Home is Where the Heart is (27 page)

Cassie pulled the microphone stand closer to the keyboard, drumming the pads of her fingers against the smooth white keys as her gaze shifted down to the floor. If she was going to sing, she couldn’t look at the people in front of her. But most importantly, she couldn’t look at Jordan.

Song titles ran through her head as she tried to think of a song she actually knew the lyrics to.

Jordan stared at the magnificent beauty before him, noticing how the lights above her head shone brightly against her soft blonde hair as if she wore a halo atop her head.

“You can do this,” he told her, like she could mentally hear his words. “I have faith in you.”

You can do this,
Cassie told herself.
It’s just one song, not an entire set, and you know these people. They’re not going to boo you off the stage. They’re your friends.

She did her best to convince herself she had nothing to worry about, that she wasn’t making a career out of it or anything. It was all for a bit of fun and to prove to Jordan she could sing.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had even played the piano. There was a time very long ago when she used the piano as her form of relaxation. Just the serenity of her fingers gracing the keys as she played different notes to make a tune was calming and soothing to her. But then life happened, and Cassie’s whole primacies in life changed. Suddenly, she wasn’t the most important person in her world.

She decided she would play a little song called
Summer Girl
. It was a positive song, and the lyrics were rather catchy.

One, two, three…
Cassie counted under her breath.

She played the first couple of notes, looking only at the keys as she played every note of the beginning of the song. She couldn’t risk looking away and messing up a note or two.

Then, as she continued to play all the right notes from memory, she opened her mouth and allowed the words to come out harmonically.

“I drive an Army jeep, my bumper sticker reads, drink ‘til he’s cute…”

She tried her best to not stagger with the words, and breathed where she needed to breathe.

Jordan watched Cassie from his spot at their table, in awe of her extraordinarily amazing talent. Her voice was pitched perfectly; she really could sing so well. A couple of people around him rose to their feet, moving closer to the stage as Cassie flowed through the remaining words and music of the song. She began to let her guard down, realizing there was no need to shy away from the spotlight anymore and briefly looked up, her eyes scanning the room in general. She wouldn’t linger on just anybody specifically. In her moment of exposure, she couldn’t allow herself to consume thoughts about Jordan and what he might be thinking and feeling about her if she suddenly glanced his way.

Cassie looked away one last time as she masterfully moved her fingers from key to key, playing each note with precision and delicacy.

“Everybody get up on your feet, everybody gotta shake your body, everybody got a right to be free, and I’m just a summer girl.”

She sang the last few words of the song, holding on to the last note until it faded into nothing. Cassie rose to her feet, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she accepted the applause she was receiving from the handful of people still at the diner. A smile formed on her face as she stepped off the stage, striding back to her table to strike a pose in front of Jordan.

With one hand on her hip and her leg bent outwards, she sent an impish grin in Jordan’s direction.

“That was amazing. You were so good.”

Cassie shrugged her shoulders. “Let’s not make a big deal out of it or anything. You knew I could play the piano. You just didn’t know I could sing too.”

She finished the rest of her drink while people passing their table on the way toward the exit congratulated her on a delightful piece. And even though she loved hearing how good she was, she couldn’t help but feel her cheeks grow redder than usual. She wasn’t used to being told she was good at something besides her love for the culinary arts.

Jordan pushed his body further toward Cassie, inching closer to her, and she wasn’t so sure she was comfortable being in such close proximity with her former boyfriend as she was sure she would have been when they dated.

Jordan bowed his head down to Cassie’s level, his dark brown eyes piercing into her like she was the only one in the world that mattered to him.

He cleared his throat and then said in that same deep tone of voice Cassie used to love hearing. “Do you want to get out of here?”

Cassie gulped, not knowing what to say or how to respond to his question. She knew she should have seen it coming. All the signs from tonight were pointing and leading up to this very moment, but now that it was here, Cassie couldn’t find the courage to admit to herself—let alone Jordan—how she was truly feeling right now.

“Um…okay.”

She wanted to get home to Jake anyway. She didn’t like to be away from him any more than a couple of hours during the night. She liked to be able to go home and tuck him into bed, or at least give him his goodnight kiss.

She really was ready to get out of there, and it wasn’t like she could go home without Jordan. Besides, part of her was looking forward to seeing how the night ended. The other part was scary as hell.

J
ordan walked Cassie to her door like any gentleman did when the evening came to an end.

Cassie hated to admit it, but tonight really had been a perfect night. She couldn’t wish for better company than her son’s father.

Standing on the front porch, Jordan bowed his head down to Cassie’s level, and for a second, she thought he was going to kiss her.

His nose was touching hers. She could just make out the musky scent of his cologne, which no doubt was his favorite since he wore it all the time.

“So...I had fun tonight on—”

Cassie cut him off, placing one finger on his lips to shush him. “Don’t say it.” She knew very well they both knew tonight was more like a date than a non-date, even though she didn’t want to admit the truth.

Jordan showed his trademark smirk and laughed. “On our fake date—that was what I was going to say.”

Cassie hit him playfully on the shoulder. “Good save, but who am I kidding? It was a date, and I had fun too. It made me think of the old times we shared together.”

Jordan couldn’t think of any better time to make the moment memorable by stealing one sweet kiss with the beautiful woman standing in front of him.

Before Cassie knew what he was doing or had to time to react, his mouth collided with hers in one mind-blowing kiss, and although part of her didn’t want their kiss to stop, she knew she couldn’t go on like this. She couldn’t lead Jordan on and let him think she wanted something more with him, when she really wasn’t sure she could handle rekindling a relationship with him all over again.

Her hands came up and lightly pushed against his chest to move him away from her and stop their kiss from going any further, using her hands as a barrier between them, even though all she felt like doing was allowing his body to do what it did best and continue grinding against her.

“Jordan...we can’t...I’m sorry.”

Jordan looked puzzled, his eyes scanning her face as if he was searching for some kind of answer. “You don’t want this?”

“No, I do,” Cassie said, shaking her head. “You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now, and how much I want the kiss to escalate into something more. I’ve wanted this to happen again since that night in my kitchen, but it can’t—at least, not now.”

Jordan stepped forward, closing the small gap between them. His hand brushed against her smooth cheek and she knew she could just as easily go all the way and allow him access to even more of her, but she just wasn’t sure she had it in her to put her heart on the line again.

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this—how much I’ve wanted you.” His voice was hoarse through his ragged breathing.

His fingers ran through her hair, feeling the silkiness of each strand he touched, and Cassie so desperately wanted to fall into his arms and be swept off her feet by him, but she also knew she had be realistic and put her son’s needs ahead of her own. The possibility of reuniting with Jordan was simply not an option.

“I can’t be with you. I know you say you love me and want to be with me, but we’ve been through this before. Things change and there are too many temptations in Miami, especially when you’re in the NFL and in the spotlight the way you are. I know that women throw themselves at you, and how could they not? I’m just not sure I could handle being in that kind of relationship.”

“But I don’t care about other women the way I do about you. I don’t want anybody else; I just want you. You’re it for me. You always have been, and I think part of me has always known that. It’s probably why I have never been able to commit to any other relationship.”

His face grew serious. Cassie was having a hard time trying not to believe the words coming out of his mouth. He was saying what she and every other woman wanted to hear, and she desperately wanted to believe him, but actions spoke louder than words and she couldn’t help but think back to the last time they were together, and how awkward and messed up it was when they attempted to commit to a long distance relationship.

“You say that now, but things can change in the blink of an eye. We’re both used to it happening. We know what it feels like, and I’m not prepared to put myself through that all over again. I’m sorry.”

Jordan knew no matter how many times he said he wasn’t going to break her heart, he wouldn’t be able to convince her to give their relationship another go. She was stubborn, much like him.

“It’s okay.” Despite the lie he was suddenly telling, he tried not to look as disappointed as he was feeling and covered it up with the best smile he could manage. “I do understand.” He was hurting. She knew that, and as much as she’d like to tell him she wanted to give them another go, she simply couldn’t do it. She couldn’t admit she wanted to be with him too, even though a big part of her was telling her to just go for it and never let him go, holding on tight with all her might.

But he understood what she was getting at. He wasn’t happy about it, but he did get it, and she had every right to feel the way she was feeling. Jordan knew he had hurt her the last time, and even though he vowed never to break her heart again, and as many times as he tried to convince her he wasn’t that same eighteen-year-old boy he was six years ago, he knew once Cassie made up her mind, there was no turning back from it. He just wasn’t happy about it. He didn’t know if he would ever be truly over her, but for Jake’s sake, Jordan knew he couldn’t leave on bad terms. They would forever be a part of each other’s lives, so he had to at least try to stay civil with the mother of his child, even if they wouldn’t be together.

Cassie knew Jordan was being purposely calm about her rejection, even though she wasn’t sure what to expect from him anyway. She figured it could have just as easily gone the other way too. She could have been welcoming him into her arms and into her heart again, but there was a tiny piece of her heart that was still left broken from the last time Jordan had stomped on it, crushing it into a million little pieces. Cassie wasn’t prepared to risk it happening again, even if it meant she was turning her back on the possibility of love in her heart. Cassie was sure she could feel that way again, just not with Jordan, and certainly not with someone who lived his life mostly out of town.

And then just like that, he was gone, leaving Cassie reeling from the events of the night.

She didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew once she got inside the house, Gabby and maybe even Nick would want to know the gory details. She wouldn’t be able to stop the interrogation-style questions. Questions would always arise when Jordan showed his presence in Cassie’s life.

Cassie took in one deep breath, and then slowly blew it out, turning the handle to open the door and stepping inside, where she found a half-asleep Nick sprawled out on her comfy couch.

“Hi,” she said, scanning the room for her other friend. “Where’s Gabby?”