Give Me The Reason 2: A Love Story (11 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Natasha hadn’t been herself since the abortion. She’d become depressed, distant, and despondent. The emptiness she felt inside was overwhelming. For as long as she could remember, she wanted to be a mother. Guilt consumed her each time she thought about the life she terminated due to her own selfishness. Natasha let the fear of Jason finding out that she was pregnant by another man drive her to have an abortion. She felt like the biggest coward in the world. The right thing to do was to take responsibility for her infidelity and be honest with her husband, but aborting a child was a new low for her. She could only pray that God would forgive her and allow her to birth a child in the future. Natasha couldn’t help but wonder why she was able to conceive with Drake, yet she and Jason weren’t able to come close. All of this time she thought maybe the issue lay with her, but now she was starting to believe that Jason may be the one with fertility issues.

Thankfully, she had Delaney to lean on. She went with her to the clinic to have the procedure, even though she wasn’t in agreement. After the deed was done, Delaney had taken Natasha back to her house and they cried together for hours. Jason was out on an overnight job, so Natasha spent the night at Delaney’s house that dreadful night.

“Hey babe!” Jason said, planting a juicy kiss on her lips. Natasha was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn’t heard Jason come through the door.

“Hey,” she dryly replied. In some twisted way, Natasha blamed Jason for the turmoil she was dealing with. If he would have just been more present, then she wouldn’t have needed to seek love and affection outside of her marriage.

Jason walked into the kitchen and was disappointed when he didn’t find a nice home cooked meal waiting for him. Normally, Natasha would have his plate hot and ready, waiting on him. But for the last few weeks, she hadn’t been herself. He was more than understanding when it came to Delaney’s accident, but now that she was doing fine, he knew it was something else going on.

He’d been trying to shake the feeling that something was up with his wife and the dude he ran up on her with at the hospital. There was something about the way he stood so closely to Natasha and how nervous she was when Jason walked up on them.

“Babe, do you plan on cooking tonight or would you like me to order some take out?” he asked.

Natasha simply sat on the sofa staring into space. The television was on, but the volume was on mute. She struggled to fight back the tears that were so close to running down her face.

“Natasha, babe, did you hear what I said?” Jason walked over to where she was sitting and noticed the disturbed look on her face. He immediately became concerned. It wasn’t like Natasha to be sitting around staring off into space. The fact that her hair was a mess and she was still in her night clothes at five o’clock in the evening was a clear indication that something was wrong. One thing he knew about Natasha, was that her hair was always done, and she loved getting dressed up on a daily basis.

“I’m fine, Jason,” she replied without looking at him. Natasha hadn’t eaten in three days. Her appetite had deserted her the moment the baby was sucked out of her womb.

“What’s going on with you, Tash? You’ve been acting strange for weeks. I’m really worried about you,” Jason said.

“I said I’m fine Jason!” she forcefully replied. Natasha still hadn’t looked at her husband. She continued to stare straight ahead as if she were in a daze.

Jason sat down beside her and clasped his hands together. “I’m really trying to be patient with you, Tash, but don’t play me for no fool. I know when something is wrong with my wife. Now you need to tell me what’s up, because I have a few theories of my own. But I’d rather hear it from you.”

“Jason, I’ve just not been feeling like myself lately. I’m sure whatever it is, that it will pass.” Natasha stood up and simply walked away. She never answered Jason’s question about dinner or even attempted to fix him anything to eat.

Jason followed Natasha into their bedroom. She threw the covers back and lay down in the bed with her back towards him. He stood there dumbfounded, in all of the years he’d known Natasha, she’d never behaved this way.

“Tash, when you’re ready to talk about whatever is bothering you, I will be right here, baby. I’m going to order a pizza. Do you want an order of those honey barbeque chicken wings you love so much?” he asked. Typically, females stuck together no matter what. He’d thought about reaching out to Delaney, but her loyalty belonged to Natasha even though he and Delaney were friends as well. He quickly dismissed the notion to reach out to Delaney for any answers.

“No,” she replied, and covered her head with the comforter.

Jason shook his head, turned around and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He was desperately trying his best to be patient, but his frustration was on the verge of causing him to blow up. He needed answers and he needed them quickly. Jason had been dealing with her strange behavior ever since he’d come off the road from long distance truck driving.

“Damn, where are all of the coupons?” Jason said, as he searched in the kitchen drawers for pizza coupons. Any other time, there would be a gang of coupons lying around all over the place.

He noticed that Natasha’s purse was sitting on top of a stack of mail, along with a bunch of advertisements. Jason tried to pull the mail from under her purse and ended up knocking the purse on the floor.

“Shit!” he sighed in frustration.

He bent down to pick the items that fell out of her purse from off the floor. A business card caught his attention, so he picked it up to examine it.
Atlanta Women’s Center. Abortion care, other services, counseling and education
he read the card out loud.

“What the fuck is this!”

Panic struck him. He could almost hear his heart beating through his chest. Could his wife have had an abortion? Was she cheating on him? The questions that were running through his mind caused him to sweat profusely.

Jason glanced at the time and realized it was too late to call, since the clinic was already closed. Besides they probably wouldn’t give him any information anyway. His heart was racing. Why would Natasha be carrying around a business card for an abortion clinic in her purse?

Suddenly, he lost his appetite. He needed some answers. One thing his father always told him was to trust his gut instinct. If he smelled shit, then it probably was some shit lying around. Jason marched into their bedroom and slung the door open.

“Natasha, get up!” he yelled. The caring and patient approach wasn’t working. It was time for him to use force. Jason didn’t like raising his voice at his wife, and for the most part he’d handled her feelings with care.

Natasha quickly rolled over at the sound of his voice. It was rare that Jason ever raised his voice. “Why are you yelling?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.

“What the fuck is this about and don’t lie to me either! I swear on everything I love you better tell me the damn truth.” Jason tossed the business card on the bed.

Natasha’s eyes fell on the business card and her heart dropped.
Fuck!
The lady at the clinic handed her that card when she and Delaney were leaving the clinic. She told Natasha to call her if she had any questions once she got home. Natasha meant to give Delaney the business card, but her mind was all over the place at the time, and she must’ve stuffed it into her purse instead.

“Why were you going through my personal shit?” she asked, slinging the covers off of her and sitting up in the bed.

“Fuck you mean, why am I going through your shit? I’m telling you now, Tash, don’t fuck with me! Why do you have an abortion clinic card in your fucking purse?” Jason was so angry that spit was flying out of his mouth. In his heart, he already knew the answer. Memories of all the times his calls went unanswered, even in the wee hours of the morning started to infiltrate his mind. He even thought about the many times she refused him sex when he came in off the road. One look into her eyes and he knew the truth, his wife was fucking around on him.

Natasha sat on the bed with her lips trembling and tears rolling down her face. There was no sense in lying about it anymore. She was ready to come clean. She’d already lost her baby and now she was about to lose her husband too. The guilt of what she’d done was too heavy for her to continue to carry.

“Jason, I’m so sorry,” she cried.

“Sorry, what the fuck do you mean? What are you sorry about, Tash?” he yelled. Jason wanted to hear the words, he deserved to hear the truth and that is exactly what he intended on getting from her.

“I…I…I’ve been having an affair. You were never here and I was bored and lonely. I know it isn’t an excuse, but at the time I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“Now ain’t this some shit! I ain’t never cheated on you during this entire marriage. Not once! I’m out here working my ass off to take care of you and this is the fucking thanks I get! Man, what the fuck!” Jason was so mad, he punched a hole in the bedroom wall.

Natasha sat on the bed crying hysterically. She never meant to hurt Jason, hell she loved him more than anything. Seeing him in so much pain was tearing her apart. In all of the years she’d known Jason, he’d never gotten this angry. Violence was not his thing, but at the moment she was frightened that he might hit her. Even if he did, she wouldn’t fight back. The pain she was feeling now numbed her to the core.

After a few minutes of Jason pacing back and forth, he stopped and looked at Natasha.

“Who is the nigga, Tash?” In the back of his mind, something was telling him that it was dude who was all over her at the hospital the day Delaney awakened from the coma.

“Is that really important, Jason? You don’t know him,” Natasha said, looking down at her hands. She didn’t want to confirm what she was sure that Jason already knew. Natasha recalled the way Jason looked at her and Drake that day at the hospital. The suspicious look on his face was one she couldn’t forget. No matter how hard she tried to play it off, Jason was no dummy.

“Nah fuck that, I want to know who the nigga is that fucked my wife and got her pregnant!”

Natasha didn’t know what to do. She was in a total state of shock and confusion. Her entire body was trembling with fear and nervousness. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she’d be in this position.

“Tash, you have three seconds to tell me this nigga’s name before I do something that I might regret,” Jason fumed. He was so angry the veins in his neck were protruding from his skin.

“I had an abortion a few weeks ago,” she said barely above a whisper. Natasha was trying her best to stall on answering Jason’s question.

“Yeah I kinda figured that from the fucking card I just found and how sick you’ve been lately! Now tell me the nigga’s name!”

“Drake! His name is Drake Porter! The man you met at the hospital. Tyson’s business partner,” she yelled out in frustration.

“I fucking knew it! And you standing your ass all up under that nigga right in my fucking face! I oughta fuck you up, Tash! How the fuck you gon’ do this shit to me?” Jason was so emotional that tears were running down his face.

“Jason, it’s not like that. When you walked up I was telling him to leave me alone. I knew you were coming to the hospital that day, but I had no idea he would be there.” Natasha couldn’t stop crying. She felt terrible for betraying her husband.

Jason looked at Natasha will so much rage in his eyes. He was trying his best to contain the raging anger that flowed through his body. He’d never raised a hand to Natasha, or any other woman, but at that moment he really wanted to choke the life out of her.

Natasha wasn’t sure if she should move, get up, leave the room or what. She just sat there trembling and crying.

“I’m outta here! I can’t stand to be around you another minute!” Jason reached into their walk-in closet and grabbed a large duffle bag. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he had to get away from Natasha before he ended up putting his hands on her.

“Jason, where are you going? Please don’t leave. I will sleep in another room, but please don’t walk out,” she begged.

Jason looked at her as if she’d bumped her head and lost her damn mind. “Do you hear yourself right now? You just admitted to having an affair and getting pregnant by this nigga, and you’re asking me not to leave!” Hummmph! “I may have been a fool for a long time, but those days are over. Matter of fact this marriage is over,” he said, continuing to stuff his clothes into the duffle bag.

“You don’t mean that, you’re just angry. Jason, you know I love you. Can’t you try to understand what I was going through sitting here all alone? No career, no kids, nothing!” she cried.

Jason ignored her cries and pleas. The faster he got out of the house, the better off he would be.

“You don’t have to leave, baby. This is your house. I will go and stay with Delaney for a while. I’m sure she won’t mind. Just give me a few days and I will be out of here.” Natasha knew Jason didn’t have any family since his father died. She was the one wrong, so she should be the one to leave.

Once Jason had packed all that he could into the duffle bag, he turned around and left without saying another word to Natasha. Just like that her entire world had crumbled down all around her feet. Natasha let out a blood curdling scream as hopelessness and feeling of dread consumed her. How could she go on living without the love of her life by her side?