Frozen Barriers (8 page)

The minute his lips leave mine I lose a sense of wholeness I never thought I could feel. I mean, I don’t have anything to compare it to in the past, but seriously, Jeremy just basically turned his shock and awe kiss into dust. It was so sensual and calming that it almost felt as though I was floating in warmth and never wanting to be put down. I’m not even sure if I did anything right. Up until now, I’ve only managed to learn what I know from books and YouTube. Obviously, Jeremy has had so many more opportunities with other women, but if that’s the case, why is he still standing here with me in this parking lot giving me my first kiss? I know I should find out the answer, but honestly, I’m scared shitless right now.

This is really the first time anyone has paid any attention to me when it doesn’t involve my skating. Jeremy asked me to go out on a date with him and to hang out with the rest of the group some more. I don’t think he really understands when I say I don’t have time, plus my parents would probably go over the deep end thinking he doesn’t fit the family image. He may have a hockey career, but even with that, they won’t ever consider him suitable since he doesn’t come from money and isn’t making six figures at a Boston law firm.

Even without the status under his belt, my parents wouldn’t allow it. They’d claim he’d be a distraction from my training, and training is exactly what I’ll be doing day in and day out in another week. Sure, I’ve been stepping up my preparation over the summer, but September is rapidly approaching, and the coaches will be requiring my diligence to perfection. I’ll be doing more triple loops and laybacks to make my head spin permanently on my shoulders. I’m expected to be on the podium in Boston come January at Nationals. If I’m not there and on my way to the Olympics, my parents will certainly remind me of my embarrassment to the family.

I’m lost in my thoughts when I see Jeremy saying something in front of me. “Huh?” is all I can muster.

He steps back and looks at me with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, as if I’m the only thing that matters right now, and I’m the one who put that smile there. Me? Who am I? Why is this guy who I’ve only basically met a few times, seeing me for who I really am and cracking through my façade I’ve built over the last twenty years?

Jeremy goes to grab my hand to bring me back into the restaurant, but I don’t move. “Em? C’mon. I thought you were going to give it another go and just hang out with us? Plus, we need to discuss the details of this date.”
I can’t do this. It’s never going to work. Not with him, not his family or Suzanne.

“Jeremy, I can’t do this.” My voice comes out softer than I expected. I know I’m hurting him and everyone else again, but this is for the best, whether he knows it now or figures it out when I stop answering his phone calls again.

“What do you mean you can’t do this? You can’t go back into the restaurant, or you can’t actually stand up and move forward with your life enough to actually go out with me just once?” His voice contains pain and anger.

“I mean, us, them…I just can’t, Jeremy. Today was fun, and that kiss was something I’ll never forget. In a couple of weeks, you’ll be back to your hockey, and I’ll be training even more than I am now. By then, everyone in there will forget they even saw me again,” I say firmly, pointing to the restaurant. “You’ll forget about me, too. This is why I don’t get close or open up to anyone because the look on your face right now makes me realize I’ve hurt you. If I never let anyone into my awful lonely world, then nobody ever gets hurt.” Turning back to my car door to leave, I lift my head and see Jeremy running his hands through his hair as though he’s frustrated. “It was good seeing you again, Jeremy. I wish you the best of luck with the Monarchs, and please tell everyone inside that it was good to see them again, too.” I slowly open my car door to get in and leave, but a hand on my elbow stops me.

“Em, don’t go like this. Tell me that kiss didn’t mean something to you. Tell me you didn’t feel the same thing I did while I had you in my arms. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t pursue this with us?”

“Jeremy, I can’t hurt you, and I won’t. That kiss will be imbedded in my mind forever, but we both know it won’t work out with us.” I move to sit in my driver’s seat, reaching for the door. Jeremy appears and hovers over my doorframe.

“I’m not letting you go again for another eight years. Get that through your head. I know deep down you don’t mean what you say, so I will be calling you, and we will have that date eventually. Admit it. You need someone fighting on your side for once, and that person is going to be me.”

The door shuts to my Audi A4, and I let out a gigantic sigh, resting my head against the headrest and closing my eyes. I start up the engine and lean over to fasten my seatbelt as the voices of Lady Antebellum echo through the speakers and the chorus of “Just a Kiss” seeps into my head. I can’t help but think how ironic, and yet, amusing today has been. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have my first kiss when I woke up this morning. I also never thought I would be running into the one guy who could actually penetrate the thick layers surrounding my heart. A slight giggle escapes my mouth.

How in the hell did Jeremy Page just work his way back into my life and basically uproot it in less than two hours? One minute I’m running from him and the next he has his arms wrapped around me with his lips locked on mine. I have absolutely nothing to compare it to, and I can only hope I wasn’t bad because all I could think about after his lips left mine was that I wanted them back on me. Yeah, okay, so I know I’m being greedy, needy, whatever, but seriously, he just screams hunk, and regardless of my current status in life and non-existent love life, I have needs. It definitely doesn’t hurt that he basically fought me tooth and nail against me telling him I couldn’t possibly handle anything like this with him.

As I’m pulling out of the parking lot, my phone ringing brings me out of my crazy thoughts of Jeremy. I look at the screen and read “Unknown Caller.” It could be just about anyone on my mother’s long list of contacts wanting to set up another interview. Usually, she schedules these herself, because she wants to ensure she’s there to control the questions and answers. She’s the freakin’ puppet master, and I’m the doll attached to the strings.

I slide my finger across the screen and quickly answer the phone. “Emily Cameron.”

“So, you do still have the same phone number,” a familiar male voice says through the phone. I glance back down at it, questioning how it’s even possible.

“How?” I ask with a little more authority.

A slow chuckle comes over the line, and I’m really trying really hard to figure out how he has my number. “Seriously, Em, you have no idea, do you?”

“Jeremy? How did you get my number?” I wonder because if he’s had my number this entire time, why has he never called me?

“Well, if you weren’t so worried about getting away from me at lunch, you might have seen me scrolling through my phone looking for a contact. You forget many years ago I made sure that when I dropped a girl off she called me when she got home. After she called me, that number stayed in my contact list because she promised me she’d call me later.”

“You saved my phone number for all these years?? Are you kidding me?! Better yet, why are you just calling me now?” He had my number and never called. Not that it would have mattered. My parents would have shipped me right off to an entirely different state if anyone even attempted to interfere with their grand plan of what my career entailed.

“I did call, a couple of times. You just never answered, and I never left a voicemail. But, enough about the past, the way I see it you now have my number, and I’ll be expecting a phone call from you soon, when you are ready to make good on that deal.”

“Jeremy, I don’t have a lot of spare time. I just hope you won’t be disappointed again…”

“Emily! No excuses this time around. I’ll be in touch, and we’ll go from there, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” I sigh. How is this ever going to work?

“Oh, and Emily…the next time I see you, you can bet your sweet ass I’m claiming your lips again!” He must have heard me gasp loudly because he let out deep laugh through the phone. Little did he know, his voice was causing all kinds of tingles throughout my body. Things I’ve never felt before. He wanted to kiss me again, but why? “I’ll call you later. Have a good night, Emily.”

“You too, Jeremy. Talk to you soon.” With that, we both end the phone call.

I pull up into the driveway to my parents’ house. My only saving grace is that I no longer live under the same roof as them, although they still basically control my career and market me like I’m a fine wine when it comes to all the publicity stints I’m forced to do. When I was eighteen and trying to rebel against the sad state of my life, the only reprieve I was granted was some added space by them allowing me to move into the guest apartment above the three-car garage. I had my own space, which allowed me to come and go as I pleased, even though it was only to school and the rink all through college. Now that I’ve graduated and am basically concentrating only on skating, my apartment is like my sanctuary.

I park my car in the garage and make my way up the back stairwell to unlock the door. I step inside, flicking on the kitchen area lights. Although it’s relatively small, I find solace in what is normally a chaotic life. When I stand in my kitchen area, I can see my entire studio apartment. With strategically placed furniture, I’ve managed to separate my bedroom, kitchen and living room quite nicely. Tossing my keys and bag onto the kitchen table, I slip off my flip- flops that are still slippery from my earlier pedicure. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I turn to flip on my television mounted above the fireplace. I’m scrolling through the channel guides and stop as I notice there’s another
Friends
mini-marathon on.

I can sit here all day and lose myself in this show, imagining my life in the big city and having close friends who make me feel more like family than mine ever will. Somehow I manage to catch the episode where Ross and Rachel have their first kiss. I still love this episode, especially when the Central Perk doors fly open and Ross steps in from the rain, grabbing Rachel’s face with both of his hands and bringing his lips to hers. No matter how many times I watch it, I still love it.

Touching my fingers to my lips, I think of the feelings I experienced a short time ago when Jeremy allowed me to have my first real kiss. Does he really think a date with me will go well? I can’t understand his persistence. I mean, I can certainly try to make time for him on my days off, but what happens when I’m traveling for five months straight for competitions? My parents will hate him immediately and consider him a distraction or not the type of person I should be seen with in public. It’s always about appearances with them. Training comes first, always. I’ll end up having to ignore his phone calls from here forward, and after a while, he’ll probably understand and just stop calling again. But, why do I feel as though I’m already hurting him again before this even starts? One kiss and I’m already losing focus. I’m so confused and screwed!

I stand up, stretching my arms above my head before bending over to link my hands around my ankles to stretch out. Thinking a long, hot shower will get my mind off today’s events, I start walking into the bathroom set off from the sitting area. Turning on the shower, I begin to strip down as the room begins to fill with steam from the hot water. I swipe the condensation off the mirror and glance at the reflection staring back at me. I’ve certainly changed a little over the years. I’m at least four inches taller than the average skater out there, and my body is not built like the stick figures I see getting ready to take my place once I’m no longer able to compete. I’m not saying I’m any more talented than them, but with age comes maturity, and I’ve clearly grown into my mature body at twenty-two.

Releasing my bra hook and tossing my lace thong into the hamper, I climb into the shower. Relishing in the scalding water, I bring my face under the hot spray and run my hands through my long blonde hair. Letting out a long sigh from sheer relaxation, I close my eyes and see Jeremy’s face as he fills my thoughts and warms my body even more. I envision him trailing his hands on more than just my face and hips as he runs them over my bare chest and in between my legs and whispers dirty thoughts into my ear. In that instant, I see his shirt pulled off over his head and his pants quickly unzipping to expose his arousal that’s evident through his tight boxer briefs.
Hey, this is my erotic dream. He will not have on tighty whities. Hell no! I don’t care how good Jamie Dornan looks in those Calvin Klein ads. So, boxer briefs it is!
As I am dreaming, his boxer briefs…oh, yes, I glide my fingers just above the inside fold of the elastic band, slowly tugging down to reveal his throbbing…
Ding
!…
Ding
!…
What the hell?!
My eyes shoot open as I try to slow my pulse…
Ding
!…Turning off the water, I open the shower door, grab my towel and wrap it around my body, squeezing the water out of my hair as I make my way into the other room.
Ding
! I look around and pick up my phone from the coffee table. Two missed calls and two new texts. How long was I in the shower?

Glancing down, I pull up the icons. I open the missed text messages and read the first one.

Hey Emily! It’s Sue. Hope u don’t mind but I got your # from Jeremy. How does he have your # anyway? He told me to stay in touch with u, something about he’d never kiss & tell. IDK?! It was gr8 seeing u today, we ought to catch up more when you have a little xtra time. Call me.

Apparently, Jeremy is now going to make sure I have Suzanne to keep an eye on me as well. At least he didn’t say anything to her about the kiss in the parking lot. I know for a fact if she finds out, she’ll take it upon herself to know every single detail. Most of the stuff I’ve learned about sex and human anatomy I give credit to Suzanne after our afternoon shopping for her prom dress.

I save Suzanne’s phone number into my contacts just in case and move onto the next text.