Grandma Robot (2 page)

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Authors: Fay Risner

Tags: #humor and supernatural mystery, #robots replacing humans, #humor about relationships

BOOK: Grandma Robot
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Chapter 2

 

Amy picked up a remote from the
table and aimed it at the robot. “Just push the button to activate
her. It works as easily as when you aim a remote at the television
or any other modern convenience. No rocket science on your part to
learn this, my friend.”

Karen folded her arms over her
chest. “Oh, thanks a lot What kind of friend are you? First you
insult my housekeeping abilities. Now I really like the thought of
having a weird maid living in my house with me since you think I
might be too dumb to handle anything too complicated.”

“I didn't mean that the way it
came out. Honest I didn't. It's just most people will be as
intimidated as you are with an experiment like this one. We, here
at the lab, want you to help us put the prospective buyers at ease
after you try the robot and see how easy it is to live with one in
your house.

Knowing the price of the robots,
buyers will wonder how much of an advantage having one in their
homes might be. We expect the customers to react just like you.”
Amy giggled. “That's why this is good practice for me to use my
sales pitch on you. You're thinking just like our customer will
when we try to convince them to buy one of the robots.”

“How much does a robot costs?”
Karen asked.

“The price isn't so bad. Four
hundred thousand dollars is affordable for most people who will
want to purchase the robot,” Amy said causally.

Karen swallowed hard and choked.
“You think four hundred thousand dollars is affordable?”

“For rich people who buy one of
our robot the answer is yes. They pay good wages all the time for
servants. One flat fee for a robot won't sound like much to them.
They will save money in the long run.

Now try talking to Henie. She obeys
voice commands. Just like this.” When Amy pushed the remote button,
Henie opened her eyes. “Hello, Henie. Karen wants to meet you. Say
hello to her.”

Henie stuck out her hand to shake
hands. In a young, giddy voice, she said, “Hello, Karen. It is
super duper to meet you.”

Tentatively, Karen shook the cold,
soft synthetic hand and glanced at Amy doubtfully. “Doesn't sound
to me like this robot was ever intended to wear the mature uniform
of a maid.”

Amy looked confused. “I agree.
However, this robot should do the job she was built
for.”

Karen looked at Amy for more
instructions. “What can I talk to her about? You do know she and I
have nothing in common?”

Amy laughed. Before she could
answer, Henie spoke up, giving Karen a cheerful answer to her
question. “You can say anything you want to me, and I'll answer. My
memory recall is super duper good. Just tell me what you want me to
do, and I'll follow your instructions.”

“You're right about her being so
lifelike,” Karen said slowly as she gave the robot a closer
inspection. “Her face is so animated.”

“Henie is good to go like she is,”
Amy said proudly. “We've been working on this experiment for
several years. Being lifelike is what we wanted so the robot maid
bought to work in a home wouldn't be so obvious to
visitors.”

“I've got news for you. This robot
will stick out like a sore thumb,” Karen declared.

Amy back tracked. “Perhaps, this
one would. What I want is for you to give her a try to see if she
works out well. Her personality shouldn't stop her from doing the
daily chores we have programmed into her. We don't have time to
reprogram her now that you're here. If you will please take Henie
home, we can revamp her personality and voice when we bring her
back to the lab.”

“I don't know if I want to get
involved. This might turn into a time consuming project I don't
want to waste my time on when I have my book about finished. I need
to concentrate on my writing,” declared Karen. “Besides, this might
be an experiment that will go down the tubes fast when people find
out how much one of these things cost.”

“Henie and the others are pricey
to start with, but once people buy a robot like this one, I can
explain to them they don't have to worry about other expenses. She
can't eat and doesn't need to be paid wages. The expenses will be a
new change of clothes once in awhile, and a new battery every five
years.”

Karen looked very concerned. “The
word pricey scares me.”

“Why?” Amy asked.

“Are you sure if she breaks down
you won't expected me to pay for her parts?” Karen
asked.

“Of course not, silly. Henie is
just an experiment at this point. We need to put her to work so we
know what to look for if problems come up which I really don't
anticipate. If she has a weak part that needs fixed, we need to
know before we put her on the market.

You can call me any time. I'll send
a tech out to repair her at no cost to you. That way we can perfect
the robot to be even better than we think she already
is.

That's where you come in. You put
her to work and tell us what we need to do to make her
perfect.

I do need to caution you to
remember to be careful how you talk to her. No more calling her it,
thing or creature. She can show emotions like humans so don’t hurt
her feelings. She smiles, cries, and looks sad.”

Karen's face scrunched up. “Really?
Sounds more and more like a giant doll to me. I had a doll once
that wet her pants when I fed her a bottle.”

Amy didn't find that particularly
amusing. “That won't happen with one of our robots. Don't try
forcing anything down Henie's mouth. She isn't able to intake so
there isn't anything to come out.”

“That's good to know, but why do
robots have to have emotions to be able to do their jobs as maids?”
Karen scoffed.

“Remember we're trying to make
them as lifelike as possible so only the owners know they are a
robot. We need her to fool visitors into thinking she's human,” Amy
explained.

Amy was trying hard to make this
sound easier than Karen thought it was going to be. There had to be
problems Amy wasn't sharing. “Does she ever have an attitude
problem or refuse to do a job she's asks to do?”

Amy shook her head. “No, she can
handle any situation concerning a household. That's what has been
programmed in her as a priority. You won't find any attitude when
you give an order. This robot will automatically obey and do the
task. What will be of interest to us is will she automatically do
tasks on her own without being told. That's what we'd like her to
do.”

Karen still wasn't so sure. “You
will see to it a different outfit is sent with her if I take her?
That teenage girl look gets on my nerves. That isn't the way maids
are supposed to dress if you're going to try your sales pitch on
buyers.”

“That's an accurate assumption. I
told you there's a spare outfit in the satchel already. How about
it, Karen? Will you help me? Try Henie for me,” Amy
pleaded.

“Okay, just for you, I’ll do this
against my better judgment. How long do I have to keep
her?”

“I'll be checking with you
occasionally to see how things are going. When you and I think the
kinks are worked out of Henie, I can bring her back to the lab.
This phase of the experiment shouldn't take more than four weeks.
You don't mind me coming out once in awhile to see how she
performs? I'll call first. I promise,” Amy assured her.

“Fine, you know you're always
welcome at my house. In fact, I was going to invite you out anyway
to see where I'm living now. So enough of the sales pitch already.
Box her up,” Karen said.

Amy laughed as she picked up a
journal from the table and handed it to Karen. “Henie doesn’t need
a box. She can ride in the car with you just like any other
passenger. Fortunately for you, she isn't the nervous type like
most humans would be. When she experiences for the first time how
you drive, she won't get the least upset. Just don't ask her for an
opinion of your driving or your housekeeping. She's programmed to
be honest.”

Karen pretended offense at Amy's
remarks. “Really! All right, enough already. Making all these
aspersions about my failings aren't funny. You're living
dangerously for someone who needs a big favor from a friend.” Karen
peered at the journal Amy had stuffed in her hand. “What’s this
book for?”

Amy took Karen by the elbow. “Let's
walk to your car as we talk. Come along, Henie. Pick up your
satchel and follow us.

The journal is for the experiment's
documentation. Make a daily entry about the robot’s performance
each day. Any suggestions you can think of to help us make her
perform better will be helpful. How to make her more presentable to
the customers. Anything else you'd like to see done to make her
more sales proof will be great.”

Karen snapped, “Great! Just what I
needed, paperwork. Anything else I need to know about this
experiment you have failed to tell me until after I
agreed?”

Amy stopped with Karen by the car
in the parking lot. “I think that's about it. If you have any
questions call me. I do need you to email me your address and
directions to your house. I'm not too good with country driving.
Otherwise, I might get lost.

Now take the robot home. Stop
worrying. You will do fine. Enjoy letting Henie do your work for
you.

Henie, get in Karen's car and go
with her to her house,” Amy instructed as she opened the back door
and threw the satchel on the seat by the grocery sacks.

Karen watched as Henie opened the
front car door and bounced into the passenger's seat. She inspected
the interior. “Cool car, Kiddo.”

Karen raised a brow.

“You will be fine. I promise,” Amy
said with a nervous giggle as she gave Karen a shove.

Karen saw her friend's hands bunch
in her lab coat pockets. She wondered if Amy had her fingers
crossed on both hands. Wishing for luck maybe that gullible Karen
would believe this experiment will go smoothly. Hoping Karen
wouldn't change her mind and kick the maid out of the car before
she drove out of the parking lot.

Karen climbed in and backed her car
up. Garth Brooks's latest song was playing on the radio. Karen
liked his singing. She concentrated on the words and watched the
traffic as she pulled into the street.

The song cut off in the middle of a
verse. Karen glanced at the radio, wondering what the station
interference was.

Henie was poking the buttons.
“There must be some neater stations we can pick up. I like pop
music.” She stopped poking when she found a song she
liked.

Karen was about to demand Henie get
her finger off the radio buttons. She remembered harsh words might
make the robot cry. She clamped her mouth shut tight and
concentrated on her driving. Heavens forbid, she hurt Henie's
feelings on her very first ride in a car. The robot might jump out
to run back to Amy in the lab and get run over by a car. That might
make Amy mad enough to send her a bill for the creature.

 

Chapter 3

 

When Karen stopped in front of her
three story, white clapboard farm house, she shut the car off.
“We're here.” She got out and went around to open the door for
Henie.

The robot beat her to it. She
sprang off the seat and stood with her hands on her hips as she
inspected the house. “Quaint old fashion digs, Kiddo.”

“Thanks, I'm glad you approve.
That takes a load off my mind,” Karen replied dryly as she reached
into the back seat for the satchel. “Here, make yourself useful and
carry your clothes. I've got to bring in the groceries.”

“Sure thing, Kiddo,” Henie said as
she followed Karen up the porch steps.

Karen set her two sacks of
groceries down, inserted the key in the lock and opened the door.
Just as she picked up the sacks, Henie turned sideways and bumped
Karen with the satchel as she swished past. Karen struggled to keep
hold of the sacks and followed Henie.

The robot walked around the living
room, inspecting it. She patted the worn, faded couch arm. “I like
the blue flowers and green leaves. Nice pattern, Kiddo.”

Karen shrugged her
shoulders. “Not really. This fifties furniture was here when I
moved in. I kept what is here rather than put out the expense for
new furniture right away.”

Henie listened to her as if
she was interested.

Suddenly, it crossed
Karen's mind to wonder why she had to explain her reasons for
keeping the old furniture to this robot. For that matter, why did
Henie get programmed with an app to appraise furniture? She sure
wasn't very good at it.

Henie disappeared into the
kitchen. Karen followed her and set the groceries on the yellow
formica table.

Henie stood near the stove.
“Not a bad kitchen as old kitchens go. It does appear to be half
way modern.”

“I hope that means the
half way modern parts suits your skills and the older parts you can
learn to use,” Karen said in a dubious tone.

“Sure, I can make do with
what's here. I have all that programmed into me,” Henie said
agreeably.

“That's good to know,”
Karen said.

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