Frozen Hearts (13 page)

"Maybe we should go ask Arielle if she's heard from him," Tyce said.

"I'll call her and ask her to meet us out here. I really don't want to go back inside."

I was still talking to Arielle on the phone when she rushed out into the parking lot, spinning around until she spotted us. I waved her over.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Probably nothing," Tyce said as he punched a text message to Sam. Arielle tried to call him, but his phone went straight to voicemail.

"Sam never shuts his phone off." Tyce frowned, looking more nervous.

"You go home, Tyce," Arielle said. "Call me if you find him sleeping on the sofa. I'm going to the bar. He was chatting up some guy the other night. Maybe he forgot to tell anyone he was going out again."

Tyce nodded and we headed to his car. Just as I was about to close my door, Arielle's screams cut through the night air. Tyce and I jumped out of the car and raced across the lot. Sam was sitting on the ground against her car. His face was a bloody mess.

"What took you so long," he mumbled.

"Fuck," I muttered, kneeling down next to him. "Sam, who did this to you?"

"Someone who doesn't like you very much," he mumbled.

My face paled. I knew this beat down had something to do with me.

"We should get you to a hospital," Tyce said. He moved a piece of bloody, matted hair away from Sam's eyes, carefully touching his cheek. Tyce shook his head and reached for his phone, but Sam grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"No, just take me home."

Arielle frowned. "We are taking you to the hospital to get you checked out or we're going to leave you on the pavement."

"You're mean. This is why I don't like women. First you won't even give me a hand job the other night and now you're making me go see some nasty doctor," Sam moaned.

It was good to hear him joking. Tyce and I eased our arms around his waist and helped him to his feet. He bent forward and vomited all over the ground.

"Shit," Tyce shouted. "At least warn a guy."

"Sorry," Sam said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I thought I should puke before you put me in her car."

Arielle ran her fingers through his hair. "Don't worry about the car, sweetie. You're more important."

We got him situated and they sped off. Tyce and I weren't far behind, but we got stuck at a light and when we walked into the waiting room, Arielle was bossing someone from the hospital with Sam moaning dramatically from a wheelchair. A nurse finally got him settled down and they wheeled him away, leaving us in the waiting room to wait. I chewed on my fingers, Tyce paced the floor, and Arielle stared at her phone. Finally, they brought a very unhappy Sam out of the elevator and deposited him with us.

"Oh my God, my nurse was a she-devil," he said, looking over his shoulder and scowling at a small woman who waved at him. "I just know I'm going to have a scar."

Tyce wiped his eyes. "So, you're okay?"

"I've never been okay in my entire life." Sam sniffed. "I'm always fabulous, even with a black eye, fat lip and seven stitches in my chin.

"Yes," Tyce said. "You are fabulous." He hugged him carefully and helped him out of the wheelchair. Sam leaned heavily on Tyce as we left the hospital.

"I also have a concussion so someone has to take care of me tonight." He winked at me, and reached for his crotch. Tyce whispered something and Sam immediately snatched his hand away from his dick.

Back at the apartment, Arielle and Tyce grilled Sam, but he didn't know who jumped him. He knew there were at least two guys, but they smashed his face into the pavement before he got a look at them. I think he was more upset about the loss of his phone. He cradled the smashed piece of plastic in his hand and sniffled about all the wonderful times they'd spent together.

The whole time he was talking all I could think about was that this shit was my fault. If I hadn't come back into Tyce's life, this would never have happened to Sam. We finally got Sam settled into his bed with his laptop. He whined and shut down his computer. The glow of the screen made his head hurt worse.

"Someone needs to entertain me," Sam said. "I can't just stare at the wall."

"I'll stay with him," Arielle said.

"Ah, aren't you sweet," Sam said. "But since I'm injured and it's sort of Erik's fault, maybe I could have Erik for the night."

Tyce growled. "No, and besides, the doctor said to take it easy. No physical activity. You'd probably puke anyway."

I couldn't believe Tyce and Sam were joking about all this. Nothing about this situation was funny. I swallowed and looked at my sister.

"Um, I need some supplies if I'm going to spend the night." She kissed Sam on the top of his head and walked out of his room, grabbing me by the sleeve.

"Erik," she said. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing," I said, dropping my chin to my chest. I couldn't look at her. She would know what I was thinking.

"You are so lying," she said.

"Forget about it, Arielle. I'm fine. Sam is the one who needs help."

"Don't do it, Erik," she warned. "This wasn't your fault."

I shook my head and went into Tyce's room, slamming the door in her face. I stripped, took a quick shower and crawled into Tyce's bed, burrowing under the blankets. His scent surrounded me. All I wanted to do was cry. It wasn't fair to keep putting them in danger. If it was only me in harm's way, I could handle it, but I needed to think about their safety. I couldn't be selfish just because I loved Tyce. I don't think I could live with myself if something bad happened to him.

The door opened slowly and Tyce walked in, smelling fresh and clean. He lifted the blanket and slipped in to bed, snuggling up to my back. He tossed his arm over my waist and pulled me against his chest. I could feel the beat of his heart. It made my own heart pound and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life beside him. He kissed my neck and sighed.

"Always have, always will," he whispered.

I turned to face him and if it was possible, I fell more in love with him. It made me realize that I would do anything to protect him, even leave him.

"Everything will be okay, Erik," he said.

God, I truly wanted to believe but I knew that nothing would be okay until I was away from him and Sam. I closed my eyes, to give myself a minute to absorb what my head was telling me I had to do. I had to shove my emotions to the side, so Tyce wouldn't be able to see what was really going on inside my heart and mind. He rolled on top of me and kissed me.

"Make love to me, Erik," he whispered.

I shifted the blond curls away from his eyes, caressing his cheek and staring at him. "I love you," I whispered. "Don't ever doubt that."

He focused on me, and it felt like he was trying to strip everything away and crawl inside my soul, but I held fast and kept my emotions tightly shut away. I closed my eyes and kissed him, sinking into the kiss until we were both gasping for air.

I memorized every inch of his body with my mouth and hands and when I finally connected with him, the emotions were so intense I almost passed out. There was no snapping of hips or loud grunting this time, instead it was gentle, filled with whispered words of love. It almost killed me. We came at almost the same time and I held tight to him, riding out the intense throbbing that filled my entire body.

"Holy fuck, Erik," Tyce mumbled.

He was sprawled across my chest, slowly slipping off to sleep. I let my hand settle in his curls and rubbed my nose against his throat, breathing in his scent. When his breathing evened out, I slid out from underneath him, climbed out of bed and quietly tiptoed out of his room. I thought about leaving a note, but what the hell was I going to say? I love you, but I can't keep putting your life in danger? He'd hunt me down and argue with me, telling me it was his choice to stay with me.

"Erik?" Tyce's voice echoed through the kitchen and I froze. "What are you doing?"

I couldn't answer him or look at him as I zipped up my jacket and hoisted my bag over my shoulder.

"I have to go," I finally muttered.

"Go? Go where?" Tyce raised his voice and slammed his fist on the table. "Don't you fucking dare walk away from me."

"I have to."

"No you fucking don't," he shouted.

"God dammit, Tyce! All this shit is my fault. Sam could have been killed for fuck's sake. Maybe this was all a bad idea. If…" I glared at him. "I couldn't handle it if something terrible happened to you. This way, I'll know you'll be safe."

"I can take care of myself. Been doing it for five years," Tyce snapped.

My mind was spinning and I couldn't breathe. I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't know if I was strong enough.

"Erik," Tyce said, reaching out for me. "We'll figure it out together."

I yanked open the door and shook my head. "You'll be better off without me."

"Erik," Tyce said. This time the words came out as a sad whisper

"I can't do this Tyce. I won't put your life in danger by hanging around."

"Hanging around? Is that what you call what we've been doing?" He sucked in a deep breath. "Well, fuck you, Foxy."

I didn't stick around because if I did, I was going to fall back into his arms and never let him go. The last thing I heard was Tyce calling me a fucking coward.

I ran all the way home, screaming at the top of my lungs for Dix to get his fucking ass out of bed. He frowned and scratched his head, staring at me like I'd lost my mind. I'd not only lost my mind, but everything else.

"What the hell did you do, Foxy?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Just give me the key to the rink," I growled.

"Fuck," Dix said as he rummaged through his jacket, quickly tossing me his key ring.

"Thanks," I said and slammed the door before he could ask any questions. The moment I stepped outside, I got that creepy fucking feeling that someone was watching me again.

"Fuck off," I shouted into the night air. "If someone's out here, show your fucking face."

No one answered me and I jumped down the stairs, muttering that everyone and their brother could go to hell.

I skated until my clothes were sweat-soaked and I'd emptied the contents of my stomach into a garbage can twice. Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated? I did nothing wrong except love someone. Why the fuck was that so wrong? I punched the glass then I took my hockey stick and smashed it against the board, watching as it split apart.

"Erik?"

"Oh, hey, Karl. Sorry, about that. I…"

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Not really," I said, shaking my head.

I stepped off the ice and avoided Karl's eyes. I didn't feel like explaining myself to him.

"Erik, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm available."

"You don't want to hear all my problems," I mumbled.

"Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who isn't directly involved."

I looked up at Karl. He patted me on the shoulder. "Go home and get some rest. You look like hell."

"Thanks Karl," I said. He disappeared into the backroom. A few minutes later, I heard the roar of the Zamboni. I wondered what it would feel like to be run over by a Zamboni. I could lay face first on the ice and let the thing devour me. All my troubles would evaporate and my friends would all be safe.

The sun shone brightly when I stepped out of the rink. I shaded my eyes and yanked my hood up so my face was obscured from view. There were a few people outside but no one bothered me.

When I stomped into my apartment, Dix was sitting at the kitchen table looking like he wanted to rip something apart with his bear hands. He stared up at me and scowled. It seemed he wanted to tear me apart, but I flipped him off and went into my room. I shut my phone off and climbed into bed.

It was peaceful for two hours until my crazy ass sister came busting into my room, shouting at the top of her lungs that she was going to beat me to a bloody pulp with her high heels. I rolled over and told her to get the fuck away from me.

"You utter bastard," she shouted. "He's devastated."

"He'll get over it," I said. "At least he'll be safe."

She ranted for another fifteen minutes, until she realized I wasn't going to answer her.

"You are so fucking stupid," she said. "You're going to be a lonely old man."

I sighed, pulled the blanket over my head and fell back into a fitful sleep.

For the next three days, I hid in my room. Dix stayed clear of me and I didn't turn on my phone or check my emails. I pretended to study, but most of my time was spent staring out the window like a heartbroken moron. The only thing that kept me sane was skating. When almost the entire town was asleep, I trudged across campus and slipped into the dark arena. I still felt like someone was following me, but I didn't give a shit. If they wanted to fight, so be it. I would be ready.

There were always strange noises in the arena, but I turned up the sound system and let the music drown out everything. It was the only time I felt grounded. The ice didn't ask stupid questions or judge me because I didn't love the right person.

Even with all the exercise, I barely slept. The quiet of my room weighed heavy on me and my mind wouldn't shut off. After several hours of tossing and turning, I'd give up and pretend to study some more.

When I went to my first final, the professor pulled me aside and asked me when the last time I had slept or eaten something. I snapped at her and told her I was here to take a test, not attend a counseling session. She shook her head and waved me to my seat.

Dix tried to talk to me but he finally gave up and left me alone. I did notice that he wasn't playing hockey anymore. I guess it had been me everyone came out to see play. The worst part of my self-imposed exile was that my brain wouldn't let me forget about Tyce and it was pure torture. I figured I deserved it though. One day, I discovered his sweatshirt mixed in with my dirty clothes. I wore it for three days until the stench was so bad, I couldn't stand it anymore. Dix frowned and held his breath every time I was in the room. I gave up and finally washed it. I hid it under my pillow.