Haunted (36 page)

I lost track of time until I heard a buzzing sound. I frantically searched for my phone, which was still in my pants. “Hello,” I answered somewhat breathless.

“It’s tomorrow, can I come up?”  

Sure enough, my kitchen clock said 12:02.

“Yes! I’ll be right down.” I hung up, checked myself in the mirror, liked the rosiness to my cheeks and thought the relaxed look in my eyes from the massage would have to do. I scurried down to the back door to let Devon in.

I could see him through the glass. My heart thudded in my chest. I froze. Illuminated in the lights from the back, he stole what was left of my self-preservation. And damn if he didn’t look a little nervous, too. I opened the door for him and he stood there smiling at me, his hands in his back pockets.

“It’s Saturday,” he said in a quiet voice, tinged with excitement.

“It is Saturday. Hi.”

He let his eyes peruse my attire. They grew more heated with every inch. “Hi yourself.”

He was wearing his usual uniform of frayed Levi’s, boots, white t-shirt...he had on his beanie and his sunglasses were tucked into the neckline of his shirt. I don’t think Hanes had any idea just how sensual their undergarments could be. They needed to see this apparition on my back step. If they only knew, they could rival Victoria’s Secret.

“Did you want to come inside?” I stepped back a few paces opening the door wide. He smiled and took a step towards me but paused before coming inside. I cocked my head to the side and frowned.

“What’s wrong, Devon?” He shook his head and looked down at my feet.

“Nothing’s wrong, chère. I just...I told myself I only needed to see you, that I could see you and leave to give you your space. But now that I’m here...”

I reached out my hand to him. “I’ve had space for a very long time. I’d very much like for you to be in my space right now.”

His blue eyes met mine with an intensity I hadn’t expected. It took my breath away.

“Letting me in your space might change things, you know. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”  

I studied him for a minute. Was he worried I didn’t want him here? Was he worried my feelings had changed?

“Why wouldn’t I be ready for that?” I tried to keep my voice low, but I couldn’t keep the tremor out of it.

He took another step forward and lightly held the hand I’d left out for him. “I just want to be sure you’re sure. I thought maybe if you had some time away you might...”

I shook my head. “It only makes the heart grow fonder, don’t you know that?”  

He smiled and took another step forward. “That was true for me, I just wasn’t sure if you’d feel the same.”

I closed the distance between us, stood on my tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss on his bottom lip.

Devon squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehe8ad against mine. “Things were so tense back at the St. Germaine. I worried that our feelings were all caught up in that. I know that we said some things...”

Oh no he wasn’t.

“Devon, if you’re getting cold feet, then come in and warm them. If you’ve changed your mind, well, then still come in. I’ll get you a drink and we can talk.”

I turned around and climbed the steps slowly and prayed very hard to whichever deities were listening that he would follow me. I got three steps before I heard the door lock and his heavy boots hurrying behind me. Then I was being carried, his warm lips pressed against my neck.

I giggled and relaxed against him. He got us inside my door and closed and locked it. He set me down gently and stepped back from me.

He stared at me for a long time. I felt a little nervous under his scrutiny. I pulled the sides of my robe tighter together. Devon shook his head. He stepped forward and tugged on the belt of my robe, pulling it free. The two sides fell open leaving me exposed to him. I sucked in a breath and stared up at him. His eyes devoured me. He looked as if it pained him.

“Devon,” I whispered.

His eyes slid up to mine and he fell down on his knees before me.

“Jaylene, you are so beautiful. I’m sorry I...” His eyes were full of tears.

I stepped forward and brushed back his hair. “Why?”  

He shook his head and pulled me into him. His head rested against my bare chest and I could feel every hair, every eyelash, every bit of stubble from his five o’clock shadow...every movement awakened my skin to him. I could feel his breath heavy against my breast. I took in a deep breath and he pulled me tighter to him.

“Because I’ve never felt so much before in my life. Jaylene, I never thought I would love anyone like this.” He laughed breathlessly. “I wrote songs about love, but I had never felt anything like this. Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I was just thinking of everything. My life was a wreck before I met you and now I have meaning. I have inspiration. I’ve been writing songs like mad and I’m even thinking about a future.”

My heart was pounding in my chest. I didn’t know what to say. I was thinking of those things, too, but my feelings led to fear. My fear had me trembling.

He looked into my eyes, worry in his expression. “Jaylene? You’re trembling. What is it?”  

I smiled down at him. “Let’s just say that you aren’t the only one who is a little overcome with emotion.”

He reached up and touched my lips. He frowned. “I have things to tell you.”

I nodded. I shrugged out of my robe, letting it hit the floor. I felt him shudder and then he was caressing me softly with his hands.

“Can those things wait until morning?”  

His eyes left their roaming and met mine. He nodded and I brought my lips down to kiss his. His lips left mine and grazed my neck, my chest, each one of my pierced nipples. My head dropped back and I gasped. His kisses covered my stomach, my hips, his hands pulled my hips closer to him and he ran his tongue along the juncture of my thigh. My knees buckled and he was there to catch me.

He lifted me as he stood and said, “I’m afraid I’ve missed the tour and therefore am not sure where exactly I’m going.”

I giggled and tilted my head toward the bedroom. But instead of being playful, he had a very serious look.

“The same agreement stands. Nothing needs to happen here that you don’t want to happen.”

I nodded. “I know. You've been so patient with me. But I want you.”

His eyes were searching mine and when we moved toward the bedroom that heat was back in his gaze. He laid me down on my bed and stepped back. I stretched out, drinking in the sight of him watching me.

I smiled up at him and asked him, “Whatcha looking at?”  

He shook his head. When he didn’t speak for a moment, I started to sit up, but he put his hand out to stop me.

“No, please. Stay there. I am looking at the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

“Ok. But I think you’re overdressed. Care to remedy that?”  

He smirked and blew out a breath. Then he stepped out of his boots. He pulled his socks off. Then he pulled his shirt from the back of the collar over his head in one movement and tossed it on the floor along with his beanie that came off in the process. He stood there breathing heavily for a moment and I sighed.

“You make even the simplest of everyday movements seem like art. I could watch you move for hours. Or not move for that matter.”

His hands came to his hips and he shook his head.

“I’m serious,” I said. “Consider it an artist appreciating fine art. Now turn around and let me see the rest.”

I could see him blushing but I wanted this reveal. He slowly turned his back to me. I was no longer afraid of the name tattooed across his shoulders. It fit him, it was done beautifully, and I desperately wanted to kiss every letter.

“You know this is a little unnerving,” he said over his shoulder.

I laughed. “Why? Don’t you trust my artistic judgment? I’m telling you that you are a work of art and nothing you can say or show me next is going to change that.”

Now he was chuckling too. “Ok, you asked for it.”

I heard the buttons pop open and watched him slowly slide his jeans down his hips, letting them fall to the floor. He was standing in his boxer briefs and said, “Can I turn around now?”

“Nope. Lose the drawers, baby.”

I saw his shoulders drop as he exhaled and he was shaking his head again. With just the tips of his fingers, he slid his boxer briefs down and I blew out a breath in a whistle.

“Oh, Devon. Truly, they broke the mold when they created you.”

He snickered and turned around slowly. I could tell he was uncomfortable with the attention, but turnabout is fair play. He stopped moving and he was there in front of me, bared to me as I was to him. My smile dropped as I took in the magnitude of the moment. I held out my hands to him and he stepped toward the bed and then climbed onto it next to me.

“Devon, you are so beautiful. I can’t even find the words...”

He blushed further and stroked my bottom lip with his thumb.”I feel beautiful when you look at me like that,” he whispered.

“I want to draw you.”

His eyebrows rose at that. “Um, I guess, if you want to.”

“But tonight I’d rather just touch all of you, is that ok?”  

“That would be heaven, chère. I love your hands on me.”

I took my time tracing the contours of his torso, my fingers and lips taking turns learning him. The whole time he watched me he was quiet except for his changing breaths. He kept his hands off me as long as he could, but as I neared his hips, he grabbed my shoulders and moved to cover me with his chest.

“I don’t want this over too quickly and it will be if you linger near...”

“This,” I asked as I grasped his length with my hand.

He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut.”Oh, God, yeah, that’s what I meant.”

He was breathing hard as I slowly stroked him from base to tip. The texture was different than I expected. He was hard and soft at the same time and I loved the way he felt, the way he trembled as I touched him.

“Is this how you like to be touched, Devon? I don’t really know...”

“Oh, yes you do. You know exactly how to touch me, chère. It’s too good.”

He was kissing me all over my neck and chest. I felt my blood pumping into a frenzy. I wanted him everywhere and I wanted to be everywhere. Every nerve ending longed to be in contact with him. I couldn’t get close enough. I pulled back and stilled him with my hands on his face.

“I’m feeling like I can’t get enough of you, like I can’t get close enough to you.”

He smiled my favorite smile and it slowed my heart down just a little. “I know. I feel the same. But I want to make you feel good.”

“It all feels good. I want more.” I was breathless and I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted, didn’t know what I wanted.

He shifted to my side and looked down at me with an earnest look on his face. “Jaylene, what do you want from tonight?”  

I shook my head. “Everything, I don’t know. I can’t describe how I’m feeling so I don’t know what to ask for.”

He smiled and kissed me once sweetly on the lips. “I meant what I said. I want you to want this and to be ready. I really want to make love to you but not unless you are ready.”

I raised an eyebrow at him in question and he laughed softly. “Define ready? I mean, I know I love you. I know I want to be with you. If that’s ready for you, then I am ready.”

He still hesitated. “If I make love to you tonight, there’s no going back. You’ve already taken my heart. Making love will only cement the deal. And this will be it for me. I won’t be with anyone else. For as long as you’ll have me it will be only you. That’s what I mean by ready. And I’m ready.”

Tears sprung to my eyes and I held on tight to him.

“Why the tears, chère?”  

I tried to get a hold of myself enough to say what I needed to say. “That’s what it means to me, too. I’m so happy to hear you say that. But I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I’m afraid of what happens when our time is up. The thought of you leaving scares me so much. I keep thinking that will be it. And I was ok with that before, but now it’s too painful to think about.”

Devon sat up and ran a hand over his hair. He took a couple of deep breaths and when he turned to me his eyes were sad. “Why do you keep thinking in terms of ‘when our time is up’? I told you before I want to be with you, I want to make this work. I guess I haven’t proved to you yet that I’m not going anywhere.”

We were both quiet for a minute. I was feeling so exposed. I turned over on my stomach, afraid of what I was feeling. This was not at all how I anticipated the night going. I had to tell him everything or he might just walk out the door and decide this wasn’t worth it. I rolled over and sat up facing him. His eyes were still sad but determined. That gave me the strength to say what I needed to say.

“Devon, I’m afraid that it’s not anything you have to prove to me. It’s what I need to accept. Try as I might to be rid of them, I guess deep down I still have some abandonment issues. Unfortunately, you’re suffering from being my first for everything. My first boyfriend, my first love, and I want you to be the first person I make love to. You said it before. I don’t let people in. That’s because I’m always afraid I’ll disappoint them and they’ll leave. I want to take that step with you, letting you be the first man in my heart and the first man I trust with my body. It’s a lot to ask you to be patient with me, I know. I understand if you can’t be.”

He smiled at me sadly and took my hand between his two. “It’s too late for that. I’m already in this, chère. I love you. Patient or not, I can’t be anywhere else right now but with you. I want you any way I can have you, and if that means I have to wait to be that last first, I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

I leaned forward and threw my arms around him, pressing my face to his neck. I breathed him in as he pulled me onto his lap and held me tight.

“Devon?”  

He kissed my shoulder and said, “Yes, chère?”  

I sighed. “Can I ask you a question? About something you said earlier?”  

He laughed. “You can ask me anything.”

I drew in another deep breath for strength. “When you said before that you were thinking about a future, what does that look like to you? I’m not trying to insert myself into your life, here. I just want to know what you see.”