Guided Love (Prick #1) (25 page)

“You may be right on that, Ellie. I really have to stop expecting people to be and feel a certain way.”

With my head down, I think about last night. I think about how I expected Camaron to love me, to make love to me. I wanted him and he did what he thought I needed to fix our friendship, but he really didn’t want me. He didn't feel that for me, but he did it because I wanted him to. When he didn’t make love to me, when he didn’t look into my eyes, my spirit was broken. He didn't break my spirit, I did because I expected him to love me in a way he couldn’t.

I feel Ellie grab my hand and I look over at her and see sadness looking back at me.

“Sam, you, my dear, are a very strong and beautiful woman. Don't you roll your eyes at me, you are. Yet, when I look at you, I see that you are lost; you are not confident in yourself and you are looking for someone to validate you, you are looking for someone to make you whole. But, you know what, baby girl . . . no one can do that. You need to be the one to find yourself and fix what is broken. I don't know what happened last night, you will tell me when you are ready; until then, we get you stronger, dear, you hear me?”

I nod as tears stream down my face.

“Good darling, now wipe those tears and let’s get this cleaned up as we have a ton of things to do.”

I take the plates to the sink and start to wash all the dirty dishes, a moment later the phone is ringing and Ellie is handing it to me. I look up at her with worried eyes, I feel like I may lose my breakfast, because if it’s Camaron I can’t talk to him, not yet. “Sam, it's Axel, go ahead and take the phone, I will finish these.” I wipe my hands off on the dishtowel, take her cordless phone and walk into the living room before saying a word.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, Samantha. I see Ma has you out of bed already. Did she say ‘up and at ‘em’?”

I can hear him laughing to himself.

“Yes, she did, actually.” I laugh along with him and for a brief moment it feels really good.

“Well, I was just calling to see how you were doing this morning and if you needed anything that you may have forgotten.”

“I think I have everything, thank you, Axel. I just need to get a game plan together and get back to California.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Not sure, I really haven’t had time to get ticket prices. I mean it’s early, my brain isn't functioning yet.” I laugh at myself once again and then tell him with such confidence. “You would be happy to know that, even though I can't function, I have completed lesson one.”

“Lesson one, nice.” He now is really laughing.

“What’s so funny, Axel?”

“Oh, Samantha, you won’t be leaving any time soon.”

“What do you mean? I’ll look up the information this morning and when I get the tickets, I’ll call a cab and be on my way back to my home.”

“No, sorry, Samantha, not gonna happen. Remember when you asked me about my tattoo; the STRENGTH tattoo.”

“Yeah.”

“I told you that I found my strength at Ma's house with Pop. He saved me and he taught me to find my strength. He, too, had lessons that I had to learn; now, hopefully, your lessons aren’t like mine or you will be building decks and pulling tree stumps out of the ground.” He laughs like he is remembering each lesson. “If Ma has already started with lessons, baby, you will be there for a few weeks. Just saying”

I have no time to respond as Ellie now is coming into the living room saying, “Okay, Sam, can I talk to Axel now? Say goodbye we have tons to do.”

“I have to go now, thank you so much for everything, Axel.”

I am met with laughter once again on his end. “Anytime Samantha, anytime. Tell Ma I said to go easy on you.” With that, he hangs up and I hand the phone back to Ellie.

“Axel said for me to tell you to go easy on me.”

Ellie starts laughing and shaking her head. “He is a funny one that one. Now, let’s go get ready for our walk.”

“Our walk? I thought that I would look up the airlines to see when I can get a flight back to California.”

“Pssh, non-sense, baby girl. You will stay here until you are ready.”

“Until I am ready? Ready for what?”

“I'll explain all that to you during our walk. Go on, chop chop . . . let’s get ready we have so much to do.”

The shop is at an all-time high tension rate right now. I walked in and tried to make it like nothing was happening, it didn't last long as soon as Camaron walked in beat up and looking like hell and the pricks knew something was up. He had Carrie cancel or give off his appointments since he couldn’t function today. After that, all the red flags were waving; because I gave Samantha time off to write, no one suspected anything that she wasn't at the office. Yet, when I was going over after care to a new client, I saw Carrie staring at Camaron who was just sitting down on the couch staring at his phone.

“Axel, what the fuck is his problem? He seriously is scaring the shit out of me right now. He looks like hell and every time I ask him what is going on, the prick ignores me.”

Without telling everything, I just tell her that Samantha left.

“What do you mean Rice Cake left? Where is she?” Before I could respond Paul, Allen and Jay all make their way to the front as well.

Paul stands next to Carrie and asks, “Where is who?”

Carrie turns to the pricks and announces, “Sam is gone.”

Allen looks at Camaron who hasn’t moved, he hasn’t stopped looking at his damn phone. “What the fuck? Where is Sam, Camaron? What the fuck happened?”

Camaron looks up at all of us and yells, “I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK SHE IS! I fucked up guys, alright. I am a fuck up, this shouldn't surprise you.”

Carrie is quick on her feet and she is in front of his face within seconds, not even Paul could grab her.

“Listen here, asshole, whatever you did, you need to fix it. You need to fix it now!”

Camaron honestly looks defeated. He just stands there with Carries finger in his face and does nothing. “I have called and left voicemails, her inbox is full so I have been texting her and I have heard nothing. She isn't responding. I am honestly worried; I am so fucking worried, I can’t function.”

Carrie just stomps away and keeps telling him to fix it. I spoke to Samantha early this morning and I tried this afternoon; but, like Camaron said, the voicemail is full and there is no answer so I bust through my appointments to leave a bit early just so that I can go and check on her.

It’s a little after five when I walk in Ma's door and smell Ma's lasagna. “Hello . . . where are you?” I walk in the kitchen and see that the oven timer has 20 minutes left. I walk toward the backdoor and see Ma and Samantha in the garden. I stand at the door and take in the site; damn, that girl honestly is gorgeous. Ma has Samantha in a gardening hat—the kind that has such a big bill that it covers your entire face, protecting it from the sun. She is on her knees, has gardening gloves, and is tending to the vegetables. I walk out onto the deck and make my way to the garden.

“Hello . . . here you beautiful women are.”

I see Ma look up at me as she is tending to her rose bushes on the other side of the garden.

“Well, hello there, my boy; I didn't know you were coming to visit. I have lasagna in the oven, you must stay for dinner.” Ma heads over, holding her basket on her arm with a few roses that she cut off.

“Of course I will, I would never pass up your lasagna.” I lean down and give her a kiss on the cheek.

“Okay, let me go and get these flowers in some water and get the table set. Dinner will be ready soon.” Ma walks into the house and I turn and see Samantha sitting back on her heels and looking at me. She has dirt on her face and she truly looks adorable.

“Hey, gardening looks good on you.”

Samantha actually laughs as she tries to wipe her head with her arm and she just smears the dirt around. “Yeah, it’s another lesson, but I enjoy this. I never gardened before, it really is relaxing, ya know?”

“Sure . . . I didn't have the gardening lesson, I wouldn't know.” I start to laugh as she looks perturbed. “You didn't? What lessons did you go through?”

I help her stand and she starts to brush off the dirt and walks with me to the chairs under the tree. “Well, Ma wasn’t the one teaching me, I had Pop. He was a marine, so his lessons were a bit harder, not that gardening isn't hard.” I laugh at the evil eye she is giving me, she really doesn't mean it she is just playing.

“Gardening is not easy, Mister! It takes great time and care.”

I raise my hands up in surrender. “Okay . . . okay . . . I am just saying Pop had me up at 5:15 every morning. He had me building decks, and removing tree stumps from this yard. I had to rebuild an engine for his Camaro, yeah, the one I have now.”

“Why did you need the lessons?”

I laugh and shake my head at her. “I was a dumb kid. My mom was never around. I hung out here all the time, but when I turned 15, I thought I was an adult and I could start having some fun. With no mother watching me, I had free reign. Well, I got into some trouble with a group of kids.”

She looks at me with a puzzling look. “What happened?”

“I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I stopped coming here and started partying hard. I started drinking and one night the party that I was at was busted. I was arrested, charged with underage drinking, and possession of illegal substance. When I was given my one call, I called my mother and she hung up on me. She told me she had a party she needed to get to and had no time to come down and bail me out. I spent another 24 hours in the cell before I was bailed out. I guess Pop saw my mother heading out and she mentioned that I was in jail. Pop immediately came and bailed me out and then he came to court with me. I was facing time in juvie, but Pop stood up and talked to the judge. He told her that juvie wouldn't make me into the man he knew I could become. He asked the judge for leniency and gave her his word that he would handle me and that he did. I can laugh now, looking back at it, but standing there in front of the judge I was scared shitless. The judge approved his request, but I had to attend an outpatient rehab as well. That is the day I had to pack up my room and move into Ma and Pops.”

“Your mom didn't care that you were moving into your neighbor’s home?”

“Hell no, I think she was relieved, actually. Ma was at the house packing my stuff when Pop and I were at the hearing. When I got back, I walked in the house and she was getting ready for another party. I remember trying to talk to her about it and she just patted my shoulder and said, ‘good luck, Axel.’ She told me that she signed over her parental rights to Ma and Pop and that they were now my legal guardians and that she needed to go as she had a party to get to,” I snicker, even though reliving that memory kills me every time.

“So, I moved in with Ma and Pop and three months later my mom sold the house and moved out west. I wanted to drown my sorrows with alcohol but Ma and Pop wouldn't let me. Pop went into Marine mode and taught be that I was stronger than I thought. He made me into a ‘man.’ Seriously, it was a hard summer, but the best memories I have of him. It’s actually the summer I found my passion in art. The great part was they were so encouraging. They helped bring my dream to life.” I look up and see Samantha staring up at me with admiration in her eyes.

“That’s awesome that you had that bond with them like that. You truly became their son, I can feel the love and admiration you all have for one another.”

“What can I say, they are the best.”

I watched her smile and look out at the garden. We sat there for a few more minutes comfortable in the silence.

“Axel, I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for you beautiful?”

“I’m sorry that I just left; that I’m not strong enough to face what happened and that I left you all at the shop without notice.”

“No worries, beautiful, I get it. It's not about us at the shop. You handle what you have to handle. Just know, Samantha, we are here for you. I am here for you.”

I can see something going on in her head, but before I can ask what she is thinking, Ma is yelling at us from the deck; “Okay kids, dinner is ready get your tushes in here and eats some delicious food.”