Her Heart for the Asking (Book 1 - TEXAS HEARTS) (13 page)

"You know how much I regret that."

"That's not the point.  Regardless of
your loyalty to my uncle...my father, oh, God, you didn't have to
lie to me, Beau.  Not about us."

"Yes, I did."

"Why?  I just don't understand it."

"My father was so bent on destroying Hank in
any way he could.  It had been his obsession ever since Hank
bought this spread.  Mike Gentry didn't care if he alienated
his own sons in the process, much less the daughter of the man he
hated most in the world."

"Still-"

"You needed to learn the truth from Hank,
not me.  And certainly not in any way my father would have
represented it.  And I guarantee it wouldn't have been
pretty."

"I found out anyway, Beau.  Eight years
of time lost..."

Tears clung in her eyes and she fought not
to break down.  Beau had told her at the airport there were
only two things Hank had ever asked of him.  Was this the
first?

"Beau, did Hank ask you to leave me?"

Beau's silence was her answer.

Mandy buried her face in her hands, unable
to keep her raging emotion at bay.

Beau gripped her by the shoulders, forcing
her to look up at him. 

"Hank asked you to leave me?"

"He didn't do it to hurt you, Mandy. 
He only wanted to spare your feelings."

"He knew how crushed I was when you left
and-"

"Even if he hadn't, it still wouldn't have
changed anything.  I still would have gone on the road without
you, Mandy."

She sobered with his words, tears streaming
down her cheeks.  He hadn't really loved her.  That's
what he was saying right?  And if that were true, what was all
this that was building between them now?  She wrenched herself
from his grip and took a wide step backwards.

"What was I supposed to do, Mandy?"

"You knew how I felt about you."

He nodded, a pained expression clouding his
strong features.  He looked broken.  "You were so
young.  You know it was only a matter of time before we'd have
taken things too far.  I couldn't look at you without my heart
pounding out of my chest so bad I couldn't breathe."

"So you made a choice and I wasn't it."

"You were sixteen, Mandy.  Only
sixteen!  You kept saying you were going to run away with
me.  You had everything ahead of you and I had nothing to give
you.  Nothing but a gypsy life on the road.  You could
never live like that."

She chuckled dryly.  "Beau, you never
asked me if that was what I wanted."

"I didn't have to.  No matter what you
were saying, sleeping in a truck and living on the road, wondering
if I'd have made enough money from the next rodeo to keep us going
wasn't the kind of life you would have been happy with." 

He jammed his fingers through his thick hair
and looked away, muttering an oath under his breath.

"You never asked me, Beau," she said
quietly.

"I had nothing to offer you."

"You were all I wanted."

"Maybe right then.  But in time you
would have wanted more."

He heaved a sigh.  "I met Hank when he
just got off the road from rodeo.  I'd been about ten years
old then and he'd just bought the Double T.  I hated him for
it because suddenly all that attention Dad had for me was focused
on what he called some thieving Apache who stole his land.

"After one day in particular, when Dad
begged off a fishing trip with me and Cody for the umpteenth time
so he could meet with yet another lawyer, I decided to take my
horse out to the Double T to see what was so special about it that
it took Dad's every waking thought."

She folded her arms across her chest and
waited of him to speak.

"It was this gorgeous day after a string of
lousy weather.  Just perfect for being outside in the
sunshine.  I rode out to the top of the hill on the edge of
our spread and looked around.  It was real pretty land, but
nothing better than what we had and I couldn't figure out why my
dad wanted it so badly.  Or why he'd let it get in the way of
us.  I rode onto the Double T and thought I was being quiet
and sneaky, thought no one saw me trespassing.  But then Hank
came up alongside me out of nowhere."

Beau laughed in remembrance.  "I was
terrified, thought I'd really be in deep muck for
trespassing.  But Hank just said it was a beautiful day for
riding, asked me if I wanted to join him while he checked out the
pasture where the cattle were grazing.  I felt stupid, and
feeling a little low as I was, I said yes.

"Anyway, while we were riding, Hank didn't
say a word.   I was sure he was going to ream me at some
point and was just torturing me with his silence."

Mandy couldn't help but chuckle at
that.  Hank had a good way of letting you know what he was
feeling just in a single look.  He was also a true
cowboy.  Words were only spoken when necessary.

"But he never did," Beau continued. 
"And then I did something really stupid.  I asked him why he
stole my father's property.  It was a stupid question because
it was never my dad's to begin with, but Hank didn't make me feel
stupid.  He just said that my dad could have had it if he'd
have wanted it bad enough.  Hank had wanted it bad enough and
that's why he got it."

She tried to think back on that time. 
When Beau was ten and she was only six.  That was right about
the time Hank had come into her life.

 
"I asked him what
made him want it that bad.  He told me about traveling around
with the rodeo and not having a home, living in run down motels and
eating when you could in the front seat of a dusty old
pickup.  It's no life for someone who needs a home.  But
someday, you want to stop roaming and find that home. 
Someday, no matter how much you love the road, something makes you
stop and want to settle down.  

"So one day after school I came by when I
should have been home doing chores.  Hank had just finished
riding a wild young bronc.  I was so amazed.  He said
that if I wanted to ride, I had to want it bad."  Beau
shrugged.  "I didn't know anything about getting on a horse
that wasn't broke.  But Hank said to come on over and he'd
teach me everything I needed to know."

She smiled at that, trying to imagine a
ten-year-old Beau riding for the very first time.

"Wait, you said you were ten?  I
thought you started training with Hank the year we met?"

"I did.  I went back to the Double T
after school the next day and Hank gave me the afternoon.  I
must have seemed pathetic but he never said a word.  I was so
excited when I got home and told my parents about it.  My
mother got real quiet, but my dad...well, I ended up with a broken
arm."

"Oh, my God, Beau.  Because you were
with Hank?  Your father should be brought up on charges for
what he did to you."

He shook his head and chuckled
bitterly.  "I told Hank the next day that I couldn't come
back.  Didn't tell him why but I'm sure he figured it
out.  He took one look at my arm and told me, no matter what,
I'd always have a place here at the Double T.  I never forgot
that.  I tried working at my dad's ranch.  I thought I
could be happy.  But after a while all I could think about was
Hank Promise and rodeoing.  I wanted it bad.  So I came
back to the Double T the year I met you.  Even I knew I was
too old to start training for rodeo, but I had to try.”

"You were a nature," she said, thinking
about all those times she'd seen him practicing with Hank,
remembering the first few rodeos they'd gone to together.

Beau shrugged.  "Even though I haven't
been around the Double T much it's been like a second home to me, a
sort of haven to hang my hat every now and then.  I have Hank
to thank for that."

"I can see how you'd feel loyalty to Hank,
but Beau, you lied to me.  You said you didn't want me in your
life."

"Yeah, I did.  You may not think so but
at the time it was the right thing to do.  There were days I
regretted leaving for missing you, and days when I knew it was
absolutely the right thing to do.  You'd have hated it. 
And while I can't change how I hurt you then, I can tell you that
I've been thinking how things could be different for us now."

"I-I don't know, Beau.  I just can't
think of anything other than what's ahead for Hank.  My head
is swimming with all this."

He dragged her into his arms and held
her.  "I know.  You've had a lot to absorb over the last
couple of days.  I don't want to put any more on you.  I
just want you to know that I'm here for you."

And he was, every step of the way. 
During the long hours of waiting at the hospital, when every noise,
every tick of the clock seemed so much louder than it really was,
Beau was there for her.  She never thought just the mere touch
of his hand to her shoulder or the brush of his wide hand across
her back could say so much.  But it did.  So much more
than words could ever say. 

Mandy realized with absolute certainty that
the hardest thing ahead of her was not Hank's recovery, but living
without Beau.  Again.

# # #

Chapter Ten

Once Hank was out of surgery and Dr. Cookman
assured them he'd made it through the worst, Mandy felt safe enough
to leave the hospital and go back to the Double T.  Hank was
sleeping peacefully, but her aunt couldn't bear the thought of
leaving in case he woke in the middle of the night.  She
stayed by his side, assuring Mandy that she'd call as soon as Hank
was awake.

Beau drove her back to the ranch in
silence.  Every once in a while, he'd whistle and then
stop.  She was sure he was thinking it would drive her crazy
to hear it now, but it didn't.  He'd gotten under her skin
again.  She'd gotten used to him whistling out of tune,
tapping his foot like a hillbilly.  Being there for her. 
She gotten use to the sound of his voice and the feel of his
comforting hand.

Mandy fought back tears that she'd held in
for most of the day.  Tears of fear for Hank's
wellbeing.  Tears for herself because she was going to miss
her cowboy when she had to leave.  Now that Hank had his
surgery and was going to be okay, there was no reason for her to
remain at the ranch, no reason for Beau to stay either.

As the truck pulled up to the front of the
farmhouse, Mandy wondered how she was going to be able to leave
here and go back to Philadelphia, to the life she had before she'd
come to Texas.  Beau had asked her if she was happy in
Philadelphia.  With her work? maybe.  But she knew she'd
been the happiest she'd been in a long time during her stay this
past week at the ranch. 

She could stay in Texas.  That was
always an option.  She was grown up now and her parents
weren't forcing her to come and go as they had when she was a
child.  It would shatter her father to learn she knew the
truth about Hank, but now that she knew she couldn't ignore
it.  And someday her father would have to understand that she
was a grown woman with a heart and mind of her own.

Philadelphia wasn't the only place she could
get a job.  She could certainly use her skills in advertising
to get work in Amarillo or Fort Worth.  Both would be a hike
to commute, but it was doable.  Anything was doable if you
wanted it bad enough. 

Bad enough
.  Beau had wanted
rodeoing bad enough to leave her once before. 

The heaviness in her chest multiplied
tenfold.  Even if she stayed in Texas, it wasn't going to
change things.  She'd be with Uncle Hank and Aunt Corrine, but
as soon as they were assured Hank was on his feet and strong, Beau
would be leaving Steerage Rock again.  Once again without
her.

The sound of passenger side door opening
pulled her from her thoughts.

Beau stood outside the truck holding his
hand out to her.  She slipped her hand into his, feeling the
rough calluses abrasive against her softer skin.  It grounded
her.

"You look exhausted," he said.

"I am."

"The house is empty.  Will you be okay
by yourself in there or do you want company for a while?"

She knew what he was asking.  He didn't
want to go down to the bunkhouse.  He wanted to stay with
her.  After the day they'd had, she wanted so much to have
Beau hold her again until all the indecision and unrest she felt
was washed away.  But no matter how much she wished it away,
it wasn't going to change the truth.  Beau was going back to
the rodeo circuit in a few days and she would be going back to
Philadelphia, to her job.  Alone.

Mandy held his hand tight as she tugged him
toward the house.  "Come in for a little while?" she finally
answered. 

They crept through the living room in the
dark and settled on the sofa together.  Beau enfolded her in
his arms.  It was like coming home, Mandy thought. 
Suddenly all the missing pieces of the puzzle were magically there
and fit perfectly into place.  She knew without a doubt she
could stay here like this forever. 

Beau stroked her hair gently with his
fingers and she burrowed herself deeper into his warmth.

They must have fallen asleep holding each
other when an hour later the phone rang, rousing them.

As she became aware of the telephone
ringing, Mandy rubbed her eyes and frantically ran to the phone
expecting it to be Aunt Corrine.  Expecting the worse. 
Her pulse hammered in her ear as she picked up the phone.

It wasn't her aunt.

It was her father.

* * *

Beau arched his back to get the kinks out,
his eyes peering in the direction of Mandy's voice.  He'd
vaguely heard the blare of the telephone.  There was no
telephone in the living room, so she had to run to the kitchen to
answer it.

Lord, he hoped it wasn't the hospital. 
During the hellacious day of waiting for Hank to make it through
surgery, the doctor assured them all that Hank would have a
peaceful night if there weren't any complications from the
surgery.