Hockey Is My Boyfriend: Part Three (9 page)

I
dragged
my suitcase into the apartment and collapsed onto the couch. “Gahhh.”

April was reading in the armchair. She lowered her magazine and looked at me. “I guess it’s not a good weekend unless you come home and collapse. You enjoyed L.A.?”

Jimmy had meetings with his agent and flew me down to see him. “I had a great time. We left no tourist attraction unseen. Jimmy scheduled everything.”

“What was your fave?” April had spent a lot of time in Los Angeles while pursuing her acting career.

“I really liked walking along the pier, like Venice Beach and Santa Monica. So many interesting people. Can you imagine doing your weight workout on a beach? Fun, but you’d have to be an exhibitionist.” I stretched.

“Is that a new watch?” April asked. “It’s nice.”

I groaned. “Yes. Jimmy was shopping for a new watch and decided I needed one too. The first one he chose for me cost a thousand dollars! What am I going to do with some Swiss designer watch?”

“Lend it to your best friend?”

“I had to bargain him down to this sports watch. We were in Beverly Hills shopping and if I looked sideways at anything, he wanted to buy it for me. I get that he’s making a lot of money, but jeez.”

“I’m having trouble generating sympathy for this problem.” April snorted.

“You can’t buy love,” I said without originality.

“I’m willing to let men try.” April stood up. “I’m going to make tea. Do you want some?”

“Yes, please. Are there any chocolate chip cookies left?”

“Sorry, those of us who had to stay home while it rained all weekend called dibs on the cookies. I’m sure you were eating your way through the Michelin-starred restaurants of Los Angeles.”

“That’s the funny part. Jimmy knows restaurants in every NHL city, but they all seem to be these meat-emporiums where large men gather in herds.”

“Gosh, like a hockey team?” April emerged from the kitchen with tea and a few cookies. She was always watching her weight, so I figured there might still be some.

“Yay.” I bit into my cookie. “Am I the only person on the planet who welcomes Mondays? At least my life gets back to normal—unless Phil gets a night off soon.”

“I’m sensing that dating two extremely hot guys isn’t as much fun as you anticipated.”

“I never thought it would be a picnic, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, first of all, I get the feeling that Jimmy wants to exhaust me on the weekends—either to impress me or to make sure I have no energy to see Phil. And then Phil is so competitive that he wants to up the ante on our dates, too. I’m always doing something big and important. You know what my dream date is? To sit on the couch, watch a movie, and eat popcorn. With cuddling.”

“What are you, ninety? I can’t believe you’re complaining that your social life is too exciting.”

“The other big problem is that both guys are not being themselves. I hate the way they’re acting.” Jimmy was being too intense and kind of arrogant in his assumptions that I was going to choose him. He was never his sweet boyish self. Phil was acting too cool for school, and I had the sneaking feeling he was trying to manipulate my emotions. I liked him way better when he was relaxed and sincere. But how could I blame them? They were both so competitive, and this situation brought out the worst in them. I wasn’t being myself either. How could I be a real girlfriend to two different guys without feeling like a complete hypocrite? “This was my worst idea ever.”

“Yeah, I can see that. You’re like a loyal puppy, so it’s tough for you to switch owners.”

“Woof,” I said sadly. She was right. And I never got to relax with either guy. “I’m so frustrated. Sexually, I mean.”

“What? You and the hockey hottie aren’t doing it? You and smoking hot Phil Davidson aren’t even—” April was too shocked to finish.

“No, of course not. I couldn’t sleep with two guys at the same time, that would be totally icky.”

“Wait. You just stayed in some fabulous L.A. hotel and didn’t do it? I call shenanigans.”

“We had a suite. I slept on the pull-out.”

“And he let you?”

“Yes.” Not without some arguments, of course.

“But, Kelly, you have no self-control around sex. You and Phil did it during the Grade Twelve grad trip weekend. You somehow managed to have sex while you were dining out with James’s parents.”

“Oh my God, you knew what we did during the rafting trip?” I blushed bright red.

“Ha. I always suspected, and now you’ve confirmed it.” April chortled.

“Damn. I hate living with someone who knows me this well. What about you? I got the idea not to have sex from Ben.”

Her face went sour. “He still won’t have sex with me. I’m thinking of breaking up with him—again.”

“April, that’s nuts. You really like him. You love spending time with him. Why would you break up over that?” Plus it was my only successful fix-up ever.

“We’re not in the same place. He seems to think that dating should lead to something serious. It’s like we’re in the fifties or something.”

“It’s kind of ironic that a relationship without sex is more serious than one with sex.”

“Yes. But I’m too young to settle down.”

“He has a point though. I mean, not having sex with either guy makes me see what it’s like to spend time with them—without the whole haze of lust blurring my vision.”

April considered this. “So, if I love spending time with Ben, then it’ll be that much better with sex. But what if that’s not true? I want to test this hypothesis.”

“You know my theory. You hate giving up control, and with Ben you can’t control things.”

She sniffed. “Let’s get back to you. It’s been a month now. Just choose one, you can’t lose. I think you’ll be a lot happier.”

“Coin flip? Yeah, right.”

“Okay, choose Phil.”

“I know you like him better. But you’ve known him for years.”

“Also, I don’t want to be left with nine months on the lease and a crummy roomie.” April was smiling, so I hoped she was kidding. “Realistically, are you ready to quit work, leave everyone you know, and move to Chicago?”

“Yeah, it is a huge deal.” But I had to admit that being with Jimmy would be exciting. Ever since hockey ended, I wasn’t getting my adrenaline hit anywhere. Doing all this new stuff with him was fun, even if I ended up exhausted.

“If you move to Chicago, will you guys live together?”

“I guess. I won’t have a job right away, so I can’t pay rent.” However, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. We could live together, and if it didn’t work out, I’d move back. Jimmy was serious about us, but not marriage-serious.

“Maybe you should do a pros-and-cons list.” Without waiting for my answer, she grabbed a pen and paper.

“Okay, which one are you more attracted to?”

I considered this. All the work Jimmy put into his body certainly paid off. Yesterday, I had to avoid looking at his bare chest when we went swimming at the hotel pool, so I wouldn’t jump all over him. And there was something about his intensity that swept me up in his vortex.

On the other hand, Phil had this coiled quality like a cougar. I was the prey that he was ready to pounce on, and that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Phil was sexy in this way that made me feel both nervous and liquid.

“Both,” I replied.

“Yes, I figured that from the way you were drooling out of both sides of your mouth. Well, how about spending time together? Which guy is more fun to be with?”

Phil was more fun in the literal sense, like joking and laughing together. But Jimmy was more exciting because his life was on a higher plane and all about hockey.

“Both,” I repeated.

“Argh, Kelly. You’re not helping. Okay, new tactic: name the biggest flaw of each guy.”

This was easier. “Phil is too bossy. He’s always telling me what I should be doing. And Jimmy worries too much—he can be a real downer.”

“This is good. What about their best quality?”

There were so many things I liked about both of them. I admired Phil’s creativity; he was musical and inventive. He knew cool stuff for us to do or new bands to hear. He was interesting and complex. We could talk about so many different things. But that intelligence had a downside too. Phil had a detached quality, like he was smarter and cooler than me. He claimed he really liked me, but I felt he wasn’t completely invested.

With Jimmy, things seemed simpler. He was very determined, and it was reassuring how much he needed me. That was the way he was when he had a goal: he focused on it until he achieved it. So he was always telling me how we should be together and how good things would be. It was tough not to believe him.

But the truth was that both guys were so focused on winning that they didn’t even seem to notice me sometimes. I sighed, and April put down her paper.

“This doesn’t seem to be helping you at all, what’s wrong?”

“This is so dumb, but I really like both of them. And once I decide, I’m going to have to hurt someone’s feelings.”

“Breaking up is a part of life. Everyone goes through it. It’s more cruel to string guys along.” April was an expert at breaking up. Like Phil, nobody had ever broken up with her. But I knew how much getting dumped hurt.

P
hil

D
irk barked at me
. “You’re leaving already?”

I nodded. “It’s 7:30 on Saturday night, and I have to meet someone. I mentioned this before.”

“Nobody else here has a fucking personal life, but sure, the junior guy gets to leave.”

“Hey, I came an hour early, and I’m coming in early tomorrow. It’s one night.” I hated this. Work was important, but we’d been going full out and I was exhausted.

“He’s young and he needs some action, Vanny,” called out one of the older guys. “Let the poor kid go.”

I had dust and crap on my clothes, but there wasn’t even time to change because I was already an hour late.

Getting to see Kelly enough was turning out to be one of my biggest challenges. I was working insane hours, and I’d had to cancel more than a few dates. And then she kept going away on the weekends, which was when I did have a little free time. Kelly never bitched when I had to cancel, but I did. Given the odd state of our relationship, I couldn’t call her just to chat and we never got to spend the night together either, so every time I didn’t get to see her seemed like a big waste.

We had set up this Saturday night date over a week ago. And since she had agreed, it meant she wasn’t going anywhere with the asshole. But naturally everything hit the fan today and I was lucky to get out only an hour late. I texted her to let her know I was on my way so she could push back the dinner reservation she had made.

Once I got to her place, Kelly rushed up to greet me.

“Phil, are you sure you want to go out? You had a long day,” Kelly said. She looked so pretty and fresh, in her polka dotted top and black shorts.

“I’m sure.”

“Did you want to shower here?”

Did I look as shitty as I felt? “I’ll get cleaned up,” I told her. I did look grimy, so I threw some water on my face and neck. I stretched. These seventy-hour weeks were hard enough, but having to worry about Kelly was more stressful.

She was on the phone in her room when I got done, it sounded like she was talking to her mom. She motioned that she’d be done in a minute. I sat down in the living room. They didn’t have a television or anything, so I grabbed a couple of magazines off the side table. One was
Hockey News
and the other was
InStyle
. I wondered where April was. She and Cho had gone out for nearly a month after that bowling night, but then broke up again. I knew he wasn’t too happy about that, but these days I was the last person to give dating advice.

I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes.

“Hey, Phil. Wake up.” Kelly was leaning over me, her hair down and tickling my face. I was lying down.

“Hi, beautiful.” I wasn’t fully awake, and this seemed like a happy dream of us together. I pulled her on top of me and kissed her. She kissed me back. Her lips tasted a little tomato-y. The pressure of her body was giving me a hard-on.

“Um, Phil. We’re not alone anymore.” She squirmed out of my arms and sat down beside me. I realized I was stretched out on her living room couch with a throw over me and a pillow under my head.

“What happened?”

“You fell asleep. I pulled you up onto the couch, and you didn’t even wake up. You’re heavy.” She stuck her tongue out and then giggled.

I half-sat up and ran a hand through my hair. “Shit. What time is it? What about our dinner reservation?”

“I cancelled it.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry, you must be starved.”

“I am, but I made us dinner.” She looked extremely proud. “I’ll go get it.”

She came out with a tray. There were two plates of spaghetti with meat sauce and a salad. “Would you like beer or wine?”

“Beer, please.” She was so cute. I was pretty sure that this was the only meal that Kelly could make. She came back with two beers and two glasses of water. April followed.

“I thought I walked into Pleasantville,” April declared. “You’re snoozing on the couch, and Kelly’s in the kitchen cooking.”

“Did you want some dinner too?” Kelly asked.

April shook her head. “I ate when the normal people did. It’s after ten, you know.”

“Did I sleep that long? Shit, I’m really sorry, Kelly.” Yeah, I was certainly going to win the dating game. Hey baby, want to go out? You can watch me lie unconscious on the couch and then cook—which is only your least favourite thing.

“It’s okay, Phil. I know you’ve been working hard. It was fun to make this and surprise you.”

“The real surprise will be the food poisoning later,” April added.

“I used one expired cheese and you’re never going to let me forget it,” complained Kelly. “Nothing happened.”

“This is a great dinner,” I declared. It was. I knew it was only bottled sauce, but Kelly had done it all for me. I took another helping of salad. “Is there more spaghetti?”

Kelly nodded and happily popped up to get it.

“Praising Kelly’s cooking is definitely a sign of something,” April declared. “Love or insanity.”

“I heard that,” Kelly said, as she came back in the room. “Isn’t it your bedtime?”

“Why, Miz Kelly,” April drawled. “Should I be leavin’ you alone with your gentleman caller?”

“Yeah, you should. Good night, April.”

April cackled and disappeared into her room. Kelly sat down on the other end of the couch.

“Whatcha doing way over there?” I asked her.

“Oh, I don’t know. If I get all affectionate, I feel like I’m giving you the wrong idea.” I realized how tough that must be for Kelly, who loved cuddling.

I patted the seat next to me. “You can trust me.” I had been following her stupid rules even when I hated keeping my hands off her.

She flashed a happy smile and nestled in right next to me. I put my arm around her. That felt so right.

“How’s work going?” she asked.

“You don’t want to hear about all that boring shit.”

“I do. I think you’re so lucky.”

“I am? How do you figure that?”

“My job is a total nine-to-five gig. But that means it’s dead end too. You work long hours because you’re important and they need you.”

I chuckled. That was one way of looking at it. Another was that the junior guy was slave labour.

Kelly continued. “I wish I’d prepared for real life better. You always knew you wanted to go into engineering, right? And now you’re doing it. You must be so excited.”

“It’s true. Hoff and Elliott both work long hours too, but everything they do is on paper or electronic. What I love is that we’re building something. At the end of the project, I’ll be able to stand back and say, ‘Hey, I made that.’ Along with hundreds of other people, but whatever. Of course, if it falls down, I’m denying any involvement.”

She laughed merrily. We talked about work: mine, and hers too. She told me about this media internship program she was hoping to apply for at work.

“Do you think you should apply for other jobs in the meantime? Maybe get you a little closer to your goals, and you could still apply for the intern-thing.”

“I don’t have any technical experience, so the only way I could get an interview would be because they know me. But maybe I could take part-time broadcasting courses in the fall. I’ll look into it.”

It was a good sign that she was thinking about staying in Vancouver this fall. Kelly yawned, and I realized how late it was.

“Let me help you clean up,” I told her. We took the dishes into the kitchen where Kelly had left a big mess. It was a small kitchen, and it didn’t take long to get things shipshape.

“I want to apologize again for tonight.” I stroked Kelly’s hair and kissed her on the forehead.

“Stop it, Phil. I don’t mind staying home. You don’t need to impress me, and I’m not really into fine dining the way April is. The only way it could have been better would be if there was a hockey game we could watch.”

“Nope, it was perfect already. I really liked that you cooked dinner for me.”

“Don’t get used to it,” she laughed.

“Well, I guess I better go.”

What I wanted more than anything was to stay over with her. That would be the best ending to a hard day.