Good Enough to Trust (Good Enough, Book 2 - Going Back) (13 page)

“Sarcasm doesn’t
suit you.” I started to unpack carefully onto the side of the road and hoped
fervently that it would all fit back in again later, or else Dane would have
some extra luggage in his car. After a bit of a harrumph he joined in; to get
to the battery meant emptying everything out which seemed a design flaw to me,
so I said so.

“Or it could be
the amount of stuff you’ve got that’s the flaw.”

Oh, I did miss
him, I really missed him. I grinned and we lifted up the boot lining and
finally uncovered the battery. Dane twiddled a bit, and kept his head down,
which was for a reason that didn’t involve the battery.

“Did you tell
Ollie you were leaving, going home?”

I gave a little
shrug of my shoulders, just as he straightened up and looked at me, and he
sighed. If he’d glared it would have been easier, anger I could deal with. But
this made it worse, because a little knot formed in my stomach. “So you’ve run
away again?”

“I was going to,
well I, well he’d gone anyway. Said he was working away for a few days.” It
sounded a bit lame, even to my ears.

“But he expected
you’d still be there when he got back?”

“Dunno, maybe. But
he said he couldn’t do it. He’s left me anyway.”

“Couldn’t do
what?”

“Us, I suppose. He
couldn’t last time and he can’t now.” The little lump in my throat grew into
something a bit more substantial and I ached for what I was never going to
have.

“Oh, Sophie.” His
voice was low and this time he did hug me, maybe because he didn’t want to see
me cry. Messy. “You are such a stupid twat sometimes. How could he follow you
when he was in a coma?”

“He wasn’t. Okay,
he was hurt and they kept him in for a few days, but—”

“I don’t know
exactly what he told you.” His tone was measured, careful. “But he was out for
a few days.”

“Out?”

“Out cold.”

“That’s crap.” A
coldness that was worse than any damp air seemed to be creeping into my body
and spreading to every corner. “You’re talking rubbish.” I pulled away. “He
needed stitches.” I paused, remembering the wave of nausea that had hit me when
he’d told me, when I could imagine him falling down that rock face, stones
hitting his face, cutting into his skin, another man falling against him. I
closed my eyes. Two bodies hurtling faster as the rope snagged, gave way,
tumbling, bouncing, screaming until they hit the bottom and everything stopped,
until all that you could hear was the last scatter of stones and the wash of
the waves breaking against the men. Until the water around them was stained
with a soft blush of fresh blood and they lay awkward, broken.

I swallowed, hard.
He’d made light of it, but I’d known it must have been bad. There was no need
for Dane to try and make it sound worse. “He broke a couple of ribs and
dislocated his shoulder.” I tried to block out the picture. “And he had a bit
of concussion, he told me everything.” So, why was my throat dry, tightened?
Why was there a pounding in my ears that matched my heart?

“You know I’m not
talking rubbish.” He still had that same steady tone. “He didn’t tell you quite
everything Sophie, and you know it.”

I did, I knew that
there was more, but I hadn’t asked. And he hadn’t wanted to tell. And it was a
loose end that we’d let dangle, maybe because we were both afraid to pick it
up.

“But you’re saying
he did tell you everything?” It was wrong, I should have known, we were supposed
to be together, supposed to care. And whose fault was it that I didn’t? We had
both been kids back then, first time round, but somewhere along the line,
buried in all the shit of growing up we’d stopped sharing, stopped trusting.
Stopped wanting to. I always thought that what you said was the important bit,
but maybe it’s the things that you don’t say that end up mattering the most.

Dane swiveled
round so that he was resting his butt on the lip of the car boot, and pulled me
down with him until I was on his knee and his chin was resting on his head.

“Not right out,
but I got the whole story eventually. You sure you want to hear this?” I nodded
and bit the inside of my mouth to stop the tremble in my lips. “When he didn’t
follow you home it seemed a bit strange, I mean he acted like a bit of a waster
back then sometimes, but when you both buggered off to Cornwall I’d thought
maybe you meant something to him. It pissed me off at first, the way you both
swanned off and didn’t give a shit about me.”

“You had Sal.”

“I know, but it
wasn’t the same.” He shifted a bit. “Anyhow, when he didn’t come back I was
really pissed off with him, I was going to tell you he was a shit, but I wanted
to tell him first. Thing was I didn’t know how to get hold of him so I went to
hassle his parents and—” he paused for what seemed an age “—they weren’t there.
A neighbour told me that there’d been an accident, Ollie, and they’d just
packed up and rushed down to see him, so I followed them down thinking he’d
probably fallen off his bike and cracked his stupid skull open or something
like that and I still wanted to give him a good shaking. Guess I was cross.
Anyhow he wasn’t up to having a shaking, he was laid out like some corpse, but
hooked up to machines and it scared the shit out of me.” He twisted my hair
round his finger absentmindedly, hardly seeming aware I was still there. With
what seemed an effort he snapped back to the present. “By the time you were
okay and the funeral was over he was out of the coma but still heavily sedated,
he begged me not to say a word. At first he had trouble walking, but I think
that was down to heavy bruising, and he couldn’t remember what had happened or
what day it was, but they said it would come back in time. But, he remembered
you. He couldn’t remember why you’d gone, he just knew you had and that he was
supposed to be doing something, following you over. He begged me though Sophie,
made me swear that I’d keep quiet because he didn’t want you to know until he
was sorted.”

“What happened?”

 “I don’t really
know, the guy he was on the face with said it was all so fast. I just know he
saved that guy’s life and it nearly killed him. The rope came loose or
something and he crashed into Ollie, and when they landed in the water it was
with him underneath. They said he was lucky, the rock that split the side of
his face open could have split the back of his skull instead. The stuff he told
you about, his shoulder and ribs were nothing. When he came to his memory was
screwed and he kept having these panic attacks.” He looked me straight in the
eye. “He didn’t want to land you with any more shit, Sophie, and he didn’t want
you to have some cripple on your hands. It took him a while to get back on his
feet, and a hell of a lot longer to sort the rest of himself out.” He held my
chin and his gaze flickered over my face, then those stormy eyes locked with
mine. “You’re the one who’s running, not him. If he just told you he can’t do
it then it’s nothing to do with him being scared of commitment, if you nearly
die you see things differently. I’d guess he thinks it’s you that isn’t
serious. So, what the hell did you do to give him that impression, eh?” He
shifted me off his knee and looked down at the car battery again, which I guess
meant it was a rhetorical question. “Go and try the ignition.”

I went and tried
the ignition, because I didn’t know what else to do. The car sparked into life
and when I turned Dane was stood by my side.

“How did you do
that?”

“Magic.” The
corner of his mouth tipped. “Well, you had a new battery didn’t you before you
set off on your expedition down here?” I nodded. “Just figured that maybe it
hadn’t been tightened up and these crappy lanes had shaken the contacts loose.”

“Oh.”

“Start simple, I
always say.”

“Are you saying I
overcomplicate things?”

“Maybe, well, over
think.” He shrugged, his hand on the car door. “You want my opinion?”

I was going to
regret this, I was really going to regret this. “Sure.”

“You’re doing what
you’ve been doing the past few years, you aren’t sorting anything out, just
doing the same thing over and over again and not facing up to things.” It was
rubbish, I was facing up to things and I was getting somewhere. “You’re using
this Will guy.” Holly had told him everything, she must have done.

“No I’m not.”

“Well if you’re
not using him, then you’re damn well using Ollie. Grow up and do the right
thing Sophie, do what you should. Take a risk, Ollie has.”

I was growing up,
but it was just the risk thing that bothered me.

“I’ve already
finished things with Will.”

He just nodded.
“Go back to basics girl.” He leaned forward then and kissed the top of my head.
“See you back in Bristol, babe.” He took a step back and winked. “Don’t forget
to cram all your crap back in the boot, can’t litter up the countryside.”

I threw a punch in
his direction and missed. “Hey, what about the spluttering, it spluttered.”

He shrugged.
“Coincidence? Come on get your arse into gear it’s getting late.”

“Dane, what do you
mean he took a risk?”

“He met up with
you, didn’t he?”

I’d never been called
a risk before. He was back in his four by four before I could answer. Not that
he was looking for an answer. I watched him drive off and gave a half-hearted
wave, then started to shove my stuff back in the car. Babe, huh. That was the
second time I’d been called babe, and I was a mile off one, it must be the air
down here or something.

I finally got
everything repacked and got back in my car. So, I seemed to have fucked up yet
again. When I’d run back to bury my parents all those years ago it had never
occurred to me that there might be some other reason for Ollie not being there,
I’d just assumed I wasn’t good enough for him, that he didn’t want me. And I’d
not trusted him enough to listen, to wait, to give him a chance. I rested my
forehead on the steering wheel. Now I’d done it again, I’d gatecrashed his life
and when he held out a hand I’d thrown away his trust for a second time, I’d
carried on messing around with someone who was just fun, and then I’d let Ollie
walk away. Without a word. Shit, shit, shit.

I weighed my phone
in my hand, it would probably give out on me any minute, but I had to try.

He answered on the
second ring, which threw me and for a second I didn’t know what to say.

“Ollie?” Sure,
smart.

“What’s up, Soph?”

“Can we talk?”

His sigh travelled
down the line. “We’re talking, what’s up?”

“I didn’t think
you’d pick up.”

“But you rang
anyway.”

“Can I come over
and see you?” My mobile gave a tiny beep and I knew, just knew that the battery
was going to die any minute now. “Dane told me about your accident.”

I could almost
feel the tension travel down the line. “And what difference does that make?”
His voice had that tight edge and he was shutting me out, word by word.

“I don’t want it
to be over, not just like that, I want to talk, Ollie. Please.”

“Sophie, I can’t
do this shit any more. You’re just messing around, talk to Will you seem to
like him.”

“I don’t want to
talk to Will, he’s just a friend, and he’s not…”

He’s not you
. The silence hung there until my mobile gave another irritated
beep. “I need you Ollie.”

“No, Sophie. It
isn’t always about you and what you want, sometimes it’s about me.” His voice
was low. Resigned and hurt, not angry and ranting which I would have been able
to deal with. “Maybe we should just leave things be.” And then he rang off.

“He’s jealous.”
Dane grinned and his Adams apple bobbed as he took a gulp of beer. His other
hand rested on Holly’s bare knee and they were thigh to thigh with not even a
whisper of air between them. I was pleased that they were so happy, but it was
strange. Very strange.

Holly gave him a
‘shut up’ nudge. “He wouldn’t talk to you at all?”

“Nope. Said it was
better to leave things be.”

“He never could
hide what he thought.” The nudge obviously hadn’t worked.

“Bollocks, I never
ever saw Ollie jealous of anyone in his life.”

“That’s because he
doesn’t often care enough. You ever thought about how he was always playing the
idiot bad boy with a troupe of girls following him, but how many did he go out
with?”

I thought. I’d
seen Ollie with lots of girls and I suppose at first that was part of the
attraction, the fact that he singled me out. Gave me attention. So I said so.

“They were chasing
him, how many did you see him with more than once?” Dane and I had known each
other years, had talked about all kinds of things, but he’d never said this
much. Everyone always saw Dane as the deep one and Ollie as the shallow. “What
you see is what you get with Ollie, if he’s pissed off then you know about it.”
He looked wry. “And if you take his girl you know about it.”