Gastien Pt 1 (41 page)

He ignored the pounding of his heart, refusing to listen to the screams of objection in his mind. It is just sex. I can do this. I am very good at sex, he told himself. He brushed his teeth. Additional scent was applied on the warmest parts of his body. Now was not the time for “less is more”.

Finally, Gastien fed more wood into the fire. He walked over to the gas sconces on each side of the bed, turning them down low. He unlocked the door. The stage was set, the actor fully costumed. If only his brain would stop screaming.

When Jean Luc knocked, Gastien called out, “
Oui
?”

“It is me,” answered Jean Luc breathlessly.

“Then please come in, Jean Luc. Lock the door behind you.”

When Jean Luc entered, he gasped. There was Gastien, lounging on the floor in front of the fire. Jean Luc could not quit staring. He was afraid he might drool.
Mon Dieu
, the young man looked like a god! He walked toward him, certain his knees would give out. Jean Luc wondered if Gastien would notice that his legs were shaking from excitement. Gastien stood up slowly, while wordlessly opening his arms. Jean Luc hurried to embrace him.

“Oh, come on, Jean Luc. Surely you have not waited this long just to hold me like a child,” teased Gastien. “You wanted me, now explore me. Touch the satin of my jacket! Feel the hardness of my arms and chest underneath!” Gastien then whispered sexily in Jean Luc’s ear, “You know you want to.”

Jean Luc was enchanted. He ran his hands all over Gastien's body, carefully avoiding his private area. Then he started planting kisses on his face and hair. “I love you Gastien, oh how I love you! Dear God in heaven, you are the most beautiful man on earth!” he cried.

Gastien stepped away. He kept eye contact with Jean Luc, while slowly undoing the sash of the smoking jacket. Then he pushed it from his shoulders a little at a time, letting it fall to the floor. The necklace glowed in the firelight. The sparkling thread in his makeshift garment around his loins seemed to be on fire. Jean Luc moaned. Oh, Sweet Jesus! He was perfect, perfect! He wanted to devour him. Jean Luc advanced on Gastien, but Gastien put out his hand, pushing him back. “Let’s go to bed,” he whispered.

When they got to the bed, he removed Jean Luc’s clothing and then lay down. Jean Luc joined him, beginning to explore Gastien’s body. After about ten minutes, Gastien stopped him. “Why don’t you let me do the work?” he said softly.

Slowly, he traced a trail with his tongue down the length of Jean Luc’s chest. He head was bent, so that his hair blocked the view of his face. That was good, because then Jean Luc could not see the tears in Gastien’s eyes.

Gastien almost lost control then. Every part of him was screaming not to do this. Unfortunately, he knew of no other way. Nath, I am counting on you now, Gastien thought. Lord knows I watched you do this to me enough. Summoning the control from deep within that kept him alive on the streets, he forced away the tears, and the desire to vomit. He lowered his mouth. Then, Gastien took Jean Luc to a place that the man had never even realized existed.

It did not take long, thankfully. Gastien wanted to gag when Jean Luc reached his climax. Again, he forced himself to stay calm. It’s all about the color, all about my art, he kept thinking while he performed the disgusting act. He valiantly fought back the urge to spit out the slimy, warm liquid, forcing himself to swallow. If he breathed through his mouth instead of his nose, he could not taste it.

He withdrew his mouth. Looking at Jean Luc, who had broke out in a sweat and was trying in vain to recover, Gastien knew he had been a success. Gastien smiled at him knowingly.

“Did I please you, Jean Luc?” he said huskily.

Jean Luc could hardly talk. “
Oui
! Oh my sweet God,
oui
!” he croaked.

Gastien curled up next to Jean Luc, putting his head on his shoulder. Well, thank Christ, he thought. That was a hell of a lot of work. Just keep the money coming. I have done it now, there is no going back. Just keep the damn money coming.

Jean Luc caressed Gastien’s hair and face. He was sated and feeling very lazy. “Gastien?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Would you like anything done to you? I know you had said you did not want to be touched, but if you have a need…”

“
Non
, Jean Luc. I am doing this for you. I will be fine.” Gastien shuddered inside. You have got to be kidding me, he thought, are you insane? I am so far from hard that it would take eternity to get it up!

After another thirty minutes of Jean Luc dozing and waking to touch Gastien more, the older man sat up. “I hate to do this, but I better leave. You were wonderful! I can’t believe how magical you truly are. Are you sure you have not done this before?” he asked incredulously.

Gastien sat up, looking a Jean Luc coldly. “Please don’t insult me by insinuating that I do this for other men. This was my first time. You will be my only and last. You asked me to be good. I made sure I was.”

Jean Luc held Gastien’s face in his hands. “I apologize. I won’t say anything like that again. You made me very happy, Gastien.” Then he kissed him tenderly. “I must go.” He quickly dressed and walked out.

A few minutes later, Gastien bolted out of bed, running to the bathroom. He vomited up his dinner, along with what Jean Luc had so thoughtfully deposited in his mouth. Oh,
mon Dieu
, that taste! That slimy texture! God help me, how am I going to do this for six months? He shivered. He cried out, “What have I done? Oh,
mon Dieu
, what have I done??? Oh, Mother, you would be so ashamed!” He sat on the floor of the bathroom, rocking himself. Finally, he got up in desolation. He went to hide in his bed.

During the night, his mother appeared in his dreams. He heard her saying the words she spoke on the day he left. “Paint, Son. That is who you are. Just paint. You will find a way. Stay open to possibility, and humble yourself if you have to, for the chance to paint. Don’t be a prideful ass like your father. Sometimes the biggest risks have to be taken for the greatest satisfactions.”

Then, in the dream, she opened her arms, and Gastien fell into them, sobbing. “It is all right, Gastien, it is all right. I love you, Son. You will make it. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. Just stay focused on the dream.”

When he woke up in the morning, he knew his mother understood and forgave him. All the same, he decided he would be smart enough to take some of that paper off the roll in the bathroom, tucking it inside his gold wrap from now on. It would come in handy after Jean Luc climaxed. He would be discreet. There was no reason to ruin the mood for Jean Luc. Just keep the money coming.

As time passed, Gastien got more used to the arrangement. It still bothered him, of course, but as the money grew, his bad feelings shrunk. It was just a means to an end, after all. He finished Jean Luc’s portrait a few weeks early, therefore he started on Annah’s. Jean Luc’s had gone faster because there was not as much detail to the clothing and hair. Also, Gastien was getting more confident with his painting every day. It was now the end of March. He had been working with Annah for two weeks.

Some weeks, Jean Luc came to him four nights a week. Those weeks were very trying for Gastien. Some weeks, though, Jean Luc only managed to come to him one or two times because of business obligations. During that time, Gastien was still obligated to stay at home, except for his days off, unless Jean Luc was out of town. During those times he got a lot more of his own work done. He knew he was doing some nice things. He could not wait to show Mic and the others.

One afternoon while he was painting Annah, she looked at him and said, “How are you holding up, Gastien? Are you all right?”

He paused, paintbrush in mid air. Did she know? “What do you mean, Annah?” he asked casually.

Annah laughed. “Oh, please. Do you think I don’t know? I have been married to the man for almost sixteen years now, and he has not touched me. I saw the first night you waited on us at
Le Procope
how his eyes followed you. However, I did not think you were homosexual. That surprised me. I had heard so much about your expertise with women. I had always hoped to sample that expertise myself.” She stopped, waiting for him to answer.

Gastien should not have been surprised, but he was.
Mon Dieu
, what was with this family? They all sniffed at him like dogs in heat! Still, he had to admit that he found all three females extremely desirable. “I am not homosexual, Annah. Not in the least,” he stated quietly.

Annah laughed. “What would you call lying in bed with another man, then? Passing the time?”

Gastien put down his brush. “
Non
. I would call it a business agreement,” he said simply.

Annah did not hide her surprise. “A business agreement? He pays you?”

“
Oui
. He pays me quite a lot. I will have enough money to live without fear of starving for a good two years, while I build my reputation in Montmartre. That was my dream. Unfortunately, I saw no other way to achieve it. He wanted me. I wanted my dream.” Saying it, though, sounded hollow.

Annah looked at him with disgust. “I see. So you are a high priced male prostitute. How lovely.”

Gastien flushed and his anger rose. “It is easy for you to judge, sitting in your fine house! You have never had to want for a thing! I have lived on the streets. I have eaten from garbage bins so that I would not die! I slept every night with a knife in my hand, in case someone tried to kill me for my blanket. Don’t you judge me! I could say the same about you. You laid with one man for his fortune and were willing to do the same for his brother. The only difference is, you have a legal document for it. In my book, that is still whoring yourself.”

Annah laughed. “Well, you do have balls! I should be insulted, but you are quite right. No one ever says it, but I have often thought that many arranged marriages are legalized prostitution.” She was silent a moment. “I am sorry I judged you, Gastien. I had no idea your life had been so hard. I truly am sorry. Do you forgive me?”

Looking at her quietly, Gastien decided she was sincere. “
Oui
. You are forgiven. I know what it must look like. Annah, I am sorry that I have dishonored you by being with your husband.”

“If it was not you, I imagine he would have found someone else. I can’t compete with a man. Don’t worry about it. However, I did mean what I said. I would like to sample your famous sexual skills.”

“I don’t think Jean Luc would be as forgiving as you, Annah. I would love to accept, but I don’t want to lose my position here.”

“You mean you don’t want to lose out on some of your money.”

“Isn’t that why people are hired? To make money?” questioned Gastien.

“
Oui
, of course.” Annah leaned forward, staring at Gastien intently. “Don’t write me off so easily. I may appear elegant and controlled, but when I want something, I generally get it. Unless you don’t find me attractive?”

“Of course I find you attractive. What man wouldn’t? I fought an erection every time I waited on you!” confided Gastien.

“Well, then let’s drop it for now. But someday, Gastien, we will be lovers. I can be patient.”

“I look forward to that time, Annah. It would be lovely to feel myself inside you.” Gastien felt himself responding physically.

She stretched. “I am sorry, but I need to move a bit. It does get tedious sitting in one position. Let’s call it a day.”

“As you wish, Annah.” Gastien walked around from the easel. When Annah stood, he reached out, pulling her to him. He kissed her long and deep, taking his time. The kiss lasted a good three minutes. When he stopped, he looked into her eyes. “That was just in case you doubted that I find you attractive.”

She was breathing heavily. “That was some kiss!”

“Oh, Annah,” Gastien laughed huskily, “I was just getting warmed up!” He walked away and went into the bathroom. He called out, “See you tomorrow.”

Annah answered, “
Oui
. See you tomorrow.” She liked the way he kissed. It was a very experienced, sure kiss that made her feel the heat between her thighs. So, the rumors are right, she thought, the man does know how to drive a woman crazy. Smiling, she made her way back to the house.

Gastien would never have done that had Jean Luc not ended up being something other than what he first pretended to be. Jean Luc might try to tell himself he was honest with me, Gastien reasoned, but he wasn’t. He did not want me as a son. He always wanted me for a lover. Well, now I want his wife for a lover! That was no more deceitful than Jean Luc had been. He just had to be careful of his timing. He did not need to be caught in the act, nor did he need to be around if his wife ended up pregnant. For Jean Luc sure as hell would know that he himself had not fathered the child.

Gastien had become an expert at compartmentalizing one “life” from another. He thought he was doing well, that he was in control. In realty, this dual life was causing a major change in his personality. It was also altering his belief systems and values. Because he had needed to be strong to survive the things he had endured in the past, he erroneously believed that now he could handle anything. He was wrong. This would cause him a great deal of mental anguish off and on for the rest of his life. He was disassociating himself from the situation he found himself in. As this disassociation grew stronger, it would soon be almost impossible for him to be who Gastien really was. The real Gastien was buried deep, where he could not feel the pain. The Gastien that walked around now was numb, functioning only for survival.

Because of this, he was making (and would continue to make) some choices over the next few months that would not paint him in a very pleasant light. Gastien began to actually enjoy the power he seemed to have over Jean Luc. He found that he could get Jean Luc to buy him gifts, which Gastien insisted had to be jewelry. Gastien had no need for more nice clothes. They would not suit him in Montmartre. But jewelry could be sold, the money put to good use. He planned on selling every piece of jewelry Jean Luc gave him once he left the estate. Jean Luc was not so filthy rich that the jewelry was worth ridiculous sums of money, but he could afford quite expensive pieces. Gastien knew that, if he got enough jewelry, he would have a nice sum of money to add to his savings.