Hold Me (24 page)

“Is that good?”

“It’s strange, but yes, I think it’s good. Normal teenage responsibilities. Starr has consistency. We both know what’s expected and what the consequences are if she breaks a rule. So I don’t have to worry about being the bad guy. We’ve negotiated everything in advance, so she’s a part of the decision-making process.”

He thought about how things had been when he’d been a kid. How his father would lash out for no apparent reason, and the consequences were often destructive.

“My parents could have used a system like that,” she continued. “There weren’t any rules. What I could and couldn’t do changed from day to day. A lot of my friends were envious, but it wasn’t as fun as it sounded.”

“You never knew if you were okay,” he said.

“You’re right. I don’t want that for Starr. I want her to feel safe.” She turned toward him. “You left home when you were pretty young, right? To ski?”

“Uh-huh. I lived with my coach and his family, and there were lots of rules. Breaking them was not an option.”

“Like what?”

“Everything from keeping up with my schoolwork to exercising to what I ate to getting enough sleep. I had to be in peak shape to compete.” He winked. “My body is a temple.”

She laughed. “Of course it is.” Her mouth twitched. “I was going to make a vestal-virgin joke, but that’s probably not a good idea.”

“It is if you want to talk about it.”

“Vestal virgins? Not really.”

“Your virginity.”

She sipped her lemonade. “Not my favorite topic.”

Nor his, but there were things to be said. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

She turned to him. “You didn’t. I mean it hurt a little, but it wasn’t a big deal. The pain.” She sighed. “Now that I’m learning how to be in a family unit, I can see that you were right before. When you said I should have told you. I wasn’t thinking straight, so that was part of it. And the other part is...” She hesitated. “I wasn’t embarrassed exactly. But I knew being a virgin at my age made me different. Of course, a lot of things make me different.”

She looked away as she spoke. As if unsure about his reaction to what she was saying.

“Why would you worry about that? You’re beautiful, talented, caring. Why would you think you don’t fit in?”

“I didn’t exactly have a normal childhood. I don’t play well with others.”

Several things occurred to him at the same time. First, she’d totally ignored his compliments. Because she wouldn’t believe them? Had the little girl shone less brightly than her famous parents? Second, he thought she played just fine with others. Especially with him. And he’d like to have a lot more playtime. But that wasn’t what they were talking about.

“Do you want to play with others?” he asked. “Your no-sex rule is pretty extreme.”

“I know. It’s just the things I saw. People make really bad decisions because of sex. They do things that aren’t rational or right. Avoiding the whole problem seemed the best solution.”

“But for every person who acts out, there are thousands who manage to have a sexual life and act responsibly. It’s like saying you’ve seen one kid have a tantrum in the grocery store and you didn’t like it so you’re not going to have children.”

“What is it about men and logic?” she asked, smiling at him.

“Go with your strength.”

“I still think sex is the root of all evil.”

“You know it’s not,” he said gently. “People act badly. Sex is just the delivery system.”

“Is this you trying to seduce me?”

He chuckled. “No. When I seduce you, there won’t be any question about what’s going on.”

“I plan to resist.”

He forced himself not to react when every part of him wanted to celebrate the victory. Because resisting wasn’t anything like saying no. She hadn’t asked him
not
to seduce her. Which meant she wanted him to. At least on some level.

“You’re a complicated woman,” he told her.

“Is that good or bad?”

“It’s excellent.”

* * *

T
HE
EVENING
WENT
by quickly. Starr was spending the night with Abby, so Destiny didn’t have to watch the clock. Still, she was surprised to find that by the time they’d finished dinner and dessert, it was after eleven. She’d arrived at six. How on earth had it already been five hours?

Kipling was easy to talk to, but still. Shouldn’t they have run out of things to say? Apparently not, she thought as she reluctantly put her napkin on the table.

“It’s late. I should go.”

She watched him as she spoke, hoping he would tell her to stay. Or get that sexy, predatory look and pull her into his arms. Instead he glanced at the clock, then nodded.

“I’ll walk you home.”

“Uh, thanks.”

Disappointment surprised her with its intensity. So much for his plans to seduce her, she thought as she stood and carried her plate to the kitchen. Of course he’d promised nothing would happen tonight, and he’d been telling the truth. He was a man of his word. That was a good thing. Only she couldn’t help wishing he’d been just a little bad.

“Don’t worry about the kitchen,” he told her. “I’ll clean up when I get back.”

He led the way to the front door. She reluctantly followed. They stepped out into the night.

The sun had set a few hours before, but the evening had yet to cool off. Heat radiated from the sidewalks and streets, giving off that “it’s summer” kind of warmth. The air smelled of cut grass and blooming flowers. Most of the houses were dark. She could hear crickets and her own breathing, but little else.

Kipling walked next to her. Close enough that they were obviously together, but not so close that they touched. She found herself wanting to move closer, to have her arm brush his. Which was confusing. What had happened to her sensible plan with a sensible man and a meeting of the minds kind of relationship? In something like that, there was no need for arm brushing. And yet that was what she wanted.

And kissing, she thought wistfully. A little kissing would be nice. With tongue. And maybe a bit of groping. Because she missed the feel of his hands on her breasts. And his mouth. She would like to feel that again.

“The stars are pretty,” she said in an effort to distract herself from her wayward thought. “I like that you can see them here.”

“Me, too. I miss the stars when I’m in a big city.”

Because he would have seen them when he was in the mountains.

Funny how she never thought of Kipling’s previous life. He had a slight limp and a few scars, but otherwise could have been anyone.

“Do you miss it?” she asked without thinking. “Skiing?”

“Every day.”

She glanced at him. “Because it wasn’t your choice to be done?”

“Some, and because I can’t go back. I could probably make my way down a mountain if I had to, but it wouldn’t be pretty. I’d have to go slow, not take risks.”

He’d lost a part of who he’d been. She’d never considered that. Not just the fame and the accolades, but the very essence of what made him who he was. It would be as if she couldn’t sing again or appreciate music.

“I’m sorry.”

One shoulder raised and lowered. “I deal.”

“More than that. You’ve made a whole new life for yourself. It’s impressive.”

They’d reached her house. He walked her to the porch, then turned to face her. “Don’t make me into a hero. I’m just some guy, getting by. There are real heroes out there. Pay attention to them.”

Words designed to make her admire him more, she thought, stepping closer and anticipating their good-night kiss. She hoped he would take his time and linger. That he would tease before he brushed his tongue against hers. That there would be—

He leaned in and lightly kissed her cheek. “Thanks for a great evening.”

She stared at him. “Um, sure. I had a good time.”

She waited.

He smiled.

And then he walked away.

* * *

D
ESTINY
SCROLLED
THROUGH
the screen on her computer because the alternative was throwing it across the room. And it was never a good idea to take out personal emotion on a defenseless, innocent machine. Especially not one as expensive as her computer. But she wanted to throw something.

Kipling hadn’t kissed her. There’d been no tongue, no bodies straining. What happened to seducing her? Had he changed his mind? Decided she wasn’t worth the trouble? Why was he acting like that? She wanted to stomp her foot. And maybe pout.

Instead, she took a deep breath, then another and returned her attention to the screen in front of her. Information from the practice search was displayed. She could adjust updates from minute-to-minute to hourly. She and Kipling had found Cassidy in forty minutes. Not record-breaking, but still a good first try. Next time they would make the search more difficult, and Cassidy would be a searcher. Their third or fourth simulation would include volunteers.

They were on schedule, and her training would end in another four or five weeks. Normally, she would already be discussing her next assignment. But not this time. She and Starr were staying in Fool’s Gold, and Destiny honestly had no idea what she was going to do with herself.

She had a computer science degree, but wasn’t excited about pursuing another job in the field. She wasn’t a tech kind of person. What she’d liked about her facilitating work was helping people. But it wasn’t like she had a bunch of transferable skills.

She knew she was very lucky. Money wasn’t an issue. Thanks to her trust fund, she could live frugally without working. Mostly because, except for paying for her college education, she’d never touched a dime of it.

But she wasn’t going to be comfortable just sitting around. And living frugally while raising a teenager didn’t seem possible. She wanted to get a house with Starr, and a mortgage required a job.

Still, she had time on her side. There was a local employment agency in town. She could go there and take those tests that tell you what you’re good at. She doubted dabbling at songwriting and singing karaoke would offer much in the way of job opportunities.

She returned her attention to the screen and continued to study the results of their first practice search. She wanted to get through the report before heading home. She’d nearly finished when Cassidy walked into her office and sat in her visitor’s chair.

“This is the weirdest place ever,” the blonde announced.

“Good weird or bad weird?”

“Mostly good. I just took an exercise class at CDS.”

Destiny frowned. “Where’s that?”

“The bodyguard school.”

“Oh, right. I’ve heard about it. How was the class? One of my friends swears by what they do there.”

“It was a killer. The instructor is Consuelo Hendrix. She’s tiny but tough. This is only my second class, but after the last one, I hurt in places that I didn’t know had muscles.”

“Which you loved,” Destiny said.

Cassidy grinned. “You know it. Anyway, I signed up for twice-a-week classes. When I went today, her husband, Kent, was participating, but there was something about the way he was watching her. It was very strange.”

“He’s not a serial killer,” Destiny told her. “He’s in the middle of a bet with his brother.”

“What? That he can survive one of her classes?”

“Nothing that simple. The guys have a competition about who can get his wife pregnant first. I don’t think Consuelo and Isabel know about it. My guess is Kent was keeping an eye on her. In case she is pregnant.”

Cassidy blinked. “What did he think he could do? She’s teaching a class. Someone in as good a shape as her should be fine continuing with her regular routine. Unless there’s a problem. And he doesn’t even know if she’s pregnant yet.”

“I know. I’m simply sharing what I’ve been told.”

Cassidy leaned back in her chair and groaned. “Weirdest little town ever.”

Before Destiny could respond, her cell phone rang. She looked at the screen and saw the caller ID.

“Hey, Starr,” she said by way of greeting. “You beat me home.”

“I didn’t stay to practice. Um, I know you usually work until five, but, uh, someone stopped by the house.”

Destiny’s first thought was that the person in question was Kipling. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. Because she would very much like to spend the evening with him. Only her sister’s tone was more cautious than Kipling warranted, and she would have just said his name. “Who?”

Starr cleared her throat. “Your mom.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

L
ACEY
M
ILLS
HAD
to be in her late forties, but she looked thirty-five and dressed like what Kipling imagined would be appropriate for a beauty queen from the 1960s. With her big hair, tight dresses and high heels, she made Dolly Parton look prim. Lacey’s hair was red instead of platinum, but it was still big. All poufy, with lots of curls. What was that saying? The bigger the hair, the closer to God? Kipling figured Lacey and the Almighty were on a chummy basis.

He’d stopped by Destiny’s office on the pretense of asking about the program, but really to see her and to gauge her reaction to their date. Or rather how the date had ended. Because he’d been pretty sure she’d expected a little action. Which was exactly what he wanted. Better that she be anticipating than he be pushing. That way, when he made his move, she would be receptive.

But instead of leaping to greet him, she’d been wide-eyed and pale as she’d hung up her cell phone. Her announcement that her mother had arrived unexpectedly had stirred both his curiosity and his protective instinct. He’d offered to be the fourth person at the table for dinner, and she’d instantly accepted.

Now he found himself mixing drinks in Destiny’s small kitchen while Starr hovered next to him, obviously not sure if she should join the other women in the living room or not.

“She’s really famous,” Starr whispered. “And pretty. I mean, like, she’s pretty on TV and stuff, but I wasn’t sure what she’d look like in person. She’s just as pretty. But small. I thought she’d be taller. And it’s interesting that she and my dad both have red hair. That’s unusual.”

Lacey was a few inches shorter than her daughter. They shared their beautiful green eyes and red hair, although he suspected that Lacey’s golden highlights were store-bought.

“Did you see her makeup?” Starr asked, her voice still low. “I wonder if she’d teach me how to do mine.”

“I’m sure she’d like to show you a few things,” he said as he added both sweet and dry vermouth to the ice and gin in the shaker.

Lacey had been very clear with her order.

“A gin martini, two kinds of vermouth and cold. I need it cold.”

She’d smiled at him, a practiced, seductive smile he was sure had brought stronger men than him to their collective knees. But he was immune. Sure Lacey was beautiful and, despite Starr’s disappointment in her height, larger than life, but his attentions had settled elsewhere.

“The liquor’s in the freezer,” Destiny had told him.

“I’ll figure it out.”

Now he shook the mixture and wondered what Destiny was thinking. From what she’d told him, she had a complicated relationship with her parents.

“I need olives,” he told Starr. “They’re probably in the refrigerator.”

She checked inside and found a small jar of pimento-filled olives. He poured the martinis, added an olive, then poured a soda over ice for Starr, Destiny and himself. He wasn’t sure drinking around Destiny’s mother was a good idea, and Destiny had requested soda.

“Do I get an olive?” Starr asked with a quick smile.

“Do you want one?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Not really.”

She found a tray, and he put all the drinks on it then carried it back to the living room. Lacey took her martini, closed her eyes and sipped.

“Perfect,” she drawled. “And cold. Aren’t you clever?”

“I’ve always been good with martinis.” He handed Destiny and Starr their drinks before settling on the end of the sofa.

“I’m sure you’re good with many things,” Lacey told him.

He ignored any innuendo in the comment. He had a feeling that flirting was as automatic as breathing for the country singer.

“Did you drive in?” he asked.

“To town?” Lacey asked. “Goodness, no. I took my jet to the local airport.” She turned to her daughter. “I have to say, I like this town a lot. It’s so pretty. And the festivals.”

“How do you know about the festivals, Mom?” Destiny asked.

“I read about them on the plane. I like to know about where you’re living.” She smiled at Kipling. “My little girl moves around all the time. A job here, a job there. Some places are nice, but others...” She shuddered.

Her attention shifted to Starr. “Now you’re just the prettiest thing! I’m sorry about your mama. You’re staying with Destiny now?”

Starr swallowed. “Um, yes, ma’am.”

“She’s steady. You listen to her, you hear me? Destiny’s always been a rock.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

A rock?
Kipling thought of Destiny singing onstage at The Man Cave. How she’d poured all her emotions into her music. She was calm on the outside, but underneath the facade was plenty of passion. He wondered how much of her rocklike nature was learned because she’d had to be the adult in the room. So far Lacey had been plenty nice, but she didn’t strike him as someone overly interested in anyone’s viewpoint but her own.

Lacey turned her attention to him. “Kipling, you seem familiar to me. Why is that?”

“I was an Olympic skier.”

Her brows rose. “That’s right! At Sochi. G-Force.” She smiled. “You won gold medals and then you had a crash. You seem to be getting around all right. Good for you.” She turned to her daughter. “You found someone famous. That makes me so happy. People respect a man with a little danger in his past. Now that we’re all caught up, I know you want to hear about my new album. It’s being released in the fall. My label wanted me to do my greatest hits but I said no. I want to cover some wonderful old songs. We argued, but I won.”

“I’m sure you always do,” Kipling said.

Lacey fluttered her lashes. “Why yes, I do.”

* * *

“S
HE
’
S
NOT
WHAT
I expected,” Starr whispered, later that night.

Destiny sat on her sister’s bed. “She never is. My mom is more like a tornado than a person. It’s best to keep an eye on how she’s tracking and then get out of the way.”

Starr laughed. “She’s nice, but a little scary.”

“Same thing.”

Starr pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. “How long is she staying?”

“A couple of days. She usually visits when I’m on assignment.” Often without warning. Destiny had learned to expect the visits, but not plan for them. Lacey had her own schedule and rules. She’d taken over Destiny’s room without bothering to ask if that was okay, yet would probably get up and make them all breakfast.

“You can talk to her about the business if you’d like,” Destiny said. “She loves to talk about her past and how things have changed in the music industry. You’ll learn a lot from her.”

“You won’t be mad?”

“No. Not at all.”

Starr would keep her mother distracted, and that was a good thing. Because when left alone for too long, Lacey came up with crazy plans. Like the time she’d tried to talk Destiny into going on tour with her.

“Oh, and talk to her about songwriting. She’s good, and she loves to write with other people.”

Starr’s mouth dropped open. “Really? You think she’d do that with me?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you write with her?”

“We end up fighting too much.”

And every songwriting session ended with Lacey telling her that she’d wasted her life and her talent. That she would never feel fulfilled if she didn’t honor her gifts. Which wasn’t ever anything Destiny wanted to talk about.

Funny how Kipling had said nearly the same thing, only that had been easier to hear. Maybe because of what he’d been through. And because she trusted him. He couldn’t do what he most loved because of the accident. She knew that was hard for him, but he’d accepted the inevitable and got on with his life.

She’d tried to do the same. At least the getting on with her life part.

“Lacey wants me to be like her,” she added. “I guess it’s a mom thing. But it’s never going to happen.”

Starr nodded, then rested her chin on her knees. “My mom used to say I was just like her. Only I never wanted to be. You know, the drugs and everything. I don’t want that.”

“Do you worry about it?” Destiny asked.

“I don’t know. Sometimes. I don’t want to take drugs and have that be the only thing that’s important. I want to sing and write music. I want to be proud of myself.”

Destiny shifted so she could pull her close. “I hope you already are. You’re a great person, and I’m proud you’re my sister.”

“Thanks. I love you, too.”

Her sister said something else, but Destiny only nodded. She needed a second to let the words sink in. Because they made everything worth it. They were sisters of the heart, and that was never going to change.

* * *

D
ESTINY
KNEW
THE
foolishness of avoiding the inevitable, so two nights later she dropped Starr off at Abby’s, swung by Angelo’s for takeout then returned home to spend an evening alone with her mother.

Lacey sat crossed-legged on the living room floor with the contents of several shopping bags spread out around her. Her hair was loose, her shirt embellished and her jeans tight. Lacey had always understood the importance of being true to herself.

“No store went untouched,” Destiny said as she took in the Fool’s Gold T-shirts, key chains and mugs, along with stacks of clothing, shoes and books.

Lacey laughed and reached for her martini. “I like to support the local economy. There’s a clothing store called Paper Moon with some pretty snazzy things. I spent a fortune there. The rest of it is just for fun.” She sniffed. “That smells wonderful. What did you bring us?”

“Lasagna and garlic bread. A salad so we can pretend we’re being healthy.”

“You’re my favorite oldest child. Did you know that?”

Lacey rose gracefully, the martini she held not spilling a drop. She crossed to Destiny and hugged her tight, then released her and went to the kitchen.

“When does Starr get home?”

“She’s staying with a friend. It’s just us tonight.”

Her mother laughed. “My favorite way to spend an evening. You’re so sweet to me, hon. I’m starving and craving some girl time.”

Destiny set the bag of takeout on the counter, then washed her hands before setting the table.

“Want one?” her mother asked, pulling a pitcher of martinis out of the refrigerator.

“No, thanks.”

While Lacey was visiting, Destiny would drink water. Because she knew her mother was imbibing for two. Or possibly twenty. She supposed she had the same concerns that Starr did. There were parts of her mother’s personality she didn’t want to embrace, although Destiny knew she was just as guilty of using alcohol as a crutch. That night at The Man Cave, she’d needed the Long Island Iced Tea to allow herself to perform. Something she should probably discuss with her therapist.

Her mother would tell her that singing in front of an audience was in her blood. It wasn’t that she got nervous, she thought as she put plates and flatware on the table then collected the food. It was more about giving herself permission.

Lacey sat down, and Destiny passed her the lasagna. She inhaled deeply. “Smells delicious. Remember when I used to make you mac and cheese? From a box, of course. That’s as much as I could cook. I wasn’t a traditional mother.”

“You wouldn’t be Lacey Mills if you were.”

“And I want to be Lacey Mills.”

“My mom, the superstar,” Destiny murmured, thinking how her parents had both awed and frustrated her when she’d been little. She supposed they still did.

On the other hand, she’d gone in a completely different direction, basically turning her back on their lifestyles. They’d both made it clear they wanted her to go into the family business, and she hadn’t.

“Are you disappointed in me?” Destiny asked before she could stop herself. Because Lacey would be nothing if not honest.

“What? No. Don’t be silly. You’re my daughter, Destiny. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Mom. But that’s not what I asked. I’m not like you.”

Her mother put down her fork. “If you’re talking about the music, then I would have liked you to be more like me. We could have toured together. We would have had so much fun. It gets lonely so it’s nice to have a friend along. But, honey, you have to do what’s right for you.”

Lacey picked up her martini and took a sip. “It’s our fault. I see that now. When you were little, we dragged you all over the place. Some children would have thrived in the chaos, but not you. You always liked a routine. Being settled. When my mama told me she was going to take you, well, I cried for a week. But I knew it was the right thing to do.”

Lacey’s green eyes filled with tears. “I missed you, but I did what was best for you. I hope you know that.”

“I do.”

“And now you’ve taken in Starr. It’s all about taking care of family.”