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“They said you might get to go home
tomorrow,” Trucker said, and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“You stink.” Julie scrunched up her nose in
disgust. “When have you last had a bath?”

“Angel, I know you’re not yourself. So, I’ll
let that remark slide.” He slowly wrapped a single curl around his
ring finger. “Sweetie, I talked your dad into having the services
for your mom sooner rather than later. Then I’ll gradually give you
your feelings back.”

“I don’t want them back. I like being a
bitch. I like not caring.”

“You don’t mean it.”

They heard a small cough and shuffling coming
from the corner. Their heads turned in unison and met the eyes of a
smiling Jake. He gave them a small wave.

“You are the one who wanted him here,” Julie
said, tugging on Trucker’s shirtsleeve. “I think he enjoyed the
sponge bath.”

Trucker growled; Jake held his hands in the
air pleading his innocence. “I didn’t see anything.” Jake walked
over and kissed Julie on the forehead. “I didn’t want to see.” He
squeezed Julie’s arm and vanished.

Trucker shook his head swiftly. “Someone
needs to teach him there is and isn’t a place for humor.”

Chapter 23

Two days later, Julie got the green light to
go home. Dan insisted that he drove her home alone to Julie’s
relief. Dan would let her ride home in silence. She liked
quite.

Catherine was already there waiting. Trucker
met them in the driveway. He wouldn’t allow Julie to walk. He
carried her from the car to the couch. Which was already made into
the most comfortable bed. He propped the pillow in his lap and
gingerly pulled Julie over onto it. She laid there and clutched his
leg.

For the first time since she met Trucker, she
saw him drinking. Trucker was almost crippling drunk and eerily
quiet. Julie shrugged it off. If he wanted to ruin his life it was
his business.

Dan had gone to his room suddenly sleepy.
Julie had an inkling that Trucker had coerced Dan to get him out of
his hair, but a nap was probably the best thing for him.

Catherine hovered over them. Julie wanted to
scream. She didn’t need comforting. She wanted to sleep and forget
them and everything else.

She finally got a moment reprieve when
Catherine left to fix them something to eat. Julie chuckled at the
selection of food Catherine had brought over. One thing for sure
the Castleman’s did everything first class. Trucker still at her
side softly kissed her forehead, trying to avoid her many
stitches.

“You’re my world, Angel,” Trucker said.

Julie crumpled up her forehead and said, “You
smell like a cheap bar. Go home.”

“I’m not leaving you, ever. So can you at
least pretend to care?”

“I did care, but you took that from me too.”
She raised up and started unbuttoning her shirt.

“What are you doing?” Trucker gripped her
hands to stop her.

“I thought if I let you fuck me, you would be
satisfied and leave.”

“We don’t fuck. Never have. No matter how raw
it’s been, it has always been love. So stop this madness. I. Am.
Not. Leaving.”

And for a moment, he looked so frightening he
scared even emotionless Julie.

******

That night Trucker crawled into bed with
Julie and held her tightly against him. He didn’t care if at that
moment she had no feelings for him. His heart was about to explode
for her. He wouldn’t let her send him away. After her mom’s
memorial service, he would give her back her emotions. The only
problem, he didn’t know what would be worse, her emotionless or
with a shattered heart.

“Get some sleep, my love. You only have a few
days of this then it will get back to normal.”

Julie yanked the covers from Trucker as a
single tear fell down his face. Damn, for the first time ever he
believed he might have loved her too much.

“Is it ever going to be normal again?” Julie
asked as she wiped the tear from Trucker’s cheek. Trucker savored
her touch, because underneath that hard shell of no emotions, she
still cared for him.

“It will be. Just a new kind of normal.”

Julie nuzzled as close to Trucker as she
could get, trying to feel something. She had felt fear, sadness,
happiness, and joy. Any emotion good or bad was better than feeling
nothing. She understood what Trucker meant when he said you had to
feel to be human. At that moment, she would have done anything to
feel.

However, she still had her mind. She knew how
she was supposed to feel. She was supposed to feel comfort from
Trucker holding her. She was supposed to, but she felt nothing; she
just wanted to use him to get this never-ending stream of questions
out of her head. Julie sat up, turned, and demanded attention.

“Is Larry capable of killing my mom? Are you
ever giving me my feelings back? What else are you hiding from me?
Going to kill my dad next?” Julie spewed the questions out so fast
that Trucker held her hand and placed his finger over her
mouth.

“Baby, calm down. First thing first, my dad
is capable of anything, but I don’t believe he had anything to do
with the wreck if that makes you feel better. I know him and . . .”
Trucker closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re my girl. No
sweetie, he didn’t. Now why in the world would you think dad would
be involved? It was an accident.”

Julie went in to detail about the week
leading up to the wreck, Larry’s threat, her dream, the belief that
Jake was there because he had an idea they were up to
something.

“So there, he did cause it.” Julie shrugged
her shoulder. Not feeling did have one advantage, she didn’t care
who she hurt.

Trucker grew quite. He sat motionless, not
even a muscle twitched.

“I don’t want you in my life anymore. You are
a monster that has sucked out every ounce of joy I had. Leave, you
are no longer welcome here.”

Trucker was still except for his head that he
was cocking side to side. The look on his face was placid. His eyes
were unreadable. There are things in Julie’s life she couldn’t
prepare for. They snuck up on her when she least expected it, when
she was at her most vulnerable, and wreak havoc over everything.
That was one of those moments. Julie worked her finger in and out
of a hole in her comforter. She was empty.

“Don’t ask me to leave you alone,” he
whispered. His voice was cool and collected, void of anything.

“Leave, leave, leave now,” Julie said without
an ounce of humanity. She didn’t have any left; Trucker had stolen
it. She was glad she couldn’t feel fear. Trucker was more a monster
to her at that moment than any other time she had seen him.
A
cold and subdued monster.
He was his worst nightmare; he was
his father.

Julie reached out for his hand. He slung it
away, slamming it against the headboard. He leaned in, swept her
hair behind her ear, and started kissing her from her earlobe to
the base of her neck. His teeth sunk in. Julie felt his teeth as
they broke the skin. She waited for the tug deep in her core, the
tingling of euphoria. Nothing. The teeth wiggled deep in the base
of her neck. He pulled back from her and smiled. His teeth were
long and exposed. It dawned on Julie he was not showing off his
teeth, but the fact that there was not a drop of blood on them. He
wouldn’t feed from her. He was showing her what a monster he was.
He caressed her face with the back of his hand. Julie grabbed his
arm. He looked at his arm then her.

“Welcome to my world,” he said, hopped up,
flipped around on one foot, and left. She heard the house rattle
from the front door being slammed.

Catherine rushed through the bedroom door,
confused at what had happen. “Julie, what’s going on?”

“Trucker is showing his true murderous
personality.”

Julie rolled over and hugged her pillow.
Catherine sat down beside her and stroked her shoulder. “What did
Trucker say to you?”

“The same bull as usual. I’m tired, please go
away.”

Catherine nudged Julie’s shoulder and wrapped
her arm around her. “Sweetheart, you’re not yourself. Talk to
me.”

“Okay, who has Trucker murdered?” Julie
smirked. “And don’t deny it, Trucker is a killer.”

Catherine looked stunned. “He told you about
that.”

“Not really. I just know he has.”

“Are you sure this is the time and
place?”

“Very sure,” Julie answered and rest her
forehead onto Catherine’s shoulder. She could act like she cared,
even if she didn’t.

“He had one other girl he was crazy about.
She had a head full of curly hair too. He didn’t love her but he
was quite taken by her. He was with her one night.” She paused.
“Sweetie, he can kill you and not mean too. He can crush you with
the slightest slip of his hand. He went to wrap his hand around her
neck and wasn’t thinking. Her neck snapped. There was nothing Jake
could do. She was already dead. Larry hid the body and covered it
up. Her poor mother is still looking for her runaway daughter.”

Trucker killed another girlfriend. Was that
her fate too? Was that why he had never bonded with her? The
outcome to any relationship for him was death. For the first time,
Julie was glad that Trucker had taken her feelings away.

“Julie,” Catherine softly said, pulling Julie
out of her reverie. “He’s so scared he’ll lose control with you.
You have no idea how much you mean to him. He would give it all up
to be human with you.”

“Ms. Catherine, I really want to be alone.
Can we talk tomorrow?”

“Sure, night, sweetie.”

Julie drifted off to sleep, not caring what
Trucker was up too. It was liberating not having feelings. She had
no desire to care and slept like a newborn baby.

*******

Trucker crouched in his room. His whole world
falling apart. He was halfway between good and evil. Jake found him
there growling in pain.

“What happen?” Jake asked and kneeled down
beside him.

“I’ve lost her,” Trucker said and threw the
bottle of whiskey he was drinking against the wall, shattering it
into a million pieces.

“No, don’t even say that.” Jake slid down the
wall and sat beside him.

Trucker got up, making an attempt at
regaining his human mask. He settled on his bed, gripped her
pillow, tracing the name monogramed in green, and told Jake the
whole story. He explained why he felt the need to mask her
emotions. How she believed they caused the wreck. The terror he
felt when she told him to leave. He admitted that his demon took
over and finished the job of chasing her away.

Jake understood, but still couldn’t believe
he had lost her. Julie had handled everything else surely she
would’ve understood that.

Trucker’s mind flashed to her eyes. He had
seen her scared and afraid, but nothing compared to the loathsome
look she gave him that night.

He fell to his knees. He was in shock at what
he felt. Something he never dreamed possible. A heartbeat thumped
in his chest. The thought of losing her ripped him open and
jump-started his beat-less heart. Trucker took Jake’s hand and
placed it on his chest. Jake felt the erratic heartbeat of his
favorite savage and a grin shot across his face. Trucker was beside
himself.

“She won’t leave me now.” As excited as he
was about his heartbeat, nothing mattered without
her
.

“She’ll still need some time, but yeah,
you’ll have her forever now.”

******

Trucker had finally for the first time in his
life felt human. There was one thing he had to do before he lost
his other side totally; give her, her feelings back. It was harder
getting out of his house than into hers. The key was hidden on a
magnet inside the crawl door leading under the house. He retrieved
the key, unlocked the door, and moved stealthily through the house.
He paused as he opened her bedroom door, unsure if he could leave
when he saw her. He enter the room and peered down over her, her
curls were feathered around on her pillow, and a soft snore escaped
her lips. His heart went haywire. It beat with such force; he
believed it was going to jump out of his chest. He fought with the
urge to wake her, to kiss her lips. He placed his hand beside her
careful not to wake her as his finger’s swept through her curls. It
felt like heaven as the curls voluntarily wrapped around his
fingers. He gave her just a small portion of her feelings back, so
not to overwhelm her. He also wanted one or two more reasons to
sneak back into her room and catch a glance of his angel. He kissed
her forehead before he left.

*******

Julie woke with a heavy heart. Her first
thought was of Trucker. She figured he was in rough shape or he
would have been with her. She told herself she was not going to
worry about him, because that was the day she would say goodbye to
her mom. Instead of getting ready for Christmas, she had to get
dressed to attend the service honoring the life of the one person
who was always there for her. She wondered how it would be possible
to get through the rest of her life without her mom’s advice. She
caught herself crying. She didn’t understand; Trucker had taken
those feelings. Her emotion still felt inaccessible, but they were
slowly breaking through. Each tear brought her one drop closer to
breaking the shell wrapped tightly around the hurt her heart should
have been feeling.

Her dad found her on the bedroom floor
finally mourning her mom. He held her for the longest time. The
tears started to roll down her cheeks, burning as they passed over
each slash on her mauled face. She hastily wiped at the tears,
feeling the loose bandages covering her face.

“I need to get ready.” Julie laid her head on
Dan’s chest. “Daddy, I love you.”

“I love you, baby girl.” Dan kissed the top
of her head. “When’s Trucker getting here?”