Her Heart for the Asking (Book 1 - TEXAS HEARTS) (15 page)

"Are you happy in Philadelphia?"

"I was happy here with you," she answered
honestly.  She realized she needed to say it, and Beau needed
to hear it from her.  "Despite everything, being with you
again made me very happy."

"But."

"But we can't live our whole lives for some
brief moments in Texas."

"Why can't we?  Why can't you go back
to Philadelphia and--"

"And catch up with you when the rodeos in
town?  Or maybe when the rodeo you’re in one week coincides
with me having to visit a client?"

"It wouldn't have to be like that."

"I can't see how else it could be."

"So this is it for us."

She nodded, trying her best to keep herself
from crying, to keep herself from taking everything that she'd said
back and tell Beau that she'd follow him to the ends of the
universe if it meant they'd be together.  That nothing else
mattered as long as they were in each other's arms.

"When's your flight leaving?" he finally
asked.

She cleared her throat.  "Tomorrow
morning.  Very early in fact.  Aunt Corrine said that if
anything happens, if she needs anything, she'll call right
away.  No matter how stubborn Uncle Hank is about it.  He
gave me his word, too."

"His word is good.  If anything does
happen, you'll call me?"

"Sure," she said, knowing there probably
won't be a need.  Knowing too, it would take some work
tracking him down, although there probably wouldn't be the
need. 

"I'll take you to the airport."

"It's too early.  I figured I'd take
the bus.  That way no one will lose half a day driving me out
there and back."

"I don't mind."  He sighed.  "I
can't bring myself to say good-bye to you here."

"Okay, I appreciate it."  It wasn't
going to be any easier to say good-bye at the airport or any place
else.

They stood on the front porch, under a slice
of bright yellow Texas moon.  They'd spent many a nights in
this very spot holding each other, neither wanting to let go. 
But as much as she wanted Beau to drag her into his arms and kiss
her like there was no tomorrow, she knew it wouldn't happen. 
She was the one leaving this time.  She absolutely refused to
watch him go.  And she knew he was hurting just as badly as
she had all those years ago.  As bad as she felt now.

"Will you make me a promise, Beau?"

"Sure.  Anything."

"Go see your father before you leave?"

"Anything but that," he said tightly.

"No, Beau.  That's the only
thing.  It's important."

"Nothing has changed."

"You don't know that.  It's been a long
time, Beau, and your father is getting older, too.  I almost
lost Hank.  You don't know how much time you have left to make
this right.  No one knows how much time they have to say
what's in their hearts.  Promise me you'll try."

"I...I can't."

"It's all I want, Beau.  All I'm asking
of you."

"I can't do it, Mandy.  Not even for
you.  It wouldn't work out."

"You don't know that if you don't try. 
People go their whole lives not saying what's truly in their
hearts.  They hurt and allow the silence to make the hurt go
deeper until all you can do is put a blanket over your heart to
keep from getting bitter.  And even then sometimes that
doesn't work."

"Is that what you did when I left?"

"Yes," she admitted.  "Except seeing
you again has helped me take that blanket off again.  I don't
regret what we shared then or now."

Beau lifted his eyes to look at Mandy in the
moonlight.  Lord she was beautiful.

"You need to tell him you love him, despite
all the hurt.  You need to tell him that no matter what
horrible things you said to each other, he's still your dad and you
love him.  Because no matter what you say, I know you love
your father.  Otherwise, what he did wouldn't have hurt you so
badly.  You have to do it before his days run out and you
never get the chance."

He fell silent.

"Just tell me you'll think about it before
you leave.  Please, for me?"

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you." 

She turned much too quickly, not giving him
enough time to regroup his feelings.  He couldn't recall the
last time he'd felt so raw and exposed.

"Mandy?"

But she was already racing through the
screen door.  He followed on her heels, only to be stopped by
Hank's solemn look as he sat in the corner of the living
room.  Instead of chasing after Mandy up the stairs, he
treaded lightly into the living room and dropped down into the
chair opposite Hank.

"You're looking a whole lot better than I've
seen you of late."

"Feel a lot better, too.  In some ways
anyway."

Hank's gaze was steady on Beau.  What
he saw was regret.  That was something he didn't see often in
a man like Hank. 

"I'm sorry," Hank said quietly.

"What for?"

"I should have never come between you the
first time."

"It wouldn't have made a difference and you
know it.  She would have ended up hating both of us for not
stopping her.  She's happier this way."

"Do you believe that?"

Beau's sigh was heavy.  He wanted to
believe Mandy was happy.  She'd said she was happy here with
him.  But she was still leaving.

"Is that why you asked me to come back?"

Hank shrugged.  "Partly.  There
were a lot of things that needed to be said.  A big part of me
wanted her to know before I died that I was her father.  'Cept
I couldn't bring myself to tell her.  I guess I was hoping
you'd--"

"I didn't tell her, Hank.  I promised
you eight years ago she'd never learn the truth from me or my
father."

Hank shook his head.  "I can't figure
it out then."

"She's a smart woman."

"That she is.  Are you going to let her
get on that plane tomorrow?"

Beau tossed his straw hat to the end
table.  "I can't stop her from doing what she wants to
do."

"What about you?  They're saying I'm
gonna heal up pretty good.  Are you ready to hit the road
again?"

"I guess now is as good a time as any for us
to talk about that."

* * *

Mandy woke to the smell of bacon and the
sounds of hands already hard at work out in the barnyard. 
Lifting her head off the pillow, she realized she'd have to hustle
to make it to the airport on time.

She gone through the motions of packing her
clothes and tossing her the makeup she hadn't worn at all since
she'd arrived at the ranch the night before after she'd left Beau
on the porch.  She didn't want him to see the tears that were
pushing their way out.  She'd let her heartache out alone in
her room and cried her tears into the pillow.  She was going
to miss him. 

She'd known leaving Texas was going to be
hard.  She'd worry about Hank and Corrine.  And her heart
would ache for Beau Gentry yet again.  Only this time it would
be worse because she didn't love him with the innocence of a young
schoolgirl anymore.  Now she loved him with the heart of a
woman who knew what love was all about and how it could fill your
soul more than any career she strived for.  Now she knew that
deep love could give her riches like nothing else. Except, she'd
have to live her life never sharing that love with Beau.

She dragged herself from underneath the
sheets and quickly showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and
light cotton shirt.  When she got home, the new clothes would
get tucked away in a drawer, the boots would be buried in the back
of her closet along with her cowboy hat.  She wasn't a rodeo
man's woman.  She never had been.  She'd have to tell
herself that many times to get through the days to come.  And
she'd have to remind herself that she'd learned to live without
Beau Gentry's love once before, she could do it again.  She
only hoped that this time she'd listen.

Breakfast was on the table and hands were
barreling through the kitchen door when Mandy climbed down the
stairs with her suitcase.

"Ya'll ready to go?" Hank asked.

She bent down and kissed his cheek. 
"In a few.  I just need to give you and Aunt Corrine a couple
more hugs and kisses to last me until I see you next."

"Ah, doll, make it soon," Corrine said,
giving her a quick hug.  "Now you sit down and eat some
breakfast before you run off."

"The flight serves a meal."

"Ugh," Hank said.  "You passing up
Corrine's hotcakes for some airplane slop?"

"If I eat much more of Aunt Corrine's food I
won't be able to fit into my jeans," she said, trying to sound
lighthearted when she felt anything but.  All the while she
checked the doors for signs of Beau.  The other hands were
already hard at work on their breakfast.  There was no sign of
Beau.

She listened to the sounds filtering in from
the window from the yard.  No whistling.  No boots
clopping against the hard earth. 

Hank took her by the hand.  "There's
time, darlin'.  Sit and have some coffee at least."

She did as she was told.  She talked
about old times and days to come.  She promised that she'd be
coming back to the ranch again in a few months to go riding with
Hank on the cattle drive.  Her first.  And as she said
good-bye and the other hands ran out the door, her heart felt a
heaviness and a renewed sense of hope all at the same time. 
There were tears and a lot of laughter when Beau finally appeared
in the doorway.

"If we're going to make the flight, we
should leave now."  His voice was deep with the same heaviness
she felt inside.  Without looking at her, he reached down for
her bags and spun out the door.

"You call me as soon as you get home, you
hear?" Corrine said, kissing her one last time on the cheek.

"I will."  She gave a few extra seconds
to Hank's hug, then said good-bye to both of them.

She was relieved when she walked out onto
the porch that the other hands had made themselves scarce. 
Beau was standing beside his truck, the passenger door already
open.

Taking a long look around the ranch and the
hills beyond the pasture, she realized she was going to miss the
Double T.  Beau had asked her endlessly if she was happy in
Philadelphia.  She had to wonder how she could have thought
she was ever happy there when being here with Beau gave her the
greatest joy she could ever imagine.  She had to wonder, too,
if she'd feel that same happiness if she were here without him.

No, she told herself.  She wouldn't
think of what if's or could be's now.  She was going
home.  Where she belonged.  And Beau was going to ride
out of Texas on another sunset without her.  This time, she
wouldn't watch him go.  That much she was sure of.

"You ready?" Beau asked.

"I'm ready."

She climbed into the cab of the truck and
secured her seat belt.  A stab of pain pierced her heart and
made her eyes swell with tears.  Hank and Corrine would
standing together in the doorway of the porch.  Mandy didn't
have to turn around to know they were there.  She felt it.

Fixing her sight to the driveway ahead, she
braced herself for what was sure to be a long and painful
ride.  She immediately regretted agreeing to let Beau drive
her all the way to the airport.  She should have told him to
drop her off at the bus station and suddenly wondered if she'd make
her flight if he did that now.

She was mulling over the best way to tell
him just that when the truck suddenly rolled to a stop at the front
gate of the Double T.

She snapped her gaze to Beau as he jammed
the truck into park.

"What's going on?  Why are we
stopping?"

Beau didn't say a word.  Instead, he
flung the driver’s side door open and strode around the front of
the truck to her side, opening the door.

"Come on," he finally said, taking her
hand.

Undoing her seatbelt, she slid out of the
cab without a word.  Holding his hand, she followed him up a
small incline that gave a picture perfect view of the ranch and the
hills beyond.

Silently, he twisted her around so her back
was snug against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her,
resting his chin on her shoulder.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes," she answered, swallowing the hard
lump in her throat.

"You built a life without me back in
Philadelphia," he whispered.  "I can understand that. 
But I want you to know that when I'm holding you like this, or even
looking at you from across the yard, I'm the happiest I think I've
ever been in my life.  What I feel for you is like nothing
I've ever felt before.  Nothing I've ever known in my
life."

Her bottom lip trembled, and she didn't
trust herself to speak.

"Spending these last few weeks here at the
Double T has brought me face to face with a lot more than you,
Mandy Morgan," Beau said.  

"What are you talking about?"

"About us, about life.  I never
understood what Hank meant about roaming and coming home until
now."

"Beau-"

"No, Mandy, listen to me.  I've been
thinking about what you said about my father.  I don't think
it will do a bit of good but I'm at least going to give it a try
and that's a start."

"I'm glad," she said, tears stinging her
eyes.

"There's more and you have to hear it before
you go."

She craned her neck to look up at him and he
kissed her forehead.  She turned back to the horizon, to the
ranch and all it had given her.

He was silent for what seemed like an
eternity.  She could feel his heart pounding against her
back.

"You still steal my breath away.  I
can't let go of you," he whispered, his voice thick with
emotion.

Then don't let me go, Beau.
  She
wanted to say the words, wanted to tell him they'd find a way to
work it out so they could be together.  If only...