Gone By (14 page)

“You know...I heard saying people love hurts. But, I do go against such meaning. In fact, I believe Love gives us the opportunity to change our lives. What do you think”.

“Wow! That’s wonderful thought of yours” said Isha.

“Would you not go ahead with your story now” she hinted at me.

“Oh!! Yeah..sure”.

I settled quiet and silent for a while until I was focussed to draw back my memories of my past. Isha kept waiting on my verbal words and I began to grip my pen harder. Some spell fell on me and I let it flow like the river water that shone back the rays reflecting back on my flashed memory.

“ To let you know actually she was my first love. She was amazing but now my heart shattered into million pieces” I softly whispered.

“ I understand that..love is always a painful drama”.

“Most importantly it’s never understood by simple mind. It’s a great connection of divine feelings and emotions between two hearts” offering my voice softly.

“You seemed to be a philosopher out of nowhere” Isha widened to slit a sarcastic smile on her face.

I broke out into laugh which she headed on to join along with me.

“So, how about you. Will you never fall in love again” I asked her.

“That’s over..until I find the best to spent the rest of my life permanently with someone”.

“Would you prefer brown or white” with a funny tone.

“I guess brown...haha!” she chuckled out.

“That’s good..that’s better choice” I laughed.

“Well..human mind is very flexible. It changes with course of time”.

“What you mean by that” I gestured to know.

“I mean to say inside woman’s heart nothing can be concealed”.

“Yeah!..Love is a trap. We fall for the light but we forget to see the shadow that follows behind”. “Oh! God... you being so thematic with philosophical” rays fell on her face directly.

“ I urge you to be more practical and cautious when you fall in love the next time” I added.

“Well, I will fall for only once with the ever binding strength of my heart” said Isha.

“I’ve learned the best lessons of my life with taking a course of being falling in love with a beautiful soul” my heart started to pound.

“And that was your bad luck” she squeaked.

“Yeah!..Sometimes it’s better to loose in order to welcome the best” I sighed.

Far distance left yet felt the closeness of our final destination. Whereas on the other hand we were confined within ourselves with lots of exaggeration and discussions of life’s map. Isha still stuck on my story urged me to continue the rest. Holding my breath I sighed a little. The limit of my words broke it’s boundary and I began with short version to narrate her once again. She kept her ears open as my words fell out of my lips in form of my husky tone. I realized the part of my story from where I fell apart.

“Were you seated the whole day on that culvert” Isha suddenly murmured.

“Yeah!!! I did” and I began to tell her.

After that day was over I was out of sight of her for weeks away. I avoided to fill my school attendance. For weeks I have not gone to attend classes. I found myself in the mist of sorrow and pain. Not on my brain but it punished me somewhere deep down in my heart. I intended not to see her face again. But I couldn’t face the trembling ache on my inner soul. I became a part of loneliness that became my friend. My life has taken a new thought after that day in fact clearly worst to feel. I began disliking the people around me. Even my school mates. Was I suppose to feel that way I had no idea within myself. Was it the small but heart breaking love that I fell with Anannya. Questions kept revolving around for weeks and days and yet I was not over with her. In fact, that was impossible task for me cause at the end I’ve to return to that same school sitting with her in the same class all over again. The only difference would have been she was already of someone’s and I would be the one who would be suffering. No choice left, but to go on with the life I had created neither my parents would agree to me for sending to another school which was not possible. The flame of pain began to burn out more vigorously crushing my heart into ash that split into million dusty particles. Weeks have passed and days are gone. Finally I had to resume back myself on my previous routine. Like every other day, I waited for the bus to collect me to my school. But, amongst those days I had no curious intention to reach quicker like I had earlier. Now I had no reason for reaching fast. At times it used to be that the bus would blow horn for me. I now make slow walk and quietly follows my steps. Neither my eyes turns to anybody for any intention of talking or knowing each other. Somehow I started managing my days. I became more calm and silent. All I needed to do was just walk off softly to my bench and become a sincere student for the day. I avoided watching at the door, in fact I changed my position and that gave me the least access to view anyone passing through the door. Many times she did passed through the aisle but I paid no heed of attention towards her now. I could see Anannya was happy with that guy. Her faced glowed with that same charm when I saw her the first time. She did not even wanted to contribute her friendship hand. I had no hard feelings for that. I began to work like I used to at my tenth standard. I even avoided mingling much with people. It was like I created my own imaginary world within me. And I was quiet happy with my life. Many a times we encountered face to face but there were no exchange of words between us. I never thought of giving a look to her but couldn’t settle the heat of love I immensely treasured for her. Though she dated with her boyfriend once a moment my eyes trembled to look at her with my heavy broken heart. This continued for the rest of the day. It was not her name, Anannya nor her beautiful face neither her soft voice I liked but it was her pure heart and serene soul that I loved. If every day goes the same someday I’ll fade away as a lost man. But everyday was not the day I wanted. Each day I prayed and waited for miracle to circulate in my life. No way out I could forget her. The day repeated every tomorrow when I reached school and I couldn’t avoid such incidents that would be apart on my way. I knew I love her a lot. I knew she has a boyfriend, yet then what connects me into her I couldn’t assume of such height of attraction. I was preliminary sure about it wasn’t attraction neither an infatuation. I knew for hundred percent it was my real heart and soul love. However the things goes on as it was destined to be. Her smiles still recollects me on my mind. If it’s not the first love, I wouldn’t have stretched upon it much with strong commitment of fulfilling
each one’s dreams to be forever. The only thing I could do nowadays was see dreams about her every day and night, pondering if she would have been my mine I would have done a lot for her. On the other hand if thought pinched that she could be no more of mine but of someone’s it crushed me inside. How long will I have to deal this ache I had no edge of idea. Will my love ever get its place in her
heart?. Such questions did crumbled me on the ground like a tiny insects. Why did Anannya become the first girl for me?. Why she has to be my
first love unknowingly. Although I never knew she had a boyfriend which finally tore me apart. Did I fell in love blindly?. They say Love is blind. Should I agree to this I wasn’t sure about it but with the fact I was sure I was in deep love with Anannya. How many ages do I have to pass with such tragedy of life, such conflicts and contradictions and the never ending heart beats for her. Was my luck so unlucky that I failed to make it up to her. By the time I fell at my first sight she was taken. Was it fair on Man’s blessing?. How do I still live alive being so much tortured by my inner depth of emotions and feelings I behold?. Can’t I have the freedom to love the girl I want?. Can’t she get the freedom to get love by me?. Do I need to boast out who am I just to prove that my love for her is true?. Then why did Anannya my first love?. Such sets of questions rumbled, provoking me to commit a sin which my heart feared to do so. I still love her I can say with my brave heart that’s the reason I’m alive here today to let her know that it meant to be true. I felt like I was running away from myself but the only thing that pulled me was she. The desperate yearn for Anannya never stopped.

“I pray your love wouldn’t go waste” Isha said softly.

I calmly turned on to look at her face and blushed out. She smiled with care of love.

“So are you relief with the heart ache now” she asked.

“It beats better now” I sighed.

“I would better love to listen the rest exploring the exotic scenes of Goa until it turns out to be a book” Isha grinned.

That part of the moment for the first time I felt Isha was very keen about me. I agreed to her condition. Under many occasions on my mind there were lot of differences I could accumulate between both Isha and Anannya. Yet, then I believed love happens only once rest belongs your life. And to be honest I could not fall for anyone now. All I could treasure my emotions and the pain of lost love. Instinct failed to direct me but my heart showed me a path to lead. The speed of our bus added to my emotions. Besides, Isha played a vital role for the moment tackling all the submerged sorrows. Such patients of endurance I have been going through since the time I was left alone. Far beyond my vision, I could see nothing before my eyes with no prolific knowledge what my heart really wanted now. It felt so empty and hollow. I was no more of the same kind, every seconds passed on I changed my mind. Isha was a support to my shivering spines and that now she knows me more than myself. Such chivalry was the only reason that she had been so much acquainted with me. Yes, indeed I needed her now more than what I could want. We were silence for period. Neither we had any words to speak out nor any topic to discuss. Patiently waiting to get down as soon as possible. The Journey really went tired some since the time we boarded on the bus. Imagine how Isha would have felt being alone travelling the night to Goa with no sort of company.

“So realistic and so true you are” Isha spoke softly.

“Why do you think that so?”.

“ Every words you said, every sufferings you bore, every pain you endured there was the truth of life in it. Such facets are faced by everyone somewhere in their life” she peeked her eyes strongly at me.

“Well, I guess everyone creates a story of their own” with my casual tone.

“You know my Dad, always used to say me....Life is not what you choose it’s what you create to be” I added.

“Yeah! That’s makes a sensible part of inspiring source”.

“So, you’re in great need of motivation and Inspiring source...Is that so?” she chuckled.

I broke out into silent laugh “Perhaps it can mend my broken heart”.

“ Look.. you’re a man. Life for Men is completely in different orientation, whereas women just follows you”.

“Yeah! That’s what philosophers say” I hissed softly.

“Can you feel a little change within this two days. You were different the first time I met you and now you’re a new person today” her voiced whispered.

“What’s the new I made”.

“Look today you’re going to be something new in future and the one you loved she would be very grateful to you when you show her this content of your diary into volume of pages that you dedicated to her”.

“But who know the things will be the same again?” I sighed.

“Rendering a particular situation to reappear one must have that faith in love”.

“ I don’t understand now am I that same or the new human being” I said looking into her face. “Love tends to make person wiser and humble. So today you’re one of such kind” said Isha.

I nodded my head and flashed a quick glance at her.

“You love Anannya very much don’t you. It’s not that she would forget you. It’s the path that bifurcated your both destiny”.

“I just can’t stop loving her. That’s what I was born to do so I believe”.

“Yes, I trust your words. We are born to be loved or to love others” she calmly raised her face at me.

We finally broke in to the capital city of Goa, Panaji. After that hectic night hours, it was high time to see the morning sky of Goa. I could see the heap of relief on Isha’s face. So, was I finally felt relax with the closeness of our destination. Our bus geared towards it’s station. Isha’s face configured with happiness that shield my feelings of stress under her indifference and peculiar expression that embedded the whole scene that floated on my eyes. So, finally we were in the middle of the town. The hustling and bustling of the traffic triggered in again. Our bus took its entrance towards it’s station. It finally rested its engine at a proper confining place for the passengers to come down. I stood up from my seat and my hand searched for my bag. Others were too stretching their hands pulling out their respective luggage from the safe locker. Isha asked me to help her. I held her hand and she stood upright from her seat. I started following the line until we reached the door to come out. Isha behind me followed my footsteps. Many were back in the line behind us. Almost a total of hundred passengers leaving out of the bus. My steps shifted down from its door stair and landed on the land after it’s tired some journey. So, was Isha came out along with me. She smiled grasping a glance at my face.

“So, finally we are here” she grinned.

We walked off to a vacant place to slightly lighten our weight. People rushed from every direction , some waiting for their bus, some reached, some waiting to travel down, in and all the station had a much of population that was uncountable. Now to decide where should we move ahead for the day. It was the morning 7:30am, we had ample of hours left in our hands. Only the thing was to figure out what could be the best option to make out the time in Goa. My intentions never changed indeed I was here for one reason that grilled me here to come with Isha.