Hold Me (8 page)

“She’s gone.” Destiny felt her smile fade. “Three years ago, she came to stay with me for a couple of weeks. When she was leaving, she said it was her time. I didn’t understand. She died three days later.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. Me, too. I miss her every day. Even more so now that I have Starr. Grandma Nell would have known what to do.”

“You do, too.”

“I’m less sure of that.” She shook her head. “Sorry. I’m not sure where that all came from. I’m usually more private.”

“I asked.”

“Still.” She stood. “I should go check on my tech guys. Every now and then they remember they have to eat. I can do a lunch run for them.”

Kipling rose and walked around the table. He gazed into her eyes. “Grandma Nell sounds like she really loved you.”

“She did.”

“You’ll always have that.”

They walked toward the front door of the building.

“The Man Cave is opening soon,” he said. “It’s this bar I own with a few business partners.”

“I’ve heard some people talking about it,” she admitted. “You must be excited.”

“I am. Come to the opening with me. We’re going to have a killer karaoke setup. You could sing.”

“I don’t sing,” she told him firmly.

“Ever?”

“Not in public.”

“But it has to be in your blood.”

“There are a lot of things in my blood. I deny most of them. It makes life easier.”

“Who said easy was the right path?” he asked. “I’d like to hear you sing.”

“It’s never going to happen.” She narrowed her gaze. “I don’t need fixing.”

“I didn’t say you did.”

“Shelby warned me, and she was right. Let me repeat myself. No fixing required. I’m perfectly fine. I have everything under control. I prefer life without surprises.”

Kipling studied her for a second then leaned in. She had no idea what he was going to do so wasn’t the least bit prepared for the feel of his mouth brushing against hers.

The contact was brief, soft and rocked her down to her tiniest toes. She went hot then cold. Her chest got tight, and somewhere deep inside, a dark, lonely place she rarely acknowledged, warmed up at least three degrees.

“Why did you do that?” she demanded when he’d straightened.

One corner of his mouth turned up. “Two reasons. First, because I wanted to. And second, everyone needs a good surprise now and then.”

She struggled to speak, but there were no words. She could only stare as he gave her a wink then turned and walked away.

CHAPTER FIVE

D
ESTINY
GENTLY
STRUMMED
her guitar. The music was elusive tonight. Taunting her with melodies attached to half phrases. But when she tried to capture the notes or even the words, they faded away.

You could be my best regret. I could be your peace of mind.

She made a few more notes then put down her guitar and flopped back on her bed. She immediately sat up and began playing the hillbilly music Grandma Nell had loved. Mostly the songs didn’t appeal to her, but they were a connection. Many a winter’s night, she and Grandma Nell had played and sung by firelight as the snow fell outside. There had been an old piano in the front room. A man came by every spring and tuned it. The rest of the year, they made do.

Now she sang about the mountain and God and life until she started to relax. Unfortunately, the second she did, she remembered Kipling’s kiss and tensed up all over again.

Stupid man, she thought as she put down her guitar again. Stupid, stupid kiss. Why had he done that? And then to walk away. Who did that?

She told herself it didn’t matter. So he’d kissed her. It wasn’t as if she’d asked. And while she got a little thrill every time she thought about his mouth on hers, it wasn’t as if she was letting her hormones run away with her. She was perfectly in control, as always.

In fact, it was probably good Kipling had kissed her. As she’d recently realized, if she wanted to find the man of her somewhat quiet dreams, she was going to need a little more experience. While she doubted he would be the type who wanted to be seduced, she should at least be able to hold her own. So more kissing was a good thing. As long as she didn’t let herself get carried away.

It was all so ridiculous, she thought as she stretched out on the bed. The whole boy-girl-sex thing. Why did people give in so easily? Why did they let themselves get swept away? People let their bodies take over, and then they made bad decisions. Which would be fine if those decisions didn’t have consequences for other people. But they usually did. Like when Dad and Mom broke up and forgot about their children. Like Jimmy Don with Starr.

Destiny glanced at the small clock on her nightstand. It was nearly ten. She stood and walked into the hallway, then knocked on Starr’s closed door.

“Hey, I just wanted to say good-night.”

There was an odd sound, then Starr said, “You can come in.”

Destiny opened the door. Her sister sat at the small desk in her room. Her tablet was on a stand.

“Emailing friends?” Destiny asked.

“Watching a movie.” Starr half turned toward her, her long hair hanging over her face. “I heard you playing.”

Destiny winced. She’d been so upset, she’d forgotten to go into the garage. Or wait until Starr was asleep.

Destiny walked over to the bed and sat down. “Yes, you did.”

“So you
can
play. You lied.”

“I know. I apologize.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I don’t like playing. Sometimes I can’t help doing it, but mostly I ignore it. Music isn’t my thing.”

“What if it’s
my
thing?” Starr brushed her hair back and glared.

Destiny saw what looked like tears on her sister’s cheeks. “Are you okay?”

Starr brushed at her face. “I’m fine. You didn’t answer the question.”

Destiny thought about life with her parents. How every moment had been dominated by music. It had always been playing in the background. There had been jam sessions in the living room. Even putting the dishes away had turned into a music extravaganza with flatware as percussion and water-filled glasses playing the melody. She thought of the laughter and later the tears. The sense of being abandoned over and over again. Of being a pawn.

“It’s complicated,” she began.

“No, it’s not. I want to play better, and you won’t teach me. We’re sisters. You’re supposed to care about me.”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t. Music is the most important part of my life, and you’re keeping me from it.”

“I’m sorry. Sorry that I lied and sorry you’re hurt now.” She paused, knowing what she had to say and not wanting to say it. No. It wasn’t the words she regretted, it was the actions that would follow.

“I can teach you to play,” she said softly. “Guitar and piano. I have a keyboard in my room.”

Starr turned away. “Never mind. I don’t want to learn anything from you.”

Destiny flinched as if she’d been hit. She’d screwed up. “Please, Starr. Don’t punish me by punishing yourself. That never goes well. Let’s spend some time playing this weekend. I can show you a few things that—”

“I said no.” Starr turned back to her computer. “It’s late. I’m tired.”

In other words, get out of my room,
Destiny thought.

“Okay.” She stood. “Good night.”

She walked out and closed the door.

She told herself she would do better next time. The subject wasn’t over. She would give Starr a couple of days then bring it up again. Teaching her a few chords wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it would give them something to talk about. A way to get to know each other.

Because while Destiny might not know everything Grandma Nell would do, she was sure the older woman would make Starr feel welcome and loved. It was a lesson Destiny knew she had to learn.

* * *

A
NGELO
’
S
I
TALIAN
C
UISINA
was across from the park. The whitewashed building had a large patio with plenty of outdoor dining. Kipling tasted the red wine that had just been delivered to the table.

“Very nice,” he said.

Their server nodded and poured. When he’d left, Shelby leaned toward him.

“Do you ever send the wine back just because?” she asked with a grin.

“No. Not my style.”

“I know. I’m just messing with you. I’m sure in your life, you get enough attention in other ways.”

Not lately, he thought, thinking it had been a long time between women in his life. Between recovering from the crash and then moving to Fool’s Gold, he’d avoided romantic entanglements. But if all went according to plan, he was going to be tangled up very soon. Which wasn’t a subject he would be discussing with his baby sister.

“How’s work?” he asked. They were having dinner at five in the evening. A ridiculous time, but Shelby’s job at the bakery required an early start.

“Good. I’m learning a lot. Amber is trusting me with more and more responsibility. The tourist season is bringing in a lot of business. I had no idea how many people come back year after year. They remember what they ordered last time, and we sure had better have it now.”

He nodded to show he was listening. He admired Shelby’s enthusiasm. A year ago she’d been dealing with a mother dying of cancer and a father who thought nothing of putting his fist into his only daughter’s face.

“I suggested we have a food cart at the last festival. Amber wasn’t sure it would work, but we sold out of everything before noon. It was a huge moneymaker.”

“Congratulations on impressing the boss.”

“Thanks. I have a lot of ideas.” Shelby glanced down at the table then back up. “Amber and I have been talking.”

Kipling recognized the tone and the strategy. He braced himself for something he knew he didn’t want to hear. “And?”

“When her dad retires, she’s going to take over the bookstore. There’s no way she can run two businesses at the same time. So she’s looking for a partner in the bakery. I was thinking I want to buy into the bakery with her.”

Kipling deliberately inhaled, giving himself time to think before speaking.

“That’s a great opportunity,” he said slowly. “Are you sure you’re ready for it?”

“I know what I’m doing. I love the work, and I want to stay in Fool’s Gold permanently.”

“You’re more than capable of making a decision about this on your own. I’m just asking that you think it through. You haven’t been here that long. You’re coming off a very difficult emotional loss. Buying into a business is a big responsibility. What if you and Amber want different things for the business? It won’t be just a job anymore. You can’t quit and walk away.”

“I don’t walk away,” she snapped. “I don’t leave. I stay where I am.”

He told himself not to take her comments personally. That she wasn’t talking about
his
leaving. Because he had left. When he’d gotten the opportunity to work with his ski coach, he’d jumped at it. He’d been all of fourteen. Shelby had been a half dozen years younger. He’d told himself she would be safe. Mostly because their father hadn’t started hitting her yet.

“I worry because you lead with your heart,” he told her gently. “I worry because I want you to be sure you’re doing what you want and not simply acting to help Amber. Helping a friend is a good thing, but in this case it could tie you to something permanently.”

She sagged back in her seat, as if the fight had gone out of her. “I know you care. I love you, too. But, Kipling, you have to stop taking care of me. I’m not one of your projects. I don’t need fixing.”

“Fair enough. I won’t try. Besides, there’s no point in fixing what isn’t broken.”

She reached across the table and patted his hand. “Thank you. You’re a good brother.”

“One of the best.”

She laughed. “Now you’re annoying me on purpose. Do you think that’s safe?”

“I trust you, kid.”

“You’ve known me all my life.”

“And most of mine. In fact, I can’t remember when you weren’t around.”

She leaned toward him. “I had lunch with Destiny and her sister a couple of days ago. There was a group of us. She’s nice and everything, but I get the impression she and her sister aren’t close.”

Kipling picked up his glass of wine as a way to buy time. He wasn’t sure what to say. A case could be made that he owed Destiny nothing. Only that wasn’t true. He liked her, and he’d kissed her. He was hoping for a lot more, in the “let’s get physical” department. But more than that, he figured the secret was hers to tell or not.

“I don’t know exactly how she and Starr ended up together,” he said casually. “But she mentioned something about them not knowing each other. They’re half sisters, through their father. Starr’s mom died a while ago.”

Shelby blinked. “Seriously? That’s just like us. Half siblings through our father, and I lost my mom last year.”

“Except we grew up together.”

“Yeah, that would change things. I can’t imagine having a sister I didn’t know.”

He couldn’t, either. Although he did understand family estrangement. His father was currently sitting in prison for various crimes, beyond beating his daughter. He would be there a long time, and Kipling had no plans to go see him.

As a teenager, he’d worried about how much of his father he carried with him. Was his father’s darkness like a hibernating monster that would wake with no warning? Because there was no other way to describe a man who beat his daughter.

He’d been afraid he would one day wake up and feel the dark violence growing inside him. Finally, he’d talked to his coach about what he’d seen at home and what he feared.

As always, the advice had been honest and practical.

“Have you ever wanted to hit a woman?”

Kipling remembered being both shocked and humiliated by the question. “Hell, no.”

“If you do, go get help. Immediately. Find a shrink. Get on medication. Whatever it takes. You can’t choose where you come from, but you can decide how you’re going to deal with it.”

Kipling had vowed he wouldn’t let himself turn into his father, no matter what it cost him. The promise had turned out to be easy to keep. He’d been angry to the point of rage and had never once felt the need to raise his hand to anyone. If there was a genetic component to violence, he’d managed to dodge that bullet. If it was the result of nurture, he would guess the skiing had saved him. Either way, he was grateful.

He thought maybe part of the reason was his connection to the mountains. Flying over snow took a discipline that forced him to control himself. Every action had an immediate consequence, and when he screwed up, the results, or disasters, were unforgiving.

He wondered what Destiny had gone through, growing up as she had. Which demons had she escaped, and which did she carry with her?

Later, after he and Shelby had finished their dinner, he walked back to the town house he’d rented. It was still light, and there were plenty of people out enjoying the evening. He nodded and called out greetings, but kept moving. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

Restlessness pulled at him. He recognized it and knew the cause. Before the accident, the solution would have been easy—hop on a plane and go find a mountain. Get to the top and ski down. That was all. The simple act of movement against snow would take care of the problem.

He stepped off the curb and felt the pull in his back and down his leg. Remnants of what had happened. Of the accident.