Her Wedding Wish (13 page)

It was the emotional distance he did not know how to cross. They had a bond, him and Dani, as plain to see as the images before him. How every look she sent him in those pictures held a message, a secret that only the old Jonas could decipher. Every smile that touched her lips had meaning, one he used to understand, for the same smile would be mirrored on his face.

How did they that find that closeness again? Maybe, he thought, when he was whole again. He sure longed for it. He could see the way they leaned toward one another, whether they were across a room or next to one another on the couch. It was in the link of their gazes, as if they only saw each other, as if the entire world had ceased to exist for that moment, that touch, that kiss.

Jonas turned the page, transfixed by the look of love on his own face. By his arm lying easily across her shoulders, hugging her to him. By the way she tilted her head back to gaze up at him in a long, still look. Adoration, devotion, he didn’t know what to call it, but it made Danielle beyond beautiful. It made her his.

How did he get there from here? He did not know.

Her soft alto drew him away from his thoughts.

“I was having a terrible hair day then, kind of like today.” Self-conscious, she ran a hand over her rich brown locks that curled every which way at the ends. “Turn the page. That’s when Dad and Spence helped you haul everything into the nursery. Look at all of that! We had so many friends and family—including the huge shower our church group had for us. We hardly had any space left in the room.”

So many friends and family. Church friends and family he could not remember, either. These were the people who came up to him whenever he was out—Lucy at the bookstore. Mark at the restaurant. And others when he had been getting out of the van at the animal shelter. At the physical therapy office. Before and after Sunday morning service. These people were the ones Dani and her family talked about who had brought by casseroles when she’d been at the hospital for the kids, who had put on car washes and bake sales and fund-raisers to raise money on his behalf—Dani had donated the proceeds to the troopers’ widows and orphans fund.

Overwhelmed, he tried to concentrate on the pictures in front of him, but it was tough. How many people had he forgotten? Not only his wife and kids, but his friends? People who had mattered to him? It was as if he’d only just realized he’d lost more than half of his memories.

He’d lost half of his life. It was gone, forever out of his reach. He was glad to be here, he was glad for God’s grace in allowing him to live, but how could one bullet steal so much from a man?

“And here—” Dani reached over to turn the page. “Look at this. The look on your face as you were driving me to the hospital. My water had broken and you were in a total panic. I had to get a picture of you, and you didn’t think I was one bit funny, buster.”

There was no mistaking the expression of panic on his own younger face. A face unmarked by nerve damage. It wasn’t hard to see why he had been so afraid. Sometimes things went wrong, and Danielle—his heart stalled—she would have been a lot to lose. “I was scared for you.”

“I know, handsome. But everything went like clockwork—very slow clockwork—but without a single complication.” Her soft eyes searched his face lovingly. “You stayed with me the whole time. You were my rock. We decided on a name while I was waiting to dilate, which took forever. Look.”

He turned the page and there he was, holding newborn Tyler in the delivery room. His son. His soul sighed, and without a single memory he felt it all over again. The surge of undying devotion. A wave of love so strong it rendered him helpless and powerful all at once. He would forge any stream, leap any mountain, do anything for his son. For his wife. His family.

With every turn of the page, his affection grew. Pictures of the family visiting Dani and Tyler in the hospital. Snapshots of them heading home. Of them arriving with tiny baby Tyler. Of the exhaustion on their faces as they each took turns rocking the baby, praying he would fall asleep. Priceless images of Tyler’s wee button face asleep, his little hands relaxed, utter perfection. Love blazed anew for his son. This was more than a lifetime commitment—it was for an eternity and a day.

He closed the book and saw the woman across from him in a new light.

“Jonas,” she said softly. “It’s after eleven. Way past our bedtime. Come with me.”

He heard the love in her voice and felt it in the air between them. He longed to take her hand and to start where they’d left off. Except he was afraid.

“Later,” he said, reaching for the next book. A pink one, with Madison’s picture on the front cover. “You look exhausted, Dani. Go on to bed. I’ll be there in a while.”

She withdrew her hand, quietly as always, impossible to read as she set her chin. She smiled at him—was it a little sad?—and said in that gentle way of hers, “Don’t stay up too late.”

“Not too late,” he agreed. He’d said the wrong thing, he realized. But what?

“You need your rest to keep healing, Jonas.”

True, but he had so much work to do. So much to prove and to come back from. He had to be the man she needed. The man she loved. There was nothing on earth he wanted more than to be that man for her. He could not risk her rejecting him. If he reached for her now, what if she turned away from him?

He couldn’t lose her. No, it was best to wait. His gaze roamed her lovely face, so dear to him for all the loving ways she’d looked at him, and his heart slid helplessly right out of his chest. It was no longer his.

His heart was hers.

“Good night.” She looked as though she had more to say but seemed to change her mind as she pushed away from the table, taking her Bible and devotional with her.

She moved like beauty, like poetry, like grace. He watched her, even when the shadows at the far end of the kitchen deepened, hiding all but the faintest trace of her. Even after she’d turned the corner and was gone from his sight, he kept listening to the faint pad of her gait. To the faint hush of their bedroom door closing. To the faint rush of water in the bathroom sink.

Love, like faith, was a strange and wonderful thing. There was nothing tangible to both, no shape or color or texture. But the feel of love was more real than anything he could see with his eyes or touch with his hands.

His heart was aching with a kind of tenderness that hurt even as it uplifted him. He blew out a shaky breath and drew in determination. All of it he could muster. He couldn’t lose her. He had to keep working harder.

Much harder. He slid the next photo album squarely in front of him. The picture on the cover—Madison’s sweet button face—blinked up at him.

He hunkered down, turned the page and let the hours pass.

F
riday afternoon was crazy, of course. She should have anticipated that, Danielle chided herself as she grabbed the phone on the run. “Hello?”

“It’s Spence. Got a moment?” Typical Spence, barking out what sounded like an order when it should have been a polite question.

“I’ve got half a moment,” she admitted as she ran out of her bedroom and down the hallway as fast as her sandals would let her, following the trail of Madison, the escapee. “Come back here, young lady!”

Madison was only a flash of pink rounding the corner and zip! out of sight.

Great. Danielle raced around the corner. “Talk fast, Spence. I’m listening.”

“Want a full-time job?”

A job? Her foot missed the stair and she stumbled. Her hand flew out and snagged the handrail, saving her from a tumble down the rest of the stairs. “Are you serious?”

“Deadly. Since you don’t sound thrilled, how about this? You set your own hours into the schedule. How’s that?”

“It is good timing.” Considering the stack of bills growing on the counter. She hurried down the stairs, catching sight of Madison pushing open the sliding door. “Let me talk it over with Jonas, but I want to take it. You knew I was going to accept it, right?”

“Yep. Only makes sense. Jonas’s rehabilitation has got to be expensive, and disability insurance helps, but it isn’t the same as what Jonas was making. With Katherine out, I could use the help. This might be permanent.”

“I know.” It was no secret that Katherine was only going to work until the baby came. Up ahead, Madison slipped through the door with a giggle. Danielle was gaining, but she was out of breath. “Spence? How about we talk this through on Sunday? You can come over for dinner after church.”

“Sure. Talk to you then.”

The line clicked off. Danielle squinted against the bright glare of summer sunshine and swooped down to sweep Madison off her feet in mid-stride.

“Mommeeee!” The girl squealed. “Noooooo!”

“You are trouble, bubbles.” Danielle smooched Madison’s cheek, hoping to offset a coming tantrum. “You’re supposed to be in bed, princess.”

“No! I wanna sprinkle with Lucky!” Too tired, Madison rubbed at her eyes, her voice thin and high. “Mommy! Put me down.”

Danielle winked at Tyler, who had stopped watering the imaginary fire in the petunia bed to watch. Satisfied all was not too far out of the ordinary, he went back to his work while Lucky raced circles around the yard. “I think your bunny misses you. We’d better go keep Minnie company.”

“No! I wanna stay with Lucky!”

“Lucky has to take a nap, too.” Sooner or later, especially after running around the yard like that.

She closed the sliding door and headed up the stairs. It wasn’t easy keeping hold of a struggling wiggle box, but she’d gotten the knack of it. It wasn’t easy not being unduly stressed by the loud “No! Mom-meeee!” s that were shrill enough to break her eardrum and echoed in the stairwell around her. The big lurking question was if she could manage to get Madison back down to her nap and still be able to get ready for tonight’s anniversary outing on time.

“Shh, baby,” Danielle cooed, gently. “Tell you what. I’ll read more from your favorite storybook, okay?”

“Nooo!” With a little less gusto, now. “Mommy! I want Lucky. Mommy! I don’t wanna!”

“I know, baby.” She started humming a song, one of Madison’s favorites, reminding herself that this phase, too, would pass. She turned into Madison’s room, curtains drawn against the bright sun. She eased onto the corner of the little bed.

“No! I wanna go outside, Mommy. Please?” The girl gave a tiny sob of misery.

Danielle couldn’t resist holding her baby and rocking her. Madison’s arms wrapped around her neck and held on. It was hard being so little.

The alarm system chirped, announcing the front door had opened. Was it Jonas already? Or Rebecca, come early? Her whole being seemed to still, straining to listen for the first sound of a step.

Rebecca, she realized, when she didn’t hear the metallic thump of Jonas’s cane on the tile. “Back here,” she called out.

Her youngest sister appeared in the doorway, looking lovely and fresh as a summer’s day with her hair pulled back in a ponytail and her backpack slung over her shoulder. “Someone’s up late from her nap.”

“She never went down for one.” She kissed her baby’s forehead, trying to soothe her, rocking her side to side. “Too much excitement going on outside.”

“Oh, right. The
D. O. G.
” Becca nodded, stepping into the room, her arms out. “Let me take Madison. I am in the mood for a story. How about it, pretty girl?”

“No.” Madison hiccuped. “I wanna run fast with Lucky.”

“How are things going with you?” Danielle asked as she handed her daughter over.

Rebecca took Madison lovingly and snuggled her close. “Don’t worry about me, not when you and Jonas have a special evening planned.”

“Our anniversary. I know.” Her hopes were high. How could they not be? She was getting her husband back. Her best friend. The man who owned her heart. “Oh—there he is.”

“Go. I’ve got Madison covered.” Rebecca nodded over the top of the little girl’s curls. “You aren’t even dressed yet.”

“Almost.” She had her nice pants on. Danielle looked down at her T-shirt, smudged with Madison’s applesauce from lunch. All she had to do was to pull on the matching summery top and run a brush through her hair.

Jonas. He’d ran a quick errand for her—delivering a casserole and green salad for Katherine’s family’s supper—and now he stood in dark trousers and a matching shirt. Caught in the act of setting a vase of a dozen pink roses on the entry table, he shot her a sheepish grin, looking so handsome, so
Jonas,
she felt her breath catch. It was as if all her hopes had been answered. Her prayers heard.

She moved toward him without thought, as if her spirit led her to his side. “Hey, handsome. Are those flowers for me?”

“For my one and only.” His baritone dipped low, intimate.

The distance between them felt so small. Now, if only they could keep moving toward one another. Maybe tonight, on this third date of theirs, she would capture his heart.

“No!” Madison’s shout reverberated off the high ceilings. “I don’t wanna story!”

There was a thump! And then the mad dash of little feet. Madison bulleted toward them, hands pumping, little pink sandals churning.

“I got her!” Rebecca, who’d smartly worn sneakers, was gaining ground on her. “Go back to your romantic stuff. No worries!”

She launched down the staircase after Madison.

Danielle opened her mouth, ready to argue, but the giggles from downstairs told her that Rebecca had caught Madison and was punishing her with kisses. “Sometimes we’re more than a little goofy around here. I hope you’re not about to change your mind about me.”

“Not a chance, beautiful.” Jonas’s warm chuckle sounded like music, like life returned to her soul. “This is fun. I’m glad I’m here, Dani. I know I’ve missed this—you—so much.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” She went up on tiptoe to kiss his masculine-rough cheek. Sweetness filled her. A sense of rightness poured through her soul. “Give me two more minutes to finish getting ready, and then I’m all yours, handsome.”

“Lucky me.”

His smile made her love him that much more.

Dinner had gone perfectly, Jonas was thankful for that. And now, watching the look on his wife’s face as they rose up into the sky in the basket of the hot air balloon he’d hired, he knew he’d done good, by her standards.

He’d wanted this night to be special, as he’d learned their third date was. The pressure was on—he wanted this evening to be even better the second time around. He had to win her heart again—as the man he was now. He didn’t expect that to be easy work or to come quickly. It would take time. Time he was willing to spend.

Her hands, so small and white, gripped the side of the basket. “You were telling the truth. You did your research, mister.”

He inched a little closer to her. “Ava told me about the dozen pink roses. Your mother told me about the nicest restaurant in town. Katherine told me about this balloon ride.”

“This sounds promising.” Danielle tipped her head, the strong breeze catching her hair and it fanned around her face, lifting away so that he saw her clearly, every curve, every freckle, every hope.

“She even told me something else.” He blushed to think about it. Blushed because Danielle was a quality lady, and he, as a gentleman, could not imagine even now being so bold. But he could see how it had been long ago when he and Danielle had been just getting to know one another. He’d probably felt the same as right now. As if he was dangling in midair by less than the air-driven balloon. He had never felt more terrified—or more sure of anything in his life.

“What exactly did my sister tell you?”

“That tonight, the moment after the sun slips behind those amazing mountains, I’m supposed to do something monumental.”

Humor warmed her eyes. “You mean like bungee jumping?”

“That was my plan,” he quipped. “But I hear that last time I chose a more romantic path, and so I think I’d best stick to that for the big finale.”

“Big finale. That sounds promising.”

“My thought exactly.” He felt shy. There was no getting around that. They’d spent dinner talking over the photo albums he’d gone through and the pictures she’d left on her downstairs desk. But it had been the talk that made him feel closer to her. It was nothing heavy, nothing significant as they talked over the events of the last few weeks. The kids. The dog. The extended family—Katherine’s health and Rebecca’s problems. How Gran needed more help around the farm. He’d volunteered to go out with Spence this weekend.

He felt closer to her. He concentrated on the blue beauty of the sky and the stunning lay of the Bozeman valley below. Mountains shot upward, carpeted with trees. He managed to keep his balance in the swaying basket—those hard, painful endless hours of physical therapy were paying off.

He felt fairly sure now that he understood what she needed him to be. But he didn’t know how to tell Dani what mattered. How his heart was alive and bright with devotion for her. That being with her made the sky bluer, the sun brighter, and his spirit as light as the wind against them.

Thank You, Lord, for her.
He didn’t need the past. He didn’t need a single memory because he could see her—all of her. Everything about who she was. He adored the way she gazed up at him with unabashed affection. And the way she leaned a little closer to him. The silent question in her eyes as loving as his dreams.

Somehow he had to be good enough for her. Somehow he had to gather up his courage to do what she needed. “I don’t remember the past. I have to admit that the doctors are right. I’m not going to ever remember.”

There. He’d said it. He waited, heart hammering in his chest, while sadness filled her eyes. They had been working under the belief that he would come back, that he would remember because she needed him to.

Now the truth was out in the open. It wasn’t going to happen. Would she still want him? Or was this it? Was it over? His soul cracked at the thought. Falling straight out of the basket and hitting the ground far below would be less painful than losing her.

“I know.” She sounded sad, but not shocked. She didn’t move away. She didn’t turn away. “But we can go on from here. We can make new memories.”

Music to his soul. Relief rushed through him like the jet stream. “I will do all I can to make ’em the best,” he vowed.

“I know that, Jonas.”

It helped to see her trust in him there on her beautiful face. At least that was settled. He felt better about that: they would go on from here. Now that was something he
could
do.

Determined, he took her hands in his. “I might not remember, but I know how I must have felt all those years ago standing before you just like this. My pulse is pounding, I’m so nervous I can hardly think and talk at the same time.”

She smiled, her eyes going soft with affection, with humor and more hope than he could measure. He wanted to move mountains for this woman and be everything she needed.

To be the man she needed.

“One thing is very different.” He paused, searching for words. “Something tells me back then I loved you more first. That I already knew the moment I saw you in the field that I was going to marry you.”

“You’ve said that many times over the years,” she reassured him. “It was love at first sight.”

“No, I think it was deeper than that. It was everything at first sight. Love. Devotion. Lifelong commitment. I know I wanted to be the one man you could always count on, who would never let you down.”

“Jonas. I hope you don’t think that you’ve done that. Not you. Not ever.” Her gaze searched his with pure honesty.

She might not see how he’d failed her. How Spence had offered her a full-time job to help support the family because he could no longer do it—yet. How she’d been alone and afraid through the last year, taking care of everything including the finances, fearing she might turn out to be a widow instead of a wife. He hadn’t been able to protect her and take care of her.