Hard To Handle (Teach Me Book 2) (31 page)

The mom cried a lot, mainly at night when she thought the boy and girl were asleep and couldn’t hear her.

Seeing the mom so sad made the girl decide that she was never going to fall in love, would never get married, never let anyone get close enough to hurt her, to leave her. Because she was convinced that would always happen.

She was determined to be the one who did the leaving, the one who didn’t get attached. So when this little girl grew up, she continued to follow those same rules, never getting attached, never experiencing love.

Zach appeared to be reading her posterboards, though she noted he still watched with his cool, gray gaze still shuttered.

But then one guy came around. And he was annoying and got under her skin constantly. She thought she disliked him—hated him, even.

Until one day, he showed her a different side of him. And she realized he was this really amazing guy. A guy she could, maybe, see herself with, see herself loving.

A guy she could totally bone all the time because boning is so hot!

Laney noticed Zach’s confusion, and when she bent her head to look at the card she was holding, she gave a tiny laugh.

“Damn, Lawson. Ignore that one,” she said with a tight smile. Fingers fumbling with nervousness, she placed the posterboard behind the others, continuing.

I’m here to tell you that I understand and respect that you’re moving on, that you don’t want to have anything to do with me because I hurt you. I know that and I’m so very sorry.

I pushed you away because I was scared. You were the first person to break through that wall I’d built up around my heart.

You broke through my defenses every time you linked your fingers with mine, every time you kissed my hand. When you came over when I was sick, introduced me to the best Christmas tradition I’ve ever known.

Every time you held me in your arms, I felt safe and cherished.

But I let my fear get in the way. I was so scared that you’d eventually choose someone or something over me that I pushed you away.

I know it’s too late. But I wanted to let you know how I felt … how I feel about you. To tell you that you have my heart. And you always will.

Widening her eyes to try and hold back the tears threatening to spill over, she cleared her throat, holding up the final board.

I know that it’s too late for us, but I hope you find someone equally as amazing to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Because you deserve that and so much more.

Laney turned abruptly to hurry to the door, fingers blindly fumbling to stop the music playing, not even bothering to remove her CD from his stereo. Holding the posterboards to her chest as if they were her armor, she prayed she could make it across the hall to her classroom before the tears broke through. Just as her hand touched the door handle, Zach called to her.

“Laney.”

She froze, knowing that she couldn’t turn around, couldn’t face him. Not now, not like this. Swallowing around the thick lump of emotion in her throat, she answered, “Yes?”

Silence dragged on enough to make her think that maybe he’d changed his mind, but just as she twisted the door handle, he spoke.

“I want the same for you, too, Laney. I want you to know how amazing you are and that you deserve to be loved, to have love in your life.”

All she could offer was a quick nod, lips clamped down to hold in the sobs threatening to break free. She opened the door and let it fall closed behind her, rushing to her own room.

Once inside her classroom, she’d hurriedly put the blind down over the door’s window and went into her storage closet. It was only after she had turned the lock on the inside, so no one could witness her break down, that she finally allowed herself to give in to the tears. Sitting atop the step stool she kept there, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, letting the silent tears rain down her cheeks.

She knew that while it hurt now, it would eventually ease. It had to. But right now, at this moment, it truly felt like her heart had been torn in two.

C
HAPTER
F
ORTY
-N
INE

Z
ACH WASN’T SURE HOW LONG
he stood in his classroom, packaging tape in his hand, staring at the closed door Laney had just escaped through. She must not have realized he could see the reflection—her reflection—in the door’s window, had seen the utter pain in her eyes. The unshed, glistening tears in them.

Had that been the face, the expression of a woman who could truly love him and not run away from him? A woman who would want to be with him for the long haul?

The door opened abruptly and Zach saw his principal enter the classroom. Shaking off his troubled thoughts, he forced a smile as he greeted Mr. Pratt.

“I know, I know. It’s a mess.” Zach gestured to the stacks of materials, supplies he had set out to pack for the move. “But I promise this place will be spotless and all set for the new teacher to move into once I get finished.”

“New teacher?” Mr. Pratt scoffed before waving off the comment. “I haven’t even begun to find anyone to fill your position yet. Nobody quite fits the bill. Keep hoping you’ll change your mind.” Mr. Pratt’s head tipped as he appeared to study Zach, making him feel a bit uneasy. “You sure you won’t change your mind?”

No, I’m not sure of anything anymore
.

Zach nodded. “I’m sure.”

“Okay. Well, just let me know if you ever need anything.” Mr. Pratt shrugged. “Help with curriculum, the yahoos downtown at the Board, or working for me again.” He winked at Zach with a smile before turning to head toward the door. Stopping in the doorway, he glanced back. “It’s been a pleasure working with you and I really hope to see you again.”

“Thank you, sir. I appreciate it,” Zach told him sincerely. He had enjoyed working for this man who supported his teachers like no other.

After the door fell closed behind his principal, Zach was again left to work in silence, to resume his packing. Now, for some reason, he had zero enthusiasm toward the act.

Instead, he had the nagging feeling that he was making the wrong decision.

* * *

He was going to miss this. Zach sat on his back deck with a beer, watching the very beginning of the sunset over the Atlantic Ocean. He had priced places to live in Neptune Beach, and unless he wanted to tap into his trust fund—which he didn’t—there was no way he could afford to rent something even a few blocks away from the beach. He really had lucked out with the deal on his current, soon to be former, place.

Right now, he was feeling pretty damn torn about things. Having Laney come to his room and say … or write her feelings for him was unexpected, to say the least. He still felt shell-shocked.

Suddenly, the phone he’d laid on the small table beside him began to ring. He picked it up, glancing at the caller ID, making a face before answering it.

“Hello, Mother.”

“I’ve been trying to call you for weeks! Why haven’t you answered? I suppose you’ve been with that Laney girl?” The way she all but snarled into the phone spoke volumes. This was why he hadn’t answered her calls.

“I believe I made myself clear the last time we spoke. Whenever you decide to act like a nice human being, then we’ll talk. Otherwise, I have nothing to say to you.”

“But, Zachariah,” she whined, “the attorney has to get your approval for any additional allowances for me. And I really need to pay the mortgage.”

His lips pressed thin with irritation. “The mortgage gets paid on the first of every month, Mother. It’s now the fifteenth. Which means it’s been paid already,” he bit out. “How do I know this? Because I’m the one who does it.”

“But—”

“I’ve got to go.” Zach ended the call, cutting her off. She had never apologized for the way she had spoken to Laney. Knowing his mother, she probably never would.

His phone rang again and, beyond irritated at this point, he answered it angrily, “What do you want, now?”

“Whoa, whoa,” came a familiar male voice. “I just wanted you to come let me in your front door, dude. But if this isn’t a good time …”

Releasing a long sigh, Zach ran a hand over his face. So wrapped up in the phone call with his mother, he must have not heard the doorbell. “I’ll be right there.” He entered through the sliding glass door and walked through the house to the front door. When Zach opened it, Lawson was standing there holding a case of beer.

“You look like you might need all of these, buddy.” He held up the beer.

Zach shook his head. “Tempting at this point, trust me. Come on in.” He turned and walked back down the hallway to the kitchen, waiting as Lawson placed the beers in the fridge, offering one to Zach.

He shook his head. “Already have one, thanks.”

Lawson took the beer for himself, opened it, and tossed the cap in the trash before following him out onto the deck.

As the two men sat in the chairs, drinking their beers, Lawson finally spoke. “So, rough phone call with Mags?”

Lawson referred to Zach’s mother as Mags ever since he’d met her and discovered just how awful she was. Of course, once Lawson found out that her name was Margaret, he had proceeded to call her ‘Mags’ every chance he got. Especially after the woman had insulted him about the beard he sported so proudly.

“Yep.”

“Still as cruel and unusual as always?”

“Yep.”

Lawson nodded. “Good to know
some
things are constant.”

Zach groaned. “Not you, too.”

Lawson’s eyes went wide with faux innocence. “I’m merely saying that it’s going to suck not having you around, that’s all.”

Zach shot him a look. “You and Mac totally planned this, didn’t you? The whole, ‘let’s bombard Zach on the last day of school so he feels guilty and doesn’t want to go through with it’ thing.”

“Did Mac lay it on too thick? Wait,” Lawson’s crease between his brows became pronounced, “did you just admit to not wanting to go along with it?”

Shit
. He could feel the beginning of a headache coming on. He didn’t want to hash this out.

Wearily, he said, “Laws, let’s not do this. It’s been a shitty day. Between my mother’s call, Mac giving me shit, and Laney’s surprise cue cards reenactment, I’ve met my quota today. Please just lay off.”

He took a long drink of his beer and stared at the sunset. Lawson was unusually quiet. Which was always suspicious. He turned his head toward his friend.

“No comment, huh? That’s a first,” Zach muttered, returning to gaze at the sunset.

“Actually, I’m impressed. Wasn’t sure if she was going to go through with it.”

“That one board was a nice touch, man,” he said drily, corners of his lips tilted up. “Was it also your idea for her to play 98 Degrees’ “Because of You” in the background?”

Lawson laughed. “I might have planted the seed. And I had to slide that one board in for you. Only saw the one behind it and figured the overall tone of them was a little too sobfest inducing.” He paused. “So. What did she—or her boards—say exactly?”

Zach ran his tongue over the front of his teeth before taking in a deep breath. “Basically that she wanted me to be happy, find someone who would love me … and that I had her heart.” The last few words felt like they were sticking in his throat, coming out with a faint grittiness. Clearing his throat, he added, “And that I always would.”

“Huh,” was all Lawson said. But it spoke volumes.

The two of them sat in silence for some time, just watching the myriad of colors begin to decorate the sky. Hearing a bit of shuffling next to him, he turned to see Lawson head inside. He assumed his friend was going to get another beer. When Lawson returned a moment later, he didn’t have a beer in his hand, but a permanent blue market and a spiral bound notebook.

Cautiously, he asked, “What’s going on?”

With a wry smile, Lawson tossed the notebook and marker to him. “Thought maybe you could use this. Maybe write down your feelings.”

He stared at his friend. “Uh, Laws …”

Lawson held up his index finger to him as he tapped the screen of his phone a few times before looking up at Zach with a grin. “Sorry. Just checking on some stuff.” Lawson wiggled his eyebrows and held Zach’s gaze expectantly.

Okay, fine. I’ll take the bait
. Zach sighed wearily. “Stuff liiiike?” He drew out the word, exasperated with his friend’s mysterious response.

“Like exactly where a certain brunette is right at this moment,” Lawson answered, one eyebrow raised pointedly.

Turning his gaze away, he tried for nonchalance. “Really. And where would that be?”

“Surfing.”

His head whipped back in Lawson’s direction. “What?” Slamming his bottle down, he came to his feet. Because Laney shouldn’t be surfing alone, damn it. She was still a newbie. If anything happened to her …

Lawson stood, his hand coming up firmly against Zach’s chest, giving him pause. “Yo, man. Chill for a minute. Just put yourself in her place. Where would you go if you wanted to feel close to a certain person? She’s not trying to injure herself. She’s just … hurting.” Lawson’s blue eyes held his as if imploring him to understand.

Nodding slowly, Zach ran his hands over his hair, coming to rest on his head for a moment. “I’ve got to go, Laws. Sorry to bail, man, but—”

“Go.” Lawson flashed him a knowing smile, shoving the marker and notebook at his chest. “Just go.”

Zach rushed inside the house, slipped on his flip flops, and took off out the front door and down the stairs. He had to cross the street to make it to the beach and still had probably five more minutes of hauling his ass to where he figured she’d be.

If he were a betting man, she would be near the beach access where he normally taught surf lessons, where the waves were often better, bigger. The spot where she’d always think of him, have memories of their lessons, the fun they had together.

And, maybe, she’d also remember the love that had grown stronger in that very spot.

C
HAPTER
F
IFTY