Here We Lie (23 page)

‘Lish took that along with the fake Valium.’ I gulp at my tea.

‘Shit.’ Dan rubs the back of his head. ‘Okay, what about the notebook?’

‘Jed has it.’ I set my tea down. ‘I’m going to go to his office now, tell him Lish pushed me. I’ll make him give me the notebook.’

‘Good.’ Dan takes my hand. The memory of our kiss shoots through my head. ‘I’ll come with you if . . . if you’ll let me. Just to make sure you get there
okay.’

We reach the lobby of Jed’s office block. I indicate the lift opposite. ‘I’ll go up, but you should wait here. It’ll just make things worse if Jed sees
you.’ As I finish speaking the lift doors open and Jed himself steps out.

He does a double take as he notices me and strides over. ‘Emily?’ He sees Dan and frowns.

‘Er, this is Dan Thackeray.’ I flush, covered in confusion. ‘I was coming up to see you.’

Jed presses his lips together in a thin line. He says nothing. Two men in suits, intent on their conversation, pass close by.

‘I was just attacked . . . on the underground,’ I stammer.

‘What?’ Jed’s eyes fill with alarm. ‘Are you all right, baby? What happened?’

‘I’m okay,’ I falter, the heat rising in my cheeks. ‘But . . . but they . . . someone took my bag and tried to push me onto the tracks.’

Jed’s face pales. ‘Jesus, Emily. Did you see who it was?’

I take a deep breath. ‘It was Lish.’

There’s a long silence. A Tannoy announcement about a fire alarm test sounds overhead.

‘You
saw
him? You saw Lish push you?’

‘No,’ I admit. ‘I didn’t actually see his face, but it had to be him.’

‘I don’t understand,’ Jed says. ‘What on earth makes you think my son would—?’

‘Because he took the drugs I bought from him,’ Dan interjects. ‘Emily had them in her handbag. Lish took the bag then dumped it after he took out the drugs and some
cash.’

Jed blinks rapidly. ‘You took the Valium packs from the kitchen cupboard?’ he demands, ignoring Dan.

‘Yes,’ I concede. ‘I wanted them tested and . . . and, Jed, we really have to go to the police now, it’s—’

‘Stop.’ Jed’s voice is ice cold. He turns to Dan. ‘I’d be grateful if you fucked off now.’ He grips my arm and guides me towards the front door of the office
building. He’s pressing on the skin where the young man grabbed me earlier. I wince with the pain but Jed doesn’t notice.

‘Hey.’ Dan is following us. Jed doesn’t look around.

Out on the pavement he hurries me along the first turning, onto a small and deserted side street. He swings me around to face him as Dan pounds angrily up beside me.

‘I’m not leaving until I know Emily is safe,’ Dan says.

‘I’m fine, Dan.’ I turn to Jed. ‘I’m sorry but we need the notebook and we need to go to the police. Now.’

‘Don’t you see you’re playing right into his hands,’ Jed snarls.

‘She’s not. Your son is a murderer. He’s tried to kill Emily twice now and—’

‘I told you to fuck off.’ Jed draws himself up, fists clenched as he rounds on Dan. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing, filling her head with lies about me and my
family?’ Spit flies from his mouth.

Dan looks almost as angry as Jed though he is obviously making a huge effort to control himself. ‘No lies,’ he says calmly. ‘Your son sold me drugs. Emily’s nearly been
murdered. Twice.’

Jed’s gaze swings round to me again. ‘You have absolutely no proof it was Lish who mugged you,’ he insists. ‘For all you know it could have been him.’ He jerks his
thumb at Dan.

‘Jed,
please
.’

‘Think about it, Emily. Someone took your bag, okay. That kind of thing happens on the tube every day. It was probably an addict, a street criminal. Look at what they took . . . cash and
Valium are the things
I’d
steal from a handbag if I’d just mugged someone in an underground station.’

‘Jed . . .’

‘You said you didn’t see Lish’s face so there’s no evidence it was him who attacked you,’ Jed goes on. ‘Just like you only have Thackeray’s word that
the drugs and the notebook belong to Lish. It’s sick and pathetic. And the sickest and most pathetic part is that you’ve fallen for it so easily.’ He shoots the words at me, full
of venom.

‘Stop it.’ Dan moves closer. He is breathing heavily, pulsing with rage. ‘How dare you talk like that to her, you hypocrite. You give all this time and help to CASP but when
it’s your own son you—’

‘I told you to fuck off already.’ Jed shoves him. Dan stumbles backwards. ‘Stay away from me. Stay away from my fiancée.’

He grabs my arm, hard. Again his fingers press against my bruise.

‘Ow,’ I yelp.

‘Let her go.’ Dan pushes Jed away from me, squaring up to him.

‘Stop it.’ I pull Dan away. ‘I just want the notebook, Jed. I know this is hard, but it’s the right—’

‘Enough.’ Jed reaches for me again but I back away. ‘I’ve destroyed the notebook.’

I gasp, horrified.

‘It was a fake anyway. This whole thing is a fake. A set-up.’ Jed points at Dan. ‘He’s already admitted he made up the drugs thing to get you to help him write a story
about me.’

‘I didn’t make anything up,’ Dan insists. ‘And I’ve already told Emily I’m not going to be writing a story. But she’s not safe. If you really cared
about her, you’d see that.’

‘That’s ridiculous.’ Jed turns to me. ‘Come on, I’m going to take you home. I’ll take the rest of the day off.’

‘No.’ I stare at him. I can’t believe how he is acting, how much fury is in the way he is looking at me.

‘I’m going home on my own.’ I turn away.

‘Come back here,’ Jed orders.

But I keep on walking: back onto the main street, past Jed’s high-rise office and down the next street towards the tube station, away from them both.

So there is good news and bad news. The bad news is that as I predicted Mum went HYSTERICAL when Dad came round last night and told her about him and Emily being engaged. I
KNEW she was thinking that he must be coming to see her specially because it wasn’t his weekend to see me and that is why she got all dressed up. He didn’t stay very long and afterwards
Mum burst in and said ‘You KNEW!’ and I think she was cross I hadn’t told her though she said she was just cross with Dad . . . ‘so selfish to make you keep such an awful
secret’. Mum asked how I felt about Dad and Emily getting married and I didn’t know what to say and Mum went on and said it was a mistake and Dad would regret it and she couldn’t
let it happen and OH MY DAYS she actually went to Emily’s work earlier to shout at her which is SO embarrassing. I can just imagine her TOTALLY losing it at Emily like she does at
Daddy.

At least there is good news too.

REALLY good. I can’t believe it but Ava has just sent a text. One actually from HER, not with the sender blocked. She has asked me to go to her house tomorrow night for a sleepover. I
was supposed to see Marietta Hingis but OBVIOUSLY I cancelled that so I could see Ava. She was SO nice in her text, like saying she wished we could be friends again and how it’s been SUCH a
long time since we hung out together.

I am going to wear my skinny jeans and my black shiny top. The jeans are a bit tight but they are my newest thing – from March. I did get clothes on my birthday in June but Mum chose
them and they were HIDEOUS. One of them was actually PINK. How could she think I would wear that? Mum said black doesn’t suit me and that it was a nice pink, not little-girly at all.

She doesn’t understand.

I have shaved ‘down there’ again too, in case we are in the bathroom or whatever and Ava sees. She has an older sister so she is BOUND to know how it’s supposed to look. I
am not going to eat while I’m there either, just to make sure Ava doesn’t go back to thinking I’m all fat and stupid again.

I can’t wait. I can’t wait. I can’t wait.

I hurry home to pack a change of clothes. My phone lies, switched off, on the bed as I rifle through the chest of drawers. Both Jed and Dan called after I walked away, so I
turned the mobile off but I need it now. I set my bag on the floor and power up. Ignoring the missed calls and messages from both men, I hover over my favourites lists. Part of me wants to call
Laura, but if she was sceptical about Lish attempting to poison me, then she’ll be even less willing to believe he pushed me in front of a train. I could call Rose, of course. She’d
certainly be horrified about what happened at the tube station. No, I can’t face my big sister. She predicted that seeing Dan would lead to trouble with Jed and I can just imagine the
reproachful look on her face if I tell her about the kiss. Even if I don’t, I know full well that as she’s offering me a sympathetic hug, she will also sigh and shake her head and be
unable to resist pointing out that she was right that I should have stayed away from Dan. In the end I call my brother at work and tell him Jed and I have had a row and that I need a place to stay
tonight. He tells me to swing by his office and he’ll give me his key. I’m just adding my toothbrush to my bag when the doorbell rings – a long, continuous tone. Who on earth is
that?

I pick up the bag and hurry downstairs.

I can’t believe it. Standing outside in a pink coat, her hands twisting nervously, is Zoe.

‘May I come in?’ She sounds as anxious as she looks.

I step back, gesturing towards the living room. My heart is hammering. Does she mean me harm? There’s nothing about the way she’s holding herself that suggests she’s about to
whip out a knife. Anyway, surely that isn’t Zoe’s style. She’s the sort of person who gets others to do her dirty work for her.

‘Zoe?’

She’s looking around the living room. ‘Gosh, but it’s
very
John Lewis,’ she says, a note of tartness creeping into her voice. ‘I’m astonished Jed let
you pick out that sofa.’

I stare at the sofa. It is beige and chunky, a neutral partner to the larger, older couch which Jed brought with him when he bought the house for us in March. Stylish without being obviously
designer, we did indeed buy it from John Lewis soon after moving in. Jed wanted me to have a say in picking out a new piece of furniture and the sofa was my choice. A cacophony of questions race
through my head:

How does Zoe know I chose the sofa? Or where we bought it from?

Did Jed tell her?

What else has he told her about us?

I fold my arms. ‘If you’ve come around to sneer at my home you can leave right now.’

Zoe meets my gaze. I haven’t seen her properly since Dee Dee’s death, though I’ve had reports of her rages and her upsets on an almost daily basis. There is something horribly
defeated about her face, a sadness that underlies everything. She doesn’t look like she intends to hurt me.

‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘I didn’t mean to be rude. This is just . . . hard . . .’

I sit on the arm of the sofa. Zoe lowers herself into the armchair. She has nude shoes and a Kate Spade handbag that accents the buttons on her coat perfectly. I tug at the arms of my jumper,
trying not to feel intimidated.

‘What’s this about?’ I demand.

‘Lish,’ she says. Her voice cracks slightly as she says his name. ‘Jed’s told me what you think he did . . . at my behest.’

My breath hitches in my throat. Jed has confided in her? Why did he do that? And why didn’t he tell me he had?

‘Right,’ I say.

Zoe leans forward, her face creased with anxiety. ‘I’ve come round to tell you that there is no way I would
ever
try to hurt you. Not physically. I admit I was angry when Jed
left me for you and there was a time after . . . after Dee Dee when I fantasized about something bad happening to you. Lish knows how upset I was. He’s an adult, I couldn’t exactly hide
it from him, but it’s just
madness
to think—’

‘He’s dealing drugs, Zoe.’ I meet her gaze head on. ‘He had access to potassium cyanide in the summer.’

She looks away. ‘It’s not true,’ she says. ‘Jed says that reporter made everything up, invented a notebook and everything, got people to lie about Lish. He reckons that
at first the guy was trying to get a story on him and that now he’s after you. Jed says he’s an ex of yours. Is that true?’

‘Yes, he’s an ex,’ I admit. ‘But I don’t see how Dan could possibly have made up everything you think he has. The notebook was full of detail and I heard people in
this student pub we went to give Lish’s name.’

‘I’m not saying drug dealing doesn’t go on,’ Zoe says earnestly. ‘I’m just saying it’s not Lish that’s doing it. Jed went down to his uni and
looked into it.’

I stare at her. Is that true? If so it’s yet another thing Jed hasn’t told me about.

‘Jed questioned people all over campus,’ Zoe goes on. ‘
No one
gave up Lish’s name. Not one single person.’

‘Well, they wouldn’t, would they?’ Not to a bloody lawyer in a pinstripe. I look down. All the evidence I have against Lish filters through my head: the bag of drugs, the
notebook, the Facebook post, the money in his backpack, the furious look he gave me, the tube attack. It’s all gone or too vague to be useful. There’s nothing tangible I can present to
prove my case. And yet I’m
sure
Lish is guilty.

‘Your son hates me,’ I say.

‘Hating you doesn’t make him a murderer or a drug dealer.’

There’s a long pause. I shuffle, feeling self-conscious, on the arm of the sofa. ‘There was this text, back when you were still in Corsica. It said “it should have been
you”.
Should
have been, as in literally was
meant
to be.’

Zoe bites her lip. ‘That
was
me,’ she confesses. ‘I told you I was angry. Beside myself, in fact. But I didn’t really mean . . . I was just lashing out.’ She
stands up. ‘Look, I’ve said what I came here to say. I’m sorry I sent that text. But you have to understand it wasn’t meant as a threat in any way. I’m just begging
you not to cause any trouble for Lish.
Please
.’

‘I can’t promise anything,’ I say.

‘But you do believe I didn’t tell him to hurt you?’