Grim Crush (Grimly Ever After) (13 page)

Chapter 17

“What. The. Hell,” Jayza said, facing me as she sat cross-legged on the parapet of the building. “Who in Death’s name are you? You’re definitely not the Xia I know.”

I glowered at her from where I lay with one leg hanging off the edge. “I really don’t feel like hearing any crap from you today.”

“And why is that? Is it because you just ruined your happiness for the rest of your life?”

“Life? You have to be alive to have a life.”

“You know what I mean.”

I stared up at the cloudy sky. “You don’t understand. I had no choice.”

“But you’re Xia, the ultimate rule-breaker. If our superiors tell you to do something, you do the opposite. Why did things change now?”

I sat up abruptly. “Jayza, you were the first one warning me to stay away from Shilah! Now you’re complaining because I’m doing what you
wanted
?”

Jayza frowned. “I said that before I knew him. And before I saw you glowing every time you came from seeing him.”

“What are you talking about? I never glowed.”

“Xia, I dare you to tell me you weren’t happy while seeing Shilah.”

“My happiness doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that Shilah and I are too different. He has a soul. I don’t. He’s living, and I…just exist. He’s human, and I’m a reaper–”

“So what? I’m tired of you giving that excuse. So what if you’re a damn reaper? You have a human form. You were
born
as a human. You have emotions.”

I laughed dryly and shook my head in disbelief. “This coming from the girl who lectures me about ruining the balance of life and death.”

“That only comes from breaking Rule One. Screw the other Rules. I want you to be happy.”

“If I keep seeing Shilah, I’ll be punished. They already took away my teleportation freedom. I’m definitely never getting that back if I even
look
at Shilah again.”

“You don’t need to teleport. This way, you’re more human. That’s what you were going for, wasn’t it?”

“No. Not being able to teleport sucks. I had to ride an elevator to get up here. Do you know how slow those things are?”

“Shilah deals with that all the time, and so does every other human. I don’t see them complaining. Besides, giving up your teleportation is worth it if you get to be with Shilah.”

“Maybe, but what will be my punishment next time? What if they take my scythe away? Reaping is my joy. I can’t become…well, what
would
happen to me? I’d probably have to become Aquil’s assistant or something. I’d rather go to Hell.”

“They’re not going to take your scythe away. Reapers are too important. They need as many of us as they can get.”

“I’m not taking any chances. Anyway, I want Shilah to live a normal life. He needs a human girlfriend to go out to dinner with and to go on group dates with his friends…”

“That stuff looks boring in the movies. I doubt he cares about all that.”

“And what about when he graduates from high school? He’s in his senior year, so he’ll be going off to college or starting a career soon. How can I be there for him? I have to reap souls 24/7, and he’ll be meeting other guys’
human
girlfriends, and everyone will think he’s a loser because they think he doesn’t have one…”

“You want to know what I think, Xia?”

“No, but you’re probably going to tell me anyway.”

“I think you’re scared.”

“Oh, brother.” I rolled my eyes and lay back down again.

“It’s true. You were always afraid to get too close to Shilah, and as soon as he said the L-word, you ran away from him.”

“Um, about three minutes after he said he loved me, I was forbidden from seeing him, remember?”

“But usually you do whatever you want anyway. Now you’re just glad to have a reason to pull away from Shilah.”

“That’s not true.” At least, I didn’t think it was.

“Whatever. If you’re not scared, admit you love him.”

“What makes you think I do? I don’t even know what love is!”

“Yes you do! You feel that way about Shilah. Say it.”

“No.”

“Say you love Shilah.”

“I don’t!”

“That proves my point. Chicken.” Jayza grinned at me.

I sat up. “Forget you. I have an assignment with Ziri to get to. It’s the only time I get to teleport.” I hopped off the parapet onto the roof.

“Bok, bok,” Jayza said, imitating a chicken. She giggled.

I pushed her off the building.

* * *

Finally, an exciting death today. Okay, so maybe no death should be labeled as
exciting
, but a death that didn’t involve old or sick people was always interesting. Like Chad’s death at the cliff, but I didn’t want to be reminded of
that
for obvious reasons.

Ziri and I stood in the living room of someone’s house. A pudgy black man sat on the couch, watching TV.

Impatient, I kept twirling my scythe around in my hands. I spun it faster and faster, seeing how swiftly I could make it go. Eventually I lost my grip on it, and it flew past Ziri, crashing into the wall beside the chubby guy.

“Hey, watch it!” Ziri cried. “That thing is awfully sharp, you know.”

I glared. “You can’t feel pain! What does it matter?”

“That weapon is special. How do
you
know it can’t hurt a reaper?”

“Do you want to find out?” I snapped, walking over to retrieve my scythe.

Ziri crossed her arms. “Geez, you don’t have to be so grumpy. Don’t take your anger out on me just because you hate yourself for dumping your boyfriend.”

“I’m
not
grumpy. And I wish you and Jayza would stop talking about that. I just want things to go back to the way they were, and I never want to mention
him
again. I don’t even want to hear his name.”

“Who, Shilah?” Ziri smirked.

“Girl, I’m warning you.”

“Shilah, Shilah, Shilah…”

I swung my scythe at her, but she hopped out of the way, laughing.

“Chill, Xia. I want to watch this guy’s face when the accident happens. Which will be in three, two, one…”

A clamorous crash sounded. The guy on the couch jumped in surprise and fell to the floor as the wall opposite him burst open. Wood and plaster flew everywhere, and the TV fell over onto its front, its screen shattering.

I fanned at the dust that now swirled through the air and nodded at my trainee. “Good timing, Ziri.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

I looked down at the chubby guy, still cowering on the floor. “He sure is lucky it didn’t hit him or he would’ve been our reap too.”

“I know, right.” Ziri eyed the nose of a small plane that had burst through the wall. “Now this is a newsworthy story. I wonder how
this
happened.”

“Plane malfunction, I’m sure.”

“Man, we should’ve rode in the plane. That would’ve been sweet.”

“No, I’ve done that before. It’s too scary. Even though it doesn’t hurt, you get jolted around a lot during the crash. Now, where is that pilot’s soul?”

As soon as I asked that, a transparent man with a thick brown beard stumbled out of the cockpit. He fell onto the debris-littered carpet, looking around with wild eyes.

I introduced Ziri and myself, going on with the usual such as letting him know he was dead. The grim-in-training opened a portal.

The spirit shook his head. “You can’t make me go in there.”

I raised my scythe. “Do you want to test us?”

The pilot stared, then began walking toward the portal like he was going to go inside. However, he turned and ran through the wall that was intact.

I growled. “I hate when they do that. Usually spirits aren’t used to being dead and they try to find a door to go out of.”

“He must’ve watched a lot of ghost movies,” Ziri guessed. “Better get him before he goes too far.” She teleported away. Luckily my teleportation still worked for a couple minutes after each soul departed from its body, so I teleported outside too.

The soul was hightailing it down the street. I never understood why some thought they could get away from a grim reaper. And where was it the spirits were heading if they
did
escape?

Ziri appeared in front of the soul. He nearly crashed into her, and when he tried to turn away, she stuck out her foot and tripped him. I appeared beside the fallen spirit, and he pathetically tried to crawl away.

I hacked my scythe downward, its blade going through his back. The soul screamed in agony.

“Get your
butt
into the portal now or next time this blade is going through your head,” I threatened through clenched teeth.

Ziri placed her hands on her hips, giving me a hard look. “Yeah, you’re not grumpy
at all
.”

I grimaced, lifting my scythe out of the soul’s body. Ziri was right. I never usually acted like this, even with the most annoying of spirits. I wasn’t setting a good example for the grim-in-training.

Shaking her head, Ziri opened another portal. Once the soul had crawled in, shaking with fear, my trainee turned to me.

“Are you ready to go talk to Shilah
now
?” she asked. “Before you hurt another innocent soul?”

I shook my head. “It’s too late for that, even if I wanted to.” I got rid of my scythe, then teleported far away before I lost the ability to do so again.

Chapter 18

After only three days, I was terribly missing he-who-I-did-not-want-to-name. There was this severe yearning and ache inside my chest that taunted me nonstop.

I even went back to Chad’s Cliff a couple times (okay, maybe more than a
couple
times). Every time I did, I made sure I stayed hidden in a tree so
he
couldn’t see me, in case he ever came around.

He came around a lot. I didn’t know if he was looking for me or not, but he would come to the cliff or to the brook and just sit for a long time. Sometimes he would glance around, and I would have to duck out of sight.

I should’ve stayed away, but I couldn’t help myself. And every time I saw him, I had to fight the urge to come out and run into his arms. It caused me too much pain to keep seeing him. It caused me too much pain to
not
see him. It was like that human term, catch-22.

Why did I keep thinking about him? Why did I keep thinking about his touch and his kisses? Why did I still have feelings for him? It didn’t make sense. I thought emotions faded away with time. Yet another human thing I was ignorant about. Did humans deal with this all the time?

Five days after I’d broken up with
him
, he didn’t show up near Chad’s Cliff anymore. I was relieved, but also sad. Maybe he had finally given up on me and was moving on with his life. I boiled with fury when I considered that he could be seeing another girl, like Lucy for instance, but I knew I had no right to be mad if he was.

Well, maybe he had gotten over me, but I was far from getting over him. I couldn’t stop sulking, even while working sometimes. It got on Ziri’s nerves.

One day, we were hanging out in a hospice waiting for our next assignment (we had a lot of them in this place). I was studying our intended victim, watching as the middle-aged woman chatted happily to a young boy who might’ve been her grandson. The terminally ill lady didn’t
look
like she was going to drop dead in ten minutes.

For once, I wasn’t depressed about Shilah (I could even think his name). These moments were rare, and they only happened while I was reaping. I was trying to immerse myself in my work because it was the only thing dulling the ever-present pain.

Ziri, who had been waiting outside the ill patient’s room, poked her head in to look at me. “Uh, Xia, I think someone is here looking for you.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Who?” I stepped out of the room, and Ziri pointed down the hallway. Shilah was heading this way, looking left and right into the rooms he passed.

I gasped and pulled Ziri into the room with me.

“Hey–!” she protested.

“What is he
doing
here?” I shrieked.

“Obviously he’s looking for you. He knows people die in hospices, and this one is right in your area. I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t the first time he’s shown up.”

“Oh crap.” I paced. “Uh…I need to hide. I hate that I can’t teleport again till after the soul leaves her body! Ziri, go out there and distract him.”

“But I really think you should talk to him–”

“Go, now! And if you tell him I’m here, you’ll never touch my scythe again.” I ducked behind the door, and Ziri sighed heavily.

I watched through the crack between the door’s hinges as Ziri stepped out into the hallway. Shilah must’ve spotted her because he strode right up to her.

“Ziri! Hi! I’m glad I found you,” Shilah said. My heart flipped at the sound of his voice, like it was shouting,
I’m here, Shilah! Come find me!
I placed my hand over my chest in annoyance.

“Hey, Shilah,” Ziri greeted. “Long time, no see. How are you?”

“Okay, I guess. Is Xia here?” He looked around. “Well, I
know
she’s here. She’s your trainer.”

I frowned, my heart thudding.

“Xia is…” Ziri threw a glance my way. “…not here yet.”

“So she’s coming?” Shilah sounded hopeful.

“Uh…I don’t know. She’s been skipping a lot of assignments lately.”

“Why?”

Ziri shrugged. “I guess she wants to see if I can handle some souls on my own.”

“Oh. I can wait and see if she shows up.”

I groaned inwardly. However, I foolishly felt happier knowing he still wanted to see me. He hadn’t given up on me yet! He’d just been trying a different way of finding me.

“Shilah, I don’t think Xia wants to talk to you,” said Ziri. She glowered in my direction. “Not that I haven’t been telling her she
should
.”

“Yeah, I can tell she’s avoiding me,” Shilah muttered. “I just want to see her one last time. There’s something I need to say.”

“I could give her a message. What do you want her to know?” I knew she was trying to let me hear what he had to say.

Maybe Shilah knew that, too. He glanced around again. “She’s here, isn’t she? Is she hiding, Ziri?”

I pressed my back into the wall.
Go away, Shilah. Please. Don’t make this harder than it already is.

“Let’s pretend she
is
here,” Ziri said. “What would you say to her?”

“I’d tell her…that I would risk being with her if she will. I don’t care about how she might not be good for my ‘human’ life, and I don’t care about the Rules of Reaping. I’d tell her that I love her and I would do anything for her. Even give her
my
soul, if I had to.”

I closed my eyes, tears rolling down my face. This was too much to bear. Maybe I should just talk to him one more time…

I’d almost convinced myself to step out from behind the door when Ziri said, “That’s so sweet. I’ll make sure she gets the message.” She looked toward me, as though waiting for me to make an appearance. Then she focused on Shilah again. “Well, there are dead souls to be reaped. It was nice seeing you, Shilah. And another thing, if Xia doesn’t want you, I’m always available.” She winked.

Shilah laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind. See you later.” He left.

I wiped my face and stepped out from behind the door. Ziri came back into the room, shaking her head.

“Me, Jayza, and any other female reaper would
kill
to have someone like Shilah,” she said. “You are the luckiest reaper ever, and you choose to throw it all away.”

I ignored her. “You should’ve told him not to come looking for me again. It was hard hearing him say those things. I almost came out to talk to him. I can’t make a mistake like that after I’ve worked so hard to let him go.”

Ziri frowned at me. “You know what? You can do this assignment by yourself. I don’t feel like even looking at you right now. I don’t like the way you’re hurting Shilah.” In a flash, she was gone.

Wow. My own trainee was sticking up for Shilah. She was concerned about
his
feelings. Did anyone care how much my decision was hurting
me
?

* * *

It has been over a week now. Ziri doesn’t want to talk to me, and
I
don’t want to talk to Jayza, because every time I do she brings up Shilah. So I’m alone and friendless at this point.

I couldn’t help wondering if I deserved it. What if I
was
making a huge mistake? I’d regret it for the rest of my non-life. Maybe I should–

No. I couldn’t let my friends get to me. What did
they
know about emotions? It wasn’t like they had experience in love. They had no idea how I felt. No one did.

I still didn’t know if I
was
in love with Shilah. Or if I had been. I was sure love couldn’t last this long without being with the person you supposedly loved, but it didn’t seem like my feelings had changed.

Out of everything in the human world, love has to be the most confusing.

I pondered a lot these days, usually while walking along the lip of a building or across the top of a bridge. On this particular evening, after teleporting from my latest reaping assignment, I strolled along the top of the Golden Gate Bridge in California, waiting for my next job so I could teleport back to Arizona. I listened to the cars swishing by on the road below me, my mind wandering.

Without warning, a powerful Summons tugged inside my head. I cried out in shock, nearly teetering off the edge of the bridge.

What did my superiors want with me now? And why was their call so urgent? I couldn’t remember doing anything illegal lately. I’d even been kind (mostly) to my spirits the last few days.

At least I could teleport to answer a Summons. When I did, I was startled. I had ended up in a small room, the white walls completely covered in strange ornaments. This sure wasn’t The In-Between. How did the Summons bring me here?

“Hello, Xia,” a light voice said.

I spun around to face the person. “Oh! Granna! How did I–?”

She grinned, standing there in a colorful gown of cool hues, like she’d just come from a festival or something. She even held a flowery cane. “The Summoning Call still works. I thought I might’ve forgotten how to do it.”

“But– I didn’t know a human could Summon a reaper!”

“I’m not just any human, you know. I have Grim Sight. And it takes some rare ingredients for a human to Summon, but I managed to scrape some together. Anyway, it’s so good to see you again.” She shuffled forward, giving me a giant bear hug. “You never come visit.”

I reluctantly hugged her back. “Uh, good to see you too. Why am I here? The Summons felt urgent.”

“Oops, I must’ve used too many herbs in the mixture. I wanted to make sure it was enough. I just want to talk to you.”

I instantly became wary. “Why?” Then I grew worried. “Is Shilah okay?”

“Physically speaking, yes.”

“Oh. Good.” I grew suspicious again, narrowing my eyes. “Why am I here then?” I looked around. I was thinking maybe Shilah had put his grandmother up to this, but we were alone and the door was closed.

Granna must’ve known what I was thinking. “Shilah doesn’t know I can Summon reapers. If he did, he probably would’ve asked me to do this a long time ago.”

“If this is about Shilah–”

“He just left here, you know. I talked to him about you. He’s very heartbroken.”

I gazed at the floor as an ache bloomed in my chest. “Yeah, me too.”

“Then I don’t understand what all this foolishness is about.”

I frowned. “Granna, I don’t mean to be rude, but I can’t take another person telling me I’m making a bad decision.”

“I just want to tell you a story. Do you have time?”

I searched the walls and found a house-shaped clock. “I have a half hour before my next assignment, but I need to be there fifteen minutes early.”

“Okay, good. Have a seat.”

Granna and I sat in the two wooden rocking chairs in the room. In between them was a small table with a bowl of bones, feathers, and grass inside. It must’ve been the concoction she used to Summon me. There was a slight burnt smell in the air, so she must’ve had to light it on fire.

I watched Granna as she began: “You’ve probably wondered how I know so much about grim reapers. Well, I was only a few years older than you when I became pregnant with my first child. When he was born–”

“Are you talking about Shilah’s father?” I interrupted, wondering where this was going.

“No. If you’d listen and let me finish, I can get through the story much faster.”

“Oh, sorry. Go on.”

“Anyway, my first child was born, but he lived for only one day.” Granna waved her hand dismissively when I started to express my condolences. “But he didn’t just die. He became a grim reaper.”

My jaw dropped. “Really? How do you know? Reapers aren’t allowed to know their original families, and vice versa.”

“You keep forgetting that I’m special. I have a connection with death.” Granna inhaled a raspy breath, her wrinkled hands tightening over her cane’s handle. “I was so devastated when my first son passed away. But my great-grandmother comforted me. She told me my son had a greater purpose now, and she said she could prove it to me.

“She told me about our family’s history with grim reapers. She had Grim Sight, too. She even showed me how to Summon a reaper. One was a friend of hers, and that reaper found out the name Death had given my son. With that name, I was able to Summon him. You may know him. His name is Nuwan.”

My eyebrows shot up. “He’s like the reaper with the most seniority. I think he’s next in line to become one of the superiors of our section.” Now that I thought about it, he did look Native American. I had spoken to him only on a couple of occasions, and he was very kind. “I like him.”

“He
was
my son. Of course, he’s a child of Death now. Anyway, I Summoned him when he was seven, and I told him who I was. Afterwards, he kept coming to see me. He still does. No one knows about him, not even my husband, Marshall. When Nuwan comes to visit, I tell Marshall I’m in here meditating.