Homecoming Day (6 page)

Seth prided himself on reading people, but he had no clue what the expression on Laura's face meant. “Laura?” he asked.

She stood up, looked at the floor, then panicked. “I think my water broke!”

“Oh.” The realization sunk in. “Oh! Come on, I'll take you to the hospital.”

“No, really, that's okay. I gotta get some dry pants, and my suitcase. I'll drive myself. I'll need a car to get home,” she said, as if that explained everything.

“Who should I call?”

Sadness replaced the panic.

“A friend?” he asked.

“This was supposed to be me and Jay. Having someone else come along…” She shook her head and her long, blond hair flew back and forth. “I can't do it.”

“What about the chief and his wife?” Seth knew without a doubt that Jameson and his wife would be at the hospital in a heartbeat.

“No!” Laura couldn't have been more emphatic. There was only one option left, but Seth didn't want to take it. He wished he was the kind of man who could say,
Fine, good luck,
and go home, but he wasn't. “I'll drive you then,” he insisted.

“No. I need my car—”

“Damn it, Laura, I'll pick you up when it's time to go home. You don't need a car.”

“I need to do this on my own.” Her voice sounded suspiciously watery.

“Are you crying?” he asked this woman for a second time.

“No, I'm not crying. And I don't need you. I need to do this by myself.”

“No, you don't.” He reached for her hand.

She pulled her hand away. “You don't understand.”

“So explain it to me.”

“My water broke and you want to do an in-depth psychological assessment of me?” She no longer sounded panicked or as if she were going to cry.

“Laura, I'm not going anywhere except with you to the hospital, so like I said, you might as well explain it to me. I want to help.”

“But we've both learned that what you want isn't always what you get. Now, if you don't mind…”

Seth wasn't biting. “I do mind.”

“You're a pain in my butt, Keller.” There was no heat in her accusation.

Despite the fact he was scared to death that he was arguing with a woman in labor, he managed a halfhearted chuckle. “You are definitely not the first person to tell me that. I had three sisters who never used to put it that politely. And my brothers were even more graphic and free with their descriptions.”

“You're not going to go until I tell you something.”

“Not only something, the truth.” What he didn't say was that he wasn't going anywhere even after she explained herself.

“Fine. How's this for the truth? I was supposed to say, ‘Honey, my water broke,' and have Jay run around the house like a madman because he was so nervous, even though he was trying to be tough-guy cop cool. He'd speed trying to get me to the hospital and I'd laugh and say one of his buddies was going to ticket him if he didn't slow down. And when I was in labor, in the middle of a bad contraction, I'd look at him and he'd be suffering for me, and I'd know how it hurt him to think I was in pain, so I'd try to be stoic for his sake.”

She definitely was crying. Seth grabbed a napkin and handed it to her.

Laura wiped her eyes and continued. “And when I gave birth, he'd hold our baby first and he'd have tears in his eyes, knowing that the two of us brought this tiny being into this world because of our love.”

She wiped her eyes again. “Don't you see, Seth? I've had this baby with him in my dreams and fantasies a thousand times since we found out I was pregnant. Even after he died, I couldn't stop imaging how it should be.
Even though it won't happen that way. And the truth is—the utter truth of it is—if I can't have that, I don't want anything or anyone else there with me because there is no substitute. I'll be raising this baby on my own, and that seems ever so much harder than giving birth on my own.”

Seth wanted to reach out and hold her more than he'd ever wanted to do anything, but he knew she wouldn't allow it. That she couldn't allow it. She needed to feel in control. She needed to feel confident that she could do this on her own. And he, more than most, could understand.

So he simply said, “Let's compromise. You go change and get your stuff, and let me drive you.”

She tried to look disgruntled, but the napkin she was using to blot her eyes ruined the effect. “That's not a compromise.” She sniffed. “That's you getting your own way.”

“Like I said, three sisters. I learned at an early age how to cope with girls.”

“I—” He thought she was going to tell him no, or yell about his use of the word
girl,
but she simply shook her head in exasperation, much like his sisters used to, and said grudgingly, “Fine. You can drive me, but then you have to go.”

He didn't agree, and didn't disagree. He shooed her toward her room. “Change.”

Laura muttered her way down the hall. She gave up on muttering and was silent on the ride to the hospital.

Seth tried to think of something to say, but kept drawing a blank. Eventually, he hit on, “Should I call JT and
tell her that you're having the baby so that she doesn't think you deserted her tomorrow at detention?”

“Yes. I thought I had more time before the baby.”

“You'll be on maternity leave for a while?”

“Yes. At least three months. I may just take the rest of the school year. It would be unpaid, but I have enough put away.” She was quiet then.

Things were a blur when they got to the hospital. They whisked Laura away to get her ready. Seth had no idea what that entailed, and he didn't ask. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't leave her, but he didn't want to be here. He was a casual acquaintance, an ally at best.

He thought again of calling the chief. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place here. On the heels of that thought, a nurse said, “Your wife is all settled in the birthing room.”

“She's not my wife.”

The tiny woman in scrubs and a ponytail frowned. “Your girlfriend, then.”

“No, we're not—”

She interrupted him, frustration in her voice. “Your baby-mama, then. She's settled and you can go in.”

The room the nurse showed him into didn't look like an ordinary hospital room. Pictures of babies were on the walls. And there was a rocking chair and recliner. “Nice room,” he said, for lack of anything else.

“The nurse said you were still here. Really, you can go now. But thanks for driving me. I guess it would have been dangerous if I'd had a huge labor pain in the middle of traffic.”

“Any yet?”

“No. Not yet. The nurse said normally they start within twenty-four hours after your water breaks. She would have let me go home, but says I shouldn't be alone, so I'm here for the duration. It's a waiting game now. If I'm not in labor by the morning, they'll probably induce me.”

He pulled the rocking chair next to the bed. “Well, it looks like we're in for a long night. Why don't you see if there's anything on television?” He plunked down in the chair like Custer making his last stand, and like Custer, he had a feeling this wasn't going to end well.

“Seth, really. Go home.”

“Hey, I'm not staying for the messy bits, but I'm also not leaving you alone to wait. So, we'll wait together. Watch some TV. Maybe I'll visit the gift shop before it closes and see if there's a deck of cards I can buy.”

“Seth…”

“Laura, it's no use arguing. Unless you call someone else, I'm staying.”

“Fine. I challenge you to Five Hundred Rummy. And I should warn you, I'm quite the card shark.”

L
AURA STUDIED SETH AS HE
slept in the recliner. His features had eased and he looked much younger. She tried to guess how old he was. Maybe late twenties? Certainly not more than thirty, tops. She wondered how his hair would grow in if it wasn't so short. Would it be straight, or would it curl if he let it get long? She couldn't imagine him letting it get too long. He was too much a cop for that. This shorter cut suited him without making him look forbidding. He looked…safe. Like someone you could trust.

She was wondering why he was here and what she was going to do with him, when the first contraction hit. She'd read the books and gone to class and she expected the first contraction to be more of a cramping than anything else.

This wasn't that.

It wasn't some gentle introduction to the world of contractions. It was so fierce it took her breath away.

Ten minutes later, another came.

By one o'clock, she called in a nurse who woke up Seth to kick him out of the room so the nurse could check her progress.

The nurse declared Laura was at five centimeters and went to update the doctor.

“This next stage goes faster and the contractions
come quicker and will get more intense,” she warned Laura.

More intense? Laura groaned.

“Is it safe yet?” Seth called from the doorway.

“For now,” she told him. “But I think this is the part you were talking about. The—what was it? Messy bits? I think this is that, so it's time for you to go.”

“Maybe I'll stay a while longer. I can help you with your breathing.” He hee-hooed at her.

“How do you know about that?”

“My wife…” He hesitated, took a deep breath and continued, slowly. “She was pregnant when she died. We'd only taken a few classes, but after sitting on a floor and panting with total strangers for an hour, the lessons sort of stick.”

His wife had been pregnant? And he was here with her? Laura felt an overwhelming urge to cry, but knew Seth wouldn't welcome that. “Oh, Seth.”

“Before, when you were talking about having this baby in your fantasies, I used to do the same thing. Imagine I was with Allie having our twins. I helped her breathe. She would get tired and cranky and yell at me, but I didn't mind. And when she had the first baby, I held it while she delivered the second. I imagined it over and over, Laura. And I also know, no one should do this alone.”

Twins? He'd lost three people when Allie died. Twins and a wife.

She felt humbled by his strength, because she wasn't sure she'd have survived something like that. It made her more resolved than ever to do this on her own. But more importantly, Seth shouldn't—couldn't—stay
now that she knew. “You're wrong. I need to do this on my own, so you—” Another contraction hit before she could tell him to leave, and as if the nurse was some sort of seer, this one was the worst yet. Laura held her breath and tried to keep from crying out.

“No, don't do that.” Seth grabbed her hand and got right up in her face, forcing her attention to center on him. “Breathe, Laura. In. Out. Look at me, Laura, and breathe.”

Time lost all sense of meaning to Laura. The idea of fighting with Seth or forcing him to do anything was long since forgotten. Laura's world narrowed to contractions and the minutes in between, which were fewer and fewer.

And there was Seth. Breathing with her. Feeding her ice chips.

She wanted to be annoyed at his heavy-handed decision to stay, but secretly she was grateful. This would have been so much harder without him here.

He was putting himself through hell to help her. During the moments of rational thought, she knew that.

But rational thought was in short supply. All she could do was remember to breathe and ride out one contraction after another.

At some point the nurse came back in. Laura was about to ask Seth to leave so the nurse could check her progress, but another contraction hit, and Seth was staring into her eyes, making her focus on him. “Breathe,” he commanded. As the contraction ebbed, the nurse's hand was beneath the sheet and she did a discreet check.

“You're almost there,” she said with a bright perkiness that made Laura want to scream.

“She's so darned cheerful,” she muttered to Seth.

He was sitting next to her on the edge of the bed, holding her hand, and chanting, “Look at me, Laura. Breathe. Breathe.”

At some point the doctor and nurse returned to them. In the few seconds between contractions, the doctor checked her and declared, “You're totally effaced, Laura. You'll feel the urge to push soon.”

He positioned Seth behind her on the bed, so she could lean against him. She should have protested. She would have protested if she had the energy. She waited for him to say,
Gotta go now,
but all he did was listen to the doctor's instructions, and let her rest against his chest.

He felt warm and solid. As if he'd never let anything happen to her or this baby.

And though Laura had given up believing in that kind of surety, for now, it was comforting as she began to push.

Laura had thought the contractions were bad, but this was a whole new level of pain. And yet, she forgot to be embarrassed that Seth was here. She simply pressed against him during the minuscule breaks and appreciated his strength.

She didn't worry about should-have-beens.

About her future as a single mother.

All she could do was concentrate on the next pain.

The next push.

The brief respite.

Then the cycle starting again.

Finally, the doctor said, “Don't push, just breathe a moment.”

She fought against her body's need to push.

Seth stroked her hair. He murmured things in her ear, telling her she was amazing, that she could do this, that he was here for her.

His touch and his words helped.

“Okay, Laura,” the doctor said, “we're almost there. This next contraction—”

She lost the doctor's words as the next contraction hit and she pushed.

And suddenly, the urge evaporated and there was a huge feeling of relief from the pressure.

“It's a boy,” the doctor announced.

“A boy?” She was trying to digest the fact that she had a son, when Seth hooted. “You did it, Laura. You were fantastic and you did it. You've got a boy. A son!”

And as the nurse handed her a baby, the reality sank in. She had a son.

Laura felt a rush of love like nothing she'd ever felt before. Her love for this tiny boy was so immense it overwhelmed her. Every doubt, every insecurity. All the pain. There was just her, leaning against Seth, holding her baby.

He reached around her and gently touched the baby's cheek with the back side of his index finger. “He's beautiful, Laura.”

For a moment, it was as if the three of them were the only people in the room. The doctor did whatever he was doing and the nurse helped, but it was all lost on Laura as she stared into her son's eyes. He was awake
and not crying. He stared at her, as if he was as amazed at this turn of events as she was.

“It's all right,” she crooned to him. And she knew with a bone-deep sense of surety, that it was. She immediately looked at Seth. He should have been in a room like this with his wife; she should have been here with Jay. And yet, here they were. Together they'd brought her son into the world. What could you say to a man who would do that?

“Thank you,” she finally managed, though it seemed inadequate.

Seth seemed uncomfortable. “I should probably go and let the doctor finish…things.” He hurried out of the room, as if suddenly realizing where he was.

Laura missed his steady presence and felt guilty that she did. She couldn't afford to rely on Seth. She couldn't rely on anyone. It was just her and the baby.

She stared at her son. Nothing about his birth was the way she'd planned, but he was here now. He was hers. She wouldn't let him down. He could rely on her, she silently promised the baby, and herself.

After they'd cleaned her up and the baby, the doctor and nurse left, and Seth came back into the room.

He walked over to her and she took his hand. “I know I said I could do this on my own, but I don't think I could have. Thank you.”

With his free hand, he smoothed a strand of hair from her cheek. “Laura, if I've learned nothing else tonight, I've learned that you can do anything. That was…” He was silent, as if searching for the right word. “Amazing. No, a miracle. I've heard them talk about
the miracle of childbirth, but I never understood it until tonight. Thank you for that.”

She felt suspiciously close to tears.

“Would you like to hold him?”

 

B
EFORE HE COULD SAY NO
, Seth held the baby in his arms. He intended to hand him back right away, but the baby looked at him. That's all it took. That one little wide-eyed look captivated him. He seemed so small. So tiny. And Seth felt such a strong need to protect him. To keep this one little scrap of humanity away from harm.

“What's his name?” His own voice sounded alien to his ears. Husky with pent-up emotion.

“Jameson Alexander Martin, III. After his father, not his grandfather,” she added quickly.

“Jameson Alexander Martin, III.” He laughed. “That's quite a mouthful for a little guy.”

“I'm going to call him Jamie.”

“Jamie Martin. I like that.” He studied the baby, and he could almost imagine Jamie was his. That he and Allie had been through the last grueling hours together, and were now here with their babies. But the moment passed, and Seth knew that fantasy was over. He wouldn't need to recall it. He'd experienced it with Laura. He should have thanked her for sharing the experience with him. It was more surprising and more intense than he'd ever imagined.

He felt a pang of guilt. This should have been something he'd shared with Allie. He pushed away the thought and concentrated on what was. The baby in his arms was here and real, and he'd had a part in
that—a small part. Reluctantly, he handed Jamie back to his mother. “I should go now and let the two of you get some rest.”

“Seth, you do realize it's Wednesday?” Laura sounded worried.

“Yes.”

“‘Wednesday's child is full of woe.' That's how that old poem goes. He's already lost his dad. That's more than enough woe for any baby, don't you think?” Tears filled her eyes.

“I'm not Jay, Laura. I'd never try to be him. But I'm here for Jamie. Not just now, tonight. Long-term. He can count on me. And before you ask, this has nothing to do with the chief, or anything else. This has to do with this little boy. I was here for his birth, and I choose to believe I'm meant to be a part of his life. So, he won't know woe. He'll know the safety and security of a mother who loves him and a—” he paused, fighting for the right word “—a friend who will always be here for him.”

She sniffled. “Thanks. It must be the hormones. As much as pregnancy sends them out of whack, giving birth is worse.”

“Hormones and exhaustion. That was some of the hardest work I've ever seen anyone go through. You need sleep. I'll be back tomorrow, or rather, later today.”

“Thank you again for everything. Of course, this will teach you to be a nice guy.”

“Pardon?”

She tucked the baby's blanket around a foot that had escaped. “I mean you stopped in to drop off some books
and tell me about your research, like the nice guy you are, and look what happened.”

“I got lucky. Thank you for sharing this with me.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Now, get some rest. I'll check in on you both later.”

 

S
ETH HAD NEVER BEEN
so tired and yet so exhilarated in his life.

He paused, considering whether or not he should do it. “Hello?”

Seth recognized his mother's voice. “Hi, Mom.”

“Seth?” His mother sounded surprised, and tentative.

“It's me.”

“Is something wrong?”

He hated to admit it, but even if he had a problem, he wouldn't call home. He hadn't called to chat since he graduated from high school and married Allie. He'd never cut them totally off. He saw them, but he kept them at arm's length.

“No, nothing. I…” He paused, searching for an excuse. “I wanted to see if Cessy was home. When she came over the other day, she asked if I wanted to go help her buy some new skis and I'm off next Saturday.”

“Oh. Seth, she's sleeping.”

He glanced at the clock. “Jeez, Mom, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it was four in the morning. My sense of time is messed up.”

“Seth, you can call me anytime, day or night. And you know me, early in the morning is my favorite time of day.”

“It was the only time the house was quiet.” Six kids. How had his parents managed?

“Well, you weren't an overly quiet lot.” She paused and asked, “How are you?”

Part of him wanted to tell her about his night, about Laura. He wanted to talk about how much Jamie's birth had meant to him. He wanted to tell her about the joy he'd felt as he'd held the baby, and the guilt he'd felt at it not being Allie wth him. His mom would help him sort out his feelings. He needed to talk about it, but it had been so long since he'd had a meaningful conversation with either of his parents that he simply countered by asking, “How is everything there?”

He could hear his mother's sigh over the phone. It was soft. So soft, a stranger would never have noticed, but despite their rift, he wasn't a stranger and he knew he'd hurt her again by not answering. She let that slide, however, and said, “Fine. Everything here is fine. Dom came for dinner this weekend. He got a job in Pittsburgh working for the VA.” Seth's younger brother, Dominick had graduated with a degree in physical therapy and had talked about working with veterans. Because of his leg braces, he'd never be able to serve in the military, but he said by working with vets he'd be doing his part.