Hand of Thorns (26 page)

"If you'll excuse me, I need to use the restroom."

I turn around to head towards the bathroom, eyeing Sumner as I go. She hops up from the chair to join me. When we get through the door, I walk over to one of the stalls and kick the door. It swings open, making an echoing bang, then swings back shut. I kick it a second time, then turn to face her, holding back my tears with all my might. "Did you know I was a gossip celebrity now?! Do you know I'm also going to be on the front of newspapers soon, for killing him?!" I should probably tame my words, but no way in hell I can do that right now.

"Whoa. What happened?"

"They're engaged, yeah. And guess what? Apparently all those fucking stupid tabloids have pictures of him and I together on the cover, with headlines including the words affair and mistress. Fuck, I don't even know, all I know is that cunt bag out there is laughing about the audacity of that ever being a possibility, flashing her three carat diamond ring around, being all fucking annoying and beautiful and... dumb!" I don't even know what I'm saying at this point, I'm that furious.

Sumner takes a few deep breathes in front of me, trying to ease my breathing as well. "Calm, Monica. Calm down. It could all be a ploy."

"A ploy, really?" I snap.

"Yes, really." Her voice remaining smooth and charismatic. "Tabloids come out on Wednesday mornings, they're obviously recently engaged. What if she saw the tabloids, and either asked him about them and that was his answer to deny the claims,
or
she saw them and told him he better make it right. Either way, do you think after how you two have been, he'd suddenly propose to her, and it coincidently be the same week you're on the cover apparently having an affair together?"

I think about what she says, and it surprisingly makes sense. "Do you really think?"

"I think it's an absolute possibility. More so, I think you need to speak with him about it. Not simply assume what Ellie of all people is claiming."

I look down in embarrassment and shame. "This is a lot of work. Relationships shouldn't be this hard."

"I hate to break it to you, but you're not in a relationship. If you were though, you'd go through hard times then too. No relationship is perfect, and they all have obstacles, especially when you're with someone famous. Speak with him, figure things out on your own, and I'll be here to help you through the process, regardless to what your choice may be."

I hug Sumner to me. "Thank you. You really are amazing."

"Duh."

Exiting the restroom, Richard stands nearby, smiling at me. "Hey," he says, stopping me. "I was wondering if you'd like to dance."

I glance at my protruding belly, wondering if he realizes how difficult that will be. "Um. Sure. If you really want."

Sumner bumps her shoulder into mine as she passes by. "Have fun you too, I'm going to find Smitty and have him dance with me."

Richard takes my hand in his, bringing us out the dance floor. He spins me around then pulls me back in elegantly, then we dance alongside many others to a slow rhythm. "You look beautiful tonight, by the way," he compliments me.

I purse my lips. "Thank you." I don't want to return the sentiment, because I don't want him to think I'm interested.

He laughs under his breath, lifting both his brows. "Ouch."

"Sorry. I'm not trying to be mean," I tell him. I may as well be nice, so long as he knows I'm not hitting on him. "You look great, too. Congratulations on tonight, you must be excited to start racing across the nation soon."

"Yeah, it'll be fun. I've been anticipating it for quite some time."

"Good luck."

"I could say the same." He looks down at the object separating us. "Any time now, huh?"

"Yup. I'm ready for it to be over with. My friend Penelope went over two weeks early, so I'm wondering if I have the chance to go sometime in the next ten days."

"What do you think of Leon and Eleanor's engagement?" He asks suddenly.

I'm sure my face blanches. "Oh. Um. Good for them. I figured it'd be sometime in the near future."

"You did?" He looks truly surprised. "Odd. I thought he'd propose to you first."

"What?" I gasp.

Richard chuckles, leaning forward. "After the Christmas party he explained it all to me. I've been voting for you both all along, which is why I invited you tonight."

I'm speechless. "Oh. Wow. Really?" I cock my head in question. "So do you know
why
they're engaged?"

"Actually, he hasn't said anything to me yet. I didn't even know they were. To be honest, I think she somehow tricked him though, probably because of the tabloids."

"That is what my friend Sumner said, too."

The song stops and the crowd starts to disperse. Taking my hand, Richard leads me to the buffet. "You must be hungry, let’s get something to eat."

He walks me over to get some food, and then we bring our plates to the table I was sitting at with Sumner, whom is now sitting with Smitty. Richard kicks his head in their direction. "Tell her to be careful of that one there. He doesn't have flavors of the week, they're more like flavors of the night."

"She has a boyfriend. She's just using him to feel good about herself, I think."

We both look in their direction but don't say anything. Sumner peeks over with pulled eyebrows, questioning why we're staring at her. I laugh as Richard smacks my hand, turning away to start eating my food. "You're a sweet girl, you know. What were you thinking getting caught up with my brother anyhow?"

"I bet you have sweet girls falling at your feet left and right."

He nods, pleased with himself. "Probably more than I should care to admit."

"It happens. It's that whole bad boy persona. I can't explain it. Never thought I'd get caught up in it, but..." I look over to where Leon is- and it catches me off guard to see him staring at his brother and I the way he is, while Ellie gabs on about something, paying no attention to the fact he's lost in a different world. I glance back to Richard. "But he's addicting."

"You love him?"

"With all my heart."

"He loves you, too."

I shrug. "Did. Maybe. I don't know."

"I do know, and he does. Wanna know what he told me at the Christmas party after you left?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I thought that was the end of us."

"The argument you two had?" He chuckles. "Yeah, you drove him fucking crazy for weeks. Mom and I were throwing ideas at him on how to win you back."

"Wait!” I interrupt. "Your mom knows?" My face heats up with embarrassment. I liked their mom a lot, I don't want her to think I'm some kind of hussy.

Richard nods, seemingly amused. "Yeah, she had it figured out early on. Nothing gets past her. She likes you, too. A lot actually. She's been upset with Leon for not being open and honest with everyone, but that's a different story. Anyways, he busted open my door after you left the house, and chucked my damn lamp at my head, smashing it into pieces. Told me if I ever even attempted to touch you or flirt with you he'd rip my head off. It took me almost an hour to get him to calm the fuck down enough to talk with me about shit. He's kept me pretty well updated since."

"Hopefully not too updated." I think back to the kinky things we've gotten into recently, and I would be mortified if his brother or anyone else knew the things we've tried.

He winks before roaring with laughter. "No. Nothing with details, don't worry. What I do know is he's been pissed for the last forty some odd hours. Something went down between them, and she has the upper hand. For now. Don't stress about it. It'll work out, trust me."

"What if it doesn't?"

"Will that be the worst thing?"

I have to chance looking at him once more. He stands up when I do, walking towards the main entrance. Ellie is currently talking with other people at the table. I don't even think she knows he's gone. My line of sight follows back to the front door, but he rounds the corner as if he's about to leave. "No," I admit. "But close." Tears start to brim, but I try not to let Richard see. I turn my head slightly, pulling a napkin up to dot under my eyelids. Clearing my throat, I finish what I was about to say before emotions get the best of me. "It's painful."

"Is the pain worth the happiness?"

"Without a doubt. We always have an amazing time together. I never knew I could be so happy."

"Then give it time, Monica. Give it time."

Sumner hops back over to our table when Richard excuses himself. "That's his brother?" She asks, staring intently as he steps towards a crowd of friends. "He is gorgeous. Go for him instead."

"What? No. That'd be weird."

"Any more weird than what is happening with your life?"

"True." I nod my head slowly as it starts to pound from all the back and forth of my thoughts and emotions.

"If you don't want him, I'll take him."

I look at Sumner in astonishment. "What is wrong with you tonight? You are like a super horny vixen all of a sudden."

She chews the inside of her lip, looking at the centerpiece with far too much interest.

"Spill."

She grunts. "Fine. I finally... well... you know." She peeks back over at me, whispering. "I had sex with Gunther."

"What the hell." I slap her arm. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was last night. There has been so much sexual tension between us, and I imagined the most incredible night of my life, but... it was horrible." She scowls, looking down at her hands as she wrings them in her lap. "He lasted all of three minutes, I didn't even get that explosion everyone talks about, and... and he's really small." She looks up at me as the apples of her cheeks turn a dark shade of pink.

I have to hold in my laugh, because it's
not
funny, even if I find it to be. "Um. I'm..."

"Yeah. I know. I still love him, I really do, and I don't want to judge him based on last night's experience. He held out for me for a long time, and I understand why it didn't last long. I don't understand, however, why he didn't even try to pleasure me further. You know? Or why we didn't try for another round later on. Either way, I'm extremely sexually frustrated, and no I don't plan on cheating, but I guess it sort of feels nice to feel desired by someone else. It helps me feel better about last night."

Honestly, I understand her completely. Not that I've been there per say, although my first night with Dustin was pretty awful, but I see why she's seeking attention from other dudes tonight. "He was probably embarrassed," I tell her. "You know, to do more. He probably didn't know how to make you feel good when he was feeling so... pathetic."

She chuckles softly. "You're right. Why is it we can give each other the most incredible advice, but can't think for ourselves? It doesn't make sense."

"Because when we try to think for ourselves our heart gets in the way of the blood flow to our brain. Love makes us stupid."

"Fist it." She holds up a fist.

I bump mine to it while shaking my head. "Don't ever tell me to fist you when we're in the middle of talking about small penis's and sexual desire."

We both throw our heads back in laughter, and it feels welcoming to have that kind of feeling wash through my body. I needed some kind of joy tonight, if only for a moment.

An announcer comes on that there will be one last dance of the night before the initial ceremony begins. The lights dim slightly as a beautiful melody starts to echo across the room. Suddenly I feel that magnetizing pull of Leon, a feeling in which I simply cannot explain.

Our eyes lock as he passes by.

I'm waiting on his hand to reach for me. Without hesitation I'd grasp for his in return. I'd willingly ignore the shards, the pricks, the thorns. For the pain he causes may hurt, but with it my heart actually beats... and I feel alive.

Traces of warmth will surrender within my veins, pulsating faster with each hurried breath. I'll smile and laugh, and I'll have purpose... even if I have to tortuously grit my teeth. For each painful moment he causes me to endure, I have another moment of equaled exuberance. My happiness with him comes with a price tag I can't afford, but I'm still willing to pay.

Except he doesn't surrender to my need. His hands are not for me. The thorns are gloved beneath his warm skin, holding hers so elegantly. If only for a different yesterday or a more desirable tomorrow, but those days aren't meant for me.

As I'm only the mistress bearing his child... and the rose he holds in his grasp is his queen.

Richard walks over to ask for my hand in dance, the same time Smitty asks Sumner. Even with the meandering pain inside my chest, I manage to accept Richard's hand. He pulls me to the dance floor, and we sway together, this time without conversation. He doesn't have the same scent as Leon, and his rhythm isn't nearly as hypnotizing, but I enjoy feeling a little loose for a while.

When the song starts to die down, I ask if he'd be okay with me cutting out early. He promises it'll be more than alright with him, then he accepts a hug from me as the song finally ends. I tell Sumner to say goodbye to her southern charm, and the two of us escape out the door. The crisp air hits my face as I inhale a deep breath. I don't feel suffocated any longer. I feel refreshed, finally.