautiful. "God, it felt so good to run. I could feel your muscles stretching, your body moving and it felt so incredibly… incredible." She looked at me then. Her smile was radiant. Tangerines blended with the cloves, buoyed by her own summer forest. As scents go it was a serious turn-on.

"Why do you coop yourself up in this room? You loved it out there. In the night. The fresh air, the scent of trees and rocks… I didn't even know that rocks had a smell until last night. But I stood there at the window after I couldn't see you anymore. I could feel you, sense you. Smell through your nose, see through your eyes. Well, actually, that's not quite true. I couldn't actually see but I could feel you react to what you did see. What kind of duck was it?"

I remembered that too. The image was so strong it sucked me back inside. The pond at the city park; the cattails where I lay in wait. Even now I could smell the musty scent of rotting vegetation. I saw the bloated body of a small-mouth bass float by as I watched the birds move closer. It was a male duck. He separated from the group and moved toward shore. I could feel a small line of saliva drip from my lower jaw as I watched.

I moved closer, each paw settling quietly into the moistened undergrowth. And I could feel Sue there. Knew she was with me. It felt right. My mate should be with me in the hunt.

"Pintail," I finally said.

"The taste exploded into my mouth when you caught it. I felt like I should bite down, like there was something there to chew on."

I didn't know what to say to that. It had never happened before. Not with anyone.

"Why did you leave the hotel?" I knew somehow that she had.

She shrugged. "I thought that if I could feel you I could find you. But I couldn't. I knew that you couldn't get back into the hotel as a wolf and you wouldn't have any clothes if you woke up outside. So I went after you. I left the door ajar just in case you came back. I guess you got back in."

I tried to recall how I got back to the room. I had awakened on the bed. How did I get back upstairs? I felt my brow furrow as I fought to remember. Nope, not there.

"I have no idea. Maybe the same way I went out?" I suggested.

Sue shrugged. "Maybe. I didn't check to see if they fixed the window."

"And where have you been since then?"

"At the park mostly. But I had to buy some stuff too."

Sue told me that she drove to just outside the city and called her house to say she was staying out of town with a friend. She used a calling card so it would show up as a long-distance call. I nodded in approval and cloves dusted the air again.

She told her family that she wouldn't be back until the following day. Her mother and sister gave it to her with both barrels for leaving without a word. They apparently tag-teamed on two extensions in the house, accusing her of the fiasco in the lobby. She kept up the confused story, claiming to not understand what they meant. She looked at me hopefully, fishing for a compliment.

"I'm proud of you," I told her. "Good job."

"But I'm worried. When you move in, she'll know I was lying about not being in the hotel."

I looked at her sharply. I was afraid of this.

"I might be willing to look at the apartment, Sue." Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment and her scent changed to match. She nodded.

I'd never lived with anyone before. Not even a roommate. I like my privacy. But this… felt somehow natural. Like I was meant to be with this person. All by itself that made me tense.

"Let's go have some breakfast and we can talk about it some more."

The spring tightened in my gut again. Ever one to change the subject, I wiggled my eyebrows at her. "I actually had something else in mind. I've already eaten," I said, pointing toward the empty trays.

She pouted a little bit and it was cute. "But I really am hungry." She flashed a smile designed to melt me. It did, damn it.

"Okay. We'll order some more room service."

"Nah. I'm feeling restless. Let's go to the dining room."

I shook my head. She didn't understand. "I can't leave the room until tomorrow."

She cocked her head to the side, questioning. "Why not? In the daytime you're fine."

"No! I'm not. I look okay but I'm not fine. There's still shit inside of me boiling around. I can't be around other people. I tried it after I became— well, what I am. It doesn't work."

I turned from her and walked to the window. I looked around me as I stepped. The fireplace, the leather furniture, even the wall of tinted glass with its gorgeous view remind me that I'm a prisoner. Locked away from the rest of humanity. Caged like the animal I've become. A night in the park only reinforced that. I stood with legs spread slightly, arms crossed against my chest. Gazing at everything and seeing nothing.

"When it first happened. I didn't know what it was. I just felt real aggressive, plain mean for a couple of days a month. I thought I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Until I met you I'd never remembered turning into an animal. But I feel like one." Sue came to stand behind me. I caught the misty smell of sorrow, laced with an unknown spice. Concern, maybe? It's not one I've smelled often. She put her arms around my waist from the back and I hugged her. The memory was easier with her there.

"The third month, some guy cut me off on the road. Not intentionally. He just didn't see me. But I started to growl. Right there in the car. That sound coming out of my own mouth… it was eerie."

Sue's eyes were wide in the reflection of the window and her arms twitched as though she knew what I was going to say next. I could tell that she thought about pulling away but she didn't.

"I saw red— literally. My vision had this weird-ass pink haze and all I could think of was blood. His blood. It made my stomach growl if that's sick enough for you."

This story was hard to tell. I don't like how badly I lost control. Babs thought the story was funny. Big surprise. She thought killing me was funny too. It wasn't so funny to her when I showed up alive.

Babs is still around somewhere. That's a thorn in my side every day. I tried to kill her— twice. Put a bullet through her head once, but she got away. That was the first time she knew I'd survived. The second time I tracked her down, I blasted her chest open with two rounds from a twelve-gauge. She stayed down but by the time I got to my car, she was fully healed. She bent my shotgun into a pretzel. Tough lady. Supposedly, I'm just as tough, but I haven't had the occasion to test that theory. We made a brief truce that lasted until she betrayed me.

After the second attempt, Babs learned the identity of my client. Then she took him out. I had no sense of humor about that. I may still go after her again someday with some silver rounds I'm working on, but other things have concerned me more lately.

"Anyway, I tracked the guy down and ripped his throat out." Short, sweet and to the point.

She did pull away then and came around to face me. She watched my eyes as I spoke. I couldn't tell from her expression or her scent what she thought. She was sorting. I looked her squarely in the pupils. I wouldn't hide from what happened. I couldn't hide from it. But it still gives me nightmares sometimes.

"Again, literally. With my bare hands. But even that wasn't enough. I didn't just kill him, I mangled him. Bathed in his blood." I looked down at my open hands; palms up. It was too familiar, too close. My mind's eye saw the crimson blood, slick and shiny on my hands and arms. My shirt was soaked; my pants as well. I looked down and visualized again the face of the victim, eyes wide with surprise, mouth open in a scream that never reached air. My heart pounded like a caged animal and bile seared the back of my throat.

"Let's just say that I had a hell of a time cleaning it up." I turned from her and walked back to the bar and poured a glass of water. I downed it in one gulp. It chased the bile back down. "No, it's just not safe."

"Are you going to hurt me if I stay?" Fear now in her voice.

"No." My head shook as I said it. I knew the truth of the statement. I didn't understand why. "If I was going to hurt you it would have been last night. But your average jerk on the street? I can't say. Some months are worse than others. Someday I might get a handle on this and be able to control it but right now I can't."

She nodded her head, trying to grasp the concept.

"You can leave if you want." My hand tightened around the water glass. I stayed turned from her. "I'd understand. It's a bit much to start a relationship with."

I felt her eyes on me. She was startled, surprised. She walked toward me. She stopped just behind, not touching. I smelled her and it was like earlier, sweet enough to drown in. Parts of me tightened but the coil of fear remained. Except now the coil was a snake— writhing, sinking fangs inside my gut again and again.

"Do we have a relationship?" Hope mingled with fear in her scent.

I faced her. I wanted to see if there was horror in her eyes. The green eyes were just the same, warm with concern. There was no fear. No hate.

"I think we might have the beginnings of something," I replied quietly. "You tell me."

"Can I ask you a question first?"

I nodded, even though I didn't want to hear the question.

"Why are you so affected by this?" It was my turn to be startled. I mean, how could I not be? My surprise must have shown on my face because she responded to the unasked question.

"You kill for a living. Why does this bother you so much? It's not his death." She touched her own chest and then mine. "I can feel it. There's something else inside you that is horrified by this."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. How could I explain it so it made sense? "I do a job. I'm not Scotty. I don't kill for pleasure." But I did. God help me but it made me happy while I was ripping his skin open. The bile returned, hot and burning.

I groped for the right words. "It comes down to standards. Humans don't eat their dead. It's what separates us from the real animals. We kill without remorse, torture without regret, but we aren't cannibals. We have standards."

I really believe that. Often personal standards, morals, are all we have against insanity. His death had been too… participatory. Sue nodded in agreement but still looked confused.

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