Her Heart for the Asking (Book 1 - TEXAS HEARTS) (12 page)

Hank shook his head.

"No one would have known what color eyes his
biological mother had.  My eyes aren't quite like yours, but
they're an awful lot like this picture of your mother.  I
think I look a little like her."

Hank closed his eyes and breathed in deeply,
his bottom lip trembling.  Mandy instantly regretted bringing
up the subject, fearing it would be too hard for Hank to
handle.

"I gave your mother my word.  It was
the only way."

Tears fell unchecked down her face, blurring
her vision.

"The only way my father would allow you to
be part of my life?  Being adopted himself, I think it was
important for Dad to have me all to himself.  When you came
into my life, he had to share me.  With you."

"It had been years since I'd seen your
mother.  I was just outside Philadelphia for a rodeo.  I
was sitting there at some diner reading the morning paper over
breakfast with some other cowboys when I saw you staring up at me
from the newspaper.  You were standing beside your mother and
your piano instructor, getting ready for a recital.  I saw
those big brown eyes and knew without a doubt you were my
daughter."

Mandy laughed through the tears.  "I
remember that day.  I'd never seen a cowboy before.  I
remember thinking you were so big with that black cowboy hat and
boots you always wore.  I was so afraid to talk to you. 
You told me not to be afraid, that you were my uncle from
Texas."

The corners of Hank's mouth lifted into a
wide grin.  "You didn't even question it.  You just asked
me where Texas was like it was a million miles away.  When I
drove out of Philadelphia that day it sure felt like a million
miles."

"You gave me a yellow rose to bring on stage
when it was my turn to play and told me to smile pretty, that you'd
be standing in the back of the room listening.  And you did,
because I watched.  After I was done playing, mom asked me
where I'd gotten the pretty rose and I told her you gave it to me
and that your name was Promise just like mine.  I thought
she'd faint right there."

Hank shrugged.  "It wasn't exactly the
smoothest way for me to introduce myself into your life."

Mandy also recalled how for days afterward
she would go to bed and hear her parents argue endlessly. 
She'd felt guilty and asked her mother if she'd done something
wrong for talking to Hank because he was a stranger and was that
the reason they were arguing.  She said no, that I didn't do
anything wrong.  But she explained how Uncle Hank was not
really a relative, but instead a good friend of the family that she
hadn't seen in a long time.  Her mother also said she'd
probably be seeing more of him and that Mandy should still call him
Uncle Hank.

After that, Hank would come to visit for
birthday parties or special occasions and her parents fought for
days afterward.  Then never kissed and made up the way she
always thought grownups kissed and made up when they had fights.
Then at the end of the 4th grade, just before she went to Texas for
the first time, her father didn't talk to anyone for a week. 
When she boarded the plane with her mother, he just looked at her
and told her everything would be okay when she came home.  And
it was.  It always was.  

"I never wanted to cause any pain to you or
your folks, Mandy.  I just..."

"I'm glad I know the truth," she said,
thinking back over all the fights and all the bad feelings until
they rolled into one big blur.  "And you don't have to feel
guilty about me finding out.  Mom must have wanted me to know
someday.  Otherwise, why would she have given me your
name?"

A fresh set of tears stung the inside of her
eyelids, spilling down her cheek.  Hank kissed her forehead
and squeezed her tight, holding her in silence for a long
moment.

"I meant what I said, Uncle Hank.  I
need my father in my life."

"You have a father," he interjected
quickly.  "I can't take any credit for raising you or making
you into the woman you've become.  Sometimes I think it would
have made things a lot easier for all of you if I'd stayed
away."

"I'm glad you didn't.  I can't imagine
not having you in my life."

"You're not angry then?"

"No, not angry.  To be honest, I don't
know exactly what I feel.  I'm a little numb.  But it
explains a lot.  Like why I could never do anything completely
right in my father's eye.  To him I could have always done
better.  Maybe I could never live up to what he wanted because
I wasn't...really his daughter."

"Stop that.  He loves you and raised
you like his own.  Having his blood wouldn't have changed
things.  It's just the kind of man he is.  He's always
going to be your daddy."

"I know that.  But you still have a
special place in my life.  That's why I don't understand why
you won't have the surgery.  Why?  Whatever relationship
we have is ours and ours alone, no matter how it's defined. 
You're an important part of my life and I don't want to lose
you.  Do you regret what happened with you and mom?"

"Never.  It brought you into my
life.  But I sometimes regret how things ended for us. 
Your mom used to be...happier.  She was a different woman when
I knew her.  Sometimes I wonder about things, but that can
drive a person crazy.  How do you go back?  Which part of
who you are now would you give up to go back and fix things? 
I love Corrine different from the way I loved your mother, but
still as special."

Hank drew in a deep breath and was quiet a
moment, just staring at her face.  Mandy wondered what he was
thinking as he looked at her for the first time, knowing she knew
the truth.

"So much of this has been playing through my
head these last few days," he said.  "I couldn't face going
under the knife without you knowing.  Except I gave your
mother my word..."

Mandy sat up in bed, swiped the tears from
her cheeks and looked squarely at him.  "Well, now I
know.  And you didn't break any promises to Mom.  I'm
going to be right here with you and Aunt Corrine while you have
your surgery.  Please...please say you'll have it.  I
can't lose you."

He gazed at her for a short while, his eyes
waging war with fear and regret and renewed hoped.  "Okay,
doll.  I'll do it."

Hank was asleep when she left his
room.  Corrine was waiting by the door.  In her hands was
a dishrag she was winding tighter than a toothpick.

"Call Dr. Cookman and tell him Hank will be
in the hospital early tomorrow for the surgery," Mandy said.

The relief on her aunt's face was
instantaneous.  She held Mandy's gaze for a long moment, but
didn't ask the question written in her eyes.

Mandy nodded.  "He told me the
truth."

Wrapping their arms around each other, they
sobbed.

# # #

Chapter Nine

A short time later, Corrine was settled in
with Hank.  An ambulance was due to pick Hank up at sunrise to
take him to the hospital.  Her uncle may have been the one who
was ill, but her aunt was emotional exhausted.

Mandy was spent, too, but she couldn't go to
sleep now if she tried.  Hank was going to have surgery. 
He was going to be all right.  It was a tremendous
relief.  But she couldn't feel any of it just yet.

Which part of who you are now would you give
up to go back and fix things?  Mandy couldn't get Hank's words
out of her head. 

These feelings she had for Beau were just as
strong as they were eight years ago.  At times, she thought
they were more so.  But maybe they couldn't go back
either.  They'd both changed and grown into two different
people.  Her life was now in Philadelphia.  In a few
short weeks when Hank was on his feet again, Beau would go back to
the rodeo to compete for the world championship.  It had been
his dream.

She walked down the dirt path to the
bunkhouse, chiding herself for needing to see Beau.  The
sounds of male bonding on the inside of the bunkhouse drifted out
into the night air.  This wasn't her place, but she knocked
anyway.

"What's wrong, Mandy?" Beau asked, greeting
her at the door with arms opened wide.  Just for her. 
Thank God he was here with her.  She'd held it together as
long as she could, but now her head was swimming.

Her father wasn't really her father. 
Hank was the man responsible for bringing her into the world. 
It explained so much.  And yet...oh, God, the life as she knew
it wasn't anything she thought it was at all.

She slipped into his arms naturally and held
on.  He smelled fresh and clean from the showered he'd taken
earlier when they'd come back from the cabin. 

Mandy glanced past Beau's shoulder and saw
the hands seated at the card table.  Bottles of beer were
lined up in a row.  In the center of the table was a pile of
dollar bills and loose change.  Each hand had their own stash
by their side.

"Can you get away for a walk?" she asked,
looking up at Beau's face.  She knew the ritual of cowboy
poker.  Today had been a particularly hard day physically and
emotionally for the hands and the family.  It was a way for
them to regroup.  Beau was part of this ritual even if she
wasn't.

"Just let me get a sweater for you. 
You look cold," Beau said.

She wasn't cold, but she realized then that
she was shivering.  She'd left Hank's room without a thought
to where she was going and ended up at the bunkhouse.  She'd
been hoping Beau hadn't turned in yet.  She needed to have him
hold her, needed to be comforted by his embrace and his
strength.

She turned away from the doorway and heard
Beau tell the hands to deal him out of this game.  After a few
rumbles and groans, Beau was by her side, draping a denim jacket
over her shoulders.  She leaned her cheek into the soft cotton
and inhaled the smoky scent, still lingering on the fibers after
burning mesquite the other day.

They walked in silence, seemingly following
the moonlight.  Each intake of breath propelled them forward
until they ended up by a grassy clearing beyond the calving
barn.  The sounds of crickets and horses filled the air around
them. 

"Everything all right with Hank?" Beau
finally asked, dropping to the ground.  She followed him and
he immediately enfolded her in his arms.  Memories of Beau
holding her earlier in the day filled her head.  They'd been
so good together, so right.  How could she suddenly feel so
disjointed?

"He's sleeping.  Aunt Corrine is with
him, too.  I hope she gets some sleep herself, she looks like
she's about to collapse.  He's finally agreed to have the
surgery," she said quietly, her bottom lip trembling.  She
wasn't sure if it was from relief or from fear.  Or maybe
because of the news she'd just learned.

The heavy sigh of relief lifted his chest,
squeezing her in his tight embrace.  But Mandy didn't mind at
all.  If she never left Beau Gentry's arms, she'd die a happy
woman.  She forced away the nagging reminder that crawled to
the surface of her mind that they would soon be going their
separate ways.

"There's more."  This time the
trembling of her lips accompanied a fresh set of tears brimming in
her eyes.

Beau tipped up her chin.  "What is
it?  What's wrong?"

Mandy couldn't seem to get the words past
her throat.  It had been easier to confront Hank.  She
wasn't sure why.  Maybe because there'd been so much at
stake.  But now...

"Hank is my father, Beau."

Silence.

"Did you hear you hear what I said? 
All this time I've been trying to please my father, not getting his
approval for anything, when I always had the approval of my
father.  Hank is my real father."

"I know."

Shocked, she blinked away the tears and
glanced up at him.  "You-you know?"

He nodded. 

"But how did you...  How long have you
known?"

He held her gaze even as he hesitated. 
"Eight years."

Pulling from his embrace, Mandy abruptly
stood up, brushing the wet blades of grass from her jeans. 
"You knew the truth all this time and you never told me?" she said
accusingly.

Beau remained in place on the grass, leaning
back on his arm as he looked up at her.  "It wasn't for me to
tell.  That was Hank's secret."

"Did...did Hank tell you
this?"  

"No, my father did."

"Your father?  How would he know?"

"Who knows.  He probably hired a
private investigator and was hoping to use that information to get
back at Hank.  He'd called it his ace in the hole against that
thieving Apache.  That's what he's always called Hank."

"I guess that makes me the thieving Apache's
daughter.  I was your ace in the hole?" she said bitterly.

"No, never!"

In the moonlight, she could see he was
angry.  He got to his feet and stood directly in front of
her.

"I told you I never did anything to hurt
Hank.  My father wanted me to dig up dirt on him.  Said
if he couldn't find something that would ruin the ranch, he'd find
something more personal to ruin Hank with.  I didn't believe
my father's accusations so I told Hank what my father was planning
to do."

"And he didn't deny it," Mandy said quietly,
nibbling on her bottom lip to steady it.

"No.  I wasn't about to let my father's
viciousness hurt you, Mandy.  Don't you see, I wasn't working
in cahoots with my father.  I came out to the ranch to learn
as much as I could about bronc riding.  Because I loved being
here.  Hank has given me a lot.  I owe him.  But
anything I took from him he gave willingly.  I'm grateful for
him for all he's done."

"If you could go to Hank with this, why
couldn't you tell me?"

 
"You're talking
about something different here."

"Am I?  You made me think we were a
lie.  You told me you didn't love me and you were only using
me."