Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality, and Well-Being (6 page)

When the evening ended, I glanced out the window onto Congress Street in Portland, Maine, and saw the misty cloud around the streetlamps as I heard the quiet swish of car tires on the rain-slicked street. I felt a kind of buzz that didn’t lift for hours, a lightness and radiance that would leave me with no negative aftereffects. I wouldn’t gain weight, develop high blood pressure, feel guilty, or get bored as a result of my enjoyable indulgence. In fact, just the opposite was true: Argentine tango has many documented health benefits. I had discovered a sustainable pleasure I could sink into with delight over and over again for the rest of my life—a pleasure that would actually contribute to my health and well-being!

I was first drawn to Argentine tango because I had always wanted to do partner dancing—and when I first saw this dance form while peering through the window of a dance studio on a snowy January night, every cell in my body said
yes!
It was deeply sensual and sexy. Little did I know then that this passionate dance form would also be a way of connecting my soul and my body in a highly focused and pleasurable way. Over several years, I taught myself to relax into the sensation of being supported by a man while feeling completely present in my own pleasure. Learning this dance form, which is more like a mindful martial art than anything else, was one of the most difficult, but ultimately most rewarding, endeavors I had ever attempted. Years later, my daughter Annie, who had recently moved home for a sabbatical, said to me, “Mom, I don’t want to horn in on your ‘thing,’ but after hearing you talk about how incredible tango feels, and having experienced it myself, do you mind if I go to tango with you?” That’s right: my sophisticated adult daughter from New York City wanted a piece of my over-50 lifestyle.

Normally, when we hear the word “pleasure,” we think about sex, but sexual pleasure is a whole-body experience of all the senses. All pleasure is sensual in nature as we allow our bodies
to dance with the creative energy of the universe. Life itself is sexually transmitted. Immersing ourselves in a state of vitality, whether through a discipline like Argentine tango or any other activity that takes us out of our heads and back into our bodies, allows us to feel the miracle of our physical being. It also allows us to participate in the birthing of a new world even as we rejuvenate our cells and our spirits.

I don’t want to knock ministering to others and contributing to the health of the world, or the joy we receive when we give of ourselves. I have experienced the intoxicating feeling of satisfaction that comes from assisting someone in the emergency room or during a difficult labor. What I want to encourage is the reclamation of the power of pleasure, which comes from the divine force of the universe. Pleasure is a divine gift to us. It should be a discipline practiced regularly to establish happiness and joy in your body and your life. Sustainable pleasure is the ultimate prescription for good health.

All the goddesses of pleasure are associated with sensuality, with being present in our physical experience and not cut off from our bodies or our environments. Embody the goddess energies and enjoy pleasure, sensation, and the joys of self-replenishment. Embrace your joyous, sensual, earthy nature and stop giving away all your energy to other people. This isn’t frivolous. It can save your life. The late poet laureate of New York State, Audre Lorde, was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer that had spread to her liver and was given six months to live. She continued to thrive for another eight years. She wrote, “I had to examine, in my dreams as well as in my immune function tests, the devastating effects of overextension. Overextension is not stretching myself. Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
¹
Several years ago, I took Audre Lorde’s teaching about the health-promoting value of self-care to yet another level. I was invited to teach at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts Mastery Program in New York City. I intuitively felt that what these women were learning and practicing, the deliberate pursuit of pleasure, was most likely having a very positive effect on their health. To test my hypothesis, I asked those who had experienced health improvements to please
line up at the microphone to share. I was astounded as, one after another, they spoke of resolutions or remissions of diseases and conditions ranging from arthritis and ovarian cysts to abnormal Pap smears and even bowel cancer—all of which happened after these women chose to fully experience pleasure, with no apologies. Pleasure is powerful medicine indeed. We know this to be true because our bodies are actually wired to repair and renew themselves optimally when we are happy. To be ageless is to know the incredible power of pleasure to better our lives and the lives of people around us. As the saying goes, “When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” And when women choose pleasure, pleasure becomes abundant for everyone.

RECLAIMING PLEASURE

Most of us have learned well how to make our bodies conform to the needs of our minds. Our entire educational system is set up this way. In our school days, we taught ourselves to sit still in our chairs, use the bathroom only during designated breaks, and devote all our attention to the teacher. Discipline, or training ourselves through practice to develop a habit, keeps us focused on doing what we think we’re supposed to do. However, we’re not designed simply to think about and take actions that support everyday survival, or that please others. Nor are we designed to sit still in chairs for hours, staring at screens. Our brains are wired to allow us to connect with the life force and experience rejuvenating pleasure for ourselves. We have forgotten the importance of pleasure and we need to remember how to experience it regularly—as a daily part of life.

Not long ago, neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., gave a presentation that turned into a viral video and then a book in which she talked about the disorienting but delightful experience of having a “stroke of insight” that shut down her rational, thinking brain and allowed her to feel the wonder, mystery, and euphoria of an activated right hemisphere. We’ve learned to quiet the activity on the right side of our brains. That has reduced our ability to relax into pleasure and the sheer joy of being alive and participate in the ongoing creation of beauty that is our true nature.

In her book
Dying to Be Me
(Hay House, 2012), author Anita Moorjani explains that after her near-death experience—in which she literally was pronounced dead of terminal cancer—her insight was that we are here to enjoy life. Asceticism, frugality, self-denial, and ignoring the desires of the body should not be our goals. Siddhartha, a wealthy prince who became the Buddha, discovered this as well after trying asceticism and living on as little as a grain of rice a day. Renouncing his riches didn’t lead to enlightenment—sitting on the earth under a tree did. Think of that as a metaphor for getting back in touch with Mother Earth and her nourishing energy.

As long as we’re living beings on this planet, we should relish the simple pleasures of feeling present in our bodies and connected to each other and the earth. Our bodies are actually designed to thrive and repair themselves through the earthly pleasure of being in a body.

THE BIOCHEMISTRY OF PLEASURE

Cells in our brains, blood, blood vessels, and lungs produce a signaling molecule, or gas, called nitric oxide or NO (not to be confused with the nitrous oxide used in dentistry, better known as laughing gas). The production of nitric oxide is triggered by laughter, orgasm, and other experiences of pleasure, as well as by eating fruits and vegetables high in antioxidants, meditating, and exercising (nitric oxide is at work in the sensation of “runner’s high”). Nitric oxide relaxes blood vessel walls, which allows the vessels to widen and encourages more blood to flow through them. In fact, Viagra works by using this natural process in the body: it triggers release of nitric oxide, and the extra blood flow to the penis results in an erection. Similarly, nitroglycerin can stop a heart attack because it, too, releases nitric oxide that widens blood vessels and eases constrictions.

The sensation of nitric oxide being released lasts only a few seconds, but it is a
marvelous
few seconds! It sets off a chain reaction of other feel-good chemicals in the body. You feel a shift in your energy and an exquisite sense of relaxation. After its release into the system, nitric oxide works with anticoagulants to
prevent strokes, signals white blood cells to fight infections and destroy tumors, balances levels of neurotransmitters, and reduces cellular inflammation. The more often your body creates and releases nitric oxide, the softer, more flexible, and wider your blood vessels become because you’ve trained them to relax. Your circulation improves. Saying yes to NO actually helps your body function better and avoid serious illness and disease.

I find it helpful to think of nitric oxide as the physical manifestation of the vital life force (also called
chi
or
prana
) that animates our bodies. Stanford University research on sea urchins shows that nitric oxide is released when the egg and sperm meet in a peak moment of creativity. On the other end of the life spectrum, the brilliant white light that people who have had near-death experiences report seeing upon the moment of death may be the result of a burst of nitric oxide. And nitric oxide given to premature babies gets their lungs working, since lung tissue is erectile in nature. Nitric oxide is like the very breath of life. It’s even what lights up a firefly.

Researcher Herbert Benson, M.D., describes nitric oxide as a crucial element in what’s known as a “peak experience” of ecstatic flow, and explains that it allows new neural connections to be made in the brain. Neural connections are the pathways along which information travels. It’s possible that these brain changes lead to new habits of mind. As Benson says, NO is “a biological mechanism that somehow encompasses the dynamics of human belief, the creative process, the essence of physical and mental performance, and even spiritual experience.”
²

Anger, fear, and grief deplete nitric oxide. If the endothelial lining of your blood vessels has been damaged by free radical molecules created by stress and physical toxins, your body can’t release enough nitric oxide to actually reduce free radical activity and tissue damage. The nitric oxide mechanism is a positive feedback loop: Create more and you make it easier for your body to create more. Pleasure leads to more pleasure. Life renews itself, while anger, fear, and grief suck the life out of you.

To be an ageless, healthy goddess, you must learn to cultivate your ability to experience emotions such as joy and compassion, release grief and resentment, and allow yourself to feel righteous
anger when appropriate. For example, if you see someone harming an animal or a child and you stand up for the innocent being, you are contributing to your health and well-being (as long as you’re physically safe confronting them). The worst thing you can do for yourself is hold on to destructive emotions.

The biochemistry of pleasure can counteract the biochemistry of aging. Nitric oxide is the über-neurotransmitter that increases and balances levels of all the others: endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin (a bonding neurotransmitter released while breast-feeding, experiencing an orgasm, or even enjoying the company of others), and DMT, which is generated in the pineal gland in the brain and probably plays a role in dreaming.
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Although we tend to think that neurotransmitters are generated and used only in the brain, we actually have cells throughout the body that can both produce and receive them. The gut produces more serotonin than the brain does—generated largely as a result of the huge number of healthy bacteria that live in what’s known as your microbiome. When you have a visceral negative reaction to something—you can’t “stomach” it—that’s your neurotransmitters sending you the message “this doesn’t feel right for me.” Conversely, you can get a warm, happy feeling in your belly when neurotransmitters that affect mood are released as a result of a positive experience, thought, or feeling. The idea is to create that warm feeling through the emotional experience of genuine pleasure that supports your well-being, health, and agelessness.

YOU DESERVE PLEASURE!

We’ve been taught that anything pleasurable is suspect. We say “it’s a guilty pleasure,” “it’s sinfully delicious,” or “we’re having too much fun.” Someone is “drop-dead gorgeous,” or we’re going to “die laughing.” These sayings are based in the idea that we can’t handle the fullness of someone’s beauty or our own laughter. The thought of simply enjoying ourselves, savoring sensual experiences, makes us look over our shoulders for the pleasure police.

I remember sitting in church when I was about 11 years old and saying the “general confession” from the Book of Common
Prayer, which read, “We have erred and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep. We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own heart. And there is no health in us. But God Almighty have mercy upon us, miserable sinners.” I remember thinking,
I’m only eleven years old. I’m not that bad!
I wanted to feel a sense of the Sacred and the Divine in church. I didn’t want to feel like a miserable worm asking for forgiveness for things that I couldn’t possibly have done or even thought about. I wanted to feel good in my body and feel loved by the God who made the moon and the stars and the tides—
and
my own body.

Feeling bad and undeserving of pleasure is part of our dominator-culture heritage. We start to enjoy what we’re doing and that little voice starts whispering, “Careful. Beware the pleasures of sin.” If we allow ourselves physical pleasures, what’s to stop us from becoming sinful, selfish hedonists who deserve to be punished for our wickedness? Denying and demonizing pleasure has caused too many women (and men) to doubt our natural instincts that tell us that when we feel good in our bodies and hearts, we overflow with joy and abundance that spills out onto other people. Our cup runneth over, and it keeps getting refilled with pleasure, when we reconnect to Spirit. We enjoy having optimism and a sense of possibility because we know that we’re connected to the Divine. We’re refilling the cup from the ultimate Source of all rescue, protection, and abundance—a Source that we ourselves are part of. What a delight to realize that God comes through us
as
us!