Gastien Pt 1 (39 page)

“Gastien, I did not lie to you. You matter very much to me. I do value you and enjoy spending time with you, even if you are not interested in the proposition I offered. I hope, as you think things through, you will come to understand that. I would hate to see you feel foolish.” He paused. “
Oui
, I wanted to find out your vulnerabilities so that I could present the offer. I knew you were not homosexual. Yet, I yearned for you so badly….but the friendship and the confidences, the motives were all well meaning at the same time. I know that is hard to believe, but it is true. I am sorry that you are hurt. I love you.”

Gastien refused to look at him. After a few minutes, Jean Luc got to his feet. “I will go now. I want you to know that the offer still stands, should you change your mind. Think it over carefully, Gastien. It is a way to get your dream. It may not be the way you would have chosen, but I should get something in return for such a large sum of money. We can work out the details, should you accept. You would be happy, because you would know that you will stay off the street. I would be happy, because I would find pleasure from the man who haunts my every moment. Is that such a bad situation? But, if you decide your dream does not mean as much to you as you said, we will go on like I never brought this up. The decision will be yours.” He walked to the door. “Get some sleep, Gastien. You have nothing to fear in me.”

Gastien still would not look at him. He was ashamed to find that he was crying. Finally, Jean Luc left, closing the door softly behind him.

 Long after the fire died down, Gastien sat thinking about what had transpired that night. He would never agree to something so disgusting! How could Jean Luc even think he could? There had to be another way. Sighing, he got up and went to bed.

That night, when the nightmare came, it was more graphic than ever. This time, while he bent over his vomit, the fat cook appeared and was buggering him, while the rats gnawed at his legs. He woke up screaming.

Jean Luc thought about what had occurred that evening, too. Damn it! He was sure Gastien would be open to his suggestion by now. He smiled sadly. Unfortunately for Jean Luc, he had fallen the very first time he had laid eyes on Gastien. Until then, he had been happy enough rarely indulging in a high priced male prostitute. Then Annah and he had dined at
Le Procope
, and Gastien appeared at their table. Jean Luc knew he could not rest until he had him. Annah, very impressed with Gastien’s painting talents, suggested hiring him. She was well aware that Jean Luc would not refuse.

His desire for the young artist only grew stronger each day that he looked at him. He is extremely masculine, thought Jean Luc, there is no doubt that he is all man.

But those huge, hungry eyes! Those amazing lashes! And that mouth! That perfectly shaped mouth, with the pink tongue that teasingly licked those lips when Gastien was really concentrating … ah, that full, pouty lower lip, full of obscene promises! Jean Luc drew a ragged breath. How those lips cried out to be plundered! Oh,
oui
, that mouth was made for giving unspeakable pleasure.

If that weren’t enough, those slender hips and the tight
derrière
that curved erotically, like two perfect melons, firm and waiting to be plucked. Jean Luc knew that the likelihood of Gastien ever allowing anyone entrance to his
derrière
was probably nonexistent.

But, he was willing to start with other things. If Gastien ended up understanding what he meant to him, perhaps he could be persuaded, reasoned Jean Luc. If he eventually grants me that privilege of entrance, Jean Luc promised to himself, I will give Gastien the world. He will never want for a thing the rest of his life. Everything of his will be the finest.

Jean Luc forced himself to focus on the present. He knew he had to tread carefully. Gastien was disgusted with the offer tonight, but Jean Luc would be patient. It would test all of his strength to keep that patience.

The problem was, Jean Luc now wanted more than just sex with Gastien. He wanted Gastien to love him back in the same way. Jean Luc wanted the beautiful man with him night and day. He still held hope that perhaps Gastien would decide to take him up on the proposition. Once he did, and saw how good Jean Luc could to be to him, surely he would fall in love, too.

He knew he had to be careful not to ever bring up that he wanted a full relationship with Gastien. That would drive him away for sure. He also decided he would not ask Gastien about the offer again, but let Gastien be the one to bring it up. That way, there would not be a feeling of threat or manipulation involved. He just hoped Gastien would decide quickly, and in his favor. He did not know how much longer he could go on without possessing him in some way.

The next afternoon, Jean Luc arrived at the cottage and acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Gastien tried to act normal, but Jean Luc could see the bags under Gastien’s eyes. He knew the young man had not slept. He felt badly that Gastien was making it harder on himself than he needed to. Why couldn’t he understand that Jean Luc would be very good to him?

Gastien finally broke the silence. “Does Annah know?”

“Does she know what I offered you?
Non
. Does she know I am homosexual? I would imagine so. We have been married for sixteen years and have never had relations.”

“What???? How can that be? You have two children!” Gastien looked totally confused.

“Those children were from my brother. He was her first husband. Their marriage was arranged. Annah came from a family with royal lines, but had little money left. Our family had piles of money, but wanted the prestige her lineage could bring. It did not hurt that her looks were stunning, either, I am sure. So, my family paid to have her tutored in French. When she turned sixteen, she wed my brother. He died about two months before Véronique was born, in a boating accident.”

Gastien was stunned. “How awful for her! Alone with a child, another on the way, and in a foreign country!”

Jean Luc nodded. “
Oui
. Exactly. It was suggested that we marry. That way people would not find out about my peculiar tendencies, as they say, and Annah would have a protector. Most importantly, the benefits of the arranged marriage would not be threatened by another man from outside stepping in. We married within the year. Véronique was six months old.”

“Do you love each other?” asked Gastien. “I mean, how could you, if you don’t want her?”

Jean Luc laughed. “Oh, Gastien. There are different kinds of love. I am sure you know that. We do care for each other. And, thankfully, we get along well together. That makes these kinds of marriages much more tolerable. There are many, many arranged marriages among the gentry where neither person can stand the other. That would be difficult to live with.”

Gastien was silent the rest of the day. He could not understand the rich. They were an odd bunch, for sure. Nor did he even want to think about last night! Instead, he concentrated on the painting. At the end of the day, he stretched and announced, “I will see you tomorrow, Jean Luc.”

“Are you going to be home tonight, Gastien? We could have a game of chess. I will not ask for anything but your companionship. I promise.”

Gastien shook his head. “
Non
. I won’t be home. The next two days are my days off. I am going to take off to Montmartre.” He turned his back. Jean Luc wanted to say more, but decided against it, leaving quietly.

When Gastien got to Montmartre, Mic and the guys were extremely glad to see him. Everyone got very drunk. Gastien felt sure that he would not have to worry about the dream that night. He would be in a stupor.

How wrong he was. It came back more forcefully than ever. He woke up with his stomach churning, barely making it outside to heave up the night’s liquor. Exhausted, he went back inside. He did get back to sleep. If anyone had heard him, they did not mention it.

The next night was more partying after recovering all day. By the time the following day came, he was very hung over, left early, and fell into bed fully clothed. He would clean up and eat later. Right now he just needed sleep. He slept through most of the day without dreaming, ate his dinner and went back to bed. He felt that sleep would be the best thing for his pounding head.

This time, when the dream came, he struggled to wake up. He felt like he was fighting through a thick fog to get to consciousness. When he finally did, he had to use the bathroom so badly he almost wet the bed. His body was covered in a cold sweat. Afraid to go back to sleep, he curled up in the fetal position, covers tightly around him for protection, wondering what he should do.

 He remembered his mother saying to take advantage of any opportunity that came his way. She would be shocked about this one, but she was also practical. She would possibly understand if he did choose the proposition.

What choice did he have, really? This nightmare was really affecting his health. He knew as long as he did not have some financial stability the nightmare would haunt him. He tried to think it through calmly. How awful would it be, really? True, it was something he would not enjoy doing, but it was only his mouth. He would not allow Jean Luc to do anything else to him. He would draw the line at any other penetration, or even touching of his sex organs. That would just be too difficult. But, his mouth? Really, it would be him doing something to Jean Luc, not Jean Luc doing anything to his male parts.

He started to feel sick. Forcing his mind to calm down, he told himself, it is only your mouth. Jean Luc cares about you. You can achieve your dream, at least most of it. You still won’t own the studio, but this is your only chance to be at peace. You want to paint what you see in your mind more than anything. You keep saying that painting is your life, your love. What are you willing to do to be with your love, to live your life the way you want to live it? Maybe you should just do it. And while you do it, you can just think about the color. It is all about the color. Imagine paintings while you are doing it.

By the time dawn came his mind was made up. He wanted his dream. If he had to be a paid whore to achieve it, he would be. At least it was for one man, who seemed to genuinely care for him. He wanted to set some rules, though. If Jean Luc could not accept his rules, the deal would be back off.

Jean Luc arrived at nine o’clock. He was taking the day off. He found Gastien sitting on the sofa. Gastien looked up. Jean Luc was shocked at how awful Gastien looked. The lack of sleep was taking its toll. Gastien’s beautiful eyes appeared to be sunken into his head. The bags under them were very dark, and his face was almost grey.

“Jean Luc, we need to talk. I have decided to accept your proposition. That is, if we can come to an understanding of what I can and cannot accept during this relationship.” A tear slid down Gastien’s face. “You are right, every man does have his price. You have found mine.”

Jean Luc was elated at first. At last he would know Gastien intimately! He had been waiting so long, that at times he thought he would go insane. Then, he felt ashamed. This was obviously causing Gastien extreme distress. He moved quickly to the sofa and sat down.

Looking seriously at Gastien he asked, “Are you sure?”

Gastien hesitated a moment, and then shook his head yes. “I must ask, though, that certain things are off limits. Otherwise, I can’t do this.”

Jean Luc replied, “All good contracts are negotiated. What things are you talking about?”

Gastien took a deep breath. “You said you wanted to feel my mouth all over your body. I will agree to use my mouth on you, except I cannot kiss you on the mouth. I just can’t. Also, I ask that you don’t use your mouth on me anywhere at all. I don’t want to be kissed and fondled. This is not a romance. It is a business proposition. I want you to remember that. “

 Gastien looked at Jean Luc with no emotion. “Also, please don’t expect me to use terms of endearment with you, or to say that I love you. I don’t. I never will. In fact, my feelings are quite the opposite, knowing that you are taking advantage of my vulnerabilities.” Jean Luc tried not to show his disappointment in that.

Gastien continued, “Also, this agreement is just for the use of my mouth. I cannot and will not allow you to
enculer
me. I would rather die than have a man do that to me. Finally, I want to be paid for the week every Tuesday morning at the same time you pay me for paintings. I want to be driven to the bank to deposit that money the same morning. The money you pay me on Tuesday only covers any of your so called services for the next seven days. If you don’t pay on a Tuesday, I will not be available that week. I also am not available to you on my days off.” Gastien’s voice trembled, and he stopped speaking. He could not look at Jean Luc any longer. He cried silently. After a minute he whispered, “That is all I can think of right now. I expect you to listen if I have problems with things being done in the future.”

Jean Luc was silent, watching Gastien’s very apparent unhappiness. He, too, felt like crying. He wanted this to be so different. Jean Luc wanted Gastien to feel for him the same things he felt for the young man. At least this is a start, he told himself. At least he would finally feel Gastien’s mouth on him. He also was a bit irritated, though, that Gastien thought he could make all of the rules.

“Gastien, look at me.” Gastien looked up.
Mon Dieu
, thought Jean Luc, I could drown in those beautiful eyes! He cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure. Finally, he asked, “Why do you feel you have all of the power? I am the one paying a very high sum of money for the pleasure of enjoying you. Some would say I get to make all of the rules.”

Gastien replied simply, “Because you are also the one that desires this. Your need must be quite great. That means a good deal of power is mine. If you want me as badly as you have said, and care for me as much as you have said, you should be able to make accommodations for things I just can’t tolerate.”