House of Cards (5 page)

Chapter 8
:

Memory Loss and Devastation

Avalynn’s POV

The emotions I’m feeling can’t even be described with simple everyday words. It’s more of a feeling that one can only ever know if they have experienced it themselves. He doesn't know who I am? Daxton doesn't know me? My fiancé doesn't recognize me? What in the actual fuck is going on and who is Krissi? The questions swirl around aimlessly in my mind. A tension headache hits me in waves and I feel my knees give out, the impact with the cold hard tile of the hospital floor making me cry out in pain. Everything feels cold to me in this place and I want to run away, but I won’t, no matter what. Daxton needs me and I need him. I can only hope that his memory will return soon because I’m slowly dying, bit by bit.

I can hear my name, but I can’t see a face - I can’t focus on anything. The headache is searing. My vision is blurred by the tears pouring shamelessly from my cool blue eyes.

“What happened
, Ava?” the voices questioned and I didn’t know how to answer them. My tongue was tied into a million knots, much like my stomach. I finally managed to get out words, broken and hardly recognizable, but words none the less.

“Memory
...no...Me…fiancé...Krissi?” and, with that, someone’s arms wrapped firmly around me.

“We’ll figure out what’s going on
, Ava. Don’t worry. Gram went to go get the doctor.”

This was Gabe, my
fiancé’s brother’s voice, at least I knew that. I wasn’t dreaming after all, as much as I wished that to be true. Daxton really doesn’t know me, my Daxton. Gabe let me pour everything I was feeling out and comforted me with no complaints. I feel completely broken and Daxton is the only one that can put me together again. What will I do if he can’t?

I never thought that I’d turn in to the type of girl that would rely on a man to make her feel whole, but I am that girl now and I wouldn’t take it back if I could.
I tried to push him away. I tried so hard that it nearly broke me in half, but I’m glad I didn’t succeed. I wasn’t whole until him. Now Daxton has the entirety of my heart.

My
tears have finally stopped and I begin to pull myself together, standing shakily and grabbing Gabe for extra support. My knees are throbbing from where they had gracefully collided with the floor. But honestly, it doesn’t hold a candle to the other pain I’m currently feeling - it’s mainly just a nuisance.

Gabe leads me to a small room, just outside the double doors that lead to the
emergency room. He makes a pot of coffee and brings me a steaming cup which I force down my throat, relishing the burn. I’ve never been a huge coffee drinker, but my tastes buds welcome the bitter taste on my tongue. Twenty agonizingly long minutes pass by with Gabe and me sitting in total silence before Gram enters the room. Her frail voice shatters the awkward silence and time no longer stands still.

“Daxton is up
, Gabe. Go on in and see him while I talk to Ava.” Gabe gives my hand a small squeeze and heads out the door with haste.

“Ava, what I’m about to tell you is probably going to be painful for you to hear. The only thing I can say to make it any better is that we need to be thankful he is even alive at all. He shouldn’t have made it through this. He was hit with such impact by that car, not to mention all of the complications he’s had since. We are still not completely in the clear according to the
doctor, but it is a positive change. He is awake and that is a definite plus. We will get over this hurdle, Ava. This is just another bump in the road, that’s all.” I want to tell her not to make promises that she can’t keep, but I bite my tongue. I know that she is hurting just as bad as I am and I need to not be selfish or push away the only people that care about Abby and I. It would not be a smart move on my behalf if I started to turn into someone I’m not. Especially not out of fear and anger.

“Go on
...” I calmly whisper.

Gram doesn’t even hesitate. She rarely does. The woman is blunt
which is a huge part of her appeal.

“The
doctor told me that Dax is healing at a remarkable pace. His head is healing great from the surgery. He will not sustain any permanent, lifelong injuries that will prevent him from doing the things he loves. Daxton is awake and chatting up a storm, just like his normal self.” She gives me a small laugh, followed by a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“The only thing that they’re concerned about now is his memory loss.” The mention of that phrase causes my heart rate to increase. I grip the arm rests of the cold, plastic chair I’m sitting in so hard that my knuckles turn a ghostly white. I remain silent and urge her to continue with a slight nod of my head. That’s the best that I can do right now. Grin and
bear it.

“He remembers who I am and who he is and
, frankly, pretty much everything about his life up until his Dad passed away. Well, his father’s death is fresh in his mind - he actually cried while I was in the room. The doctor thinks that it will only be temporary short term loss, but there is no way for us to know that for sure. Daxton will be in the hospital for a couple more weeks for physical therapy and some other tests. The doctor wants us to keep it very simple with Daxton and not to push him too hard. He wants Daxton’s memory to come back on its own.” My heart felt like it was going to burst and not in a good way. Gram wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me tightly to her petite frame.

"He'll remember, Ava. I have faith in your love being strong enough to force the cloud hovering over away. He loves you and Abby more than anything in the world. I know this process is not going to be easy, especially for you
, but it’s important we do this and follow the doctor's orders. I can't chance pushing him too hard and losing him for good. I know that you don't want that, either."

The numbness descends over me yet again. I decide that I need to be strong
and I roll my shoulders back, sitting up straighter in my chair.

"Okay. So what do I do Gram?" I ask her. I can tell by the look on her face that she is just as lost as I am.

"Love him, Ava and please...please wait for him. I know it is selfish of me to ask and I'm praying that it doesn't take very long. Regardless, I love you and Abby like my own blood and I always will, no matter what happens. I can't envision my Daxton with anyone else."

Bile rises up and burns the back of my throat before I force it down. The thought of him with anyone else makes me sick to my stomach.

"Who is Krissi, Gram? Daxton mentioned his ‘girlfriend’ Krissi." Relief fills me as the question tumbles out. All of my current unanswered questions are threatening to strangle the life from me; I need some answers.

Gram gulps hard and I can sense her apprehension.

"I really don't want to be the one to tell you this. I figured Daxton would have already shared his past with you at some point. Krissi is Daxton's ex, my dear. His ex-fiancé'."

Her words steal my breath and the relief I had felt was now gone.

I walk away, I walk down the hallway and find a corner to sit down in and collect myself. I don’t want to make Gram worry any more than she already is. I want everyone to focus their attention on Daxton. I ball my knees up into my chest and dig my hands into my legs. My fingernails are digging deep into my skin, probably breaking the skin, but I don’t even register the pain. All I can think about is the possibility of Daxton not being able to ever remember who I am; forgetting all about us and the life we are supposed to have. I may be naïve in many aspects, but not when it comes to him and me. We are soul mates and there is no doubt in my mind about that.

My mind quickly goes to thoughts of Abby and not knowing how to explain to her what’s going on
- especially when we are dealing with her injuries as well as the emotional trauma of my Mother coming back. I have not heard a thing from my Mother since that day and I hope that I don’t because honestly I can’t face her right now. I don’t want her around and I wish that things could just return to normal. I am glad that Abby didn’t see her and isn’t asking who was at the door that day. I hope that she doesn’t, but I know the time will eventually come. I’d like to just block that entire day from my memory. I’m tired of being the punch line of a bad joke; the blonde running away from the murderer in the horror movie and she never quite gets away. She trips and falls, crashes her car into trees, and runs up the stairs instead of out the front door. I’m tired of it all. If I could just run away and hide, I’d do it in a heartbeat but I know I can’t. I’ve never been able to just give up that way. I have a responsibility to Abby. I have a responsibility to stay as sane as possible and care for her - she doesn’t deserve a piece of shit Mother. I won’t let my mother take her away from me either. This little girl is mine - I fought for her. I’ve been making it work to the best of my ability since day one and I’ll be damned if someone is going to swoop in and ruin all the progress I’ve made. My Mother would really have to prove to me that she’s fit. Until then, I’m going to continue to fight; fight to make this world the best for Abby, fight to live.

Chapter 9
: A second chance and I’m going to take it.

Krissi’s POV

This may be my second chance. It’s like fate put Daxton in front of that car to bring us back together. Okay, that may be a bit delusional, but it feels right. Gabe
, of all people, called me to come up to the hospital right after Daxton woke up. I had known he was in an accident, but I was asked by Gram not to go up to the hospital. She told me of his fiancé and how distraught she would be if I showed up. Truthfully, I really couldn’t give a shit less about the fiancé, but I do have the utmost respect for Gram. I’m just happy that she called me and let me know what was going on. I’d sat on her porch for hours, just waiting.

I dress to kill in skinny jeans and a tight black
In Spades
t-shirt. This was one of the first designs that the band had, way back when. Daxton loved me in band t-shirts - something about a girl that could still look sexy, even when she didn’t have to try. I loved when he was sweet with me. That is one of the things I miss the most. The man has always had a way with words.

My palms are sweaty as I grip the steering wheel
hard. I’m not really sure what to expect when I get there, but Gabe said Daxton was asking for me and I didn’t hesitate for a moment. That may sound extremely desperate to most, but this was Daxton we’re talking about. He was my everything at one time. I fucked it all up, I know that, but I’ve already heavily paid for my wrong. I think the good has finally arrived in my life. When I pull up at the hospital, I flip my visor mirror down to double check my makeup and hair. Yep, still perfect.

I climb out of my car, lock it
, and head inside the hospital. I already know the room and floor number, Gabe had texted me it just a few minutes after we got off the phone. It was a really awkward conversation. I’m surprised that he even still had my phone number. When I get to Daxton’s room, butterflies suddenly invade my stomach. I’m usually never nervous so this is definitely a new feeling for the always confident Krissi Adams.

K
nocking lightly on the door, I rock on the backs of my heels in anticipation.

I hear a gruff
, “Come in” and my heart goes into overdrive. I walk in, holding my head high, trying to appear a lot less fazed than I am. Daxton used to always comment on my strength and independence - one of my best attributes according to him. If only he would have known how weak I really was.

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

“Much better. I’ve still got a killer headache, but they said I’m healing like a champ,” he instantly responds. He’s hooked up to a machine monitoring his heart rate, and an IV, but ultimately he doesn’t look much different than the Daxton I had just talked to. I heard that the accident was really bad, so I’m honestly surprised.

“Well
, you look great.” The last interaction we had comes into my mind and I wince subconsciously.

“What’s that face for?” He questions me quietly.

“Oh…nothing. Just wondering why you asked me up here.” I have to know. If he’s planning on reaming me a new ass again, I’ll take it just to be near him.

“What are you talking about, Krissi? I know I haven’t been myself lately, but I still consider you my girl.” This sends me reeling. I have no idea what to think or say
and my jaw probably dropped nearly to the floor.

“
Hum…Daxton…how much do you remember before the accident?” I’m not sure if I even want to know the answer because it’s been a painful last couple of years without him, but I deserve to know if he’s just messing with me or what in the world is really going on.

“You must have talked to the
doctors. Okay, I admit it. I’ve lost most of my short term memory in the accident. I have a pretty bad brain injury but I’m fine, Krissi. Really. I’m assuming you already know this. At this point I’m just rambling. But I need you to know, I remember us. That’s all that should matter, right?” He stares into my eyes and reaches out his hand for me. I can’t help but take a few steps forward and latch on for dear life. I can feel warm tears begin to course down my cheeks. I should tell him that I’m no longer his girl - that he’s found someone new - but I just can’t. I’m too selfish for that. I’m not a bad person, I just want him.

“You and me, pretty girl
, remember?” I nod my head. I can’t find it in me to do anything else.

“Why the tears? I know I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry. I’m just so messed up over the loss of my Dad. I’ll fix this, though. I won’t let you down again. This accident has really opened my eyes to what’s important in my life. I promise I’ll make it all right
. Don’t cry, pretty girl.” His words keep tugging at my heart strings and I’m waiting to wake up, to feel the relapse of being alone, but it doesn’t come. I’m here, with Daxton, and he thinks it’s still us against the world. I can make this work; I’m determined to do just that. I can make him fall back in love with me. His mind is playing tricks on him right now, but there’s a place for me somewhere in his heart. I just need to find it.

“I’m happy
, that’s all.” I respond and I mean it. He smiles at me and I almost feel like I’ve traveled back in time. All of the happy memories we’ve ever shared resurfacing. I don’t know how long this will last, but I’m hoping this is it for a lifetime. No man has been able to rival Daxton. He is getting released tomorrow. He’s going to his home, but he thinks it is our home and I’m not going to tell him differently. His family and friends aren’t thrilled that I’m carrying on with this charade, but they don’t want to be the one to make him go backwards. So they sure the fuck aren’t going to tell him the truth. I wish that everyone would realize that, in the end, whether Daxton remembers or not is not an issue for me. He will realize that he’s never stopped loving me. I’m sure of that fact, as much as the sky is blue.

When it gets late, I kiss him goodbye. The same passion I used to feel is not behind the kiss
; there is no spark, but I chalk that up to the accident. I’m sure things will get better between us in time. We can grow to love each other again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow
,” he says, smiling at me. I return it with ease and I wave before I turn and walk to my car. I sit down in the driver’s seat, feeling a bit uneasy, like I could be sick at any moment. I swallow down the bile burning in my throat and continue on with my drive back to my parents where I’m currently staying. I’m having some doubts, but when his smiling face comes into my mind, they are overshadowed instantly.