- Hard Fall (12 page)

Hard Fall

by James Buchanan

when you can't stand or sit or nothing, weren't easy but I managed. As I slid out the back and hopped into my climbing pants, I hissed over my shoulder, "I'm supposed to wear them." Don't know if he could hear me over the whine of rip-stop sliding on my skin. "They're part of my covenant with my church."

"Holy shit," Kabe clambered out behind me. "I thought that sacred underwear was a load of crap."

Wasn't like he meant to be mean to me when he said it, but I'd heard the snide comments and downright nastiness heaped on all my life. Sorta soured the warm glow from earlier. "Look, grab some gorp outta the pack." I'm certain my words got all muffled as I jerked on the lightweight climbing shirt, but I didn't much care at this point. "I think I threw in jerky or canned sausage or something that'd work for breakfast." I looked over at Kabe. He stared back, his face unreadable. Don't know if it was because I'd pushed a button or he'd realized he'd pushed mine. "I got to take care of business. If I ain't back in ten, I've gotten hurt."

After I'd stalked off into the bushes to relieve myself, I managed to calm down a bit. Of course, my Pa always teased you couldn't even warm a flea on me when I got hot. They said Joe Peterson simmered, he never boiled over, and I'd darn sure keep it that way. Why did I ruin the moment by getting ornery? Not like I was about to back off though. That warn't me.

A few degrees cooler, I met Kabe back at camp. Still, we downed the trail food in silence. Didn't say nothing since there didn't seem much of anything to say. Packing up the 104

Hard Fall

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truck was more a function of slamming the gate and climbing into the cab. I swung the pickup around and headed down.

Both the failure from the previous day and my shortcomings of the morning stung me hard. "Look," I broke the tough silence filling the truck, "what you got going today?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"Wanna try from a different perspective?" It hit me as we bounced down the trail how it looked so different in the going than it had in the coming up. "See if we might find it that way?"

"Looking up instead of down? Might work." Kabe's jaw was set hard and all the con had drifted back down over his eyes.

"I got nothing better to do. Not like the ranch needs me. Get more in the way of everyone than actually get work done."

"Well then, I'll use you. Certainly don't get in my way." I offered him a smile to show I meant it, 'cause I did.

"If it's like the way you used me last night ... I don't think you'll find the camera up there." His tease shut me up quick.

Down the trail and around the base of the cliffs Kabe searched for landmarks, trying to get us in the general vicinity of where we'd pulled the body of Anya Warner. A good deal of the trip meant back tracking and side tracking. You never went straight down and there weren't many trails.

Somewhere along the way, I was pretty sure we'd cut into NPS territory. I had my annual parks pass and stayed on already cut roads. Worse-case scenario was I'd get busted for having my rifle in the window. The Feds frowned on firearms on government property.

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I got us as close as I could manage ... going until there wasn't any more track to follow. My little DeLorne GPS, using the longitude and latitude coordinates I got from my notes on the body pull, would sight us into the target now that we'd narrowed our focus. The DeLorne was lighter than most, even if it didn't carry all the bells and whistles. Some of the hotter models might get us within a foot or two with full color topographical maps and pinpoint triangulation. My own eyes could manage as far as I needed once I had a decent bearing.

After I parked the truck, I took another reading. The GPS

told us what direction and how far we needed to go. 'Course that was all in
miles as the crow flies
not miles of up, down and detouring around slot canyons. Kabe and I shouldered our packs, including a fair bit of climbing gear, and started the hike in. Good thing about being the cautious type, I'd planned for a day's scouting and packed for three. Heck, you never knew when you might get caught by a sudden flash flood, rock slide across a road, or busted axle.

My morning irritation slipped a notch with every foot I set in front of t'other. Moving through the woods, even a sparse one, brought me a little closer to understanding God's grand plan. Pine needles crunched beneath our steps and lacy branches created patchworks of sun and shade to wander through. The
shek-shek
of Steller's Jays scolded us. The occasional chatter of the ground squirrels added their complaints as well. Mostly it was the sound of the wind and a living, breathing conifer forest that accompanied us.

I turned back to check on Kabe. Not that I thought he needed checking ... habit of many a trail hike and canyon 106

Hard Fall

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crawl. Sweat beaded around his hairline, gathering to run in little rivers down his cheek. Exertion raised up a slight flush on his dark skin. His face, his eyes, they were open and honest and I swear he seemed younger than I knew he was with all the defensive hiding gone. Stripped bare of pretense, living in the moment and smiling at the sky ... I think in that one instant I lost all reason for him.

Sex felt good. His body sure wasn't hard on the eyes. But that second showed me someone I could live beside and understand. I could imagine us walking this way for the rest of our lives. I could show him the giant Douglas Fir in the middle of Wall Street Canyon and he'd marvel. Kabe wouldn't laugh if I took him on a five-mile hike just because the stars were more brilliant when you laid on a certain rock at midnight.

I died inside.

Terrible thing to admit. I'd hoped I'd never find that one special person, 'cause then it didn't matter. My sin was my own; a rare, sometimes thing. Nothing had to change. I'd just go on day-to-day being Deputy Joe. Finding the right person meant you were a person—plus one. Heavy load of responsibility that, and I wasn't sure I could handle it.

Sharing my life with someone ... I'd never manage it.

Couldn't live
that way
with everyone knowing. I was ashamed, of me and what I might feel for him. I'd sinned with him, liked it, and I'd do it again if he asked.

I couldn't look at him for the next few miles. Keeping my head low and plodding along, my thoughts ate at me. When 107

Hard Fall

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we hit the base of the cliff, I breathed a bit easier. I took a final reading that told me we were off by a few yards.

"Okay," I pulled out my water, took a swig and tried to pretend it all was normal, "like yesterday. I'll go left, you go right and we search for anything unusual."

Kabe downed his own water before answering. I tried like anything not to stare and failed miserably. His brilliant smile caught me hard as he spoke. "Sounds like a plan." He tucked the water away, pulled the small walkie-talkie out of his pocket, turned it on and checked the battery. Since I'd kept them charging on the truck's power all night, we should have had a good few hours of life. "Check in every fifteen?"

"Yep." I smiled back and nodded. Kabe gave me a mock salute then started along the wall off toward my right. I watched him a bit, until he was almost out of my sight in the bends and turns, before heading left. Even that little bit of loss hit hard, and I knew it was only a temporary thing. How in the world would I manage tearing myself away from him? I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have given into my sin and taken us both down. Lord, forgive me for being a weak-willed man.

Hiking along a cliff base while trying to scan the face isn't the easiest row to hoe when your mind's wrapped up in a good dose of self loathing. I tripped over my own feet a couple of times when I got too distracted by a bit of brush or outcrop of rock. At least the searching kept me from the thinking ... about him and what a miserable human being I was. Moving slow, making sure to look in every fissure from every angle I could manage, I searched. Like clockwork, 108

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fifteen minutes would drift by and Kabe and I would compare the whole lot of nothing we'd discovered.

Eventually I lost focus. Not really actually lost it, more of I dropped into a kinda tunnel vision. Walking, staring up the cliff face, I completely lost track of how far I'd gone.

Whatever, 'cause it was a good thing. Up, couple hundred feet up, the strap of something hung off a tiny outcrop. For a moment it stunned me. Hadn't really thought I'd find it.

Hoped, heck yeah. Thought there was a snowball's chance in hell of success, I hadn't really considered it possible. I shook it off and pulled out the binoculars. Took me a moment to sight it in, but yep, definitely a strap, most likely from a camera. I fished the walkie-talkie off my belt and hit transmit.

"Hey, feeling like going up?"

Static broke from the speaker, then, "What?" Even over a background of white noise, I could hear the tease in Kabe's voice. "Didn't get enough of going down last night?"

For a bit, my breath caught. I didn't talk like that with anyone. Never ... ever. For all of two minutes I froze in absolute terror. I knew a thousand eyes stripped me bare and found me wanting. Then the weight shifted and I could breathe again ... heck, what was the harm. Nobody around for miles in the backcountry. Certainly there couldn't be anyone within range on my cheap climbing set of walkie-talkies. Relaxed, alone with Kabe, I could play some. "Not with what you got." And that was the truth. That pretty boy's dick sent me reeling. Tied up to a tie-down, legs spread wide so I could suck those furry balls and long, fine cock, I could 109

Hard Fall

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take another round of that. I'd fall and fall again anytime he offered.

"Me neither." Lust is a terrible powerful thing and I could hear it in his voice. I couldn't fathom that I inspired it in him.

"You have that whole desperate for a fuck vibe, makes it real fun."

Knocked me a bit there. I ain't used to hard language. I plunked my butt on a boulder and fished out my water bottle.

Took me a moment to compose myself before I answered.

"You don't have to be crude about it, you know." I took a hefty swallow then wiped the sweat off my forehead with the back of my arm.

"Suck my balls, rim me like a pro, then stick your prick up my ass, and you got a problem with the word 'fuck?' Man, you got issues." He kept the mike open so I could hear him laughing at me. Thank the Good Lord Kabe wasn't nowhere near or he'd have caught me blushing like a virgin on her wedding night. Okay, pretty boy, laugh at me, I'd figure a way to make him pay later. "Heading your way. How far are you?"

I looked up the face of the cliff and tried to sight off where I might be. "Maybe a good mile and a half from where she fell."

"Really?" The sound of a small rain of rocks came across the connection with his words. "What'd you find?"

That black strip of fabric taunted me. I'd feel like a damn fool if that was just some scrap carried in by a scavenger.

Somehow my gut told me I was right. "I think I found her camera."

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Silence answered me for a while. Left me some time with my thoughts, damn near all of them revolved around Kabe and what the heck I was going to do about us. I did not want there to be an 'us.' I couldn't let there be an 'us.' Somehow, I'd put an end to it, shut it down quick and nurse the shame of my desire in private ... like I always had. There couldn't never be more. I wouldn't take my life down like that and no way, no how, did I have the right to ask anyone else to live with my secret guilt.

The hiss of the speaker snapped me out of my thoughts.

Kabe broke in and asked, "More than a mile from where she fell?" He must have been thinking on the issue of the gal and the camera. Probably a much better way to occupy his mind than mine.

After another swallow of water, I answered him. "Could be less, but it's a fair piece."

"That's weird."

"It's downright suspicious." I agreed.

Didn't need much more conversation after that. First I took a reading off the GPS to confirm what I thought, then I pulled out my ropes, minus one short bit still tied in the bed of my truck, and checked them over. One of those things about being a climber, I never went near a mountain without a full set of gear. What if the mood struck me to try a face? I'd feel like a darn fool humping back to my truck or base camp to get it all. Not like I carried enough gear to tackle Spearhead or the Iron Messiah, but I packed enough for a few pitches.

Plus, I'd known what I was coming for. Didn't know if I'd find 111

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it. If I did though, I knew I'd likely need to go either up or down to get it.

Maybe forty minutes after we last talked, Kabe trudged into view. If my estimate was right, and he'd managed the same distance in the other direction as I'd come this way, Kabe'd done a good three miles at double time. Sweat plastered his shirt to his chest like a second skin. "Hey!" I called out and earned a wave. "Get over here and set your gear down for a bit."

"I need to double check my rig." He may have been sweating, but his voice sounded like he'd been out on a short stroll 'round the block ... not even winded. The last few feet gave me ample time to just drink in the sight of him. And hate myself every moment for my weakness. All the promises I made to let him go swam right out of my mind. "Won't take long." He swung the pack off his shoulders and dropped down next to me. Warm skin under hot sun filled my senses with him; I was overwhelmed by his scent. I didn't think I'd ever manage to get it out of my mind.

I nodded, trying to come off like a buddy, not someone who wanted to jump his bones right then and there. "No problem. You wanna lead this time?"

His confident, "Sure," came with another bright, open smile. Each and every one of those ripped my heart to shreds. I wanted him to stay that way forever, look at me like that every day for the next hundred years. Just weren't gonna happen. Once we got off this mountain, everything needed to end.