Hold Me (9 page)

It had happened so fast—as they always did. He didn’t remember much. Just waking up in a world of hurt. He could have been paralyzed. He could have died. So he couldn’t ski. Big deal.

Only some days, it was. Some days he thought about how the best part of him had been lost and would never be found again.

He passed a family out for a walk, a little girl flanked by her parents. Dad pushed a stroller.

There were a lot of families in town. Couples. People in love. He’d always thought he would get there someday, only he’d never been able to get past the truth. That saying you loved someone didn’t mean a thing. Not when love couldn’t change anything. Heal anything. Fix anything.

His father had claimed to love his daughter. And then he’d beat her. Shelby’s love for her dying mother had put her right in front of the old man’s fist. What good had love done any of them?

It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in love. He did. He knew it existed. He loved his sister. He would die for Shelby. But if she was in trouble, he would get off his ass and do something about it. Not just sit back and love her. Or claim to, as their father had.

He saw other couples all around him. Happy people who made it look easy. Who didn’t seem to be working so hard. But he’d never been able to simply believe. To know it was right. That any particular woman was “the one.” He couldn’t figure out what was different for him. So he stayed with what worked.

He liked serial monogamy. Maybe he should just go with it. And for the most part, he was happy. But every now and then, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, there was more.

* * *

I
F
SEX
WAS
the root of all evil, then men were holding the watering can and making the root go deeper.

Destiny groaned. That didn’t even make sense to her, which sort of proved her point. Look at her. A sensible woman with a responsible job spending twenty-five minutes wondering what to wear to a meeting. Talk about a waste of time. She knew what to wear. She would put on work clothes, which meant jeans or cargo pants and a shirt. It wasn’t like she had much choice. No way she was going to prance into her business meeting in some frilly dress and high heels.

This was all Kipling’s fault. He’d kissed her. And while she’d been kissed before, something had happened this time. A part of her brain had come loose, or she’d had an influx of unusually powerful hormones. Or she needed to be on anti-Kipling medication, but she doubted that had been invented.

She closed her eyes and took a calming breath. Or tried to. Because when she opened her eyes, she still wanted to look pretty for the meeting.

No, she told herself, determined to be honest. Not for the meeting. For the man.

If only she had someone to talk to, she thought as she pulled out her skinny jeans and shimmied into them. A sensible person who could tell her how to shake off the grubby remnants of lingering sexual attraction. But there was no one. She didn’t really stay in touch with people she’d met on previous jobs. Asking her mother for advice was like calling a pyromaniac for tips on how to avoid fire. And for once, recalling the many words of wisdom from Grandma Nell wasn’t the least bit helpful. Because her thoughts on the subject were incredibly clear.

If he’s single and rings your bell, then go get a good ringing.

“I don’t want anything to do with bells,” she muttered as she chose a tight T-shirt and pulled that on.

She’d already washed her hair and, damn it, used a blow-dryer and round brush to add fullness and a slight wave. Worse, she’d put on mascara. She was pathetic. Kipling was not for her. While he had many excellent qualities, he wasn’t sensible. And apparently, she wasn’t sensible around him.

The fact that a single kiss could throw her so far off her game only proved her point. No sex. Not until she was ready to have children. It was the slick, steep road to trouble.

She grabbed her backpack, made sure she had her notes for the meeting then left her bedroom. She found Starr in the living room. The teen looked up from her book.

“I’m heading out,” Destiny said. “Are you going to be okay tonight?”

“I’m fine.”

The words were right, but there was something in Starr’s eyes. Sadness, maybe. Or maybe Starr was still mad at her about lying. Destiny wasn’t sure. Once camp started, Starr would be happier, but that was still a few days away.

“We can talk when I get home,” she offered. “I could show you some chords.”

Starr shrugged and returned her attention to her book.

Destiny wished her sister had come with instructions. Not even a manual. A pamphlet would have helped. But there was nothing.

“I won’t be late,” she said.

Starr didn’t say anything, and Destiny left. She promised she would figure out what to do with Starr when she got back. But between now and then, she had a meeting to get through.

It was after six in the evening, but still warm and sunny. She walked quickly, heading for City Hall. Apparently, there was a small auditorium they would be using for the volunteer meeting.

While the HERO program would have a few key permanent staff, the majority of the search crew would be made up of volunteers. A percentage of those would need to be trained to use the equipment. The purpose of tonight’s event was to discuss the program with the community and, ideally, to get people to sign up. Or at least show some interest.

Given the personality of the town as she’d seen it, Destiny didn’t think there would be a problem getting people to show up. The plan was to pull the majority of the volunteers from local police and firefighters, who already had the necessary training. She was curious as to how many other people would be interested in signing up for the HERO program.

She got to City Hall and took the stairs up to the main door. There were signs in the entrance hall pointing her toward the auditorium. She walked in only to find that she was the first one there...except for Kipling.

He stood by the stage, studying his notes. Overhead lights seemed to cast some kind of glow about him. Destiny knew all the tricks lighting could play and told herself not to be impressed. Which she wasn’t. It was just that she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

Damn him,
she thought, nearly stomping her foot. And the kiss. And the hormones. And her body for betraying her. She knew better. She’d seen it, lived it, had felt the pain of watching her parents being swept away by yet another “one true love.” She’d been cast aside, ignored and forgotten. Even now she was dealing with the consequences of her father’s fling sixteen years ago in the form of a teenage daughter he seemed to have forgotten he had. She wasn’t going to give in. She was going to stand strong.

She squared her shoulders, sucked in a breath and stalked up to Kipling.

“Let me be clear,” she said by way of greeting. “I will not be your plaything.”

He looked up at her and grinned. “Why not? I’m happy to be yours.”

Destiny felt her mouth drop open. He had
not
just said that. Who talked like that? But before she could start expressing her opinion in a volume designed to get his attention, two old ladies walked into the auditorium. She recognized one of them as Eddie Carberry.

Destiny lowered her voice. “This isn’t over,” she promised.

His smile never wavered. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

“I meant this conversation. Not the whole...” She clenched her teeth together. “Never mind. I’ll deal with you later.”

“Looking forward to it.”

That man, she thought, turning away from him. He was so annoying. He hadn’t been annoying before.

She told herself to ignore him and the strange sensations rushing through her body. This was business. She was here to do a job. Kipling was simply an obstruction she had to get over. Or through. Or something.

More people arrived and found seats. Miles showed up, and Destiny moved to sit next to him. Despite his good looks, she didn’t have to worry about being attracted to him.

“What has your panties in a twist?” he asked as she settled beside him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You look angry. It’s kind of sexy.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’d find drywall sexy.”

“Only if it was girl drywall.” He pointed to the stage. “Shouldn’t you be up there?”

As the time for the meeting approached, she saw Kipling was walking toward the stairs on the side and knew she should join him. After all, she was going to be speaking to the group.

The room was nearly full, she thought as she reluctantly got up and followed him to the small podium on the stage. There were a couple of chairs behind it. He turned to her. A smile tugged at his mouth. She felt everyone in the room watching them.

“Don’t even think about it,” she said in a low voice.

He chuckled. “I was going to ask if you wanted to speak first, or if you wanted me to go first.”

Like she believed that. The man was trouble. Grandma Nell would have adored him.

“You tell them about the program,” she said. “I’ll talk about the technical stuff, then we can take questions together.”

Kipling nodded and approached the podium. He flipped on the microphone.

“Thanks for coming tonight, everyone. I appreciate the show of support from the community. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Kipling Gilmore, and I’m in charge of the town’s search and rescue program.”

“You mean you’re our head HERO,” Eddie yelled from her seat in the audience. The older lady next to her clapped.

Kipling nodded. “That would be me. Help Emergency Rescue Operations is going to save lives. But we’re a small organization, just getting started, and we’ll need help. Volunteers. Tonight’s meeting is to explain how the program is going to work and how you can get involved.”

Destiny only half listened as Kipling went through the details of the program. She knew the particulars better than most. When it was her turn, she would explain how the software would make finding those who were lost just a little easier.

She liked her job. She liked knowing that when she moved on, she’d left things better than when she arrived. She liked the people she met and the sense of belonging, however temporary. She’d met a lot of nice people and more than one attractive man. But no one had rattled her as much as Kipling. She was going to have to figure out why he got to her, then find a way for it to stop.

When Kipling was done, Destiny took the podium and talked about the STORMS software and how it would help with HERO, then together they took questions. She tried not to notice how close they stood to each other as they shifted to use the microphone in turn.

Eddie Carberry raised her hand. “Gladys and I want to volunteer. Are you going to tell us we’re too old?”

Destiny smiled at Kipling. “I’ll let you take that one.”

Several people in the audience laughed.

“Thanks,” he said, moving forward and clearing his throat. “We appreciate everyone who wants to volunteer. There are going to be opportunities for every level of fitness.”

Eddie scrunched up her face. “You’re going to stick us in the office, aren’t you? We want to be out in the field.”

Kipling’s expression turned pained. “We can talk about that, if you’d like—”

“And then you’ll say no.” She stood, as did Gladys. “We want an adventure this summer, before we’re too old. If you’re not going to give it to us, we’ll find someone who will. That’ll show you what we’re capable of.”

The two older women walked out of the meeting. When they’d left, a tall woman stood. She wore a dark blue T-shirt with FGFD emblazoned across the front, and she was clearly pregnant.

“Don’t let them get you down,” she said. “They love to make trouble. I’m Charlie Stryker, by the way. Fool’s Gold Fire Department. I’m interested in volunteering. Most of us on the department are. We’re going to sign releases so the HR department can link our work shift information to your database. That way you’ll know who’s available when. People tend to get lost when it’s least convenient to everyone else.”

A couple of police officers made the same offer. Kipling took down the names of the two departments’ human resources contact and promised to be in touch. By the end of the meeting, they had dozens of volunteers.

“You’re not going to have any trouble filling positions,” Destiny said when she and Kipling walked off the stage.

“Good to know.” He nodded at her. “I’m going to go talk to Charlie before she leaves. I’ll see you around.”

“Sure.”

Destiny’s brain was pleased by his all-business attitude. She’d made her feelings very clear and appreciated how he’d obviously listened. The rest of her was just a little crabby that he seemed to have gotten over her so quickly. And that there wasn’t going to be any more kissing. Which only proved her point about how things like sexual attraction messed with the mind and left a perfectly rational woman teetering on the mental edge.

CHAPTER SIX

“T
RY
PUTTING
YOUR
fingers here,” Destiny said, shifting Starr’s fingers on the fretboard. “Press firmly enough to hold the strings, but not so tight that you exhaust yourself. You don’t need a death grip.”

Starr moved her hand slightly then relaxed her fingers. “Like this?”

“That’s it. How are your fingers?”

They’d been playing for nearly an hour already. Starr had ignored her offer to help her learn to play guitar for a week. But at six-thirty that morning, her sister had approached her. Destiny had been surprised, but pleased.

“Sore,” Starr admitted.

“It’s going to get worse before it gets better.” She glanced at the clock. “We have to get going or you’ll be late for camp. We’ll practice more tonight. Eventually, you’ll build up calluses but until then you can use ice or soak them in apple cider vinegar.”

Starr laughed. “I’ll start with ice. I don’t want my hands to smell.”

“Fair enough. You ready?”

Starr put down the guitar and nodded. She was already dressed in jeans and a jacket. It would warm up later, but it would be cool first thing in the morning, especially up in the mountains.

“You have sunscreen and insect repellent?” Destiny asked. “They’re giving you lunch.”

“I have everything, and if I don’t, I’ll text you.”

“Good. I’ll have my cell phone with me.”

Destiny grabbed her backpack, and they headed for the car.

Later in the week a bus would take the local kids up the mountain, but for the first couple of days, parents were expected to drive. She had directions, but guessed that she would simply be following a line of cars heading to End Zone for Kids.

“You excited?” she asked as they turned onto Forest Highway.

“A little. I’ll be assigned a buddy to help me find my way around.”

“Plus, everyone is new on the first day.”

“Did you ever go to camp?”

“A couple of times,” Destiny told her. “They were the kind where you stayed in a cabin.”

“Like boarding school.”

“Exactly. Between touring and getting married or divorced, neither Mom nor Dad could take care of me in the summer.”

“Is that when you went to live with your Grandma Nell?”

“Uh-huh. I was ten. Scared about living in the mountains, but happy to be with her. No matter what, she was always there for me.”

“Did you like living with her?”

Destiny thought about the beauty of the Smoky Mountains. Sure, they’d been isolated, but that hadn’t been a bad thing.

“Very much. There’s a rhythm to the seasons. Things to do. Putting up fruits and vegetables in the summer. Getting ready for winter in the fall. The first snowfall was always so beautiful.”

She turned onto Mountain Pass and as she’d expected, found herself in a long line of cars heading up the mountain.

“Was it hard to leave to go to college?” Starr asked.

“It was. I worried I wouldn’t be as smart or educated as everyone else. And I was nervous about being back in the ordinary world. I’d been out of touch for so long. What if I didn’t talk right or know what to wear?” She thought about her first couple of days at college. “And I missed Grandma Nell so much.”

“Where did you go to college?”

“Vanderbilt for two years, then I transferred to the University of Texas.”

“Why?”

“It was hard being in Nashville. There was too much of the industry around.” She knew she didn’t have to say which industry. In her family, there was only the one.

“You got your degree in music?” Starr asked.

“Computer science.”

“What?” Starr stared at her. “Why? That’s like math, only harder.”

“Computers rule, young lady. We have to respect them.”

“Sure, but we don’t have to, like, study them. Oh, wait.” Starr nodded slowly. “You wanted to get away from your parents and what they did for a living. You wanted to be different.”

Or safe, although Destiny didn’t say that. “It seemed like a good plan. Once I figured out my major, transferring made the most sense. I ended up getting an internship at the company where I work now, so everything turned out.”

“What did Grandma Nell think of your major?”

An interesting question. The older woman had in fact reminded Destiny that running
from
something wasn’t the same as running
to
something.

“She always supported me,” Destiny said, bending the truth. “I could count on her, no matter what.”

“That’s nice. I wish I had someone like her in my family. Where is she now?”

“She passed a few years ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. Me, too.”

Destiny pushed away the inevitable sadness and pointed to the sign up ahead. “We’re here.” She followed the other cars into a large parking lot.

Registration was quick. Starr was given a color-coded wristband, and then it was time for Destiny to leave.

Starr drew in a breath. “Okay, I’ll see you later. You remember that lady, Felicia, is driving me home, right?”

“I do.” Destiny touched her sister’s arm. “You’re going to do great.”

“I hope so. It sucks being the new girl. I know how to do it, but I never like it. I can’t imagine doing what you do. Not just, like, working with computers and stuff, but always going from place to place. Don’t you ever want to settle somewhere?”

“Eventually, sure.”

Starr looked like she was going to say something else but changed her mind. She shifted her backpack to her other shoulder. “See you later.”

“Have fun.”

Destiny thought about giving her a hug, but before she could reach out, Starr had turned and walked away.

She let her go and returned to her car. Progress had been made, she thought. She would enjoy that and continue to take baby steps.

She drove back to town and parked at home before walking to Brew-haha. She was meeting Kipling for an update before heading out in the helicopter to oversee more tracking. Miles was making good progress. It wasn’t that he needed her along, but she preferred to make random flights to confirm it was all going well.

She crossed the street and walked toward Brew-haha. When she realized she was moving faster and faster, she deliberately slowed. She was
not
excited about seeing Kipling again. She wasn’t anything. She was going to have a meeting with a colleague. Nothing more.

As she forced herself to keep to a slower pace, she thought about all the women who gave in so easily to sex. She supposed a case could be made that their way was better. If you simply reacted to attraction, then maybe, over time, it had no power. Maybe it was like an itch that once scratched, didn’t return.

Only that hadn’t been her experience with her parents. They went from itch to itch, creating havoc in their respective wakes. Maybe the actual problem was she hadn’t been looking hard enough for her sensible, reliable mate. There were plenty of single men right here in town. Why not check them out?

There were the Mitchell brothers. Aidan and Nick were both attractive. Although from what she’d heard, Nick was an artist at heart. If he really was denying his gift, then there was a disaster looming, and she didn’t want that. Aidan ran an adventure tour company. Not exactly the job description of her ideal calm, staid mate.

There had been talk at the volunteer meeting about a rancher named Zane. He had sounded age appropriate, and a man who made his living off the land was certainly going to understand about being responsible and patient. She should find a way to meet him.

But all plans of casually running into rancher Zane fled the second she walked into Brew-haha and saw Kipling was already at one of the tables. He’d ordered two lattes and had a plate of pastries in front of him.

She hesitated for a second. Her body seemed to go into some kind of cellular happy dance. Her breathing hitched, her heart raced and somewhere deep in her belly she felt a distinct kind of twisting. Probably the beginning of stomach flu, she told herself uneasily.

She refused to show weakness and walked toward him.

“Hey,” he said when she took the seat opposite his. “I got you a latte. Hope that’s all right.”

“It is. Thank you.” She clutched the coffee mug in both hands.

“You get Starr off okay? Didn’t she start summer camp today?”

“Uh-huh. I hope she likes it.”

“Yeah, it’s never easy being the new kid.”

“That’s what she said. Did you move around a lot as a kid? Because of the skiing?”

“Sure, but I had my coach and my team. I wasn’t on my own like she is. But she’ll make friends and that will help. Too bad you’re leaving at the end of summer. If you were staying, she’d have friends when school starts.”

“Starr goes to a boarding school. She’ll be going back there.”

Kipling frowned. “She doesn’t live with you full-time?”

“No. Just for the summer. I’m her legal guardian now, but that’s more for handling logistics.”

“Oh. And she’s okay with that? With not having a real home?”

Destiny didn’t like the questions. “She has a home.”

“Where?”

Destiny didn’t have an answer to that. Starr had only spent a few days at Destiny’s place in Austin before they’d left for Fool’s Gold. The apartment wasn’t really big enough for the two of them.

“I guess I haven’t thought that part through,” she said slowly.

“You should talk to her and find out what she thinks is going to happen in the fall. She might not be as excited about going back to boarding school as you think.”

“Why would you say that? You don’t know her.”

“I know kids. I jumped at the chance to join the ski team and loved every second of it, but there were kids who would rather have been home. No one likes being sent away.”

She’d been a kid, too, she thought with faint irritation. For her, being sent away had been the best thing to ever happen to her. But she’d been going to live with a loving grandmother while Starr was going away to school. Those were different destinations.

“She has friends at school,” she said, aware she sounded defensive. Partly because if Starr wasn’t going back, then Destiny didn’t know what that would mean. She loved traveling for her career, but with a fifteen-year-old, moving from place to place every three months wasn’t possible.

She shook her head. “You’re fixing things again. You need to let that go.”

“I can’t help it,” he said with an easy smile. “It’s part of my charm.”

“If you say so.”

He laughed. “Not impressed? I could get you references, if that would help.”

“I can’t begin to imagine what they would say.”

“It’s all good,” he promised. “I’m a fun date. Speaking of which, come with me to The Man Cave opening. It’s going to be a hell of a party.”

“I’m really not the bar type.”

“This isn’t a regular bar. Come on. It’s the opening of my business. How can you not want to be there to see all the magic?”

She tried to figure out why he was so appealing. Other men were as good-looking. Maybe more so. He was plenty smart, but not brilliant. He had characteristics she found mildly annoying, but they didn’t seem to diminish her attraction.

A date. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been on one. Did she even remember how?

“I won’t sleep with you,” she told him.

Kipling didn’t bother reacting to the blunt statement. “I don’t remember asking, but thanks for the update. Are you saying that night or ever?”

Ever. She should say ever. Because he wasn’t what she was looking for. She was clear on her goals. Clear and determined.

“Ever,” she said firmly.

He leaned back in his chair. Amusement twinkled in his blue eyes. “Yeah, you are so lying. You want me. Admit it.”

Destiny told herself he was teasing. That all she had to do was laugh with him and everything would be fine. Only she couldn’t. Not really. Because she
was
attracted to him. More than she wanted to be.

She opened her mouth, then closed it. She felt herself blushing and wished to be miraculously transported somewhere else. Preferably to another hemisphere. When that didn’t happen, she grabbed her backpack, stood and mumbled, “I have to go.”

Kipling was on his feet in a second. “Destiny, no. Don’t. I was teasing.”

She shook her head and bolted.

For whatever reason, Kipling didn’t follow her. Gratitude and fear propelled her to her office. A ridiculous place to try to hide, she thought, even as she closed the door behind her and leaned against it. Like he didn’t know where she worked?

But there was nowhere else to go. She could only hope for a few minutes of solitude. An hour or so to figure out what on earth was wrong with her and how she was going to fix it. Fast.

* * *

B
Y
FIVE
THAT
AFTERNOON
, Destiny had managed to put the Kipling issue out of her mind. The reprieve was probably temporary, but she was willing to go with that. Mostly out of guilt. Starr guilt.