Grim Crush (Grimly Ever After) (12 page)

Chapter 15

“Okay, how do I look?” I stood in front of Jayza with my arms spread out.

“I don’t see why it matters how you look,” my best friend said. “Dressing nice is for humans.”

I dropped my arms, sighing. Never ask for a fashion opinion from a reaper. “I just want to try something different.”

“Shilah doesn’t care about how you dress. He just cares about you.”

“Tonight is special though.” I would finally have a few hours of uninterrupted time with him. Ziri had agreed to do tonight’s deaths by herself to make up for not helping with Kacie’s soul. The grim-in-training had been all too happy to have my scythe all to herself. At least she was coming in handy.

I inspected my outfit. I had looked around in a mall for the last hour to try to copy a more human look. I was still in all black as usual, but I had on a sparkly top and skintight denim pants inside flat boots that went halfway up my shin. I don’t understand how human females can wear those cumbersome tall heels. Heels are
so
not for a reaper.

“Jayza, can you at least tell me if I look human or not?” Since a reaper’s reflection couldn’t be seen in a mirror, she was my only hope.

Jayza cocked her head. “Don’t humans wear jewelry?”

I snapped my fingers. “Right. I forgot.” I gave myself dangling silver earrings and a long necklace with black jewels. “Better?”

“I guess. You know, you should wear your hair down like that more often. It looks pretty.”

“I don’t want these braids to get in the way when I’m reaping.” I straightened my blouse. “I guess I’m ready to go.”

“So how are you going to get there? By bus or taxi? Or maybe a spaceship?”

I glared as Jayza chuckled. “Make fun of me all you want. I’m just trying to
look
more human, but I’m still a grim reaper. Nothing will change that.”

“You’re doing all this because of Shilah’s friend, Lucy, aren’t you? You don’t want him wishing he was hanging out with a more normal girl like her?”

It irked me how Jayza could figure me out like that. “Maybe that’s
part
of the reason why I’m trying to be more human.”

“From what I’ve seen, you have nothing to worry about. Shilah likes you
because
you’re not normal.”

I smiled. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing.”

“It is. Now go, he’s probably waiting for you.”

I nodded, and teleported from The In-Between to Chad’s Cliff. It was about twilight here. The sky was navy blue, fading to black, with patches of clouds choosing to reveal the moon and stars occasionally. There was no wind tonight; the trees were still and everything was silent except for the hooting owls.

“Xia.”

I turned at the sound of my name, and found Shilah walking toward me. He had changed too, wearing khaki pants and a beige button-up shirt. His silken hair flowed around his shoulders, and I wanted to run my fingers through it. He looked so gorgeous, even in the near darkness.

His eyebrows rose as he gave me a glance over from head to foot. “You look different. And…human.”

“I thought I’d try something new,” I replied. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, you look great. But do you remember what I said, before I knew you were a grim reaper? I said you don’t have to try to be normal. I like you when you’re just you.”

“Funny, that’s what Jayza thought you’d say.” I walked forward and grabbed his hand, and this time I didn’t flinch when I felt his skin. “So where do you want to hang out tonight? I can teleport us anywhere you want to go.”

“You choose. I just want it to be any place that’s not dangerous.”

I chuckled. “Okay, no building rooftop this time. At least, not a tall one. I can’t teleport you out in the open, you know.” I thought. “The further away we go, the better. I don’t want to be where my superiors can find me if they come looking. Hopefully Ziri will cover for me. Want to go to another country?”

“Sure.”

I teleported, and we ended up on the roof of an apartment building. Here, the sky was completely dark and the streets were nearly empty. There was a wide river to our right, and one of the most beautiful structures in the world shone bright in the night about a mile away.

“I give you Paris, France,” I announced in my best impersonation of a French accent.

Shilah’s eyes lit up. “Wow. I’ve never seen the Eiffel Tower in person.”

I grinned at how happy he looked. “Then you’ll love it up close. Let’s go.” I looked over the edge of the building to make sure the coast was clear on the ground. Then I teleported us down. Bubbling with excitement, I pulled Shilah along as we walked beside the Seine River.

“Xia, what if someone sees us? I mean, sees
me
talking to the air?” Shilah asked, glancing around nervously.

“It’s about four in the morning here,” I replied. “There’s hardly anyone out. But just in case, I’ve made myself visible to humans.”

“You have? I forgot you could do that. Won’t you get in trouble?”

“Only if I get caught. That’s why I don’t do this in Arizona.” To prove my point, I waved to an early-morning stroller, who smiled and waved back.

“Wow. I wish you
could
do this back at home.” When Shilah saw the look on my face, he added, “Not that I don’t like that you’re only visible to me.”

“If you want, I could risk it so we could go on normal dates and stuff…”

“No, I don’t want you to get in any more trouble. Your next punishment might be another grim-in-training.” He grinned.

“Two Ziris would definitely make me certifiably insane.” We laughed.

The two of us continued walking toward the Eiffel Tower, a misty breeze blowing off the river and giving the night air a fresh scent. Paris was so magnificent in the dark. I had only been here once, just to see the sights. France hasn’t had any major disasters in the years since I’ve been a reaper. The only other countries I’ve visited to reap souls were Haiti, China, Afghanistan, Chile, and most recently, Japan. I told Shilah about those times while we walked.

When we got to the tower, we gazed up at it in wonder. I didn’t want to risk teleporting us to the top of it in case it had security, so instead I took us onto a nearby hotel rooftop to enjoy the view. Shilah and I sat with our arms around each other, talking for over an hour.

“Will we always get to do stuff like this?” Shilah asked, wrapping one of my braids around his finger. “Travel around the world?”

“Maybe, if you want,” I replied. “But I can’t dump my reaping duties on Ziri too often. And after she gets her own scythe, she won’t be able to help me at all.” I paused. “I never thought I’d say this, but maybe I should volunteer to receive more trainees after this.”

Shilah chuckled. “All your trainees might not be as helpful as Ziri.”

“I know. But I want to do this more often.”

“Me too.”

“And it doesn’t bother you that we can’t do things we could do if I was human? Like going out on normal dates?”

“No way, this is much better than normal dates. I love having a girlfriend who can teleport.”

I lifted my eyebrows, grinning. “Girlfriend?”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot you’re terrified of that word,” Shilah teased. “I meant girl
for a
friend.”

“No, you can call me your girlfriend.” I snuggled against his chest. “I’m glad I have a
boyfriend
to take around the world.”

He smiled, stroking my hand. Then he turned serious. “Xia, does skin contact still bother you?”

“Only a little. I’m trying to get used to it.” I lifted my head off his chest and put my legs under me, turning to face him. “Give me your hands.”

Shilah placed both of his hands in mine. I squeezed them, trying not to freak out from the warm, electric feeling spreading up my arms. Swallowing, I slowly ran my hands up his forearms. His skin was so soft, so smooth. I’d never felt anything like it before.

I stopped at the crooks of his elbows and looked up, embarrassed. “Do you mind?”

He shook his head. So I continued running my hands over his muscular biceps, up to his shoulders. His skin felt so soothing against mine that I wanted to do this all night. I couldn’t get myself to stop.

I slid my hands over his shirt, up to his neck. He watched me closely, and my heart throbbed as I traced his jawline with my fingertips. I didn’t think either of us were breathing by the time my fingers brushed his lips. His lips were even more tender than his skin.

His warm breath caressed my fingers as they lingered for a moment. That weird stirring of emotions hit me again, jolting my entire body from head to toes. If I had been human, I would’ve thought I needed to see a doctor. This feeling felt natural, but unnatural at the same time.

I looked up, into his staring eyes. Blushing hard, I yanked my hands away. “S-sorry. I was…just…”

Shilah leaned in closer. Our faces had already been inches apart; now there was only one inch between us. I couldn’t take my eyes away from his lips.

My breath caught in my throat as he hesitated. Maybe he was waiting to see if I’d pull away again. Waiting for me to object or run or something.

But this time, I stayed.

And then his tender lips pressed into mine. I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply through my nose, caught off guard by the incredible sensations that coursed through me. This touch felt a hundred times better than any other. My whole body felt like it was lifting off the ground. I was tingling all over.

My mind was telling me to pull away. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this. Kissing a human must be completely against the Rules. A grim reaper should not be having these types of feelings.

But it felt so…right.

I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and used my lips to explore his. It was a good thing I’d picked up some tips from those romance movies. Shilah responded by putting his hands on my waist and moving in closer.

I don’t know how long we kissed. It could’ve been minutes, or even an hour. The morning sky was starting to turn purple and pink here, so I knew it must be getting late in Arizona.

Shilah pulled away first. Holding my face in his hands, he opened his eyes and breathlessly asked, “Is this okay for you?”

I nodded. “Definitely.” I wanted to pull him back toward me so bad, but then I realized how much time must’ve passed by. “Oh, should you be getting home?”

He sighed. “Yeah. My curfew is eleven.”

“Right.” Still a bit lightheaded from the kissing, I grabbed his hands and we stood up together. In less than a second, we were standing back at Chad’s Cliff.

“Well…goodnight,” I said, gazing up into his brown eyes.

“Goodnight.” Shilah made no move to leave.

I didn’t want him to go. I rose up on my tiptoes and started kissing him again. He put his arms around me and pulled me against him, his hands caressing my back.

Nothing else seemed to exist in that moment. It didn’t feel like we were on Earth anymore. It felt like we were floating somewhere way up high, maybe in outer space. I lost sense of time and place.

And then I was brought back to reality when I received a Summons inside my mind. I broke away from Shilah, annoyed. How were my superiors contacting me after I had made sure Ziri would receive any of my Summoning Calls?

Shilah kept his forehead against mine, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I completely blocked out the Summons and focused on the way he was staring at me.

“Xia…” he murmured, his voice filled with emotion. “I love you.”

I froze. I hadn’t been expecting that at all. I wasn’t even familiar with the L-word concept.

I knew I should say something back, but when I opened my mouth, my voice stuck in my throat. Shilah must not have minded my silence because he kissed me one more time, then pulled away.

“See you tomorrow?” he asked.

I nodded, still speechless from what he’d said. He smiled, squeezed my hand, and then walked away so that my hand slowly slipped out of his.

As I watched him leave, the Summons came back, stronger and more persistent than before. I closed my eyes and sighed, wishing I could have time to think about everything that had happened tonight. It had been the best day of my non-life.

But I wasn’t a normal teenage girl who could go home in a dreamy stupor. I teleported to The In-Between to answer the Summons.

Chapter 16

When I arrived, Ziri immediately ran up to me.

“I’m so, so, so sorry, Xia. Please don’t be mad at me,” she said. She looked on the verge of tears.

“What is it?” I asked, worried.

Ziri didn’t get to explain before our superiors showed up one by one, all three of them making a semi-circle in front of me.

“Xia,” stated Aquil. “We’ve been looking all over for you.”

“I’m here now,” I said with an innocent smile. Inwardly, I gritted my teeth, thinking,
what will this witch do to mess up my non-life now?

Dajila spoke next. “We tried calling for you to report to us regarding Ziri’s training, and she told us you were in Utah helping with a bus accident. We believed her at first, until we received a different report from somewhere else.”

I held my breath. What was she talking about?

“You must’ve had a fun night,” Aquil added. “How is that human boy, Shilah, by the way?”

My heart dropped and my stomach twisted. I could imagine how horrified my face must’ve looked.
How did they know?
I looked to Ziri, but she just shook her head, her face concerned.

Aquil’s smirk showed that she was enjoying the surprised look on my face too much. “Did you think we wouldn’t find out? We’re always checking on our reapers. And we know you are blatantly disregarding Rules Two and Three of Reaping.”

I swallowed, finding my voice again. “Uh, technically, I’m not breaking Rule Three. I never showed myself to Shilah. He has Grim Sight. It’s not my fault he can see me.”

Dajila raised an eyebrow. “Really? But we received a report from a reaper working in Paris that you were strolling about with this boy, making yourself visible to humans.”

I closed my eyes.
Dammit!
My superiors had sources everywhere. It’s impossible to get away with anything when you’re a reaper. Time to do some explaining. “You see, I was doing research. I’ve never heard of a human being able to see grim reapers, so I wanted to know more and then I was going to report to you.”

“That’s the same thing Jayza told us when we questioned her,” said Waiser. “However, your ‘research’ seems to involve breaking Rule Two.”

Embarrassment and anger rippled through me. They must’ve known what Shilah and I had been doing tonight. A reaper must’ve been
watching
.

“You’re putting the human population and our existence at risk,” said Dajila. “It may be only a matter of time before you break the ultimate rule, Rule One.”

I shook my head. “I won’t. So seeing Shilah isn’t hurting anyone…”

“You must abide by the Rules of Reaping!” boomed Waiser. “Everyone else follows them. Why should they not apply to you?”

“I told you it isn’t my fault Shilah can see me.”

“You can make the choice to stay away from him, though,” Aquil said. “From now on, you are forbidden from seeing him, speaking to him, or anything else involving this Shilah.”

I instantly opened my mouth to argue, then stopped. They couldn’t
actually
stop me from seeing him. “Okay.”

“By the way,” my archenemy added, “your teleporting privileges are being stripped away.”

“
What
?”

“You are only allowed to teleport to each of your reaping assignments, and nothing more. If you try to use your friends, their teleportation won’t work either.”

“No! You can’t do this!” They were taking away my freedom. They were taking away the best thing about being a reaper. I wouldn’t be able to do anything fun! It was like I was a human teenager being grounded.

“If you behave for the next couple of weeks, we’ll give you full control of your teleportation again. However, if you keep seeing that boy…” Aquil allowed her threat to remain unfinished.

“But…I can’t stay away from him. I–” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word. Besides, I didn’t know if I felt that L-word for Shilah. I wasn’t even sure I understood it. Anyway, I doubted saying it would make any difference to a bunch of reapers. I’d be surprised if Aquil had even heard of the word before.

“Do you presume to tell
us
what you can and can’t do?” Waiser demanded.

I stared down at the ground. “Sorry, sir.” My eyes watered. Losing my teleportation, as great as it was, paled in comparison to not being able to see Shilah. It made my heart ache.

Dajila stepped forward, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Have you thought about what getting emotionally involved with a human would do to him? He couldn’t have a normal life. The more time he spends with you, the more he becomes disconnected with his family and friends. They won’t understand that he goes to see a reaper. He might eventually abandon his human life, and he would never be completely happy. Think of how his future would be affected if you kept seeing him. Also, what if you have to reap the soul of someone he cares about one day? He might resent you for that.”

I remembered how pained Shilah had looked when he thought I might’ve reaped his little sister. As much as I hated to admit it, Dajila had a point.

Waiser nodded in agreement. “You must stay away from him for your own good as well as his. The Rules are in place for many good reasons.”

“If you care about this human’s well-being at all, you will let him go,” Dajila added.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. Shilah had said he loved me. He was already getting in too deep. My superiors were right. I
should
stay away from him. We couldn’t be together forever. Our relationship would have to end sometime, and better now than later. Shilah had to accept that I wasn’t human, and I never would be.

“Can I at least tell him goodbye?” I croaked, tears escaping down my face.

Dajila smiled. “Of course.”

Aquil huffed. “I think it would be better if you just made a clean break.”

Dajila glared at her. “I already gave Xia permission to see him one last time. Your opinion isn’t needed.”

Aquil rolled her eyes. This was the first time I’d seen animosity between two of my superiors.

“Good luck, Xia,” said Waiser. He disappeared, and the two female superiors followed suit.

As soon as they were gone, I fell to my knees onto the shimmering ground, crying silently. Ziri kneeled by my side.

“Xia, I tried
so
hard to stop them from finding out,” she blurted. “I tried to get them to leave you alone, but I failed…I’m so sorry–”

I shook my head. “I d-don’t blame you. It’s all my fault. I should’ve never kept seeing Shilah anyway. And now I have t-to hurt him.” The tears flowed faster.

Ziri hesitated, looking uncomfortable, then leaned forward and embraced me. After getting over my surprise, I hugged her back, sobbing on her shoulder.

* * *

The next day, I had to take a bus to get to Chad’s Cliff. I felt so human without my teleportation, but at least I couldn’t be seen, so I got to ride places for free.

I reached the cliff around four-thirty. I knew Shilah probably wouldn’t show up till later, but I would wait. Dajila (my favorite superior now) had given Ziri permission to handle my deaths for the evening till I talked to Shilah.

So I sat with my legs dangling off the precipice of Chad’s Cliff, deep in thought. I felt numb inside, like a reaper was supposed to feel. So I guess everything had worked out perfectly. I should be glad my superiors had found out about Shilah. I’d known all along it was a bad idea to develop feelings for him, and now I had an excuse to stay away from him for good.

I’d go back to being a normal grim reaper. That’s what I was supposed to want. But I didn’t. Still, I had no choice. This was for the best.

“Xia!”

My heart wrenched at the sound of Shilah’s voice. I turned and saw him jogging up the hill toward me, beaming and waving. Gosh, I would miss him so much.

I stood, my face somber, and walked toward him. He ran forward and hugged me so hard that I nearly fell over. It hurt beyond belief to be close to him again. I pulled away.

“Uh, Shilah–”

He kissed me before I could say anything else, then took my hands in his. “I’m sooo happy to see you again. I could barely sleep last night because I kept thinking about you.” I could not stand how cheerful he looked. It wasn’t fair. I was supposed to be elated after last night too. He was making this harder.

“Shilah…I need to–”

“Oh, by the way, I talked to Granna today, and she’s happy that we’re officially a couple. She wants you to come by and talk to her sometimes. I’m glad she can see you too. It gives me someone to talk to; someone I can actually admit to that I have a girlfriend.”

I sighed, looking away from him.

He finally seemed to notice my expression, and his face fell. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes.” My stupid eyes welled up again.

He placed his hands on my shoulders. “What is it, Xia? Tell me.”

I tentatively pushed his hands away. “They found out about us.”

“Who?” Slowly, Shilah’s face grew appalled. “Your superiors?”

I nodded. “And they– I can’t– They took away my teleportation freedom. And…I can’t see you anymore.”

He shook his head, as though he didn’t understand. “What?”

“We can’t hang out anymore. You have to move on with your life. So…I won’t come see you again after today. I’m sorry.” I blinked to keep the tears from falling.

Shilah’s eyebrows furrowed. “Did they– did they say you couldn’t see me anymore?”

“Yes. If I keep seeing you, I’ll be punished. I don’t know what could be worse than stripping away my teleportation, but I’m sure they could come up with something. Anyway…I want this. I want you to live a normal life around humans.”

He frowned. “I don’t care about a normal life. Are you sure there’s no way around your superiors’ stupid rules?”

“I told you, I don’t want to see you anymore. It doesn’t matter what they say.” I averted my eyes to the ground to avoid his gaze.

Shilah shook his head again. “I don’t believe that.” His voice came out as a whisper.

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “But I’m a grim reaper. I don’t fit into your life.”

He grabbed my hands again and clutched them to his chest. “Xia, look at me.”

I didn’t want to. But I lifted my head and stared into his eyes.

“Do you
really
want to stay away from me?” he asked, his eyes searching mine.

I swallowed, but didn’t turn away so he would believe the next words out of my mouth. “Yes. Now let me go.” I jerked out of his grip.

Shilah looked shocked and incredibly hurt. That’s exactly what I had been going for, so he’d stop loving me. If I kept telling myself I was doing this for his own good, I could finish this.

My gaze hard, I added, “You said you love me. But I don’t love you. I
can’t
love you. I’m not alive, so I don’t have such deep emotions.”

“You’re lying,” Shilah said. “I saw how happy you were yesterday. You have the same feelings I do.”

My chest filled with pain. “It was nothing. I felt nothing. That’s why it’s easy for me to say goodbye. You won’t see me ever again, so don’t try to look for me. I won’t be coming back here.”

Shilah’s shoulders slumped. He looked so miserable now. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

I couldn’t stand to see him anymore. The pain was unbearable. “Uh…goodbye.” I turned away and strode down the hill. It was a good thing he couldn’t see my face now because I could no longer control my tears.

“Xia, wait!” I heard him cry.

I couldn’t let him change my mind. I picked up my pace to a jog, then to a full-out run. I ran as fast and hard as I could, but it didn’t distance me from the pain. Funny, because I thought reapers couldn’t feel pain. I guess that only went for
physical
pain, not emotional.

Now would’ve been a good time for teleportation. I could go all the way to the other side of the world, as far away from Shilah as I could get to give myself time to get over him.

However, I didn’t think that would ever happen, even if I never saw him again.