Heartbeat (9 page)
For a brief moment, everything around me falls away. I surrender to the force that is holding me up. I’m on the brink of collapse, but someone is keeping my head above water, offering a life preserver in this sea of misery. And I’m not letting go. Waves of comfort penetrate my soul. I feel safe. I feel secure. I feel loved.
The back of my hair is being gently caressed as someone’s cheek rests on top of my head. The person is softly shushing me, telling me it is going to be okay. I try tilting my head to get a look at the person, but his arms are wrapped firmly around me keeping me in place, like they will never let me go.
Who is it? I can tell it’s a guy, but he’s too tall to be Dad. And I can’t remember the last time Dad gave me a pat on the back, much less a hug. He never shows outward signs of affection. Not ever.
Not even if Grandma…
A fresh round of tears threatens to spill forth. When I hear his voice, “Katie, I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry…”
Can it be? No, I must be in a state of shock. I passed out, and now I’m hallucinating. I really went off the deep end this time.
“Katie…Katie, look at me,” the voice pleads.
Fingertips lightly dance over my face before lifting my chin to receive his gaze. I exhale, losing myself in those eyes whose depths seem so familiar. Eyes I have dreamed about and yearned for. Eyes that capture the heart of a man I know I can love unconditionally, completely, without end.
“Adam?” I ask, shakily. I am reeling from his unexpected arrival.
“You know my name?” he asks, smiling like I’ve given him something of great value. “I didn’t think I told you the last time we…”
“You didn’t. I heard it from your co-worker when he spoke to you,” I break in.
Again, that breathtaking smile… There is so much behind it, like I can feel how much my words mean to him.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” he whispers. He bends forward, placing a kiss as light as a feather on my forehead.
“Um, miss?” the nurse asks, clearing her throat. “I need to…”
Startled, I turn my head toward the door. The nurse is standing there along with Jennifer and the obnoxious ambulance driver who brought Grandma here. The room is starting to spin again.
I lean into Adam. “I need some fresh air,” I say.
“Yes, miss, I think that’s a good idea. I’m so sorry for your loss. It happened so suddenly. I only wish we called 911 sooner,” the nurse says.
I don’t think I can stand hearing excuses issued over Grandma’s dead body. I have to get out of the room.
“Come here, Katie,” Jennifer urges as tears run down her face.
Before I can move from Adam’s embrace, Dad’s voice echoes from the door, “What the hell is going on in here?”
I immediately drop my arms to my sides and take a step back from Katie. It is a cowardly reaction, but we are all in a delicate situation in the presence of Katie’s grandmother’s body. I am not going to get into a full-blown battle with Katie’s father under these circumstances. The man just lost his mother. I have to back down, whether I like it or not.
All I want to do is keep Katie safe, and diffusing the situation is the best option. Jennifer seems to agree as she tries easing her way into the room.
“Uncle Johnny…Grandma’s gone…I’m so sorry,” Jennifer says, patting him on the back, but he doesn’t turn around to face her. “Is there anything you need me to do? Is there anyone you want me to call?”
Katie’s posture mimics her father’s. They both stand stoically facing each other, neither acknowledging Jennifer or anyone else in the room.
I take a chance and look Katie’s father in the face, but his eyes are locked on Katie’s—intense and unwavering, like a cobra mesmerizing its prey.
I will Katie to walk out of the room so I can follow her and we can talk. I don’t want anything to thwart my reunion with her. Nothing is going to stand in my way now. I’m all in, and I want her to know that I’m playing for keeps. Never in my wildest dreams did I think she would re-enter my life in such a way, and I am going to take full advantage of this opportunity that fate has given me. No more backing down. No more running away. I am going to face the situation head on, no matter how unpleasant things get with her father.
“Dad, Jennifer is talking to you,” Katie speaks, finally breaking her silence.
And her words ignite his fury. “I don’t care what Jennifer has to say. What have you been up to with this jerk?” he asks, pointing at me. “Whatever you’re trying to pull, it’s over. You hear me? Over.”
Katie visibly begins to shake. “But Dad…” she starts.
“Don’t ‘but Dad’ me,” he snarls. “I knew it from the moment I set eyes on this asshole that he was up to no good, and I was right. I want him out of this room. Now.”
I don’t want to indulge his ego and give in to his bullying, but I don’t have much choice. As I walk by Katie, I hold out my hand to her. She looks up at me with tears in eyes. Her anguished expression rips at my heart. I need her to trust me. I need her to realize I’m not going to abandon her to this dictator. But she has to meet me halfway.
And in that split second, she takes my hand.
I can’t help but smile. Too bad her father notices.
“Get your hands off her!” he yells, forcibly grabbing me by the elbow.
This isn’t going to end well.
“C’mon, sir. We mean no disrespect,” Chuck says as he pries Katie’s father’s grip off my arm. “We’ll be going now.”
And before I can utter a word, Chuck drags me out of the room and into the hallway.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at, man, but almost coming to blows with the son of one of our patients? My uncle certainly isn’t going to like hearing about this,” Chuck remarks, heatedly. “So you better keep your head down and your mouth shut, and follow me out of this place. Or else your career as a paramedic is going to be over, before it even begins.”
“Are you threatening me?” I glare at him. “Because I have no problem speaking to your uncle about what went on here.”
“Oh, really? How you’ve been stalking a girl through confidential medical records that are the property of our company? Nearly having a physical altercation with the girl’s father next to her grandmother’s deathbed? Yeah, I wanna see you talk your way out of that,” he scoffs.
“I don’t need to talk my way out of anything. That’s what you do best, isn’t it?” I retort.
“I’ve had just about enough from you. Let’s settle this here and now,” Chuck says, as he pulls out his cell phone. “Let’s put my uncle on speaker, and see how he resolves things.”
“Wait…”
“Ah, so there is some truth to your alleged misconduct. I thought so.”
“If you wanna bring me up on charges in front of your uncle—fine. But this isn’t the time or the place, and you know it.”
“Then leave with me, and I’ll drop it…for now.”
I gaze back at the room. The door is closed, and Katie is still inside. There is no way I am getting back in there. I might as well go. There is nothing I can do as long as her father is here.
Just as I am about to turn away, the door opens and Jennifer steps out. She peers up and down the hall until she spots me.
“Oh thank God, I didn’t miss you,” she says, hurrying toward me. “I’m so sorry you didn’t get more of a chance to talk to Katie.” She leans in and grabs my hand, as if to shake it. “But I want to thank you for all that you’ve done for me and my family. We are extremely grateful for everything.”
At that moment, I feel her slip a piece of paper into my closed palm.
“C’mon, Adam. I said let’s go,” Chuck commands, holding the door open.
“I won’t let her down,” I whisper, giving Jennifer a meaningful glance before walking out the door.
My heart is breaking and soaring at the same time. I’ve never experienced such conflicting emotions in such a short span of time. My life is unrecognizable. I don’t know how I’m supposed to fit into my old existence when nothing will ever be the same again.
Grandma is dead. The thing that I was dreading…happened. Suddenly. Ruthlessly. Completely. She is gone, and she is never coming back. I can’t wrap my mind around that thought. The finality of it frightens me.
Now, back at the house, the atmosphere doesn’t feel the same. Even though she wasn’t living here for some time, a new void is taking hold. There is an emptiness, a hollowness, that didn’t exist before. I can’t bear to enter her room, not yet. I need time to process what occurred. I don’t want my grief to get a firm hold. I have to fight these waves of sorrow. I can’t acknowledge them or I will sink with no lifeline in sight.
But wait, something else happened. Something big. Adam was there. Or was I imagining things? No, he was really there. He brought me back from the depths. He didn’t let me drown. He saved me. When I needed him the most, he was there.
How can this be? How can he appear at such a critical moment in my life? I can’t comprehend it. I don’t want to comprehend it. I am just grateful that he was there.
I can hear Dad’s voice from the kitchen. He’s been on the phone since the moment we walked through the door. It’s late, but instead of waiting until tomorrow, he called the funeral director, the church, and anyone he can think of to start making the arrangements. He is manic. He never knows how to deal with his emotions, so he always throws himself into the task at hand. We won’t be any source of comfort to each other during this trying time. In fact, he doesn’t want me anywhere near him.
He hasn’t said two words to me since he ordered Adam out of the room. As far as I know, he is finished with me. I won’t be surprised if he asks me to pack my bags and leave once the funeral is over, now that he doesn’t have to oblige Grandma by letting me stay.
My heart starts to race. Where am I going to go? Jennifer will help me as much as she can, but I can’t sleep on her couch indefinitely. She is a newlywed with two small kids. There is no place for me there. I’ll only be a burden.
My cell phone beeps. I have a text.
No worries, cuz. I slipped him your digits.
Jennifer. What did she do? Did she give Adam my cell phone number?
U gave my # 2 Adam?
Yep! Total love connection.
Thanks, girl.
No prob. Had to get around your barracuda of a father somehow.
Ain’t that the truth.
Now get some rest!
Will do.
Wow, maybe things aren’t so bad after all. Now that I have some small sliver of hope to cling onto.
“Thanks again for leaving me stranded last night, Adam. I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciated it,” Brian says.
“I’m sorry, man. I got carried away. I didn’t even think…” I start.
“Yeah, that about sums it up,” he concurs.
“C’mon, don’t be mad at me. I already explained to you what happened.”
“And if it wasn’t for this magical, mystical turn of events, I’d kick your ass.”
“Well, as long as you made it back here safe and sound.”
“No thanks to that hottie who couldn’t keep her hands off you,” he says. “You really have a way with women, bro. I thought that girl was gonna eat me alive when I asked her for a ride.”
“Brian, why did you even ask her?”
“I didn’t exactly know a lot of people there,” he continues. “She seemed like the best option before she started calling you a goddamn bastard who led her on for a year.”
“She was way outta line.”
“What did you expect?” he asks. “She was totally into you, and you burned her…bad.”
“She’ll get over it.”
“I’d love to be a fly on the wall the next time you have to go to General’s ER.”
“Maybe there won’t be a next time, if Chuck has anything to say about it.”
“I’m telling you, bro. You gotta expose that prick for what he is if he starts talking trash about you to his uncle,” Brian warns. “If he’s gonna fight dirty, then you should, too.”
“I don’t think I wanna expose Katie and her family to any more trouble,” I respond. “They have enough to deal with right now.”
“On my marathon taxi ride back to your place…don’t forget you owe me the cab fare…I started to think about your situation after you called me on your cell.”
“And?”
“Are you really going to throw away everything you’ve worked so hard for?”
“Nothing happened yet.”
“But you gotta face reality. Chuck isn’t going to let this go. He’s not gonna make things easy for you.”
“Then I’ll look for a place with another company.”
“Hello? What other company?” Brian asks. “Chuck’s uncle has practically a monopoly going.”
“Then I’ll move to a different area,” I reply. “I’m not gonna give up being a paramedic.”
“But what if your new girlfriend doesn’t wanna move?”
“Brian, we’re nowhere near that stage yet.”
“So all of this would be for nothing then?”
“Please stop,” I beg. “Why are you giving me such a hard time?”
“I’m trying to get you to see the big picture before I have to hop in my car and drive back to Philly,” he states. “Don’t make monumental, life-altering decisions without hashing them out first.”
“So now you’re Dr. Phil?”
“No, I’m your big brother, and I’m not gonna stand by and watch you destroy your life after you’ve done so much to put it back together. You’re just getting back on your feet. Don’t go inviting more drama into your life. Now is not the time for this.”
“I’m not gonna let her go, Brian,” I insist. “I never thought I’d get another chance with her. I have to take it. Regardless of what happens to me, as long as I’m with her, I’ll be okay.”
“That’s all fine and dandy, but how are you ever gonna get near her again?” he questions. “Daddy seems to have thrown down the gauntlet.”
“Yeah, well he didn’t anticipate having an informer in his family,” I respond. “Her cousin, Jennifer, slipped me Katie’s cell phone number before I left yesterday.”
“And did you use it?”
“Not yet.”
“Why not?”
“Because there’s a lot of shit going down right now in her house. Her grandmother just died. Her father is a loose cannon,” I explain. “I don’t wanna risk it until things calm down.”
“So you’re gonna leave this poor girl hanging?”
“I thought you were against me getting together with her?” I inquire. “And now you want me to call her?”
“Bro, you are so clueless sometimes. Now is the time to put caution to the wind. If you’re gonna screw everything up, you might as well storm the gates. Make your presence felt.”
“You’re right. I can’t let her father bully me into submission,” I remark. “It’s now or never.”
“That a boy. Now get out of my way. I have a two-hour drive ahead of me on practically no sleep, and I’m not looking forward to it. Thanks again for your wonderful hospitality,” he says, saluting me before slamming the door behind him.