Heartbeat (11 page)
When I get back, the house is eerily silent. Shelby twitches her ears, picking up an underlying current of tension running through the air. The atmosphere is heavy, dangerous.
I close the garage door and enter the basement. I continue up the stairs, but Shelby doesn’t follow me.
When I reach the top, I see Dad sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of scotch in front of him. This is odd behavior for him since he rarely, if ever, drinks alcohol at home. Occasionally, he meets his buddies for a beer at the bar they frequent, but that’s about it. Maybe Grandma’s death has gotten to him.
“Dad?” I ask.
But he doesn’t turn around. Instead he gets up, keeping his back to me as he takes another sip and peers out the kitchen window above the sink.
“What’s wrong?” I continue.
Without a word, he slams the bottle down onto the counter.
Why is he so angry? Does he suspect something?
Finally, he speaks in a low voice that is more terrifying than if he started screaming.
“I was on my way to the grocery store to pick up some things so we wouldn’t starve around here. And I thought I’d swing by the park, since it was on the way, to see if there was anything you needed to add to the list,” he starts.
My stomach plummets.
“I didn’t see you at first, and I thought you and Shelby were on the trail. So I got out of the car to look for you.”
My knees buckle.
“And surprise, surprise, if you weren’t twenty yards in front of me kissing that boy…after I made myself perfectly clear that you weren’t to have anything to do with him.”
His voice is still eerily calm.
“And if you’re gonna live under my roof, you’re gonna abide by my rules. And seeing that you are unable to do that, I want you to pack your bags and get out.”
“But Dad…” I implore.
“Today,” he responds.
My jaw drops.
This is really happening. This is it.
“Grandma never would…” I start.
“You’re right. Grandma never would have stood for this? Yeah, well Grandma’s dead. And I want you out.”
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“That’s not my problem. You’re an adult now. It’s time you got a taste of what that means. You’ve been babied your entire life. It’s about time you grew up.”
His words sting. It feels worse than if he hit me. I back out of the room, silent tears streaming down my face. He couldn’t have hurt me more deeply if he’d tried. I walk into my room and robotically grab a duffel bag out of my closet. My vision is blurry and my body shakes as I randomly stuff it with what clothes I can carry. I have to get out of here before I really lose it.
I stumble into the bathroom and snatch the items off the counter that are mine. I find my purse and go through my wallet. All I have is a $20 bill and some ones. Nothing more.
I take the stairs two at a time until I am back in the garage. I get in the car and shut the door. I can hear Shelby barking frantically, pawing at the door. I desperately want to take her with me, but what if where I end up doesn’t allow pets? I’m not going to make her situation as bad as mine. At least I know she has a good home here. Dad will take care of a dog
…but not his own daughter.
I’m staring blankly at the TV eating some ramen noodles when my phone rings. I don’t even have the energy to check the caller ID. I just pick up.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Adam? Adam, is that you?”
“Katie!” I smile. She must’ve programmed my number into her phone after I called her.
“I’m sorry to be so forward, but do you think I can come over to your place?” she asks.
“Do you even know where I live?” I laugh, but I’m worried. She doesn’t sound right.
“No, I don’t,” she whispers before breaking down on the other end.
“Baby, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you feeling bad about your grandmother?” I inquire.
“My father saw us kissing in the park, and he…he kicked me out…I have nowhere to go,” she divulges.
A surge of anger courses through my veins. How dare he do that to her—his own daughter. She’s in such a fragile state to begin with, and this is the defining blow. Something tells me he was waiting to wash his hands of her, now that her grandmother was no longer there to stop him. I provided him with the perfect excuse.
“Katie, listen to me. I want you to calm down, okay?” I urge.
“Okay…” she replies.
“You’re gonna take the highway and get off at the Houser Avenue exit. Then take a right onto Old Mill Road, and follow it as far as it will take you, about five or six miles. I’m at the very end of it. You can’t miss my apartment.”
“Okay, I should be there in about forty-five minutes.”
“Take your time. I’ll be here waiting.”
“Thanks, Adam.”
I hang up, and my thoughts begin to churn. I have a place to provide Katie now, but what will happen next month? I can’t put off thinking about the inevitable. As much as I don’t want to admit it—I need help.
Who can I turn to? Brian is pretty tapped out, residing near a metropolitan area where the cost of living is sky high. His entry-level salary barely covers his own expenses. If he didn’t have Kelly, I don’t think he’d be able to make it on his own. I can’t hit him up for money, not now.
I can ask my parents, but they already helped me move back from California. The airfare alone cost a fortune, not to mention transporting all of my belongings. Plus they will kill me if they find out my entire career might be at stake and that I might not be welcomed back at Tri-County Ambulance in a month. I don’t think they’ll be happy about funding an open-ended situation.
Maybe I should just drop out of school and look for a full-time job. I can take the rest of the semester off and go back in the fall. But I know deep down that once I walk away, it’s not likely I’ll make it back. I’ll be stuck in minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life, delivering pizza or stocking shelves—dead end positions with no hope of advancement.
My best chance is asking my landlord if he can hold off on the rent for a bit. But I don’t want to fathom how I’m going to pay two months at once if he does give me an extension.
I’m screwed.
But I can’t let Katie know. She’s already upset. I’ll tell her in a few days after she’s able to settle in and relax a little. No need to add any more burdens onto her slim shoulders. We will work it out together. We will find a way. We have no choice.
My hands are shaking as I turn off the ignition. I’m here. I’m outside Adam’s apartment. I glance up and see him watching me through his front window. I have to pull myself together before I face him. He must think I’m a total mess.
Dried tears coat my face.
I should’ve stopped somewhere to freshen up first.
I regard my reflection in the rearview mirror and see black streaks from my smudged mascara lining my eyes, which are red and swollen from crying. I look like a train wreck. Not the kind of impression I want to make visiting Adam’s place for the first time, but I can’t turn back now.
He comes bounding out the front door and runs up to my car.
“Are you okay?” I hear him asking, although his voice is muffled coming through the windshield.
I don’t want to break down in his arms again, so I take a deep breath before opening the car door.
“I’m fine,” I muster while sliding out of the car.
I find myself immediately in the comfort of his embrace. It feels safe and warm, like he will protect me against anything. I need only ask.
“C’mon, let’s go in. It’s freezing out here. Let me grab your bags,” he replies, peering behind me into the back seat.
I move toward the apartment. I don’t know what the boundaries are. Am I going to be living with him now? How long? Are we going to sleep in the same bed? Is he going to expect me to have sex with him?
I feel dizzy as these doubts rush through my mind. I grab onto the doorframe for support. I have to get a grip. I’m thankful Adam agreed to take me in…even though he barely knows me. What other guy would even offer?
I start to climb the steps as I hear Adam slam the car door shut.
“I hope it’s not too messy up there,” he remarks as he shuffles through with my bags. He’s even carrying my purse.
What a guy.
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” I convey while entering the living room area.
There isn’t much clutter at all—a few medical textbooks here and there, an empty pizza box on the kitchen counter, a pile of shoes by the entryway. But mostly it appears empty. Like the person who lives here just comes back to sleep, shower, and change before heading back out the door.
He lives a pretty lonely life. He’s completely alone out here. Maybe my coming to stay will be a good thing.
The entire place isn’t that big. There is a TV and couch in the main living space, which connects to a tiny kitchen with a microwave and a refrigerator. Beyond that, there is a bathroom and a single bedroom.
Oh yeah, the sleeping arrangements.
I don’t want things to get awkward later. I better address this now.
“I can sleep on the couch,” I blurt out, turning around to face him.
The gentle, brown eyes that I love so much widen in surprise.
“Uh, okay…if that’s what you want…but I don’t mind giving up my bed…and sleeping out here,” he stammers.
His face is bright red.
Great, that really helped the awkwardness. I’m such an idiot. I have to fix this.
“Well, we can always share your bed,” I blurt out before I have a chance to change my mind.
“Yeah, we can do that, too,” he responds, nervously tucking his hair behind his ears. “I’ll put your stuff in my room.”
I take in his tall, lanky form. He is easily a full foot taller than me, possibly 6’4” or 6’5” straight up and down. He has on a crew neck blue sweater that looks like it is two sizes too big for him and a baggy pair of jeans. The whole effect is rumpled and disheveled, but it makes my heart ache for him even more. He isn’t trying to impress anybody. He’s just trying to get through life, one day at a time.
I sit on the couch, and when he returns I pat the cushion next to me. He sits down, and I curl up in his arms as he strokes my hair.
“Did anyone ever tell you that you have great hair?” he asks, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.
“Not lately,” I laugh.
“It’s so soft. I could run my fingers through it all day,” he says, closing his eyes. “I love your red hair.”
He sounds exhausted, like he’s about to fall asleep.
We have things we need to discuss, but they can wait. We are both pretty spent after an emotionally difficult day. But I need to make the first move.
“Adam, I think it’s time we went to bed,” I urge, standing up and holding out my hand.
He looks at me like he was waiting to hear those words from me his entire life, as he places his hand in mine.
I wake up to sunlight streaming through the window and Katie nestled beside me. Only a few days ago, I never imagined this was possible—and here she is, fast asleep in my bed.
I check the time. It’s after ten o’clock. Normally, I’d panic, but I have nowhere I have to be…now that I no longer have a job. Sure, I have class later this afternoon, but I’m not looking forward to facing everybody after they hear the news.
Last night, we simply crashed. We are still wearing our clothes from the day before. As soon as we climbed into bed, neither of us had the energy to do anything more than sleep. And boy, does it feel good waking up next to her. I can certainly get used to this.
I don’t want to think about the circumstances that brought us to this point. That her father kicked her out of her childhood home since her grandmother was no longer there to protect her from his wrath. I have to tell her about my current financial situation and that we are probably living on borrowed time. But I’m determined to be up-front about where things stand; I don’t want to keep any secrets from her. If this is going to work, we have to be open and honest with each other from the start.
As if sensing my gaze upon her, she opens her eyes while stretching her limbs.
“Hey,” she says shyly.
“Hey,” I whisper back.
I wonder if this is the first time she’s ever woken up next to a guy. I hope it is. I don’t want to imagine her with someone else. It hurts too much.
She takes her finger and traces the outline of the stubble on my face. I quiver beneath her touch. A tiny smile lights across her face as she realizes the effect she is having on me. Matching my desire, her hand moves into my hair, grasping it as she pulls my lips onto hers. I never expected such intensity from her, but I give in to it.
I am fully on top of her when my phone rings.
I am determined to ignore it. It stops, but then starts ringing again.
I break away from her with a sigh of frustration that makes her laugh. I hold myself above her body as I reach for my phone, answering it one-handed.
“Hello,” I mutter.
“Adam?”
“Yes,” I respond.
“Hi, it’s your advisor, Mr. Harper. I got a message from Tri-County saying that they were suspending you for a month. I’m sorry to hear that,” he says.
“Yeah, me too,” I reply.
“Well, to cut to the chase, since you’re in the final stages of the program, the bulk of your courses are composed of field work. And since that is the case, I’m afraid we’re going to have to bring you in for a meeting with the dean,” he conveys.
“Wait a minute…what?” I ask. “I thought the suspension wouldn’t affect my classwork?”
“Usually, it wouldn’t,” he admits. “But since you’re so close to graduation, and Mr. Talbot is a member of our board of trustees, we feel this is a special case that deserves more attention.”
“Are you saying I may not graduate?”
“Let’s take it one step at a time, okay? Tri-County is the number one employer of our graduates, and we pride ourselves on maintaining our placement record.”
“You can’t kick me out of school for this.”
“I’m afraid we can. Trust me, Adam. I don’t want it to come to that, and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep that from happening, but I’m going to need you to cooperate and work with me.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“I’ve scheduled an emergency meeting with the dean for one o’clock. Would you be able to meet me in his office?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“No.”
“Then I guess I’ll see you then.”