Hungry for Love (50 page)

“
Yeah
,
I say fuck.  I even do it occasionally
,”
Then under her breath
,
she mumbled
,
“
Not tonight of course.
”

The judge looked at her as though she
’
d suffered some sort of breakdown
,
then he turned toward the door
,
but she kept speaking.

Angie walked toward him
,
her face almost pressed against his as she spat out the words.
“
Yeah.  Get out of here.  Go back inside where you belong.  I hate you!  Hate you!  Hate you!
”
 

“
My God!  That jerk isn
’
t worth all this.  Wake up
,
girl
,
he
’
s a lunatic.
”

Angie sneered and seethed. 
“
Oh I hate you all right
,
and it
’
s not about him.  It
’
s about you—you Daddy—you—and all these years of me asking you to look at me
,
see me
,
and you waving your hand at me
,
go away Angie
,
don
’
t ring the bell Angie
,
don
’
t walk on the grass Angie.  Well
,
you know what—fuck you.
”

The judge was stunned and he pressed a hand to his heart
,
which was beating normally
,
although it had been wounded deeply.

Angie shouted
,
“
You suck as a dad.  You suck!
”

The judge shook his head and spoke softly
,
as if in shock
,
“
I don
’
t know what you
’
re talking about.  I
’
m right here
,
you
’
re right here.  What do you want from me
?”

“
Nothing
,
nothing.  Go to bed.  What
’
s the use. I know you
’
ll never love me.  I
’
m just the fat daughter you
’
d like to hide in the garage out back.
”

“
Of course I love you.  Why would you think I don
’
t love you
?”

“
Because of the crappy way you treat me—what do you think
?”

“
Well
,
my God.  I just don
’
t know what to say to that.  Don
’
t I have you right here
,
living right here
,
where I can see you
’
re safe
?
  Don
’
t I see you every day
?
  Just the other day I was thinking maybe we
’
d get that dog you said you wanted.
”

“
When I was five
?
  Are you kidding
?”

  I could rent this place for a bundle
,
but do I
,
of course not.  It
’
s so you can be right here.
”

“
Well run an ad
,
you miserable old fucker.  Cause I
’
m outta here.
”

Antimangia looked baffled at his daughter.  She was hysterical.  She needed time to calm down.  He
’
d seen it many times in court. 
“
Get some rest
,”
he said softly
,
backing out the door
,
only to have her slam it in his face.

Kevin muttered to himself all the way home.  He drove raggedly
,
a bit unused to the features of the new car
,
but mostly just distracted by everything.  Half thinking
,
half speaking
,
he sputtered along
,
largely unhinged. 
“
It
’
s some sort of devilish retribution.  Never thought any harm in doing it.  Just a little innocent
,
okay not so innocent fun
,
but never hurt anyone.  Like a hobby
,
a casual hobby.  My recreation.  I deserve it.  Now what.  I
’
ve got a wanker with no wank.  A cock with no crow.  And what
’
s left for me
?
  Nothing.  I
’
m a eunuch.  A life of weighing fat women
,
nothing more
,
nothing less.  I might as well be dead.  I
’
m already dead below the waist.
”

Laura heard the car coming when it was still several doors down the block and contemplated putting the chains on the doors
,
then from the window she saw Kevin emerge from a new car
,
which irritated her
,
but then she noticed him all disheveled
,
wearing one shoe
,
looking down at his feet
,
scowling and then tossing the single shoe into the car
,
all the while clearly frantic and muttering to himself
,
words she could not hear.  This had to be more than the effects of a tryst with Chrissy
,
so she decided to let him enter the house.

They sat on the stools at the kitchen counter
,
drinking coffee
,
although Laura was sure Kevin needed no stimulants this evening
,
and she listened to the bizarre tale about him being chased all over Sunset Boulevard for days by someone he couldn
’
t identify or catch.  Laura considered the most frustrating thing about her marriage the fact that she always knew when Kevin was lying
,
and she was absolutely certain that tonight he wasn
’
t and so her face softened
,
the sympathy plainly lit in her eyes.  Seeing this look
,
Kevin put his hand over hers as he continued to speak.  At last—someone was listening to him and believing what he
’
d endured.  At last.

Kevin was flooded with love for this woman he
’
d married so long ago he couldn
’
t even remember why.  She was the one person who was always there for him
,
the one person he could always count on.  Why had he been such a fool
?
 
“
I was dying there
,
thinking you wouldn
’
t understand
,
but thank God….Tonight when I couldn
’
t do it
,
I realized it was time to wake up and come clean.  Start over with the one woman I could always trust—with you—here in our beautiful home.  Where else would I go
,
would I belong.
”

As she began hearing this new line of commentary
,
Laura
’
s expression started to change
,
the softness in her eyes faded
,
she leaned away from him
,
extricating her hand from under his
,
but Kevin kept talking
,
not really observing the nuances of her reactions any longer.

“
We
’
re not young any more
,
not at a place of starting over
,
no
,
no way.  And so I drove
,
no raced
,
over here to you…
”

“
Tonight when you realized you couldn
’
t do it
?”
asked Laura.  Then with no warning
,
she slipped down from her stool
,
gave a mighty shove
,
and Kevin found himself toppled to the floor
,
looking up at his enraged wife.