Gate Wide Open (16 page)

Questions
December 20
^th
, 2018, 8:56
P.M.

I walked into the house, totally exhausted and ready to fuck or get fucked, whichever was fine with me. As soon as I got in the door, I noticed Wallace sitting in the living room listening to jazz music playing. He had brought a Christmas tree and everything while I was gone. Everything was so festive. It had been a minute since I'd experienced Christmas like this. It made me miss my mother, who I needed to call more often, since she was getting up there in age. I needed to take care of her more, maybe even bring her here to live with me. I know it seemed like I had no heart or feelings, but I was a human being. I had a heart. It was just caked under hurt and pain that I never dealt with. I was beginning to see that I was worthy of love and I was able to give it too.

Somehow, in a short time, Wallace began to break down this wall of anger that I had put up. This love stuff had caught me off guard, but I remembered the feeling well. My momma showed it to me all the time, yet I still went out searching for it in all the wrong places.

I stood a distance away and eyed my man sitting there on the couch. He was so fine, treated me so good. And here I was, a forty-five-year-old, running the streets, plotting and planning. I didn't deserve him. I needed to be home appreciating my man.

“Hey, Wallace, baby,” I said, sitting down next to him and kissing him on the cheek.

He had a bottle of wine sitting on the table in front of him. It was obvious he had been drinking a little. He just turned and looked at me with a serious look on his face. “James, I'm not accustomed to having drama in my life or in my house.”

“Huh?” I looked at him, confusion all over my face. I hadn't the slightest idea what he was talking about.

“And I definitely don't like threats being made at me by people I don't know.”

“What are you talking about?” I said, now pissed off because he wasn't being clear. “What are you talking about, people threatening you?”

I began to wonder if Wallace was crazy, if that was the flaw he was hiding all this time.
I mean, it wouldn't be a surprise since I'm crazy as well.
I always believed what my momma used to say to me as a teenager all the time, “You attract who you are, not what you want.”

“Someone called here today and left a message for you on my answering machine.” He picked up the phone and proceeded to dial in the codes that played back the saved messages. He handed me the phone to let me listen.

It was distorted, and the voice was muffled, so you couldn't tell if it was a man or woman.

“This message is for James or Jerry. Whoever the fuck you are. Your time is drawing nigh, bitch, so watch yo back and yo front because payback is right around the corner. Your ass is as good as dead, muthafucka. So live it up now, you shit-chaser, because your life is in my hands, and I'm about to end it.” Click

I was speechless for once. Again I had no clue who it was. I sat back for a minute as the message played over in my head again. For the first time in my life, I was a little afraid. Just a little though.

“I haven't the slightest idea what that was all about,” I said, looking Wallace in the eyes. “That must be somebody playing a joke or something.” I slightly chuckled and placed my hand on his manhood.

He took my hand off his dick and placed it on the chair beside him. “It didn't sound like a joke, James.”

I looked at him in shock. I was hoping to avoid all of this with my signature blowjob.

“Whoever that was sounded pretty adamant about your demise. And, like I said before, I don't like or need any drama in my life.” Wallace got up and picked the wine bottle up and proceeded to leave the room.

“Baby, I will look into this tomorrow, and I promise that it won't be happening again.”

That was a lie that even I didn't believe. I had no clue what to do about this situation, but to let it play out and hope that whoever was after me gave up or brought it on face to face and got this shit over with. I wasn't going to let some crazy bastard mess up the only good relationship I had in my life. He or she wasn't going to scare me this easy. A few threats and the car incident weren't going to mess up the life I was destined to have.

I sat in the living room for a few more minutes, questions flowing through my mind.

Again, I shrugged it off and proceeded to go and please my man in the other room. I jumped in the shower and made sure I smelled oh so good when I got out.

I walked into our bedroom, with emphasis on
our
, with the plan of seducing Wallace into forgetting about the threatening call. “I'm sorry, baby,” I said as I crept onto the California king-size bed. I crawled across like I was a cat on the prowl. I was naked and dazzling.

He was watching
Madea Goes to Jail.
I could tell he was enjoying it. He had a smile on his face and chuckled as I made my way over to him. He was naked from the waist up, and I could see the glazed-over look he had from the wine he'd been drinking earlier.

“I don't wanna do anything to jeopardize our relationship, so maybe it's best for me to move back into my apartment.”

He retrieved the remote that was beside him and muted the movie and turned to me. “I trust you, James, and I definitely don't want you to move out. You my baby.” He touched my face, brushing my cheek with the back of his hand gently. “Just handle yo business about whatever is going on and make sure that it doesn't happen again.” He pulled me in close by my shoulders and began to kiss me passionately, letting his tongue slip into my mouth. Then he pulled out and let his tongue trace the outline of my lips.

I let out a slight moan of pleasure. I reached over and tugged at his pajama pants, unleashing the monster within. It was pulsating and growing to full length fast. “Let me do what I do.” I took him in my mouth and let him enjoy my gift.

He lay back as I did what I did best, and within minutes, he was coming all over my face. He cleaned himself up, and then he went back to watching his movie as I snuggled close to him with my head on his chest.

I can't believe the shit I did in the past was popping up now…right when I was thinking about throwing in the towel and settling down with my man. I drifted off to sleep, hoping this shit would end with me walking off into the sunset with Wallace.

 

The next morning, I awoke to the smell of fried bacon. I loved me some bacon. I simmered in bed for a few more minutes before I grabbed my chocolate silk robe and slipped into my Winnie the Pooh slippers. I sloshed my way into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face before I made my way into the kitchen, where Wallace was.

I walked in the medium-sized kitchen and sat at the table, and once again, I watched my man make me a meal fit for a king. He had eggs going, bacon frying, and I could smell cinnamon rolls in the oven baking.

I shook my head. I didn't deserve such a man. A tear slid out of my eye, and I quickly wiped it away.

He had some calypso music playing and was swaying to the beat. So was I. He hadn't noticed me yet, because he was really into the music and cooking. It was so cute. He softened my heart, and I didn't even know it.

I eased back out of my chair and made my way over to him, careful not to be too loud. I snuck up behind him and slipped my hand in his robe pockets, squeezing him and rubbing up against him.

He wasn't surprised at all. He just continued to sway to the music with me attached to him.

I broke my embrace. “Ummmm!” I moaned. “Baby, it smells so good in here.”

He turned around with a wooden spoon in his hand and guided it to my mouth.

Fluffy, well-seasoned eggs danced in my mouth. “Wow! You sure you not an undercover chef or something?”

He smiled and beamed with pride. “Well,” he said, turning back toward his pots and turning them off, “sit down, baby, and I will tell you all about it while we eat.”

I did as I was told and took my seat across from him. He loaded our plates, and he then sat down at the table. We held hands as he blessed the food.

“Okay, I'm ready.” I dug into my plate of food.

He chuckled. “You always ready.”

I laughed too. He was a comedian too. “No, seriously. I wanna know about my man.” I just had to know what he was hiding.

He shoved a couple of forks full of eggs in his mouth before he began to speak. “Well, I am originally from Oakland, California, where I was raised by both parents. My dad was a doctor, and my mom pretty much stayed at home and raised me and my other two brothers. I was the oldest out of the three. My dad put in our minds a lot of pressure on being successful at an early age. He was superstrict and tolerated no foolishness, hence my no-drama policy.”

He paused and dug into his plate once more and took a sip of his orange juice before continuing.

“From a very young age, I was a momma's boy and I clung to her like a boy shouldn't. My father wasn't happy at all when he caught me in the kitchen with my mom all the time helping her cook and prepare food. It was woman's work to him. I should have been out back with my younger brothers playing sports and getting into trouble.

“I, on the other hand, could care less about those things. I was a bright ten-year-old who was focused and knew what he wanted to be when he grew up. A chef. I liked to cook and see the smiles on people's faces as they savored the meal and delicacies that I prepared. My father tried to beat it out of me, but he was unsuccessful. I rebelled against him harder.

“Eventually, by the time I was the age of fifteen, I was cooking more meals than my mom. It seemed like my father had given in and all was well in my house. He even made special requests on some days.”

Wallace paused again. He gulped down the last of his orange juice and the last two pieces of his bacon. I was astonished at the depth that he was going into about his life.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “At the age of eighteen, I already knew that I was gay and that girls didn't appeal to me, but I never let it show. I made sure I had girls calling me all the time, and I took my only girlfriend to my prom.

“After I graduated high school, I was all prepped to go to culinary school and begin my career as a master chef. I had big dreams, but my father cared nothing about any of that. One night, he came into my room with my mom by his side and gave me an ultimatum—Go to a four-year college and get a degree like a real man should, or get out of his house. The look on my mother's face spoke of disapproval, but she was always the loving wife, and she stood by her man.

“Without even thinking, I got up and packed my things and left. Before leaving, my mom secretly slipped me a wad of money. Five thousand dollars, to be exact. I will never forget the look on her face and my brothers' faces as I walked out the door looking back one more time at the house I vowed never to step back into again.”

By this time, Wallace had shed a couple of tears, and I, too, had some threatening to fall.

I wanted to find his father's ass and kill him for putting my baby out on the street. “You okay, baby?” I got up and walked over to him and held his head against mine.

He cried even harder then. “Yeah, baby boy. I'll be all right.” He wiped the tears away. “Sit down and let me finish.”

I did as I was told and let him continue to purge himself.

“When I left that house, I had no clue as to what I was going to do. My father was an only-child, and my mom's family didn't like my dad, so they disowned her. So going to live with a relative was out of the question. I was homeless. I decided then that the best thing for me to do was to get out of California. And that is what I did. I didn't know where to go, but in my research for culinary schools, Maryland had some promising ones, and that's where I flew to.

“When I got to Baltimore, I felt good about my new start. I had some change in my pocket and destiny in my heart, but it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to. I was a sheltered child growing up, so I knew nothing about life and the streets. My father was busy providing, and my mom was busy raising, so I got a crash course within a week of moving into Baltimore. Five thousand dollars doesn't last long, and I was looking for a job within weeks.

“With no experience, a brother was as good as homeless. Nobody wanted to hire me. So I decided to try hustling drugs to make my come-up to pay for culinary school and my apartment, and maybe even get a car. That was twenty-eight years ago.

“I never made it through school, and keeping my apartment and my car became my priority. The money was coming in fast, and school was on the back burner. Permanently. I never got to see my dreams come true. I can't blame my pops though, even though I wanted to. He was only doing what he thought was right.

“When I look back on the whole situation, I shake my head, because now I know that a dream is only a reality to the person that holds that dream, and only they can kill it or live it.”

Wallace's face was now in his hand, his arms propped up on the table. He rubbed his face and then got up and proceeded to clean up the table and load the dishwasher. It was like he snapped back right to the present.

His life story made me think about my potential and how I allowed some foolishness to hinder me.

“You satisfied now that you know all about your man?”

I got up as he walked up to me, and we embraced and hugged for what seemed like forever.

When we finally let go, it was because his Nextel went off. He had a call.

About an hour later, he was back on the street doing what he did. I, on the other hand, spent the day in the house all by myself.

Confirmation
December 21
^st
, 2018, 12:05
A.M
.

I walked around my bedroom in a funk today because I was still thinking about the other night when I'd called out James' name during sex. How could I be thinking about his ass in that way again?
After all these years, I thought I would be over his crazy ass.
It also made me wonder if Shawn was having the same feeling about him as well. By the way he acted at the reading of his father's will, it was like he wanted to kill James dead.

It was Saturday afternoon, and I could hear the kids downstairs making a whole lot of noise as usual. I was usually out on a walk by this time on a Saturday, but I just couldn't get myself together.

My emotions were a raging mess. One minute I was happy, the next I was sad. It wasn't pretty. I kept having nightmares of James coming to claim the children that he fathered. I was trying to get this vow renewal ceremony together, and that too had become a task, making sure I didn't leave anybody off the guest list, and that the caterer was on point and the decorations all finished. I was going crazy.

Shawn was working more and more, and his talk of a new addition to the family was puzzling, to say the least. I didn't know what he was thinking about. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved my kids and all, but adding another one would be putting a strain on my already heavy load.

I jumped in the shower then made my way downstairs to get something to eat.

“Hey, baby,” I said to Diana as she sat on the couch watching Finding Nemo for the umpteenth time. I bent over and kissed her on the cheek. “You eat?” I asked, walking toward the kitchen.

“Yes, Mommy. Ashley fixed me some scrambled eggs and bacon before she left.”

I paused at the entrance to the kitchen. “Did she say where she was going?”

“No, she just left out.”

“Oh, okay,” I said, continuing my way to the kitchen. She was always hanging out with her girlfriends on Saturdays. It was like she didn't want to be around her family. I shrugged it off as normal teenage behavior, because I too was just as wild.

I walked toward the refrigerator to see what I could fix myself to eat. Shawn had left me a note on the refrigerator.

I had to admit I was feeling a little neglected. Ashley was out, and now Shawn too. It seemed that everyone was off in their own little world.

I decided on a BLT, since it was lunchtime and I wanted something light. The dress I had picked out for the ceremony was absolutely stunning and I didn't want to risk overeating and gaining too much weight to the point where I couldn't fit into it.

After I ate, I decided to call my mom and see if she needed some company today.
Diana would love to see her nana today.
I picked up the phone and listened for the dial tone, like I always did when I heard a voice on the phone. It was Alex and a feminine-sounding, raspy-voiced boy on the other end of the phone. My last intent was to eavesdrop, but what I was hearing was blowing my mind.

“Yeah, baby, I was missing you too,” Alex cooed into the phone.

“I can't wait to try that stuff we did with the dildo again soon.”

I almost dropped the phone hearing this. I was wondering if they tried that shit here in my house. I was ready to run downstairs and whip ass for real.

The raspy-voiced boy snickered into the phone. “Next time, we need to use some of that jelly stuff to make it a lot less painful. I couldn't sit down for a couple of hours after that.”

Again, I almost dropped the phone as I had just got confirmation of my son's sexuality. I slowly put the phone down on the hook, and tears slid out of my eyes freely. I leaned up against the refrigerator and sobbed a little.

I was so overwhelmed, I didn't even see Diana come in the kitchen.

“Mommy, what's wrong?” she said, startling me.

“Oh, ah, nothing, baby. I just hit my toe on the edge of the table really hard, and it hurts pretty bad.” I wiped my eyes with my hands.

“Really?” she said, looking at me with sympathy in her eyes. “I know what you mean, Mommy. That happened to me too, and I cried too, but as soon as Daddy heard me crying, he picked me up and put me in the chair and kissed my feet and rubbed it until it stopped hurting.” She pulled out the kitchen chair closest to her and sat down. “You want me to rub your feet?”

“Awww, that's sweet, baby, but Mommy will be just fine.” I kissed her on the cheek again.

“You wanna go and see Nana today?”

“Oh, yeah! We going over Nana's!” she yelled, jumping up and down.

I was glad somebody was happy today, because it was shaping out to be a trying one for me. “Go upstairs and get cleaned up so we can go, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy,” she said, skipping the whole way upstairs.

Just as I was getting ready to go upstairs, Alex came up out of the basement, a big Kool-Aid smile on his face.

“Hey, Mom.” He walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. “Y'all leaving out soon?”

“Yeah. Why you asked that?” I said in accusatory tone.

“Oh, no reason. I just wanted to know.”

I knew what that meant. His nasty ass wanted to be in the house alone, so him and his friend could finish messing around in my house. Not.

“Well, we going over your Nana's, and I need you to come with me”

“Why?” he said with a little attitude.

“Because I said so.” I countered with even more attitude. “Now go downstairs and get ready to go.” I turned and left him standing there with a defeated look on his face. I, too, made my way to my bedroom to get dressed.

When we all got in the car, I noticed Alex was still in a funky mood. Before I pulled off, I turned around and looked at him. “You might as well get that smirk off your face because, last time I checked, I was the parent, and you were the child. And when we get to Nana's, you better act like you happy, or I'ma let her take you outside for a few rounds of boxing.”

He smiled, knowing my mother was feisty and loved to play around with them in the backyard.

“That's better,” I said, turning around and pulling off down the street.