Guided Love (Prick #1) (29 page)

“Okay, beautiful, to Ma's we go.”

The car ride was comfortable and we talked about how she plans to independently publish her book once it’s ready. I pull up to Ma’s and shut the car off. She looks at me and starts to bite her lower lip again.

“Well, thank you so much for the ride, Axel, and for the tattoo. This truly was the best way to start my new beginning.” She smiles down at her wrist and looks up and she has tears in her eyes.

“Samantha, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just gonna miss everyone. I . . .”

“You what?”

“It’s stupid, never mind.”

“Samantha, tell me. What?”

“Well, I know it sounds stupid, but I have never faced anything in my life alone. I have always had Camaron; now I am on my own and I need to figure out everything and I have no one to lean on. That scares the shit out of me, Axel.”

She says this and immediately looks down. I reach across and lift her chin so she is looking directly into my eyes.

“Samantha, you are not alone. You will never be alone, all right. I am always here, a phone call away. You need me, all you have to do is call. You can come back here whenever you are ready. There will always be a place where you belong here.” As I finish, one tear escapes her eyes and she is biting her lip trying to hold it in.

My thumb wipes the tear off her cheek and I lean in; I can hear her take a breath and she closes her eyes. I lightly kiss her cheek and pull away. I look over her beautiful face and she opens her eyes and, for a moment, I see a light shining in them; but, suddenly, that light is gone and she is blank again. She reaches up and touches the spot where I just kissed her and shakes her head with a light chuckle.

“Okay, well, thank you again for everything, Axel, I appreciate your kindness.” She reaches for the handle and I stop her from opening it.

“What just happened?”

She looks up again with those beautiful eyes; she hesitates and then says to me, “Nothing, thanks so much, Axel. I’ll see you on Saturday.”

“Let me walk you to the door.”

She has already opened the door and turns to me. “No need, I’ll be fine; drive safe, Axel.”

With that, she slams the door and walks to the front door. I watch to make sure that she makes it in okay and closes the door behind her; the front light goes off. Now I drive home asking myself the entire way
What the fuck just happened?

What the fuck just happened?
I can’t believe that I opened up like that and what's worse is that Axel freaking gave me the best response I have ever heard. He even wiped the tear from my cheek. When I saw him leaning in, my stomach turned into knots. I closed my eyes and wanted so badly for him to kiss me. Reality hit me when he kissed my cheek and pulled back. Wow! What the hell is wrong with me? I am lost. Two weeks ago, I was in love with my best friend. I made him have sex with me and disgusted him with one look; yet, here I am thinking that Axel would even consider kissing me and, BOOM, reality shows me that I need to fix me. I walk into the house and Ellie is sitting on the sofa looking through photo albums.

“How did it go, dear?”

I smile and take the seat next to her. “It went well, it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I was expecting.”

I hold out my wrist and show her Axel's work.

“That is beautiful dear, aren’t they the words on his wall?”

“Yeah, when I read the words, they really spoke to me and I needed to have them with me.”

“I see, well, it looks beautiful, dear. Come sit, let me show you a few pictures of my Tony.”

We sit next to one another for two hours looking at old photo albums. Pictures of Ellie and Tony, when they were in their twenties, them in front of the home when they first bought it. I could see a small boy in the background riding a bike.

“Is that Axel?” she looks at the picture and smiles.

“Yes, dear, that’s him. That was the first day I met my boy. He came over and held out his hand and said, ‘Hi, I am Axel Davis, and I am your neighbor.’ He was so adorable you couldn't help but fall in love with him.”

You could tell, with each picture, his middle school chorus concerts, his high school prom and finally his high school Graduation—they look at Axel with such love and pride. They do love him just like they would their own son. I am waiting for Ellie to hand me the next picture but I notice that she is fast asleep. I move and lie her down on the couch and cover her up. I make sure all the lights are shut off, doors are locked and head to the kitchen to shut that light off as well. I notice that her dinner plate is untouched and still on the table. I clean it up and put away all of the food that was left out. I get everything put away and head up to my room. I get ready for bed and set my alarm for the morning when I see that I have two text messages one from Camaron and the other from Axel. I click on Camaron’s, it’s the same as all the others that he sends.

Camaron: I'm sorry Sam

I hit delete and move on to Axel’s message.

Axel: Samantha, I wanted to thank you again for allowing me the honor of tattooing your first piece. I also wanted to let you know, if you didn't already have a ride to the airport I can take you.

I smile up at the message as he truly is such a nice guy.

ME: Axel, Thank you for doing the tattoo I really do appreciate it. I was gonna just call a cab to the airport.

Axel: A cab? No I’ll take you it’s not a problems

Me: Are you sure? I don't want to inconvenience you

Axel: It’s no problem. I’ll take you

Me: Thank you so much, Axel, once again you are saving the damsel in distress

Saturday came so fast. I woke to help Ellie with all of her preparations. She wanted the steaks and the wings to be marinating for a few hours, as well as the potato and macaroni salads to be done. I come down to find Ellie jamming out to Madonna's “Like A Virgin.” I stand at the doorway and smile as she has a spoon in her hand like it’s a microphone. I honestly want to cry as I have grown to absolutely love this woman. She is full of surprises and keeps me on my toes. I start to sing along and she jumps with surprise.

“Oh good, Sam, you’re awake. I have the potatoes boiling and all of the ingredients for the macaroni salad on the sink over there. Go ahead, I’ll walk you through each step.”

I smile up at her as she is actually going to share her recipes with me. Her most treasured possessions, I am getting them. We are just finishing up with the pasta salad when I hear Axel and the other pricks pull up. They all walk in and greet Ellie with such affection, followed by huge hugs to me. I see Ellie pat everyone on the head and welcome them but she looks a bit confused, which I have noticed a few times in the last few days.

“Well, we’re missing Camaron. Where is Camaron?”

Everyone turns and gets quiet and looks between Ellie and me.

“Axel, son, where is Camaron?” She is looking around looking for him.

Axel finally steps up and answers her. “Ma, Camaron couldn't make it today. Remember we all came to wish Samantha safe travels.”

She looks up, smiles, and pats his cheek. “Of course I remember, dear, I just thought that her best friend would have shown is all.” We all are still a little confused by her actions but she is back to normal and chatting away like always.

The food is delicious and everyone is enjoying themselves. I am so happy that no one has brought up the elephant in the room. They haven't asked what happened in those two weeks or what has caused all of this. I think they assume but they aren't prying; all I have heard about Camaron was from Carrie and all she told me was he has been MIA. She said that when she went up to check on him with the extra key that Axel had, the chain was on so no one could get through. I know he is alive, since he still is sending and I am still ignoring his messages.

After we clean up and put away all the leftovers, we sit at the picnic table and they take turns talking about how much they are going to miss me. Paul and Allen both agreed that they will miss me the most because now they will have more to do on the check list. Carrie smacks both of them on the back of the head and shakes her head at them. Jay said he is going to miss my appetite, especially on Monday nights at Kester's when I order almost everything on the menu. He sends me a fist bump and I return it, like it’s our own personal hand shake. Carrie has tears in her eyes, now I have tears in my eyes. She looks up, takes a deep breath, and starts her prepared speech.

“Sam, when you came here, I remember looking at you and thinking
wow, she is so . . . plain
, hence the nickname Rice Cake. What I never = expected is that I would become such great friends with you. Seriously, you keep me sane; especially with all of these pricks. You are my best friend and I know you have to go but make sure you call and text me every day, you hear me. I need you.”

With that, she shakes her head and walks up toward the house. I wipe my eyes trying to stop the tears that want to fall from her little speech when Paul calls out Axel. “Yo, Axel, your turn.”

I turn to my right and see Axel shaking his head no. “No, I'm good.”

Yet, from behind me I hear, “Well, I would like to say something.”

I could feel my face drain of its color, my heart starts to race and I want to puke. My hands start to shake and I look up and see Axel’s dark eyes focus on Camaron, who stands behind me. He looks back to me with a questioning look in his eye. I roll my eyes at him and slowly turn around.

My stomach drops and it takes everything in me to not run to Camaron. He looks horrible. He looks like he hasn't shaved or showered in two weeks. He is wearing a pair of worn jeans, along with a ratty long sleeve shirt. He lifts his head at me and I nod as well.

“Sam, can I speak to you for a moment . . . in private?”

Before I can even say anything, Ellie breaks the silence. She stands up and walks over to Cam and pats his chest as that is how tall she is.

“I am so glad you came, Camaron, I will get you some food. It looks like you haven’t eaten for a few days. Skin and bones, boy; you look like skin and bones.” Without looking down at Ellie, keeping his eyes focused on me, he speaks to her.

“That’s alright, Ma, I can't stay just wanted to speak with Sam really quick; thank you, though.”

That isn't going to stop Ellie. She is already headed towards her kitchen. “Nonsense, Camaron, you will take food with you, boy, no arguments.”

I can feel all of the pricks still looking at me and Camaron, with shock in their faces. Axel looks a little pissed, not sure if they talked after what went down between them, but I stand and walk over towards him.

“What do you need to say to me, Camaron?”

“Sam, do you mind if we could talk in the front, I really don't want an audience . . . please”

I shrug my shoulders and walk to the front yard.

“Okay, Camaron, what’s up?”

He looks at me and I know he can tell that I am trying hard to seem normal, to seem strong. I know he can see through this act, he always could.

“Sam, don't.”

“Don't what, Camaron?”

“Don't stand here in front of me and act like you’re okay. I know you, Sam, I can tell by looking at you that you’re still hurt, which you should be. I can tell that you’re trying to pretend that you haven't cried every day for the last two weeks. Sam, I am so sorry—I need you to know this.”

“I know, Camaron, I’ve seen your messages.”

“No, I need you to look at me; look at me and see that I am truly sorry. Me messaging you words, they mean nothing. I need you to look at me and see that I am truly sorry. I fucked up, Sam. Honestly, I need you. I can't function. I haven't left the house except for today because I overheard Carrie and Paul talking about you leaving tomorrow. I couldn’t let you get on that plane without telling you that I need you to forgive me, Sam. Whatever I need to do, I need you to tell me how to fix us. You are my best friend, Sam, I need you in my life. I’m not the same without you. Please.”

He really is pleading. I have tears streaming down my face and I can't breathe. I walk toward the front porch and sit down.

“Camaron, I forgive you, I do, but I am still so hurt. You have to understand we can't just forget what happened. I can't forget what happened. I really wish I could. I wish I could go back and change it all. Go back and just be Sam and Camaron—two people, not one. We haven't been without each other. I always thought of my future ending with me and you sitting on a porch somewhere. When I think of me, I think of us. I don't think of me and then you. You know what I mean?”

Camaron nods and keeps his head down looking at his hands that are holding an envelope.

“Yeah, I get it. I did the same thing; honest, I did. But I fucked all of that up when I dated Roni and I am so fucking sorry. It was always you and me always.”