Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook (7 page)
Read Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook Online
Authors: Kim West
Tags: #Family & Relationships, #Life Stages, #Infants & Toddlers, #Parenting, #General
1.
Your child doesn’t go to sleep for the entire hour
. Do your dramatic wake-up routine (open the blinds, sing “Good morning or afternoon, Baby!”) and take your child out of bed. Since he hasn’t had a morning nap, he won’t be able to last (or wait) until the afternoon for his next nap. Watch his cues: If he starts yawning, dozing while you feed him, etc.—even if it’s just 45 minutes after you got him out of his crib—go ahead and try for a nap again.
2.
Your child only sleeps for 45 minutes in the morning
.This is the bare minimum for a nap. If he wakes up happy and seemingly refreshed, that’s okay, but be aware that he might be ready for his afternoon siesta sooner rather than later (after two hours awake rather than three). Watch for drowsy cues so you don’t miss his sleep window. In addition, do all you can to make sure that the afternoon nap doesn’t get cut short. I find that when babies wake up happy after a 45-minute morning nap, they often don’t wake up happy and refreshed after a 45-minute afternoon nap. If your child wakes up after 45 minutes from his later nap, use the Shuffle techniques to get him back to sleep (try for at least 30 minutes if you can).
3.
Your child naps for
less than
45 minutes.
This is a “disaster nap.” When a child sleeps for fewer than 45 minutes, he doesn’t go through a complete sleep cycle; technically, his wide-eyed state is really a partial arousal, not true wakefulness. So here’s the tough message: I want you to go to him and
do the Shuffle for an hour
—what I call “the longest hour.”
Here’s an example: You put your child in his crib at 9:00 a.m., he conks out at 9:30, but only sleeps until 10:00. You go in and work on getting him back to sleep—which he does, thankfully, by 10:30, after just half an hour. But he only sleeps for 20 minutes. Chances are the negative voice in you is going to say, “I can’t believe the Sleep Lady® told me to do that! He cried more than he slept. What’s the point of that?” But think about it:Your baby did it! He put himself back to sleep after a partial arousal from a nap—one of the hardest things to do. Going forward, he’ll begin to get back to sleep more quickly and will snooze for longer, if you stick with it.
Sometimes nannies, sitters, daycare providers, and even family members aren’t comfortable with letting a baby cry (even when they’re right by the child’s side), or don’t want to deal with the tedium of spending up to an hour doing the Shuffle after a too-short snooze. If you run up against this kind of resistance, no matter how carefully you’ve explained the principles of sleep science:
• Ask the caregiver to focus on “filling the sleep tank” as best she can using whatever sleep crutch she’s always used before—in other words, have her at least make sure that your child meets the age-appropriate amount of daytime sleep no matter what it takes. If, for example, she generally rocks your baby to sleep, then have her continue to do this when putting your baby down for naps. Tell her to rock him back to sleep if he wakes before 45 minutes so that he’s not having disaster naps all day long. As long as
you
don’t rock him to sleep during the day or night, this can work.
• In the meantime, you should work on nighttime sleep and weekend naps. When you’re fairly confident that your child has learned to get himself to sleep, talk to your caregiver again. Explain what your baby has accomplished, and ask her to work with you by putting your baby down drowsy but awake. If your baby is in a daycare center, perhaps the provider would be willing to put him down in the sleep area a few minutes before she brings in the rest of the babies.
• Note that at some point during your child’s overall sleep training, your caregiver’s go-to-sleep techniques may stop working. Often I find that, once a child learns to put himself to sleep, the original sleep crutch stops working. Don’t panic: This is a good sign; and it also means your sitter will have to join the sleep-coaching team!
And if you or your partner can’t deal with nap coaching at the same time you’re focused on night sleep coaching, feel free to use backup measures or temporary fixes to get your child some daytime sleep, preferably at predictable times. Nurse him, pat him, swing him, do what you have to do. But don’t give up on naps completely or convince yourself that he doesn’t need them. As nighttime sleep improves, the daytime sleep might fall into place on its own. It not, take a deep breath and try the training again in another month or two or when your backup measures stop working—whichever comes first.
• The morning nap develops first and is easier for a child to achieve than the afternoon nap, so don’t miss this opportunity.
• The afternoon nap is more stubborn, so don’t get discouraged!
• Look at your sleep log around 2:00 or 3:00 p.m. and decide if you will need to go for a backup nap.
Max, age 8 months
• You will be tied to the house during the nap-coaching process. If you feel like all you’re doing all day is trying to get your child to go to sleep, then you’re doing everything right! Hang in there.
You can do this!
CHAPTER FIVE
How to Eliminate Nighttime Feeding during the Shuffle
One of my hardest tasks is convincing parents that most healthy 6- to 8-month-old babies on a normal growth curve don’t need to eat at night. Even a smart, thoughtful mom who knows this in her head may still have a fear of letting her child go hungry—especially when that child is waking in the middle of the night. Check with your pediatrician to make sure that your little one doesn’t have a health issue that would make it necessary for her to eat during the night; but the overwhelming odds are that the main reason an older baby still gets up in search of breast or bottle is that sucking is the only way she knows how to get back to sleep. Don’t be hard on yourself if your child has developed this habit. It’s very common—because it works!—but it’s time to break the habit.
Families I’ve worked with have tried all of the techniques outlined
below
for eliminating nighttime feedings; make the choice that best matches your child’s temperament. I suggest starting with the most gradual one, Method A, but if you feel confident that B or C makes more sense for you and your baby, go ahead and start with that. In any case, please read through this entire chapter; many of the tips can be applied to any of the strategies.
below
for eliminating nighttime feedings; make the choice that best matches your child’s temperament. I suggest starting with the most gradual one, Method A, but if you feel confident that B or C makes more sense for you and your baby, go ahead and start with that. In any case, please read through this entire chapter; many of the tips can be applied to any of the strategies.
Whatever approach you take, it will be easier if you try to reset your baby’s hunger clock so that she takes in more calories by day and therefore isn’t looking around for more at night. I know some babies, even this young, who do a remarkable job of snacking all day so they can feast all night.
SLEEP-TIGHT TIPWhatever night-weaning-method you choose
be consistent and stick with it!
Start by reviewing her daytime feeding schedule and keeping a written log of her diet for a week. Go over it with her doctor to make sure she’s getting the right mix of breast milk and/or formula and solids. Try to nurse or bottle-feed her in a quiet, dim place without television, phone, or other distractions
so that she can focus on taking a full feeding
. This advice holds true during growth spurts too. She may need an occasional night feeding mid-spurt, but by enhancing her daytime feeding, you’ll minimize the nighttime ones.
so that she can focus on taking a full feeding
. This advice holds true during growth spurts too. She may need an occasional night feeding mid-spurt, but by enhancing her daytime feeding, you’ll minimize the nighttime ones.
Once you and your pediatrician have agreed that your baby does not need any feeding during an 11-hour period at night, then choose one of the methods that follow, and decide how many nights you’ll keep it up before completely eliminating the nighttime meal.
Ideally you want to be done with the process within a week, so set a specific night ahead of time as the night you will not feed her.
Ideally you want to be done with the process within a week, so set a specific night ahead of time as the night you will not feed her.
If you’re nursing
, gradually cut down the amount of time your baby is at the breast. For example, if she usually feeds for 20 minutes, let her go for only 15. Cut back every few nights until she’s ready to give it up, or until you’re down to 5 minutes: At that point, it’s just a tease and it’s time to stop altogether. Make sure you unlatch her when she finishes eating heartily, even if it’s sooner than the amount of time you’ve allotted; don’t let her just gently suckle and doze. Get her back to bed while she’s drowsy but awake.
, gradually cut down the amount of time your baby is at the breast. For example, if she usually feeds for 20 minutes, let her go for only 15. Cut back every few nights until she’s ready to give it up, or until you’re down to 5 minutes: At that point, it’s just a tease and it’s time to stop altogether. Make sure you unlatch her when she finishes eating heartily, even if it’s sooner than the amount of time you’ve allotted; don’t let her just gently suckle and doze. Get her back to bed while she’s drowsy but awake.
If you’re bottle-feeding,
you can decrease the amount of formula she gets by a few ounces every few nights. When you get to two ounces, it’s time to stop. An alternative is to gradually dilute the formula until it gets so watery she decides it’s not worth getting up for. I usually find reducing the total ounces in each bottle every few nights works best.
you can decrease the amount of formula she gets by a few ounces every few nights. When you get to two ounces, it’s time to stop. An alternative is to gradually dilute the formula until it gets so watery she decides it’s not worth getting up for. I usually find reducing the total ounces in each bottle every few nights works best.
Whether you’re breastfeeding or giving a bottle, feed your baby just
once
during the night for three nights; it’s best to set a rule for when you’ll give her that single snack, so you can either:
once
during the night for three nights; it’s best to set a rule for when you’ll give her that single snack, so you can either:
• feed her the first time she wakes after a set time such as midnight, or
• the first time she wakes as long as it’s been
at least four hours
since she last ate, or
• a
dream feed
, in which you wake her for her final feeding right before you go to bed.
Only feed her once at night, and not again until at least 6:00 a.m. when you can both start your day. If she wakes at other times sit by her crib and offer physical and verbal reassurance. Follow the “Guidelines for Sitting by the Crib,” outlined on page 31.
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