Heart (7 page)

My voice was quiet when I asked, “Do you
believe her?”

“It was so weird, you know? All of a sudden
you were gone. You didn’t show up for school or hang out at the
hospital with the rest of us while we waited for Ryder to get
better. You were just gone. Nobody seemed to know where you went,
even Ryder. But… I don’t know, we all thought maybe it was the
addiction again. Kenna thought that was what happened to you
before. You just left. Ryder was so beat up. He stayed at the
hospital for a week. And then his recovery… Uh, yeah. Exie had been
weird for a while already. Distant and, I don’t know, sad. I know
her sister died and she was rightfully upset about that, but there
was more. She was scared too. I tried to reach out to her, but she
shut me out. Then, right before Ryder got out of the hospital, she
texted that she was moving to California and I would never see her
again.”

“She said California?”

“Yeah.”

I didn’t think Exie really went to
California, but it was an interesting response. Growing up, Exie,
Sloane and I would always plan these elaborate escapes. We would
look at maps of the US or of the world and try to figure out where
we would be safest. Exie would always joke that we should go to
California because that’s where Malibu Barbie belonged.

I chewed on my lip, wondering if that was
some kind of clue. Would she have known to pass something through
Phoenix? I was already gone. She couldn’t know if I was ever coming
back.

“This is heavy,” Phoenix sighed.

I yawned my response. I looked at the clock
and blinked at the numbers. It was just past ten. It had been a
very
long day.

“You tired, Ives?” he asked gently.

“So tired.”

“Take my bed then. I can crash with Buzz.
He’s got a bunk bed.”

“No, you don’t have to do that.”

Phoenix threw me one of his huge grins,
diffusing some of the uneasy tension that had filled the room.
“He’ll love it. He’s been begging for a sleepover all summer.”

“Thanks, Phoenix. I don’t know what I would
have done tonight without you.”

“That’s what friends are for, Ninja. I’ll
always be here when you need me.”

“Even after what I did to Ryder?”

He leaned forward until he was in my space
and I could feel the heat from his body and feel the rumble of his
words. “You’re my friend too, Ivy. I was as worried about you as I
was him. But I’m glad you’re mostly all right. I’m glad you weren’t
sent back to rehab.”

I swallowed through emotion I couldn’t stop.
“It was never rehab, Phoenix. I never had an addiction of any
kind.”

“Your crazy ass family again?”

I nodded and he pulled me into a tight hug.
“I’m glad you left. No matter how hard it was for you, for me, for
Ryder… I’m glad you got out and at least had a bit of peace. You
deserve more. You deserve a lifetime of it.”

“Thank you.” Tears slipped from the corner of
my eyes. I tried to wipe them away before he could see them, but I
didn’t think I fooled him.

After a few more minutes, he pulled away and
stood up. He walked to his door and then turned around to instruct,
“Feel free to borrow clothes or whatever if you need them and
there’s toothpaste in the bathroom. Help yourself to whatever you
need.”

“Thank you again.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, Ivy. Sleep
tight.”

He left me alone and I collapsed back against
his pillow. I yanked my purse off my shoulder that I hadn’t even
bothered to remove for the last several hours and nestled into the
bed. I convinced myself I would lie there for just a few minutes
until I gathered enough energy to deal with teeth and pajamas and
whatever.

But that never happened.

A few minutes turned into me passing out just
like I was.

I woke up sometime early in the morning. The
sunlight streamed into the room and warmed my cool skin. I rubbed
my tongue over my furry teeth and bemoaned my bad decision not to
brush them the night before.

I opened my eyes, deciding to do just that
before I snuck out of Phoenix’s house, and lost any ability to
think or plan or brush.

Ryder stood over me with arms crossed and
waiting.

I had the childish urge to pull the pillow
over my head and pretend he wasn’t there. I didn’t though. I was so
much more mature and closed my eyes and pretended to fall back
asleep instead.

“Ivy,” he growled. “We need to talk.”

Chapter Six

With the most polite voice I could muster, I
opened my eyes and said, “Ryder, what a surprise to see you. How
did you know I was here?” My gaze swung to the door where Phoenix
hovered uncertainly. I unleashed my worst glare on him.

Traitor.

He threw his hands up, “What did you want me
to do, Ivy? You’re in trouble.”

“Call someone who cares,” I mumbled.

In the next second, Ryder was in front of me.
Like right in front of me. He dropped to a squat and his angry face
invaded my personal space. “You think I don’t care?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Why don’t you
sing me a song about how you really feel?”

“Goddamn, Red. Do you need some coffee?
Should we postpone this chat until you’ve had enough caffeine to
clear your hazy mind and remember who left who? Or do you have a
reason to be angry with me? Because I would love to hear it if you
do. I’ll even get you my guitar and you can sing
me
a song.”
His eyes glittered with the knowledge of what it would mean for me
to sing.

It was safe to say a good night’s sleep had
not softened Ryder’s stance on my return.

“I need to brush my teeth.” I slid over so I
could stand up without bumping into Ryder. He stood up too and
didn’t exactly leave my space.

“Need a toothbrush?” Phoenix asked.

I nabbed my purse and patted it. “I’ve got
one. Where’s the bathroom?”

Phoenix stepped back and pointed down the
hall. I followed his finger and escaped as quickly as I could. Once
the door was shut, I went straight to work on making myself not
look like a train wreck.

I flinched as I took in my smudged mascara
and ratty hair. Knowing my breath was two steps from toxic, I
couldn’t help but feel the burn of embarrassment that Ryder had
been forced to witness this side of me.

If I had all this Siren power and yet I
couldn’t wake up looking absolutely perfect, then what was the
point?

I brushed my teeth, then my hair and changed
into the second outfit I’d packed in my purse- another long maxi
skirt, this one royal blue with black stripes, and a black tank
top. I threw my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head and
swiped some mascara and lip gloss on again after washing my
face.

Much better.

Ryder had been right about the coffee though.
I needed something strongly caffeinated and so sweet it would make
my eyes twitch.

I took a moment to lean on the vanity and
pull myself together. I thought about slipping out the window, but
that seemed cowardly. I was trying to be braver.

Also, I didn’t want to break my neck trying
to jump to the ground from Phoenix’s second floor window. A spinal
cord injury would be highly counterproductive.

I opened the door and prepared for whatever
was to come. I couldn’t even imagine what Ryder was doing here or
why he wanted to talk. He’d made himself perfectly clear last
night.

I quietly walked back into the room and
whatever conversation Phoenix and Ryder were currently in the
middle of halted. They both looked at me. Phoenix’s gaze held
enough compassion and empathy to make me feel warm and squishy
inside.

Ryder’s gaze, however, made me feel the
opposite of warm and squishy.

“So what is it you guys want to talk about?”
I broke the silence first.

“I’ll just, uh, give you two some privacy,”
Phoenix declared and then disappeared into the hall, closing the
door behind him.

Ryder leaned against the far wall, his
attention never leaving me. His arms were crossed over his chest
and his jaw ticked from how tightly he clenched his teeth.

I felt the power of his silver gaze rocket
through me. He left me dizzy with the effect of it, disoriented and
hot. He could express so much with just a look. He had no idea what
he did to me or how deeply his words hurt.

“We need to talk,” he reiterated, breaking
the building pressure.

“You said that. I thought we talked enough
last night. At least you said enough for the both of us.”

He flinched and admitted, “You caught me off
guard last night. I might have overreacted.”

“Ryder you wrote a song basically about what
a stone cold bitch I am. Your band knew it. You guys practiced
it.”

His lips twitched and he ran a hand through
his hair, “Yeah, well, it’s been a year, Ivy. I’ve had a lot of
time to stew.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I expected
him to tell me he was over me or that he had spent the last year
hating me. I did not expect him to say “stew.” I didn’t know if
that was worse or better, but something about it lessened the blow
he had delivered with his mean song.

“You left me.”

The brokenness in his voice weaved through
me, making me feel his pain as acutely as my own. “I wanted to
protect you.”

He shook his head as if he did not accept
that answer. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. That’s not
why I’m here.”

His dismissal of my intentions burned. “Okay,
then why are you here?”

“Why did you come back? Phoenix said you’re
in trouble. Why would you come back here if you’re in trouble?”

I let out a humorless laugh and plopped down
on the bed. “I’m always in trouble, Ryder. I thought you of all
people would know that.” He raised his eyebrows expectantly,
waiting for more. “I had a visitor the other night. Hermes came to
see me.”

“Hermes? The god?”

I shrugged a shoulder. It wasn’t all that
impressive. That sneaky bastard could pop up anywhere he wanted.
“He told me you were in trouble. I just wanted to see for
myself.”

His eyebrows went even higher and he leaned
forward to clarify, “You thought I was in trouble so you came out
of hiding to check on me?”

God, when he put it like that, after last
night, I felt like such an idiot. “Well, he said my mom and Honor
were in trouble too. I don’t really care about Ava.” Although I was
starting to wonder if that was still true. “But I’m worried about
Honor. I couldn’t get ahold of Smith and so I started to worry
Hermes was telling the truth. When I got here, I found out you were
okay, but Exie and Sloane are
not
.”

“It was you the other morning.” He pointed an
accusatory finger at me. “The unknown caller.”

“I wanted to know you were at least
alive.”

He retracted his hand and stared at me
silently. I could see him working something out behind those gray
eyes, but I didn’t think I wanted to know what it was. Finally, in
a very smooth voice, he said, “I’m alive.”

I pressed my lips together to keep from
smiling and agreed. “You are alive.”

“So tell me about Exie and Sloane. What did
you find out?”

“They’re gone. You were right. Nix took them
shortly after I left. I couldn’t find Exie’s mom, but Sloane’s told
me even she didn’t know where Nix had taken them.”

Ryder’s expression turned very grim. “And
what did you find out about your mom?”

“She’s gone too. Nix handed her over to the
Fates.”

“Give it to me, Red. Tell me everything you
know.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to pull you
into this. I don’t even know what’s going on or how involved I am
yet. I don’t want to put you in danger again.”

He stalked over to me, each footstep
punctuating his growing frustration. I cleared my throat nervously,
unsure what he wanted from me or why we needed to be so close.

He might be super pissed at me, but I had
spent our separation convinced I stayed away because I loved him.
Nothing about my feelings for him had lessened. In fact, they might
have grown stronger. It didn’t seem fair because this was the first
polite conversation we’d had since the night Nix had nearly killed
him. This thing inside of me should have faded or lessened or done
anything but grow and burn and turn into this hot blaze inside of
me.

He stood over me with his arms still crossed
and said, “That is not a decision you get to make. You can be a
martyr for your friends or for your mom or whomever else you deem
too weak to stand up for, but I am not that person, Ivy. I don’t
want you to fight my battles for me or choose how and when to keep
me out of danger. I decide when I want to get involved and when I
want to stay out of it. It has always been that way for me. Even
with you.
Especially with you
. So do me a favor and don’t
pull that bullshit anymore. When I ask you what is going on, either
tell me that you don’t want to say because you don’t want to say or
tell me what’s going on.
Don’t keep it from me because you
think you’re
protecting me
.”

He said “protecting me” like it was a curse
word. But his rant had made some sense and forced me to examine my
motives for keeping everything a secret. When I was honest with
myself, I found that I wanted to tell him. I wanted to talk it out
and see if he could pick up on something I had missed.

“Fine, Ryder. You want to know all of the
sordid details, that’s just fine.”

“Good.”

“Just… just tell me why you want to know
first. Why do you want to get mixed up in this again?”

He let out a weary sigh and sat down on the
bed with me. He sat nowhere near me; there was plenty of space
between us, but I felt him this close. I felt him all over my skin
and deep in my bones.

“Morbid curiosity,” he answered.

I didn’t believe him for a second. “Not good
enough.”