How It Is (15 page)

if all that all that yes if all that is not how shall I say no answer if all that
is not false yes

all these calculations yes explanations yes the whole story from beginning to end
yes completely false yes

that wasn’t how it was no not at all no how then no answer how was it then no answer
HOW WAS IT screams good

there was something yes but nothing of all that no all balls from start to finish
yes this voice quaqua yes all balls yes only one voice here yes mine yes when the
panting stops yes

when the panting stops yes so that was true yes the panting yes the murmur yes in
the dark yes in the mud yes to the mud yes

hard to believe too yes that I have a voice yes in me yes when the panting stops yes
not at other times no and that I murmur yes I yes in the dark yes in the mud yes for
nothing yes I yes but it must be believed yes

and the mud yes the dark yes the mud and the dark are true yes nothing to regret there
no

but all this business of voices yes quaqua yes of other worlds yes of someone in another
world yes whose kind of dream I am yes said to be yes that he dreams all the time
yes tells all the time yes his only dream yes his only story yes

all this business of sacks deposited yes at the end of a cord no doubt yes of an ear
listening to me yes a care for me yes an ability to note yes all that all balls yes
Krim and Kram yes all balls yes

and all this business of above yes light yes skies yes a little blue yes a little
white yes the earth turning yes bright and less bright yes little scenes yes all balls
yes the women yes the dog yes the prayers yes the homes yes all balls yes

and this business of a procession no answer this business of a procession yes never
any procession no nor any journey no never any Pim no nor any Bom no never anyone
no only me no answer only me yes so that was true yes it was true about me yes and
what’s my name no answer WHAT’S MY NAME screams good

only me in any case yes alone yes in the mud yes the dark yes that holds yes the mud
and the dark hold yes nothing to regret there no with my sack no I beg your pardon
no no sack either no not even a sack with me no

only me yes alone yes with my voice yes my murmur yes when the panting stops yes all
that holds yes panting yes worse and worse no answer WORSE AND WORSE yes flat on my
belly yes in the mud yes the dark yes nothing to emend there no the arms spread yes
like a cross no answer LIKE A CROSS no answer YES OR NO yes

never crawled no in an amble no right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards
no never stirred no never made to suffer no never suffered no answer NEVER SUFFERED
no never abandoned no never was abandoned no so that’s life here no answer THAT’S
MY LIFE HERE screams good

alone in the mud yes the dark yes sure yes panting yes someone hears me no no one
hears me no murmuring sometimes yes when the panting stops yes not at other times
no in the mud yes to the mud yes my voice yes mine yes not another’s no mine alone
yes sure yes when the panting stops yes on and off yes a few words yes a few scraps
yes that no one hears no but less and less no answer LESS AND LESS yes

so things may change no answer end no answer I may choke no answer sink no answer
sully the mud no more no answer the dark no answer trouble the peace no more no answer
the silence no answer die no answer DIE screams I MAY DIE screams I SHALL DIE screams
good

good good end at last of part three and last that’s how it was end of quotation after
Pim how it is

Translated from the French by the author

First published in the United States by Grove Press in 1964
First published in Great Britain in 1964 by Calder and Boyars

This edition first published in 2009
by Faber and Faber Ltd
Bloomsbury House
74–77 Great Russell Street
London WC1B 3DA
This ebook edition first published in 2012

All rights reserved
© The Estate of Samuel Beckett, 2009
Preface © Édouard Magessa O’Reilly, 2010

The right of Samuel Beckett to be identified as author of this work has been asserted
in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

The right of Édouard Magessa O’Reilly to be identified as editor of this work has
been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents
Act 1988

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ISBN 978–0–571–26686–9