Her Wedding Wish (5 page)

Those two. Danielle caught the amused expression on her husband’s face. She might not know what he was thinking, but he was clearly getting a kick out of the twins. Most people did. She also saw something else on his face. Did that gleam in his eyes mean he was happy?

He leaned closer to her and his arm bumped her shoulder. “Go on a date? But we’re married.”

“Yes, but we used to go out, just you and me, without the kids. For some alone time.” A date night. Maybe it would help his memory. Hope rose up within her. “We could go to your favorite restaurant.”

“My favorite restaurant.” Trouble—humor—flashed in Jonas’s dark eyes. “Now, pretty lady, I don’t know what my favorite restaurant is. You could tell me anyplace.”

“And you’d never know?” Danielle nodded, feeling lighter and lighter. She winked. “It didn’t occur to me, but thanks for mentioning that. I think I can use this to my advantage.”

“Yep. I need to keep a—what is it?—my eyes on you.” He winked. “A real hardship.”

Had he just paid her a compliment? Was he flirting with her? Her heart sweetly fluttered. She felt for a moment the way she had for their first date—all sugary anticipation and pie-in-the-sky hope.

Over at the table with Aubrey, Madison’s shout of glee rose across the living room and above the rest of the conversations in the living room, and Tyler’s laughter joined his sister’s. It had been a long time since such happy sounds rang loud in this house, without a note of sadness to weigh them down.

That had to be another sign from the Lord, Danielle decided, determined and resolute. She believed hard enough to make everything all right. It was going to be. Really. She was going to have her husband back again. And the children their father.

If a tiny niggling of doubt existed beneath her resolve, she did her best to rub it out and cling to her faith. It
had
to be okay. She didn’t know if her heart could take more hardship.

“That settles it, Dani.” Dorrie set two plates of cake on the TV trays in front of Gran and Dad. “I’m babysitting next Friday night so you two kids can have a night out together, just like you always used to do.”

“We did?” Jonas turned to her for confirmation.

“Nearly every week, thanks to our very generous family. There’s always someone to watch the kids for us.”

Jonas seemed satisfied at that and turned to his plate and fumbled awkwardly with the fork.

She wasn’t going to focus on all that he couldn’t remember. That those loving, fun, close evenings they’d spent together, just the two of them, were gone to him. They were not gone to her. No, her love and her memories of their marriage were strong enough for the two of them.

Later, after everyone was gone, leaving the house in some semblance of order, the kids were bathed and asleep—finally—in their beds, she was alone with Jonas. He was still awake on the couch, the TV’s glow making a soft light, but it wasn’t the TV he was watching. He had the photo album open on his knees.

“We went to Yellowstone,” he said when she entered the room. “My parents took me there when I was ten. We went on vacation every summer until their car accident.” He paused, as if searching for the word. “This vacation was my favorite. Good memories.”

“We have good memories of there, too, as a family. I wish you could remember.”

“Maybe one day.”

“Maybe.” Danielle studied the picture they’d taken of the four of them crowded around the Yellowstone sign at the entrance to the park. They had laughed a lot that day.

“Did you really not like me?”

His question surprised her. She eased onto the edge of the coffee table to face him. “I don’t think I’ve ever not liked you.”

“Gran said—” He paused, his forehead crinkling in thought. “You didn’t like me.”

“Do you mean when I would avoid you in the horse pasture?” She waited for him to nod, realizing how that must seem to him. “It wasn’t that I didn’t like you. I took one look at you and liked you.”

“You did?” He lit up at that, grinning lopsidedly at her.

Okay, that felt like old times, too, the blessed way things used to be. “I wasn’t joking when I said you looked too good to be true.”

In a blink, the memory came back to her with all its feelings, colors and life. How sweet the field smelled with the gentle morning breezes stirring it. The whoosh of the wind in her ears and the feel of the horse beneath her. The cheerful joy of the meadowlarks and pheasants faded to silence.

She would never forget how the crisp brightness of the newly rising sun faded when she first glimpsed the tall, wide-shouldered man at the fence line. Even with his face shaded by a Stetson, her heart had taken a plunge from her chest all the way down to her toes. It was as if she’d known, soul-deep, that this man would change her life.

“I was being cautious,” she told him, remembering the feeling of falling, as if Muffin, her horse, had sent her tumbling. “What I felt for you was so strong, although I didn’t even know you. I was afraid of making a mistake and of getting hurt.”

“Love at first sight?”

She looked into the innocent question of his eyes and realized how hard this had to be for him. To be bereft of all the memories that had made up his life, which had gotten him here, which made him—and them—who they were. She laid her hand on his, and the deep connection they’d built together by loving one another every day of their marriage was not there. Not even with her memories and all the love she held in her heart for him. Sadness filled her.

“Yes,” she answered patiently. “It was love at first sight. That’s a frightening thing, because love can make you blind. You don’t remember all that I’ve told you over the years about my real father.”

“No,” Jonas answered sadly, gently.

Making it easy to face the dreaded past again. “He was not good to my mom or to me. Rebecca was just a toddler when he left, so she doesn’t remember how bad it was. How miserable we all were. And my mom, she did everything she could to protect us from his anger. He was a very angry and self-centered man, and she took the brunt of it. His leaving was one of the best blessings of my young life, at the time. Gaining John as a stepdad was even better. I—”

She closed her eyes against the bleak memories, willing them to vanish forever. “I didn’t want to make my mother’s mistakes. There’s good in everyone, even those who behave badly, just as my biological father did, and I was afraid I would only see the good. Until it was too late.”

Jonas nodded, seeming thoughtful. “When did you—decide I wasn’t so b-bad?”

“When I saw you in church that next Sunday, I ran out of excuses.” She could remember the cool feel of the smooth wooden pew as she wrapped her fingers around the edge of the seat, holding on so tightly when she saw handsome Jonas Lowell stride into the church. It had been a good thing that she was sitting down because her knees would have given out.

The sunshine had chosen that moment to brighten, spilling through the stained glass windows in rich, jeweled tones, spilling over him. Standing in those noble colors, Jonas was like the answer to her prayers. She had been asking the Lord for a good, wonderful man to love her for so long that she’d grown accustomed to waiting, to being safe without having to risk her heart. Without having to get so close to someone who could stop loving her the way her first dad had.

But she’d also had the influence of her stepdad—John McKaslin—in her life, so she knew, too, that there were men who stayed, who loved with all their hearts, who stood for what was right.

“Sitting there in the sanctuary surrounded by people I loved and trusted, it came to me that I was afraid. It went beyond being cautious, so I asked for the Lord’s help. I gave up my fears to Him and vowed to try to follow where my answered prayers would lead me.”

“I wasn’t so bad.” While his grin was back, his eyes remained sad for her. “Did I t-talk to you?”

“Yes. You came up after the service and when Dad invited you out to brunch with us, I took it as confirmation. You sat beside me in the restaurant and we just clicked. We talked as if we’d been friends all our lives, and there was something there, something rare that scared me. I think it was what I felt from the very start, when I first spotted you leaning up against the rail fence. It was like finding part of myself, the better half, and finding that I had come home. It’s so frightening to accept, because it is so very much to lose. You are so very much to lose.”

“You didn’t lose me. I’m still here.”

Her eyes welled with tears and a sob lodged in the middle of her throat. She felt the tangible weight of all the fear she had refused to let herself feel after Jonas was shot, all of the terror she locked away because it had been too overwhelming.

At the time, she’d pushed aside all her anguish because being calm and having a positive outlook for Jonas’s sake was more important. But now it rolled over her like a tidal wave. No one really knew—not the doctors, not the well-meaning nurses, not even her family or their minister—how deeply she loved her husband.

Only God did, Who could see into her heart.

Jonas, however, could not—he no longer could—and only stared at her with a thousand questions in his eyes. “Tell me about our first date.”

There was so much to say, so much more that couldn’t be put into words. Love was like that, the greatest pieces of which could only be felt. “What do you want to know?”

“Did I ask you out after the brunch with your family?”

“No. You didn’t get a chance to talk with me alone. My family kept butting in, nosy as always, bless them.” She could feel the kiss of the summer sunshine on her face and smell the sweet scent of strawberries from that long-ago day drifting in from the farmer’s fields across the road.

“They liked me at first?”

“They adored you. What I will always remember is the way you took my hand to help me into the car. Your hand was strong and tender all at once. You stood so tall next to me, and your hand was so big compared to mine. And your touch was intimate.”

“How do you mean?”

“Like when our hands met, our spirits did, too.”

He watched her with unblinking eyes, his gaze thoughtful, with realization on his face. “I was already in love with you, too. Love at first sight.”

“That’s what you told me, later.” Happiness, that’s what the pressure was, expanding painfully in her throat. The man before her, with a shaky smile and the side of his face still a touch paralyzed, with his slightly gnarled left hand and the walker tucked off to the side of the couch, was no longer a complete stranger. “Do you remember me at all, Jonas?”

“No. But I’m going to.” He reached out and gathered her hands. His movements were slow, his touch tender, as he wrapped her hands with his.

She felt her heart tug. Her spirit awaken. Her soul sigh in recognition.

“I want to. Help me remember, Danielle.”

She would not fail him. She hadn’t given up on him in the hospital, when his survival had been nothing but the smallest chance. She would not let go of him now. “I will, Jonas. I promise you.”

“Mommy!” Madison stood in the shadowed light of the hallway, scrubbing her sleepy eyes with her little fists. Her stuffed bunny was tucked in the crook of her arm. “I want some water. Minnie does, too.”

“Okay, bubbles.” It took a little piece out of her to withdraw her hand from Jonas’s. Their moment was interrupted by the best possible reason, but the opportunity was not gone. They would have more time alone on their upcoming date night.

She scooped up their little girl, who had Jonas’s eyes and her brown curls, and snuggled the warm, sleepy toddler close. She caught Jonas’s gaze over the top of Madison’s downy head. His look was amazingly full of warmth and tenderness and a deep, heartfelt wish.

A wish she could feel.

Thank the Lord they were on the same page, still wanting the same things in life. Jonas might be lost to her, but she believed not for much longer. Hope lifted her up as she took off for the kitchen.

J
onas took the photo album marked Our Wedding off the closet shelf. Since he was ready for their date and waiting on Danielle, maybe this album would help.
Please, Lord, let me remember.

He wished his foot didn’t drag as he made his way across the bedroom floor. He wanted his hand to stop spasming as he eased down onto the overstuffed chair by the big window. If only he knew how to put the frustration he felt into words.

He wished for a lot of things these days, but he did not waste his prayers on himself. It was Danielle he thought of as he turned to the first page. It was Danielle he prayed for as he fought to find a single scrap of recognition in the professional-quality photograph of the two of them smiling together, hand in hand, wedding rings gleaming.

Please, Lord, let me remember for her sake.

It had been such a tough week. Their family minister, Pastor Green, had stopped him after the morning service and asked how he was adjusting to being back home.

“Fine, just fine,” he’d told the minister, because Danielle had been at his side. He hadn’t wanted her to hear the truth. She’d been beside him, holding on to his arm to steady him in the crowd. That killed him but he’d allowed it, not wanting to hurt her feelings. She kept watching him with those big brown eyes of hers, so sad and hopeful all at once. It destroyed him that he was letting her down.

Just fine
had
been the truth. At least, part of the truth; he hadn’t lied to their pastor, but he hadn’t added the whole truth, either. The unsaid words haunted him now.
Fine, except I’m a stranger to myself. I have a life that doesn’t feel like it’s mine. I can’t remember my fantastic kids. I don’t know my own wife, the woman who stood by me this far through my rehabilitation.

Danielle’s picture stared back at him, her lovely smile making his soul brighten. As if down deep he did remember, as if she had made him come alive once. He suspected the days before her were colorless in comparison, as if he’d been simply walking through life.

Her face was younger in the picture, softer, untouched by the fine lines of worry his injury had carved there. He would give anything to be able to wipe away that worry. To make things right. She was an amazing woman, and from the moment he’d woken from the coma to see her at his side, he’d been blown away by her.

What kind of wife fought so hard for her husband? Who rarely had left his side during his coma. Who had broken down in tears of gratitude, pressing close in a hug, holding him so tight.

The kind of woman who was true and good and loved deeply, that’s who.

How could he not have been awed by her? Even through the pain and fog the coma and accident had made of his brain, it took him all of a second to appreciate how blessed he was to have such a wife.

He turned the page, stopping to listen to the snippet of her soft alto that carried down the hall. She was talking with her sister Rebecca, the one in college, who had arrived to stay with the kids. She was the one who’d missed all their family get-togethers—including church—over the week since he’d come home. Trouble with the boyfriend, Danielle had explained quickly, promising she wouldn’t be with her sister for long.

He didn’t mind waiting. He was sort of nervous about this date. He wished the sound of her voice could tug at some recognition, but no, nothing. He turned his attention to the page in front of him. It was all done up with pink-and-gold ribbons and lace, and a wedding invitation with a date and their parents’ names. The next page was full of personal snapshots someone had taken—maybe Danielle, as the caption read, The Morning of our Wedding.

He glanced at photos of Danielle in her robe, laughing with her sisters. Hugging her mother. Standing in her wedding dress looking so happy. He’d never seen a more beautiful sight.

That was his wife. His throat closed. If she had known what was down the road for her, would she still have married him anyway? Failure beat at him, and he closed the album. Set it on the bedside table. Fighting back the terrible sense he had failed his family. One bullet had changed the course of their lives; he feared that old life—and the old Jonas—were gone for good.

“There. I’ve got everything squared away. Rebecca broke up with her boyfriend so we had some serious stuff to talk about. Thanks for waiting.” Danielle—Dani, as her family called her—swept into the room wearing a knee-length pink dress and it made her look so beautiful that he could not believe his luck.

What a blessing she was. He pushed away his nervousness. Her smile lit him up like hope as she reached for his hand.

“So, do you want to go out to dinner with me, handsome?”

Did he ever. He rose to his feet shakily, wishing he was stronger, the way he used to be—for her. But she didn’t seem to mind as he transferred his weight to the walker. “I’m a married man, lady. Not sure what my wife is going to do if I say yes.”

When something amused her, little sparkles flashed in her wide brown eyes. “I think she’ll allow it this one time. But if you try to make off with any other women, watch out.”

“What women? All I can see—will ever be able to see—is you.”

“There you go, being charming again.” She grabbed her purse—a smaller one than the one she usually dragged around with the kids—and escorted him to the door. “No wonder I fell for you.”

When she looked at him like that, as if she knew him to the soul, he had to believe everything would turn out all right. That the Lord would not have brought him this far in vain. He just had to keep working hard and believing.

And getting to know his incredible wife.

There was a young woman settled on the couch reading a book with brown hair and quiet eyes. She looked up with a shy smile. “Hi, Jonas. You’re doing so great.”

That was Rebecca, Danielle’s baby sister. He was starting to keep all the sisters straight. He took another step forward. “I’m doing okay. Thanks for watching the kids tonight.”

“It’s my pleasure. Besides, I owe Dani.”

Beside him, Danielle shook her head, tugging him gently in the direction of the garage door. “You know that’s not true. I’m here anytime for you. Heaven knows you’ve been there for me, kiddo.”

The sisters exchanged emotional looks, as if in silent understanding before Danielle opened the door to the garage. “Becca, Spence will be back with the kids in ten minutes tops. He took them to Mr. Paco’s Tacos. He said he’d bring enough food back for you, too.”

“That brother of ours. He needs his own family. What are we going to do with him?”

“I don’t know. We can’t marry him off. No woman in her right mind will have him. Not that we haven’t tried to set him up.”

“To no avail.” A loving joke, apparently, as the sisters nodded knowingly together.

He hated the walker because he had to struggle to use it. It slowed him down. It made him look less…less than able and less than the man he’d been. All right, so he was less these days, and it was a painful reminder, one he didn’t need. He could see that enough for himself.

“Call if you have any troubles,” Danielle called out, holding the door patiently as he pushed the walker through the door. “I have my cell on.”

“You’re on a date,” Rebecca called out. “No worrying about the kids. I’ve got things covered here.”

“Oh, I know. It’s just hard to turn off the mom mode.” Danielle laughed at herself, following him into the garage. “Bye!”

Rebecca’s answering “bye!” echoed briefly through the doorway before the door clicked shut, leaving him alone with his wife. His stunning, wonderful wife. His heart ached in all the empty places where he supposed his memory and his love for her used to be. He wished he could remember one thing about her, anything, and then maybe he wouldn’t feel so formal, as if he were with an acquaintance, someone he only knew distantly, instead of the woman who had given him two fantastic kids.

Everything in his soul longed to love this woman who opened the passenger door for him and did not look at him as less. No, when he gazed into her wide liquid eyes, he could almost see a glimpse of what had been. He could almost see who he’d been.

“Are you hungry?” She smiled up at him as she folded up and stowed the walker.

“Starving. Where are you taking me?” He settled unsteadily into the seat.

“Where we went for our first date.” Her smile turned mischievous as she leaned closer to help him with the seat belt buckle. “I know you don’t remember, but it’s always been our family’s favorite. It’s the best steak in town.”

“Steak? Sounds good. Am I going to need my wallet?”

“It’s my treat.”

“That doesn’t seem very gentle—” He couldn’t grasp the word. Polite? Manly? The word hovered just beyond reach and then it slipped into his mind. “It wouldn’t be gentlemanly of me, making such a quality lady pay.”

“Quality, huh?” Her face softened, and some of the ever-present tension washed from her face. “Jonas, you’re the quality one, believe me.”

“That can’t be.” She must not know what he saw when he looked at her. The woman who sat by him so he wouldn’t be alone in a coma. The woman who fought with doctors and the insurance and through her own exhaustion to help him with his rehabilitation. The woman who didn’t look at him with pity or unease because of his partial paralysis.

Quality was too small a word, as was every other word he could think of to describe her.

“Don’t worry about it.” Her hand covered his and gently squeezed. Reassuringly. Sweetly. “I may be paying, but I’ll use the credit card with your name on it.”

“I’d like that.” Jonas’s empty heart filled with a strange surge of emotion. She deserved his very best, and he was going to make sure he gave it to her.

“What did I like here?”

Danielle looked over the top of her menu at her husband across the table from her. He still looked good in a suit—wait, he looked even better because he was right here with her, when she’d been terrified she would lose him.

Her heart fluttered. She loved this man in more ways than she could count. “Here’s where I could cause all sorts of trouble for you, handsome.”

His puzzled expression melted into a shy grin. “That means what?”

“Not only do I know what you like, I know what you don’t like.”

“I’m in a—what does Tyler say?—a pickle. I have to trust you.”

“You do. Lucky for you, I won’t torture you by having you order the prawns.”

“Prawns?” He glanced down at the menu, searching the words and the pictures of the tempting food. He awkwardly tapped one of the pictures with his gnarled hand. “Oh, I see. The prawns.”

“Do you remember not liking them?”

“No. I wish I could. I just don’t like the look of ’em.”

“That’s got to be a promising sign, at least.” Danielle reached over to touch another picture on the menu. Jonas could read, but she thought the picture might strike an image in his injured brain. “You always order the filet mignon. Medium well. With the salad and the loaded baked potato.”

“That sure does look good.” He closed the menu. “Why don’t I like prawns?”

“Your birthday. A fishing trip to the Oregon Coast. Prawns for lunch and then a boat excursion in choppy seas. How’s that for a clue?”

He chuckled, and for an instant he was like the old Jonas, the hint of the man she knew so well. “I used to think it was a blessing you could remember for both of us. Now I’m not so sure. You know all my secrets.”

“That was the kind of marriage we had.”

“The kind we have.” He reached across the table for her hand.

His gesture was so sincere that her heart broke all over again. He didn’t know what they’d had. She prayed they could get there again. She missed him, with all the depth of her soul. She missed talking with him, leaning on him, sharing with him, and, most of all, she missed loving him. The weight of his hand on hers, so warm, brought back memories of all the times he had touched her in comfort, in sweetness, in love.

The waitress chose that moment to stop at their table. Jonas, bless him, did not let go.

“Danielle. Jonas.” It was Marni, from their church. “How wonderful to see you, Jonas. I don’t suppose you remember me.”

“No, miss, I’m sorry, I don’t.”

Danielle watched the puzzlement creep back onto Jonas’s face.

“About two years ago, I was coming home from closing up here, I hit a patch of ice and got myself hurt pretty bad. You were on patrol that night and stayed with me until the ambulance came. You even drove my aunt to the hospital to see me and then back home. You took care of the tow call, and when I came home from the hospital, my car was repaired and in my carport. I don’t suppose you remember.”

“Nope. I’m glad you’re better now.”

That was her Jonas. Danielle ached with love for him. Such a caring man. Always a man she—and everyone else—had counted on.

Please, remember me, Jonas. It was a wish from her soul. Danielle closed her menu. “Marni brought by a casserole for the family every Saturday afternoon.”

“Did she now?” Jonas looked bewildered.

He had no idea all the outpouring of care and prayer that had come his way. What goes around comes around, and the old adage had proved true in his case. So many people had done so much for him and their family.