Gate Wide Open (19 page)

Shit!
This muthafucka was good, and it seemed like he was always a step ahead of me. I breathed out a sigh of anguish. “Okay, James, what do you want?”

“Umm, the possiblities are numerous, but…I just wanted to check up on you again to make sure my number two ho was still in line. Holla.”
Click.

I sat with my back against a wall once again, literally and figuratively. I mulled over the possibility of what the children's response might be if they found out that Shawn wasn't their father. It was time to find out.

“Alex! Ashley!” I yelled out, calling them to the kitchen. “Come here for a minute.”

Within seconds, they were in the kitchen standing on both sides of me. I looked at both of them several times. They were my babies, and I loved them so much. I hated that I was deceiving them. I had to get this over with.

“Come and give me a hug,” I said, reaching out toward both of them.

Diana had entered the kitchen and proceeded to hug me as well.

It's now or never.
“Hey, you guys. Sit down for a minute.”

“Is everything okay?” Alex asked with an inquisitive look on his face.

“I just need to ask you guys something.” I paused for a couple of seconds and walked around the room, stalling. “Um, well, er, this is very hard for me to do.” I put my hand over my head and leaned up against the counter. “So I'm going to just out and ask you guys—What do you guys want to do, eat in or out?” I just couldn't do it. I just didn't have the courage to tell them yet. I knew that waiting and prolonging the situation was only going to make it worse. I just needed more time.

“Is that it, Mom?” Ashley said with a smile on her face. “We thought something was really wrong. Like Grandma was sick or something. You had me scared for a minute. I'ma little tired of eating out and would love if you make some of your homemade fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy.”

Alex and Diana both agreed to the same as well.

“Sorry, you guys. I just wanted your input. You guys are important, and I want you to feel that way in every decision this family makes, okay.”

“Okay.” They all chimed in together as if they were in the army.

“I'll call you guys as soon as your father comes in, so we can eat together.”

They all went their separate ways as I took out chicken from the refrigerator and prepared my family a home-cooked meal.

Family Time
December 28
^th
, 2018, 5:43
P.M.

When I got home, it was about six o'clock or so. I walked into my house to the aroma of home cooking. My wife was such a good cook and mother. I knew when I went to work that my household was being cared for with a passion that only she could give. It was a shame that I still had some issues that I wouldn't talk about.

I looked at “my” children and knew that it was a blessing just to be in their lives. Even though my father wasn't the best example of fatherhood, one thing I can say, he did stay. He wasn't a deadbeat father, and neither was I. He and I had some of the same faults, but I had to take this thing to another level and man up. I wasn't going to let my family go down without a fight. Even with me having a son out of my marriage and me not telling my family, I wasn't going to allow my father's demons to destroy my life or the lives of his grandchildren.

With God's help, I knew this family could overcome all of this. That's why when I sat in my car after I'd dropped Li'l Shawn off, I prayed to God that He would bring resolution to this house and heal our family. I know that it seemed like I was asking for this help a little too late, but my mom always taught me to put my trust in God.

“Prayer changes things, baby” was what she would tell me during the time that I was just getting used to talking to her again. It was at times like this I felt like screaming to God, “Why me?”

On one of those Sundays, when I was actually paying attention in church, I remember the pastor preaching about trial and tribulations, about our tests not always being for us, but for somebody else's deliverance. Personally, I thought it was messed up to go through something, just so I could help somebody else. Selfish I know, but that was the way I felt.

“Hi, honey.” I walked into the kitchen and squeezed my wife from behind. “You sure got it smelling good up in here.” I nibbled on her ear.

“Baby, I'm so glad to see you,” she said as she turned around and kissed me on the cheek. “I have something I wanna talk to you about.”

With raised eyebrows, I said, “Oh, really.”

I knew what that meant. I had fucked up and gotten caught in my game.
Shit! How did she know? Damn, I knew I should have just came out and told her. I am such a fucking dummy. I should have known that I could get away with hiding Li'l Shawn but for so long.

“Uh, about what?”

“Later, baby,” she said, patting me on my face, “later.”

Oh, shit! It's one of them let's-talk-all-by-ourselves talks. What in the world am I going to do?

“Dinner!” she yelled out, alerting the children.

Diana ran me down and jumped in my arms. “Daddy!” she squealed.

I loved my little girl. She was my little princess.
How am I going to tell her about her new brother?

She kissed me on the cheek multiple times, letting me know her adoration for me. It did my heart good. And gave me the strength to go on.

Ashley and Alex were a little laid-back and seemed like they were in their own worlds. I could understand they are sixteen-year-old twins with crazy mood swings.

“Hey, you guys!”

They both did their weak “Hey, Dad.”

I took them both with a grain of salt. I noticed that Ashley had a little cut over her eye and made a mental note to get an answer later. “So how are you guys doing in school?” It was a question I should've been asking more often, but I was sure Mona was on top of things, including their schoolwork.

“Okay,” they both said in unison.

I took their word for it, but again I made a mental note to call the school to set up a parent-teacher conference.

After that small interrogation, I let them eat, and they made their way back to their rooms.

I made my way to the shower, while Mona cleaned up the kitchen and put away the food. I stayed in the shower a little longer, just to prolong the inevitable, a conversation with my wife. Sometimes it was draining. I loved her, but she could go on and on.

I walked out of the shower after about twenty minutes and made my way to our room and sat down on the bed.

“Okay, babe, I'm ready to talk.”

“Well, baby.” She blew out some air. “James called me today.”

“What!” I almost yelled. Just hearing the nigga's name sent me over. “Why in the hell is he calling here again?”

My mind wandered back to when she called out his name in bed the other day, but I knew better than that. I knew, after all the things that he put us through, she wasn't messing around with him anymore.

“He just called here to torment me and let me know that I was his baby mama.” She put her head down.

“That bitch done lost his mind calling here. What if one of the kids answered the phone?”

“That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I think that it‘s time to tell the kids the truth.”

When she said that, I felt my heart starting to race a little. I wasn't prepared or ready to do this yet. I had to find a way to stall her. At least until I could get the nerve to tell her about Li'l Shawn.

“Baby, it's not time yet. I think we should wait until after we renew our vows and go on our trip. I just think that it's best to wait right now.”

She stood up and fumbled with something on her vanity dresser. “Shawn, we have been prolonging this for too long, and I'm getting tired of James holding this over my head.”

I got up and walked over to her and turned her around. Tears were streaming down her face, and she sobbed a little as I pulled her close to me.

“Baby, I know this is a lot right now.” I kissed her tears and stroked her hair. “But, trust me, when the time is right, we will know it.”

“You sure?” She looked up at me, pain in her eyes. She was carrying this secret for a long time.

“Yes, Mona, I'm sure,” I replied, uncertainty dwelling in my heart. I was feeling my way through this. I just didn't want her to know.

I scooped her up in my arms and carried her over to our bed. Then I proceeded to strip her down and kiss every inch of her body.

I'm a Lover, Not a Fighter
December 28
^th
, 2018, 9:43
P.M.

I had been sitting up in my bed for a long time just staring out the window. I was emotionally drained. I wasn't expecting for Tony to act like she did It was totally uncalled for her to hit me the way she did. She never acted like that before, and it was a complete turn-off.
I mean, yeah, I could have helped when that chick was beating her ass. But, hell, I'm too pretty for all that fighting shit.
Her ass could eat some mean pussy, but I wasn't getting fucked up over that. There are plenty more tongues where hers came from. Part of me still loved her, but her ass was going to come back to me. I wasn't running back to her.

My phone began to vibrate on my bed. Guess who? Yep, Tony! “Hello,” I answered like I knew she was going to call me.

“What are you doing?”

She asked me like nothing happened earlier this week. A complete switch.

“Well, for starters, I'm here sitting with a cut over my eye, trying to figure who the hell I was messing with.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

I got up and pushed the dresser in front of my door over, so no one could just come in. I was about to light into her and didn't want anyone interrupting me.

“What gave you the right to hit me?”

“Ashley, I was raised in a tight-knit family that was taught to stick together in a fight. When you fight one of us, you fight all of us.” She paused. “Once when I was in school, my sister got into a fight and I stood there watching her and didn't jump in. Well, after she got finished fighting, she was pissed that I didn't help her, so she beat my ass because I stood there and watched her fight. She won the fight nonetheless, but the point was, to stick together.”

“Yeah, and! I'm not a part of your family.”

“So you just going to get tough with me over the phone and you couldn't even check the girl's chin that was getting the ups on me.”

“It wasn't my fight, so why should I have helped you?”

“Because I was your lover, bitch!” she yelled into the phone.

“You got that right—
was
!”

“Oh, it's like that?”

“Yep, ever since you decided to lay hands on me.” I was standing and making hand gestures like I was sure enough through. The truth was, I was a lover, not a fighter.

“Oh, okay. I guess you will be ready to let your parents know about your little secret life.”

I paused as soon as she said that shit. I wasn't ready to let the perfect couple, Mona and Shawn Black, know about their lesbian daughter. But she didn't know who she was fucking with. I had one up on her, and it was definitely a trump.

“Well, I guess you got me there,” I said, letting her think she won.

“I thought so,” she boasted.

“Not
.” I paused for effect. “You must have thought you were dealing with an adolescent.”

“Oh, wait a minute, you are!”

“You must have forgotten you were fucking a minor. In the state of Maryland, it is considered statutory rape. Punishable by time in jail.” I had a huge-ass smile on my face.

Silence.

“Next time, know who the hell you dealing with when you want some young pussy. You dumb-ass trick!”
Click.

I hung up on her silly ass. She really thought I was a dummy or something. Ashley one, Antoinette zero.
She will definitely have something to think about for the next couple of days.

I went to the shower and cleaned myself up and hopped into bed.

As I lay back in my bed, I thought about how I got to where I was right now. A lesbian. Who would have thought I would turn out like this? I didn't even know what it was until I used to see the girls stripping down to their panties and bras in the locker room before and after gym class. There would be breasts and ass everywhere. If I was a guy, I would have had a very noticeable erection for hours.

I tried my best to hide my lust for womanly flesh, but it got harder and harder every single day that I had to watch the girls shower next to me. Most of the time I would wash my private area until I came.

Once, a girl noticed how much attention I was paying to myself down below and called me on it.

“Oh, my goodness! Ashley, girl, you gon' leave any pussy left down there? Because you been scrubbin' for days!” She laughed, and so did the other girls that occupied the shower with us.

“You betta leave something for the boys to lick down there.”

Everybody was laughing pretty hard and loud after that comment.

I laughed nervously too because I didn't want to let on to what I was really doing. “Naw, y'all. I just like my stuff to be extra clean. I can't catch a man with funky pussy. If a nigga smell a funky pussy, his ass will be running for the hills. The last thing I need is to have a nigga spread some shit about I smell like a sewer or some shit.”

They all laughed again. “Shit, in the yearbook, my ass going down as the girl with the cleanest pussy. Fuck the most successful or the prettiest. A clean pussy get you a house and a car, and I won't have to work a day in my life.”

Everyone fell out laughing.

“And a nasty one will get you ass-stripping and sucking dick on the block.”

Again, everyone fell out laughing.

They didn't know I had actually come in the shower twice in ten minutes, looking at all of the breasts and pussy walking around. My mind was racing as I saw several of the more attractive chicks bend over and scrub their ankles. I could see their pinkness, and it was driving me crazy. Mentally, my tongue was wagging and panting like a dog. Many times I would walk out of the shower wobbly-legged from coming so much, I would be famished by the time we got to lunch period.

The truth was, I couldn't beat the boys off of me, because I was far from an ugly sister. I wasn't model material, but I got more than my fair share of glances.

I would even go as far as hanging out with a boy every now and then, just to throw the snooping-ass chicks off my trail. A free dinner and a movie never hurt a sister, but that was as far as I would let that shit would go. No kissing or holding hands. I would hug you, but only when I knew some of the chicks from school was around. That mess was getting old quick.

It was cool up until a dude that drove me home one day tried to force me to have oral sex with him. His ass is damaged goods for sure. Let's just say, his ass needed a dick doctor when I was finished with him.

After that, I swore off men and started actively pursuing women. I stumbled onto Antoinette by chance and was in love ever since I met her. Up until now, that is.

I rolled over, shed a few tears and drifted off to sleep.