Give Me a Reason (46 page)

Toni could see the concern on Laura’s face, but she was too
tired to argue or to worry about the other woman in the room. Pulling her
sweat-soaked shirt over her head, she handed it to Laura and then leaned under
the dryer to allow the warm air to wash over her.

Starting the second unit, Laura held Toni’s shirt under the
blower as she looked in her cousin’s direction. Seeing the shocked expression etched
on Peggy’s face, Laura said firmly, “Peg, I trust what you see in this room,
stays in this room. Yes?”

Prying her eyes away from the scars covering Toni’s back,
Peggy nodded. “Of course, Laura. Of course.”

***

“Is she okay?” Eleanor asked, seeing Laura come in from the
patio.

“She’s fine. Just a bit annoyed that she lost control. That’s
all.”

“Should I assume that Peggy knows what’s going on now?”

“Well, she walked in on Toni having a full-blown panic
attack, and she saw the scars—”

“What? How?”

“Toni was soaking wet after the attack, so we needed to dry
her blouse, and Peggy had to stand guard at the door.”

“Did she ask?”

“No, but I know she wanted to.”

“Maybe you should tell her.”

Yanking out a chair, Laura sat down. “Why should I have to?
It’s really none of her business.”

“True, but you and Peg have always been so close, and she
seemed quite tickled to find out that you and Toni were partners.”

Smiling as she remembered her cousin’s expression, Laura
said, “Yeah, it didn’t seem to faze her, did it?”

“No, but it shocked the shit out of your aunt,” Eleanor said
as she reached for a cookbook. “I never saw that shade of purple on a person’s
face before today. It really didn’t go well with that God-awful cardigan she
was wearing.”

Laura chuckled softly as she gazed back at her mother.
Nancy’s sweater had been truly awful, but because of her mother, lunch at the
pub was not.

After getting Toni sorted in the ladies’ room, the three
women had returned to the table, but before Laura could come up with an explanation
for their delay, Peggy chimed in to say they had just been catching up and lost
track of time. Doing as Laura had suggested, Eleanor had ordered them wine, and
before Laura got settled in the booth, Toni had already managed to take a few
sips to further steady her nerves. Fully aware that Nancy had not yet come to
terms with Laura’s relationship with Toni, Eleanor steered the conversation in
Peggy’s direction, and without missing a beat, Peggy took the lead. Talking
about her children’s antics and the upcoming birth of her third son, the rest
of the meal was spent listening to amusing stories about Peggy’s boys, and it
wasn’t long before both Eleanor and Nancy joined in with a few of their own.

“I love you, Mum.”

Busy scanning recipes, Eleanor’s head popped up. “What
brought that on?”

“You were great today. I’m not sure many mums would be as
accepting as you are.”

“Laura, I love you and whether you believe it or not, so does
your father. I think it’s fair to say that we both adore Toni, but after today,
perhaps we should rethink Christmas. Maybe it would be best if we just spend it
here. Just the four of us. What do you think?”

Hearing the back door open, Laura held back saying anything
until Toni had removed her coat. “Mum was wondering if we should change the
plans for Christmas.”

“Yeah? How?” Toni asked as she poured herself a glass of
wine.

“She thought maybe you’d be more comfortable if we just had a
small get-together here. Just you, me, Mum and Bill.”

“Oh, I see.”

“How’d you feel about that?”

“Honestly?”

“Of course.”

Thinking for a moment, Toni took a sip of wine and knelt by
Laura’s chair. Smiling, she looked in Eleanor’s direction and then back at
Laura. “Give me a reason for changing our plans that doesn’t have anything to
do with protecting me, and I’ll agree to it.”

“Toni—”

“Laura, we’ve had this talk before. You can’t keep trying to
protect me—”

“But sweetheart—”

“Let me finish,” Toni said, taking a seat at the table. “I
started getting nervous after the fourth store, but I didn’t tell you, and I
didn’t give myself enough time to regroup before we entered the pub. What Abby
told me to do was working, but I didn’t follow her instructions, and we both
saw what happened, but I’ve learned my lesson, and it won’t happen again. I
know you’re worried because there’ll be a lot of people around on Christmas,
but not all of them are strangers to me now, right?”

“I suppose.”

“And I promise, if I start feeling stressed, I’ll let you
know or…or I’ll go outside and grab a fag.”

“They’re predicting snow on Christmas.”

Amused by Laura’s pout, Toni said, “Well, then I’ll make sure
I wear my coat...just for you.”

Chapter Forty-Four

“I could stay like this forever.”

“I figure in about twenty minutes you might get your wish.”

“Whatcha mean?”

“Laura, I’m freezing my tits off out here.”

“You’re the one that wanted to come out for a smoke.”

“Yes, but I didn’t know that you were going to follow me and
then insist on snuggling on this bench. I swear I think my arse is stuck to the
iron.”

“It’s not that cold,” Laura said, looking over her shoulder.

“You’re only saying that because you’ve got your cute little
bum in my lap. Whilst your posterior is nice and cozy, mine is becoming one
with this bloody bench,” Toni said, shifting her bottom on the metal. “Seriously,
Laura—”

“Please, just a few more minutes.”

Toni sighed and wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist.
Resting her chin on Laura’s shoulder, she looked at the smoke billowing from
the house’s chimney.

“What time’s your dad bringing the tree?”

“Um…Mum said around five. Why?”

“No reason.”

Again looking over her shoulder, Laura asked, “When was the
last time you decorated a Christmas tree?”

“Probably when I was eleven or twelve.”

“That can’t be right.”

“Why? Were you there?”

“No, but you said you didn’t leave home until
after
university.”

“True, but my parents liked to travel over Christmas, so
normally they’d have the staff do all the decorating a few days before we were
ready to go on holiday, and then it would all be gone by the time we got back.”

“What about in your flat?”

“Laura, you saw my flat.”

“No, not that one. The one where you lived before…before…”

“Everything went to shit?”

“Yes.”

“Actually, I continued the Vaughn tradition, and as soon as
Christmas break started, I’d get on a plane and spend my holiday touring ruins
or...or walking on beaches. I did have one of those little ceramic trees back
then. You know the ones with the tiny, colored ornaments, but one night it
got...well, it got broken.”

“How?”

“My girlfriend threw it at me.”

Thinking for a moment, Laura asked, “Can I ask why?”

Smiling, Toni pulled her close. “She wanted long-term and I
didn’t, and when she gave me an ultimatum, I told her to have a nice life.
Needless to say, it didn’t go over too well.”

“And how about now?”

“Stupid question, not worthy of an answer.”

“Humor me.”

“Ring finger, left hand. Need I say more?”

“Maybe,” Laura said through a grin.

“How about…I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Good, and now that that’s settled, can we
please
go inside? If we stay out here any longer, I
won’t defrost until spring.”

“Wanna bet?”

***

Bill showed up with one freshly-cut Fraser fir just before
five that evening. Following Eleanor’s instructions, he chose neither the
tallest nor the broadest tree in the field...or at least that’s what he thought.

Taking into consideration the low ceiling in the lounge, he
picked a tree slightly taller than six feet so when it was placed in the red
metal stand, the top branch barely brushed the plaster. However, what the tree
lacked in height it made up for in width and when Bill tried to push it back
into the corner, he quickly discovered it had a bit more girth than he
remembered.

“I swear, Ellie, it didn’t look that big in the field,” he
said, standing in front of the wide-bodied tree. “Perhaps if you have some
shears, I can trim it back a bit.”

“Don’t you dare,” Eleanor said as she went over to stand next
to him. “I love it. I absolutely love it.”

“Are you sure? It does seem to own the room, if you know what
I mean.”

Stepping back, Eleanor surveyed the lounge. Seeing that the
tree was far enough away from the hearth not to cause a fire hazard, she said,
“It’ll be fine, except I think we’ll need more decorations. I didn’t buy enough
to cover this beauty.”

“How about Toni and I run out and get some, and then we can
pick up dinner on the way back?” Laura asked. 

“Actually, that’s a good idea, but you won’t have to buy any
decorations. There’s more in the attic. If you two can go get dinner, your
father and I can bring down the boxes.”

“You game?” Laura asked, looking over at Toni.

“Sure, just let me get my coat.”

***

“Shit!”

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you to watch your head,” Eleanor
called from the hallway. “You okay?”

“I’ll heal,” Bill said, flicking on the attic light. “Which
boxes?”

“The ones with the big X on them…followed closely by M – A –
S.”

Peering down through the attic hatch, Bill said, “You know, I
really thought I missed that smart-arse attitude of yours.”

Smiling, Eleanor asked, “Changing your mind, are you?”

“Not a chance,” Bill said as he turned around, promptly
hitting his head against the next rafter. “Fuck!”

“Will you please be careful? I don’t want you breaking
anything.”

“Don’t worry, Ellie, I’ve got a hard head.”

“I wasn’t talking about your head. I was talking about my
ornaments.”

“Ha ha!”

Reaching up, Eleanor took the first of the three boxes, and
by the time she managed to carry it downstairs, Bill was following with the
other two.

“Be careful of your back.”

“My back’s fine, Ellie. You want these in the lounge?”

“Yes, by the tree. Do you want a beer?”

“You read my mind.”

Disappearing into the kitchen, she opened a couple of bottles
and was about to return to the lounge when Bill appeared in the doorway. Seeing
the look in his eyes, she shook her head. “Sorry, sweetheart, but they won’t be
gone
that
long.”

Bill took the bottles from her hands, and after setting them
on the counter, he pulled her into his arms. “They’ll be gone long enough.”

***

“You know, I thought it was good idea that you wanted to
learn the roads up here, but if you go any slower, we’ll be late for
Christmas,” Laura said, watching the scenery slowly creep by her window.

“If you haven’t noticed, there’s snow on the ground.”

“And if we were driving in that field over there, I’d be
worried, but the roads have been dry for days.”

“It’s called being cautious.”

Slowing even more so another car could pass, when she heard
Laura’s disgusted huff, Toni said, “Look, I’m just giving them some extra
time.”

“Who?”

“Your parents.”

“My parents? What are you talking about? Time for what?”

Glancing to her left, Toni said, “You’re the one that found
the boxers. You figure it out.”

“What are you—” Laura’s mouth snapped shut. Scrunching up her
face, she groaned, “Oh no, you don’t...you don’t think they’re...they’re—”

“We would be.”

“Yeah, but...but...Toni, this is my
mother
we’re talking about!”

“Yes, I know, and she’s the same woman who had your father’s
underwear—”

“Okay! Okay! Okay!” Laura said, holding up her hands. “I get
it, all right? Now, how about we just change the subject, shall we?”

“Does it bother you?”

“Talking about my mother shagging? Um…yeah!”

“Don’t worry, Laura, they probably didn’t have time to shag.
Just a few healthy snogs, that’s all.”

“Toni! Enough!”

Laughing at Laura’s horrified expression, Toni gave the car a
bit more gas, and as the speedometer began to climb, she said, “Maybe you
should call them on your mobile...just in case.”

***

With their bellies full and coffee cups in hand, the foursome
made their way to the lounge, and while Eleanor turned on the stereo, filling
the house with the sounds of the season, Bill added another log to the fire.
After unpacking the new sets of clear lights, Laura and Toni busied themselves
at the tree, laughing more than once at the expletives coming from Eleanor and
Bill as they worked to untangle the old multi-colored strands, and before too
long, the tree was draped in a rainbow of color.

Ornaments were next, and the newly purchased decorations were
slipped on hooks and hung from the branches, but as Eleanor had suspected, the
two dozen shiny red baubles were simply not enough to cover the tree. Sitting
cross-legged on the floor, she opened one of the old storage boxes and peeked
inside.

Removing the tissue paper, Eleanor began pulling out the
fragile ornaments that had been handed down through the years. Egg-shaped and
shiny, the vintage reflector baubles were as pristine as the day they were
purchased, and their surfaces still displayed designs of old amidst glitter
applied over seventy years before. Carefully handing them up to Toni so a
hanger could be attached, they were then passed to Laura, who lovingly hung
them on the tree.

Lifting out a layer of cardboard, Eleanor smiled at the
contents below. Removing a circle of plaster with a red ribbon threaded through
the top, she handed it to Toni. “Laura and I made that when she was three.”

At first, Toni didn’t understand the emotion she saw in
Eleanor’s eyes, but when the disc spun on the ribbon, and she saw the imprint
of a child’s hand cast in the plaster, she grinned. “She was a small one,
wasn’t she, and apparently only had four fingers at the time,” Toni said,
examining the misprinted casting.

“What?” Laura said, grabbing the ornament from Toni’s hand.
“Mum, Toni’s right. Where’s my thumb?”

Laughing at her daughter’s slack-jawed expression, Eleanor
said, “You had hurt it a few days before we made that, and you absolutely
refused to put it in the plaster. You were quite a hard-headed child, so I
decided just to cast it like that. Now, I’m glad we did because I’ll always
remember you sitting at the table with this chubby-cheeked pout on your face.
God, you were stubborn.”

“Some things never change,” Toni said under her breath.

“I heard that,” Laura said, hanging the handprint ornament on
a branch.

Eleanor returned to her discoveries, and pulling out a wad of
tangled pipe cleaners, she said, “Laura found a package of her father’s pipe
cleaners in my desk. She was four, and she decided she was going to make every
ornament for the tree that year.” Holding up the tangled wad, Eleanor said,
“Although I must say, this looks more like a pipe cleaner orgy now. Doesn’t
it?”

“Why don’t we skip those,” Laura said, walking over to look
into the box. Reaching in, she pulled out a pale pink ornament and smiled. “I
remember this.”

Taking the sphere from Laura, Toni studied it for a moment
and then scratched her head. “I have to admit that I’ve never seen a Christmas
ornament decorated with bunnies before.”

“That’s because I made it,” Eleanor said. “Laura was five and
quite adamant about wanting a bunny for Christmas.”

“A bunny?”

“Yes, a bunny. And like I said, she was quite unyielding,
practically demanding that Santa bring her one.”

“Demanding…imagine that,” Toni said, eyeing her partner.

“Anyway, the last thing I needed was something else to take
care of. I had my hands full with just her, so I went out to a local craft
store and decided that I’d make her that ornament in hopes it would be enough.”

“Was it?”

Eleanor shot a quick glance in Bill’s direction and then
looked back at Toni. “No, and eight months later we had
six
bunnies to take care of. Luckily for me, Laura
lost interest, and I was able to give them to her school as pets. The last I
heard they had to close that place, something about being overrun with
bunnies.”

“Ha ha,” Laura said, hanging the ornament on the tree. “You
make me sound like a terror.”

“That’s because you
were
a
terror, my dear,” Eleanor said, handing Toni a Styrofoam ball adorned with
sequins. “Laura made that one in school. I think she was about six.”

After giving the glittery jumble of sequins the once-over,
Toni handed it to Laura. “Dreaming of being a disco queen, were you?”

“Funny,” Laura said as she snatched it from Toni’s hand and
hung it on the tree. “Is there anything left in there that I didn’t make, or
are we going to travel down memory lane all night long?”

“A few, but these are the ones I really adore. I don’t know
what I was thinking, leaving them in the attic. They belong on our tree.
They’ll always belong on our tree,” Eleanor said as she handed Toni some clothespin
reindeer and angels. “Put those up there, Toni, will you please?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said, turning to place them gently on the
tree. “I agree with you, Eleanor. These are great.”

“Yes, they are, but as Laura got older, making ornaments
became secondary to buying them. So, I decided that we’d start a new tradition,
and every year, I’d allow her to purchase one for the tree, anything she’d
like, and it would be added to our collection,” she said, handing Toni a bauble
decorated with a ballerina. “She thought she wanted to be a dancer. She was
eight.”

“Interesting,” Toni said, handing it to Laura. “You and your
tutu, eh?”

With a sigh, Laura placed it on the tree. “Are we going to do
this all night?”

Hearing a hint of annoyance in Laura’s voice, Toni leaned
over and whispered in her ear. “I love you, and I love what we’re doing right
now, and if you’re a good girl, later on tonight, I’ll love you even more.”

“That’s bribery,” Laura said quietly.

“I prefer to think of it as...” Pausing, Toni chuckled to herself.
“Yes, you’re right. It’s bribery.”

Laughing, Laura turned and kissed her on the cheek. “I love
you.”

“I love you, too. Now, can we get back to discussing little
Laura?”