How to Raise a Jewish Dog (9 page)
Read How to Raise a Jewish Dog Online
Authors: Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary,Barbara Davilman
Tags: #HUM007000
What is the best way to teach your dog this important lesson?
We think it is by allowing him to observe you judging others yourself. We recommend this,
even if you are not a particularly judgmental person.
The point is for your dog to see judging in action and to get a feel for it.
Here are some suggested judgments for you to render upon other people as you walk your dog or sit outside with him. Be sure
to express them in a clear, firm (but discreet) voice, so your dog is able to understand. If necessary, point with your finger
to the person you’re expressing an opinion about, but try not to let the person see you do it.
Judging Others: See It and Say It
| What You See | What You Say to Your Dog |
|---|---|
| A woman in an exotic cape and/or turban | “Look at this one, the queen of Sheba.” |
| A group of black teenage boys in hip- hop clothing | “Oy, these hoodlums with their pants. And would it kill them to tie their shoes?” |
| An old lady moving hesitantly with the aid of a walker | “Do me a favor. If I ever get that old, give me poison.” |
| A man at least thirty years older than his wife. | “Some people have children, and some people marry them.” |
| A teenage girl with a lot of body piercings | “Anything to cause your parents pain.” |
| A group of nuns | “Why anyone would become a nun nowadays is beyond me.” |
| A group of Japanese tourists | “Since when did we become a big destination for these people?” |
| Two lesbians | “It’s bad enough they look like men. Do they have to dress like men? It makes it very confusing for the rest of us.” |
| A teenage couple wheeling a stroller | “This is what happens when you stop teaching sex education in school because of the Bible or whatever.” |
“And what’s their problem?” Rabbi Monica teaching a dog how to judge other—in this case, men doing weird martial arts exercises
Remember, you’re not saying these things to get the dog to agree with you, since, of course, he can’t. What’s important is
that he see how he will be judged by other people in a way similar to the way in which you judge them.
While your dog is learning that lesson, study the following table. It sets forth, in rather frank and unsparing terms, what
various aspects of your dog’s behavior and appearance “say” about you—or at least how they could be interpreted by others.
Unfortunately, these hold true regardless of whether the dog is a purebred, crossbreed, or a “mutt.” No one, and no dog, is
exempt.
What Your Dog Says About You: Bad Impressions to Be Avoided
| Detail of Your Dog’s Appearance or Behavior | Impression Created About What Kind of Owner You Are | Impression Created About What Kind of Person You Are |
|---|---|---|
| Too fat | Indulgent, indifferent to nutrition and health | You are a bad person. |
| Too thin | Irresponsible, lazy, cheap, indifferent to nutrition and health | You are a very bad person. |
| Nails too long | Slovenly, ignorant, stupid, horrible | You are a sloppy and, therefore, bad person. |
| Coat dirty and tangled, not properly groomed | Careless, untidy, don’t take pride in dog | You are a crude, awful person. |
| Strains at leash | Lazy, uncaring about dog’s health or his respect for you | You are an insensitive, miserable person. |
| Ignores you | Weak, negligent, reckless, indifferent to dog’s safety | You are a spineless and really quite terrible person. |
| Eats off ground | Irresponsible, indifferent, ignorant about health and nature | You are a shockingly inept person in every respect. |
| Will go up to anyone | Naive, foolish, unaware of basic principles of safety and simple realities of human nature even a child knows | You are living in a dream world of pathetic fantasy and can barely be trusted to care for yourself, let alone your dog. |
| Will not go up to anyone | Tyrannical, overbearing, brutalizing | You are a hideous, almost indescribably monstrous person. |
| Doesn’t wag tail, looks miserable | Oppressive, authoritarian | You are an insufferable bully and should be forbidden by law both to own any pet and to leave the house. |
| Too aggressive | Either grotesquely overindulgent or pathologically manipulative | You are a menace to society (animal, human) and should be under constant surveillance by armed guards, if not kept on 24-hour sedation in solitary confinement. |
Obviously, then, it is in your interest, as well as the dog’s, for you to instruct him on how to behave in public. Fittingly
enough, the place and time to do this is not at home, but out in the world, surrounded by the very dogs and people judging
you and whom you are judging.
These instructions should take the form of “suggestions” offered to the dog when you see him acting in a way that you think
others might disapprove of. You should deliver them in a straightforward tone of voice, without sarcasm or subtext.
Here are a few sample suggestions that might prove helpful.
•
Sit up straight.
•
Don’t mumble when you bark.
•
Don’t look away when someone speaks to you.
•
Don’t whine. Either ask for something or be quiet.
•
Cover your mouth when you sneeze. Don’t wave your head around and spray everybody.
•
Don’t pull on the leash. It looks bad.
•
Don’t make me drag you. It looks bad.
•
Don’t wag your tail at everything. Not everything is so terrific.
•
Stop looking so grim. Wag your tail a little.
•
Don’t sniff people’s crotches. You didn’t learn that from me.
•
Be nice to people and they’ll be nice to you.
•
Don’t be so nice to everyone. You never know who could turn out to be a lunatic.
•
Don’t roll in the decaying remains of dead squirrels. It isn’t nice.
•
Don’t eat other dogs’ poop. I didn’t raise you that way.
•
Can’t you keep yourself clean? Cats do. Why can’t you?
Once you have taught your dog the reality that other people will judge him (and, therefore, you) and that he should do everything
he can to behave in ways that (according to you) other people will approve of, it will be time to teach him this:
Who cares what other people think? Most other people are either stupid or crazy. They can go to hell!
Both these lessons—heeding other people’s judgments and not worrying about other people’s judgments—are equally essential
for raising a Jewish dog. They should receive equal emphasis in the dog’s training. In fact, they should both be invoked and
taught at the same time, on every occasion, about the same person or people.
Your goal, as always, is simultaneously to praise your dog and to take him down a notch, to give him the confidence to go
out into the world while keeping him tied to you.
Dogs are pack animals, which is another way of saying that your dog, no matter how intelligent and wonderful, will mindlessly
follow the lead of some roughneck or hooligan if you give him half a chance. Of course we want our dog to have friends, and
playmates, and to enjoy sharing his canine instincts. But what does he know about the proper kinds of friends to choose? Nothing,
unless you help him.
Beagle being a bad influence and teaching the others his bad ways
Bad Influences: undesirable Behaviors and Who’s to Blame
| Example of Your Dog’s Undesirable Behavior | Probable Bad Influence | What to Say to Your Dog |
|---|---|---|
| Dog chews up sofa | Neighborhood mutt | “Who’d you learn that from? Your new ‘friend,’ Sparky?” |
| Dog snarls at another dog | Dog not being raised Jewish | “Oh, now we’re bullying everybody? Acting just like those other dogs?” |
| Dog barks all day at nothing | Neurotic, “yappy” small dogs | “And where did you learn to bark like that? Because Ill tell you something—you didn’t learn it in this house.” |
| Dog steals food from kitchen table, counter, etc. | Beagle, fox terrier, other food- stealing dogs | “Oh, so this is what they teach you? Your so-called friends?” |
| Dog lies around all day, gets up to pee on floor, resumes lying around | Spoiled toy lapdogs—Maltese, papillon, etc. | “And I suppose this is what your fancy rich friends do. Well, guess what. We dont live like that.” |
How will you know your dog is “hanging with” the wrong kinds of friends? You’ll know by his behavior. If he does anything
bad, you’ll know that it’s due to the influence of his friends. You should reprimand him
immediately, at the time of the bad behavior,
and not just let it go for fear of making a fuss.
There are different ways of informing the dog that you know where he “picked up” the bad behavior. A sample table listing
many types, along with the kinds of behavior that might prompt them, appears on the preceding page.
As your dog goes out into the world, he may find himself assuming that all dogs, like himself, have been raised Jewish. He
will therefore assume that all dogs are rewarded as he is rewarded for certain behaviors, and are naturally forbidden to do
the things he is forbidden to do.
When he discovers that this is not the case, he may become upset, disillusioned, and confused. He may question your Jewish
training of him. He may want to know why, for example, he is allowed to eat leftover pizza crusts, while his friend Blanche
is not. Or he may wonder why he is not allowed to sit on your lap when you’re driving, whereas his friend Adelaide is allowed
to sit on
her
master’s lap in the driver’s seat.
At such times, you should give him a two-part explanation:
•
“Everyone does things their own way. Your dog friends who have not been raised Jewish have rules that are right for them,
while you have rules that are right for you.”
•
“Look, this is how dogs who have not been raised Jewish are. And the same is true of their owners. These owners and dogs
have different customs and beliefs. Sure,
we
think some of them are crazy. But that’s how the world is. So get used to it.”
Of course, your explanations needn’t copy ours word for word. No matter how you choose to put them, what is important, as
always, is that your two explanations be in direct conflict with each other and, as it were, cancel each other out. The first
says that everyone is entitled to his own way of doing things; the second says that people who are different from you are
crazy.
You’ll know you’ve delivered these explanations properly if your dog’s reaction is to squint, look puzzled, and then just
walk away, shaking his head.
Finally, a word about risk.
As we’ve already stressed, once your dog leaves the home he will be exposed to a certain amount of risk, whether from vehicular
traffic, lunatics, fleas, crazy people, sinkholes, rabid possums, mailmen with a grudge, cyclists, careless Segway riders,
falling icicles, foul weather, meteorites, escaped alligators, nasty children, and, of course, other dogs. You want to protect
him from such threats, but you also want him to experience all, or at least some of all, that life has to offer.