From This Day Forward (36 page)

"Then we agree...."

"I listened to you, Jason," she said, taking him by the arm and guiding him back to the table. He didn't resist when she pushed him gently into the chair he'd vacated and stood close before him. "It's only fair that you hear me out. I know I talk too much. I know I've pushed you beyond the bounds of human restraint. I'm sorry for trying to force you to change, to become what I thought I wanted you to be. I want you just the way you are. You are everything I want."

"How can you say that? You were right about me. I am a coward. I bully and hurt those who are weaker than me...."

"No, you're a coward because you're afraid of loving and being loved. It has nothing to do with this imagined violence—"

"I nearly hit you," he said. Guilt and torment showed plainly on his expressive face. "Damn! Have you forgotten? I drew back my hand. In another minute...."

"In another minute you stopped, Jason," she said, pressing her fingers against his lips to silence him. "I'll admit you frightened me, enough that I felt I had to leave. But I didn't do it because I was afraid of you for myself. I was afraid for my child. I didn't want him born into a house where there were so many things unresolved. I never, never believed that you would physically harm me or our child."

Jason stared at her dubiously.

"All right, for a flicker of an instant I thought you might. But you didn't. We all get that angry. God knows, I've done nothing but push you and test your patience since I've been here. But you are not your father. You are not anything like him, so you can stop using that as an excuse."

"I see no difference."

He made as if to rise, and Caroline lowered her body gingerly to his lap, careful of her broken arm, intent on keeping him still while she made her point.

"The difference is that you stopped. Your father would not have. That's what separates us from him: not the emotion, the action. I would trust you implicitly with our son, who by the way is in desperate need of a name, unless you want him to grow up being called Boy."

"My God, woman, are you afraid of nothing?" His admiration for her knew no bounds.

"You know I am, Jason. You know what a coward I am."

"You were hurt and confused," he said, realizing that she spoke of the night the baby was born. "You're all right now."

"Thanks to you, Jason," she said, her voice breaking with emotion. "We would have died if not for you. You were so sweet, so gentle that night. You cared for me and for our baby as if you'd been doing it all your life. And now the only thing I'm afraid of is losing you."

"You can't lose me," he murmured against her throat, his voice sending currents of pleasure through her body. "I won't allow it. You are the miracle of my life, Caroline. I don't deserve any of this."

Lifting his face with her good hand in order to look into his eyes, Caroline murmured, "Shut up, foolish man, and kiss me."

Her lips came down on his and his mouth opened to welcome her. Though she initiated the kiss, he soon took control, kissing her fiercely, possessively, caressing her gently, as if she were something precious.

"I love you, Caroline," he said, his voice raw with desire and emotion, "but for the life of me, I can't understand how you could care for me. I can't even understand why you came here, after reading those damned letters I wrote to—" he stopped himself with a laugh, "—I thought I'd written to Derek."

"But that's exactly why I came," she explained. "You let me glimpse your heart in those letters. If not for those letters, I'd have run away screaming a long time ago."

"I don't even know why I wrote those things," he said thoughtfully.

"I think I do," she said with a smile. "When
I
started writing back, you started opening up. I think you sensed a kindred spirit, even though you weren't even aware of it."

"Maybe you're right," he agreed, his eyes glowing with admiration and love. "But they were filled with dark tales of my past."

"Yes, but they spoke of a man in torment, a man with a beautiful soul who only needed the right woman to convince him of his own goodness and to make him happy, in spite of himself. Are you happy?
Or are you still afraid that if you care for us we'll be taken away?"

Jason buried his face in the crook of her neck, growling deep in his throat. "You terrify me, do you know that?"

"Why?"

"Because you know me so well."

Caroline drew back so that she could look into his eyes. "I'll never betray you, Jason. Never. I'll always love you."

"A miracle, that's what you are," he said, kissing her hungrily again.

Finally Caroline pulled away, gazing into his beloved face. "The miracle is upstairs sound asleep and waiting for his parents to give him a name."

Jason smiled. "I'm not good at this kind of thing. Surely over the months you've thought of names."

Smiling mischievously, Caroline said, "Well, I thought we might name him Jason."

She felt his body tense beneath her and waited expectantly. "After me? But—"

"I like it," she interrupted. "Jason Sinclair Junior. Of course, we'll call him Jase to avoid confusion."

"Do you really want to name him after me?"

"Very much. I can't think of a more appropriate name, Jason. He is your son. And you saved us both. You brought him into the world. You were the first one to hold him, to see him."

"I know," he murmured, his voice thick with unshed tears. "I'll never forget that moment.... Neither will you, I suppose."

Caroline shrugged, pushing the memory of pain and fear from her mind. "I remember you talking to me, telling me everything would be all right. I
remember you holding him up so I could see him. The pain doesn't even matter now. He's so beautiful, so perfect."

"Oh, God, you'll never know how much I love you."

"Tell me! Tell me!" she teased.

Jason laughed. "I never have told you, have I? I told Ignacio in the wedding ceremony, but I've never told you."

Now it was Caroline's turn to laugh, as she imagined Jason and Ignacio standing before the local magistrate repeating wedding vows. It was funnier than the picture of her and Melanie.

"I've got it!" Jason shouted, coming to his feet and carrying her with him. "We'll have another ceremony. We'll speak our vows to each other."

"That sounds wonderful! We'll wait for the priest—"

"Wait? I don't want to wait. Let's set our new wedding date for three days from now."

"Three days? But how--
"

"You just leave the details to me. Three days from tonight, Mrs. Sinclair!"

"But Jason, how...?"

"For once, don't argue, Caroline. For once, just trust me."

"I trust you forever and always, Jason. Never doubt that."

Epilogue

I, Jason Sinclair, take
the
e,
Caroline Marshall Sinclair, to be my lawful wedded wife," Jason said solemnly.

Caroline stood on the empty patio of the
beneficio
in a white sarong the women of the
fazenda
had worked frantically to make for her, listening to her husband's strong, beloved voice. Around their necks they wore garlands of flowers, gifts from the
Yanomami
women. Ines stood beside Caroline, tears rolling down her cheeks, little Jase nestled securely in her arms. To Jason's right stood Ignacio, proud and silent.

"To love, honor, and cherish...." Faust, the
Yanomami
high priest stood before them in full regalia—bird feathers sticking out around his head, leaves tucked into armbands, his body painted in red and black geometric patterns. "... in sickness and in health...."Today was her wedding day. Today they were starting over, starting fresh, she, Jason, and little Jase.

"...
from this day forward...."

From this day forward, they would be together, a family. The scars of old wounds were still there, just below the surface, but they would face them together. Together.

"...
till death do us part."

Turning, Jason and Caroline faced each other expectantly. Joy and love shone clearly in Jason's eyes. No longer were they tormented by a past he could not alter. Now they looked forward to a bright, love-filled future.

Slowly he lowered his head toward her and she lifted hers to receive his kiss, a light brush of his lips against hers that promised more delights to come.

A loud cheer went up from the crowd gathered around the
beneficio.
The bride and groom turned to face the onlookers, the
fazenda
workers and their families to the left and the
Yanomami
to the right.

Behind them, the priest began to chant, his words unintelligible, some kind of incantation to his gods. Caroline didn't think God would mind. They had already been bound together in His eyes, and today was just an affirmation of their commitment to each other.

Drums thundered in the background as Jason bent his head to whisper in her ear. "You'll never know how much I love you."

Caroline smiled, her body suffused with warmth, as she pulled his head down so she could whisper into his ear. "You could show me every day for the rest of our lives."

"I plan to," he replied, his voice thick with desire.

"Starting today?"

Jason gazed into her eyes, uncertainty marring his brow. "Are you sure? It's so soon...."

"It's been weeks, Jason, weeks!"

He swept her up into his arms, walking toward the wagon that had brought them to the
beneficio,
and Caroline threw her head back, laughing with the joy that coarsed through her body.

"Starting today, then," he said with an ardent smile.

Caroline settled her head against his broad shoulder, reveling in the feel of his arms around her, in the knowledge that they would be together forever, from this day forward.