Here Be Sexist Vampires (16 page)

“Oh. Right.” Well that was good news.

“So, do you wish to accept my offer?” He was eager, I could tell. Probably curious as to what gift I’d end up with. I had to admit I was extremely curious myself, and curiosity killed this kitten in this instance.

“What do I have to do?”

Antonio smiled pleasantly and exchanged a pleased expression with Luther before returning his attention to me. “You will need to join your forehead to mine. It might feel a little strange, sort of like a sizzling sensation, but do not withdraw from it. The process is not something I can control; it depends on the reaction that the power I impart has on you. It can take anything from thirty seconds to an entire minute.”

I nodded. “Okay.” Although I was a little hesitant due to the shock and weirdness of it all, I didn’t let it show.

Antonio closed his eyes. Seconds later he spoke, “I am ready for you.”

I almost laughed seen as that unintentionally sounded a little kinky. Slowly I leant in. When my forehead met his there was the strangest bang inside my body, I guessed that Antonio felt it too because he gasped also.

“Antonio?” said Luther, sounding concerned.

“All is well, Luther,” he assured him. I took it that the bang wasn’t normal. “Sam, do not fear, be still.”

Remaining still had to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was the freakiest thing. It felt as though bugs were crawling under the skin of Antonio’s forehead and bursting out and then scraping their way through the skin of my own. Then there was this almost unbearable feeling of bubbles bursting inside my skull. My limbs burned. My heart went ten to the dozen. My lungs pained. My stomach ached, and God I was so thirsty all of a sudden.

It felt like forever before all of it, as abruptly as it started, ended with one more bang which made us break apart.

“Oh. My. God. What was all that?” I was wheezing. Luther thrust NSTs in mine and Antonio’s hands. So efficient. I’d gulped it down so quick that I didn’t even taste it. My throat stopped aching then.

“It would be fair to say that my power has never had such an enthusiastic reaction before to the process of bestowing,” explained Antonio after reservedly drinking his NST.

“That was
enthusiastic
?”

“The pain and the discomfort are normal. The explosion-type sensation we had at the beginning is not....That was my power literally bursting with enthusiasm to enter you.”

“Why so enthusiastic?”

Antonio looked to Luther who, for once, had no answer.

Eventually Antonio theorised, “Perhaps because your own concentration of power was so great it massively attracted my own.”

I took an inventory of my entire self. “I don’t feel any different.”

“It may actually a few weeks for the gift to manifest itself, just as it does for a vampire’s natural gift to emerge,” said Luther. “I must say I am eager to see what it will be.”

“As am I,” giggled Antonio. “Do you feel able to return to work this evening?”

“That’s where I’m going now,” I said as I rose from the bench. “Hopefully the gift doesn’t pop up then or God knows what I might end up doing to the boys.” An evil smile surfaced. “That would be the most perfect excuse to beat them senseless though, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh and Sam, there is one last thing before you go,” called Antonio casually as I reached the door.

“What’s that?”

“When the attack happens on The Hollow, I’d like for you and Jared to lead the recruits together.”

I spun on the spot. “Say again?”

Chapter Seven

(Sam)

Entering the training arena, I almost dropped dead with shock – which would be a hard thing for an immortal to do. Inside, stretching and gabbing and laughing at dirty jokes, was every single one of the recruits. No sulky or irritated expressions. No lazy postures. No yawns or groans. Not even any signs that they were angry with me after I dug into their past and hit them with it. In fact, they all seemed eager and rearing to start.

I giggled, which made them all turn. “Did someone mistakenly tell you lot that I’ll be doing this topless or something?”

“Naked, I heard,” joked one of them. It might have been Harvey.

Max flashed me his usual smile – no hint of last night’s flirtatiousness in it, which was good. Like most people, I wanted my personal life and work life separate as far as possible. “We’re big boys, we can admit that we were wrong about you.”

Chico nodded and gave me look that was both apologetic and respectful. “If you’re someone who can kill your Sire to protect Antonio, then there are things we can learn from you. And you’re the kind of person I would listen to.”

There were murmurs of agreement from Denny, David, Salem and Reuben.

“Plus, you got a great body and I’m starting to get sexually confused being around guys all the time,” said Damien, appreciating my navy jeans and pink top that came attached to a white vest so covered my cleavage a little better. Needless to say,
I’d
picked this when Fletcher and I went shopping. He had begged me not to buy it.

“And
you were right,” said Butch, “we let ourselves get caught up in the high of being picked for the legion and thought we were the best thing since sliced bread.”

“So, where do you want us and what do you want us to do?” asked Stuart.

I snorted. “Well first of all the lot of you can stop the friendliness and flirting. I’m not your mate, I’m not here for you to ogle at, and I’m not here to joke with you. I’m here to coach you.”

They all nodded and, in unison, said, “Yes, Commander.” Was I dreaming?

“Oh no, you can drop the ‘Commander’, I can’t stand it.” But I wasn’t going to let them call me by the first name either.

“How about Coach?” suggested Denny. The others seemed to approve of that.

I considered that for a moment. In terms of being someone who people would listen to, it was kind of the middle ground. People tended to respect coaches or trainers and have better relationships with them than what they did with people who marched around and barked orders.

“Coach, it is,” I decided. “I won’t be sending you off doing cross country or any physical exercises – that’s Commander Michaels’ department. All I will be concentrating on is aiding you with your gifts. Now...considering that you’re all lazy sods it’d be stupid of me to assume any of you have been practicing on your own time.” They didn’t deny it. “Right then, let’s deal with all that excess energy because until you learn to channel it I can’t teach you how to use your full potential and make use of it in combat.”

They reminded me of a rugby team getting ready to play the way they were getting rid of any cricks in their necks and bouncing a little on the spot.

“I’m going to give you all individual coaching, but do not at all mistake this as an insinuation that you only look out for number one. The point is to all become stronger as a squad, but you can only do this by first improving yourselves individually.

“Also you will need to know each other’s gifts inside and out – there might be a situation one of you can’t handle but another can by, for instance, paralysing an enemy’s senses or by mimicking a certain animal. It’ll also mean that if you see one of you in deep shit with an enemy you’ll know whether their gift will mean they can protect themselves or whether someone needs to intervene. What’s more, you’ll know exactly who is the best person to intervene. All of that clear to you?”

“Yes, Coach,” they all said.

God their compliance was weird. “Just to be sure that having your eyes almost glued to my cleavage isn’t making everything I’ve said fly right over your heads, someone tell me the first goal you all have.”

Max immediately said, “To work out how to channel all the energy so there’s none leaking out.”

I nodded. “Good. Someone give me the next one.”

“To improve our use of our powers so we can improve as a squad,” shouted Butch.

“Good. One more...”

“To know each other’s powers in and out,” offered Reuben.

“Well what do you know, you lot actually do listen,” I said, smiling wide. “After you’ve reached all those goals we can start looking at formations. But for now, let’s tackle the first goal. Denny?”

Instantly the animal mimic stepped forward. His baby face made me want to take it easy on him – it wouldn’t have the same effect on an enemy but it might very well make them underestimate him. Hopefully he was the type not to be estimated.

I stood opposite him, arms folded over my chest. “Right, what animal-like tricks have you got?”

“Well, um, I’ve got a sting. At will, I can make a poisonous needle appear out of the top of my right index finger.”

“Okay, what effect does that have?”

“It doesn’t really cause much harm but it can make you itch like crazy. And I mean
crazy.
”

“So in combat it would be distracting, would you say?”

“Definitely,” he assured me, widening his eyes to emphasise his answer. “All you can think about is the itching.”

“That’s good. What else?”

“I can make my body go as soft as liquid, and then obviously back to hard again. Like the sea cucumber. So I can be mush and wiggle through little cracks or anything like that.”

“Interesting,” I drawled. “So it’s slightly similar to how Stuart can shred into molecules and then reassemble himself.”

Denny nodded. “I can ooze slime out of my pores, too. It’s the most amazing
slime – I can wrap someone in it and suffocate them. A little like with Hagfish.”

“I’m impressed. Anything else?”

“He can jump higher than you can
believe
,” Harvey spouted out.

I twirled and raised a brow at Harvey. “I can’t remember asking
you
anything so pipe down. You’ll get your minute in the spotlight in a sec, big boy.” I had to think of this as a classroom of students; let one get away with something and they’ll all try it, and then before you know it you’re at risk of losing total control of the students. I turned back to Denny. “As you were saying...”

“Yeah I can jump really high. Better than a frog – about as good as a colepod.”

“You can accelerate as fast as five-hundred body-lengths per sec when you jump?” He nodded. “Wow.”

“I’m not too crazy about the last one…” All the blokes started giggling quietly so I knew this had to be embarrassing for Denny. He closed his eyes as he confessed, “I can release an anal musk. Like a skunk.”

I couldn’t help
wanting
to laugh. Not
at
Denny, it was just the shock of what he’d said. I didn’t laugh, of course. But the other recruits all did which was a shitty thing to do because they already knew about it so it wasn’t a shock, and they knew just how embarrassed he was. It was hard not to be protective of the baby-faced boy. So I got an idea. “Show me.”

“Pardon?” said Denny.

“I just want to know how bad it is. You can test it on your friends there.”

I heard an ‘Oh hell no’ and a ‘No way’ and a ‘Not a chance’.

I turned to look at them all. “It wasn’t a request. Every one of you has just been giggling like a school girl at Denny here. So why shouldn’t he get to have a good laugh? Tit for tat.”

“Oh, come on, Coach, we were just laughing,” said Damien. “You gotta admit it’s funny.”

“All of you line up by the eastern wall,” I ordered.

“Coach, please, don’t be tight!” begged Max.

“We laugh no more,” promised Reuben.

“Unfortunately for you lot, I am unmoved. Either you walk over there yourselves or I’ll air-blast the lot of you over there.”

Grumbling and whining and holding their noses, they all lined up.

Denny looked at me, giggling, and said quietly, “You’re just kidding, right? You don’t really want me to do it?”

“Oh I do. See, I had a skunk do it to me once and I know it’s bad. I promise you Denny if you do this now they’ll never laugh about this again. Think of it as a learning experience for them.”

“Yeah, a learning experience,” he agreed, working up the nerve to go do it. I think he found it a teensy bit mean. Sucking in a mound of air, he added, “It’s for their own good.”

I nodded. “Exactly.” Then I patted him on the back. “Go, boy, go. And don’t be shy about how much musk you let go.” All the other recruits were sending me pleading expressions, begging for mercy. “I’ll just stand right over here, I think,” I told them all as I backed against the wall opposite them.

“Come on, Coach,” said Max, “we won’t laugh again, we swear.”

“Too right you won’t,” I assured him. “Not after this.”  

Denny was now in front of them but facing me. Smiling, he…well, farted I suppose. And then every single recruit – other than Denny who it seemed could take the smell of his own lethal fart – were on their knees, coughing and balking and scrubbing their eyes. I could get a whiff of it from where I was, but as I hadn’t been in the…line of fire, you could say…I was able to take it standing.

Denny was giddy when he came back to my side. “Cool or what?”

“Very.” We both stared at the grown men on their knees studiously, as though they were a science experiment. “I have to admit that after the way they all behaved toward me I’m really enjoying this.”

“Me, too,” he chuckled. “You know, I really am sorry about the way we were.”

I just smiled at him. Eventually they all recovered and walked dozily back over to myself and Denny. “Hi, welcome back.” Their expressions were priceless. “Now, I think you’re all expertly familiar with what Denny can do. What I want to know, Denny, is which of your gifts you have a problem controlling or you find to be a bit temperamental.”

“I’m okay with the jumping and using the sting and the musk and the ooze, but making my body go soft can be a bit time-consuming. I’m not sure if I’d be able
to do it faster, but if it’s possible I’d like to.”

“Well let’s find out.” I fed off the energy around him, letting my system breathe it in and revel in it. I could then feel Denny’s energy as separate from my own; his was wilder and more potent. I knew immediately how to channel it and control it. I let it travel throughout my body until it filled me, hitting even my extremities, and then I let it go. In the space of a second my body was mush, and then just as quickly I was back to my substantial self. “Yeah, you could do it a lot faster.”