Guardian (39 page)

“Um, who else would be my maid of honor?” I teased, though deep down I suddenly realized that if Rafael and I did get married (as I assumed we would have to do, somehow, if I became a Fallen), Natalie would probably never be able to know about it. I would have to leave my old life, and no one would be able to know where I had gone.
You would have new friends
, I told myself.
Friends that would last forever. You would have Rafael, and you would be an angel of God. That would make everything worthwhile.

I looked at the roses and smiled, delicately touching one of the perfect petals. I’d never gotten flowers before, not in my whole life.

The bouquet was too big to fit in my locker, forcing me to carry it around to my classes all day, and combined with the fan club that followed me from class to class and the glittery tiara, I felt like I had won some kind of beauty pageant. Everyone offered to buy me lunch as a courtesy, but then the pizzas arrived to be delivered to ‘Lyla’s lunch table’, along with another note from Rafael, saying he would see me after school.

Even with all the fun I was having, I couldn’t wait for the day to be over. I wanted to see Rafael, wanted to study him and see if I could divine any further meaning from the
Love, Rafael
on all my cards. I couldn’t wait to blow off all my homework, have someone else worry about Colton and Grace, because today, I was going to be carefree. I was going to go along with whatever Rafael had planned and not utter one word of complaint or try to quell the extravagance he was so fond of foisting upon me.

Despite this promise, I still felt self-conscious when I saw Rafael standing outside the school entrance, leaning against Daniel’s sleek black Mercedes coupe. The car looked futuristic and much too shiny and distinguished to be sitting in the parking lot of a high school. Everyone was slowing as they walked by, trying to figure out exactly who this strange man was waiting on.

“Oh. My. Gosh,” Natalie said when we walked through the double doors and caught sight of the car. “Please tell me that is not Rafael standing next to that car.”

“It is,” I groaned. “People are going to think I’m dating him for his money! Or that he’s my sugar daddy or something!”

“Lyla, if he’s less than ten years older than you and takes you out in a Mercedes on your birthday, I really wouldn’t care
what
people think.” She leveled a finger at me. “I expect a phone call this evening detailing the entire night. I don’t care if it’s nine o’clock tonight or four in the morning. You
call
me, understand?” Natalie winked, waved, and was off.

I marched across the school campus to Rafael, passing through the crowd easily, my roses still in hand. Besides my purse, it was the only thing I carried. I wasn’t even taking my books home, because I knew it would be pointless. I stood toe-to-toe with Rafael and glared at him, one hand on my hip.

“Are you kidding me?” I whispered. “You’re causing a scene!”

“And? It’s fun to watch.” Rafael smiled at me, and I suddenly realized he wasn’t wearing his normal dark jeans and leather jacket. No, Rafael was
dressed up
. He wore black dress pants, a white shirt and black tie, covered with a black suit jacket. Though he still wore his sunglasses, I was pretty sure he had even gotten a haircut for the occasion. He looked absolutely
wonderful
.

I finally broke down and smiled, sure every one of my teeth was visible. “I guess it is kind of fun,” I relented, and then more shyly added, “Thank you for the roses.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, and opened the passenger door for me.

I hesitated. “Who has Colton and Grace?” Just the one question, and I would be done worrying.

Rafael pointed to the school lot, and I saw Damian opening the door of the Hummer and helping Grace inside.

“Damian got stuck with them?” I asked, surprised. I hadn’t thought he would be the one to end up babysitting.

“He offered, actually,” Rafael corrected.

“Really? Wow.” I looked over Rafael’s shiny dress shoes and crisply ironed pants. “I’m feeling extremely underdressed,” I told him frankly.

The sunglasses were pushed up onto the top of his head, and he smiled down at me. “We can stop at your house first, so you can change. I thought, well, I was hoping you could maybe wear your dress from the Halloween dance. Sans wings, of course.”

I thought of my beautiful silver dress, covered in plastic and hanging in the back of my closet. I’d never thought I would have an occasion to wear it again, or the gorgeous long, white dress coat Rafael had bought me ages ago. But it was perfect for tonight.

“Of course,” I said. “Where are we going?”

Rafael gave me one of his mysterious smiles. “You’ll see.”

We stopped at home and I changed; I exchanged my gypsy earrings for silver chandeliers, removed my headband and fluffed up my hair. A glance in the mirror showed my cheeks were bright pink with excitement, my hair falling down around my face in gentle waves. The white coat made my features all the darker, and I felt like a perfect match for Rafael as I walked outside in my heels and he once again opened the car door for me.

Just tonight, I would imagine that he had consented, that he had agreed to make me a Fallen, and that he had actually told me he loved me, because I knew deep down that was how he really felt. and that we were happy, that we didn’t have any problems. I got treated like a princess because that was how he saw me, not because it was a special occasion. Tonight, I would let myself feel like a vain movie star, and I would enjoy it.

Though I was extremely overdressed, as promised in the past, Rafael finally took me to get my driver’s license. At last, no more sweating in the driver’s seat every time I saw a cop, worrying about getting pulled over and driving without a real license. I passed with flying colors, and then Rafael took me shopping.

We went to Easton Town Center and laughed the whole way there. He took me on a horse drawn carriage ride around the mall, which was beautifully decorated and lit up for Christmastime. We ate dinner at an expensive restaurant where I was treated like some kind of rich socialite. I felt like one of those girls I had always seen out with their boyfriends, and had not exactly been jealous of, but
curious
about. Curious as to how it would feel. And it was absolutely amazing, just as I had always thought it must be. After dinner, Rafael drove back to downtown and headed in the direction of the warehouse.

“Naomi wanted to tell you happy birthday,” he explained. “I thought we could stop by and say hello.”

“Of course.” I was glowing. I’d never had such an exciting night in all my life. “Then what?” I wasn’t ready to end the night.

Cue mysterious smile that made my heart beat a staccato rhythm against my chest. “You’ll see.”

I felt a rush of excitement again, and Rafael held my hand the whole way up the stairs of the warehouse. To this day, I wasn’t sure what we talked about the whole night, only that I was happy, that I was convinced the love I felt for him was reflected back at me through his eyes. And that was all I cared about at that moment.

“Are you ready?” Rafael asked, pausing outside the door to the loft.

“Of… course,” I squeezed out, a little breathless from climbing so many stairs while competing with Rafael’s long legs.

We turned the corner into the loft, and people jumped from every corner, shouting “
Surprise!
” I nearly jumped out of my skin in shock. As it was, my hand flew to my chest and I turned and stared accusingly at Rafael.

He smiled disarmingly at me. “What do you have against birthday parties?” he asked, taking my coat from me.

The room, always cold or hot depending on the weather outside, was actually warm, thanks to heated braziers and fire pots. Twinkling Christmas lights were strung every which way across the ceiling, giving the dim room a magical glow when combined with the firelight. I was saved from replying by the sight of Rachel, Naomi at her side, coming toward us, an enormous birthday cake with eighteen lit candles in her hands. She began to sing happy birthday and everyone else joined in, crowding around us.

“Make a wish!” Naomi cried as the last note faded away.

In that instant, almost immediately and without a conscious decision, my eyes lifted and locked with Rafael’s, and I knew he could see my wish in my eyes. For the first time all day, his smile grew dimmer, though it was barely noticeable, only lasted for a millisecond before his mask fell back into place and he was smiling once more. Just a bit of my enjoyment at the day vanished, replaced with uncertainty. I didn’t expect Rafael to change his mind, not so abruptly, but I had hoped to maybe coax three little words from him that I knew were true, and so desperately wanted to hear. Now I wasn’t so sure I would even get that.

And then everyone was clamoring for cake and I was pulled over to a balloon be-decked table to cut and distribute the cake. Naomi clung to me as Rachel helped dish out ice cream. For the rest of the evening, I imagined that I actually belonged there, that we always threw birthday parties like this for each other, that it wasn’t odd to be there so late at night, that Rachel always hovered over me, that Rafael always bumped my hand gently, reassuringly, when we stood together and talked to people. That I was a
part
of this, that I belonged completely with these people, and they were my family. They treated me more like family than my real one did.

Damian showed up around eleven o’clock and I immediately went to inquire about Colton and Grace. He assured me they were sound asleep, and my door was locked. Though I felt reassured, I nudged Rafael an hour later and he ushered me out of the room after I’d thanked everyone. The ride home was quiet but comfortable, until we neared my house and I turned to Rafael in the car.

“Thank you,” I said softly. “Thank you for a wonderful birthday. Everything was absolutely perfect. I never could have imagined a more perfect day.”

Rafael pulled into my driveway and was instantly out of the car and opening my door for me. “It isn’t over yet,” he said, smiling. “I have a last present for you.”

I couldn’t imagine what he could possibly give me that I hadn’t already received that day. “Rafael, I don’t need anything else,” I protested, stepping up out of the low car.

Rafael kept hold of my hand with one of his and used the other to press a gentle finger against my lips. “I have something to tell you too.”

My heart skipped a giant beat. We stood in the glow of my house’s golden porch light, and Rafael was surrounded by a halo from our neighbor’s icicle Christmas lights. Small, lazy snowflakes fell through the air, swirling and diving around us.

“Every day that I came to meet you in the park, I knew I risked your life. Even when we left, you were all I could think about. I told myself I would stay away if we returned, but instead I told Matthias you could help Naomi, and dragged you closer with that excuse. I can’t
lose
you, Lyla. I cannot be responsible for your death. These angels, these Fallen, the demons, even humans, are incredibly dangerous. And God forgive me, I put you in this danger all because I could not tear myself away from you. Because you seemed to be created just for me.”

I stared at him, utterly stunned. “Created just for you?” I repeated, unable to form a coherent sentence of my own. I couldn’t help thinking that maybe I should pinch myself, because this had to be a dream. This couldn’t actually be real.

“I cannot figure out,” Rafael said, slowly and carefully, as though he was gifting me the world’s greatest secret, which, in fact, he was, “if loving you is the world’s greatest sin, or the sweetest penance God could give. When I am away from you, all I can think of is the danger I am putting you in, and how wrong and
stupid
I am for not leaving you. But then, then I
see
you.” Rafael gave a self-depreciating chuckle, but his eyes bored into mine, and I saw the bone deep conviction there, I saw the truth as he continued on, “I see you smiling at me, and I hear your voice, and I know there is nothing more perfect in the world than you and me.”

I began to get an unsettled feeling, butterflies in my stomach, a strange tingling along my limbs. It was everything I had always longed to hear, seen in Rafael’s eyes all that day. They were the exact emotions I felt so strongly for him, but there was just something that felt so
wrong
about the whole scene that I couldn’t figure out.

“Here,” Rafael said quickly, as though to keep me from saying anything – also strange. He produced a small box, no bigger than the palm of my hand. “Happy birthday. These are yours, no matter what the future holds, no matter who comes and goes.”

I accepted the box, but looked sharply up at Rafael at his words, and I finally hit on what felt so wrong about the whole ending to the evening. Even though Rafael meant every word and his face held the truth, he held himself a careful distance away from me. He hadn’t tried to kiss me again. No hug, he had let go of my hand, we weren’t even
touching
. Rafael, for all he said he loved me, seemed to be growing more distant with every word.

“Who comes and goes?” I echoed slowly, taking the box. I unwrapped it carefully, prolonging the moment because I wasn’t sure what would happen when it ended, and my heart leaped, just for a moment. Inside the box were car keys, an angel wing key chain charm on the ring, lying over an American Express card. When I looked closer, I saw that it was in my name.