Friends With Way Too Many Benefits (21 page)

"You read my diary?" Natalie asked angrily.

Chance replied, "Oh you wanted me to read it. You left me in your room for forty-five minutes, telling me you’d be right back, and you told me to read something. It was right on the bed next to me."

"I most certainly did not want you to read it. It’s private."

Jillian interrupted loudly, "What is this? I can't believe you—"

"Jillian," Paul interrupted. "Just watch it all the way through and then we'll listen to whatever you have to say."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, please." Paul sighed.

"Okay." Frowning, Jillian folded her arms.

All watched the scene which ended with Natalie rushing away and leaving Chance behind. It was an undeniably strong performance. When it ended, everyone turned their attention to Jillian, waiting.

After looking all around at them, she scoffed. "Oh, you want me to say something now?"

"Well, yes," Paul said.

"Okay. Um, how about what the fuck was that? What the hell is your body double doing with lines? I mean, last I checked body doubles didn't have any lines."

"We lost Lindsey"

"You're kidding."

"No, she's out."

"Let me guess, Miss Brookhart pulled a Tonya Harding on her. She's in the hospital, right?"

"What? No. It just wasn't working out," Paul said.

"And your solution is to cast Natalie as what… herself? I'll give you that she plays the role of a cunt magnificently, I mean it comes so naturally for her." All eyes lit up with Jillian's choice of words, but she wasn’t finished. "Actually she takes the magic and sunshine out of the word cunt. It's actually an insult to the cunts of the world to be lumped in the same category as her. She takes it to a whole new level."

Everyone else looked for Paul to say something, but he had nothing and after an awkward ten seconds of silence, Liz said, "Um, we were skeptical also, but you just saw the scene. Chance was the one who suggested we give her a shot and frankly, she's… she's amazing. She nailed it."

"You've got to be kidding me." Jillian narrowed her eyes toward Chance and shook her head. "Wait, I know, Ashton Kutcher is about to jump out from behind that door, right? I'm being punked… or… or… Victoria put you up to this. That's got to be it. This sounds so like something she'd do." Looking around the room, she hoped for some indication from anyone that this was a joke. When they all stared back at her with blank expressions, she pleaded, "Please, please tell me that's what's going on here."

"No, we're serious." Paul sighed. "Look, let us show you that scene with Lindsey as a comparison and you'll—"

"Don't bother. I don't need to see it." After giggling a little manically, she lifted her palms in the air. "Any other surprises I should know about, huh?"

"No," Paul replied.

"Oh, I figured next you'd be telling me she's also taking over Amanda's part as well. Yeah, that's it... let's have her also play
me
." Jillian rose up from her chair and pointed to herself with both hands and her eyes widened like a crazy person.

No one else made a sound.

"That would be something." Holding her head high, Jillian spoke in an absurdly deep announcer voice. "In dual roles as both the old mother and the young
skank
... Miss Brookhart stole the show in what critics are calling an age-defying, Oscar-worthy tour de force."

After another awkward five seconds of silence, Paul sighed. "Look, Jillian you've got to admit she's really good."

"I don't have to admit anything."

Liz stood and walked over to Jillian. "We want you to be okay with this. This is not some conspiracy against you."

"Well, it sorta feels like one." She sighed, paused for a moment scanning all their unsupportive faces then walked out of the room.

Jillian rushed to her car, got in and gripped the steering wheel tightly as she closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. She opened her eyes, grumbled some expletives then started the car. Driving home like a woman possessed, she could have been pulled over pretty much the entire way. When she somehow pulled into her driveway safely, she shook her head and sighed. As she went over all that happened, her angry look, morphed into a frown then a smile then she finally broke into a chuckle. "Geez, what am I doing? I've got more important things to worry about."

She pulled her iPhone from her purse and dialed a number. When Paul answered, she asked. "Are you still with everyone?"

"Yes, we're all here."

"Good, could you put me on speaker?"

"Okay, you're on," Paul replied.

"I'm sorry… I know this isn’t a conspiracy against me." She cleared her throat. "I'm hopped up on so many hormones right now, that, uh… I would just like to apologize for that outburst."

"That's okay," Paul replied.

"Brian and I are actually going in tomorrow for another fertility procedure and it's been a long road and this, I don't know, seemed a little shocking."

Paul asked, "Jillian, are you going to be okay with this?"

"I want what everyone wants… whatever's best for this film."

"We really think this is the best option available."

"Okay, I'm... I'm fine with this." Jillian replied.

"Great."

"Good luck tomorrow," Liz said.

"Thank you."

"Brian?" Jillian walked into the foyer and tossed her purse onto a chair. "Brian?" Heading to the kitchen, she spotted the counter a mess and sighed. "Where are you?"

Brian strolled into the house through the patio door and smiled. "You're home."

"Yeah, I see you've been making a mess." She frowned.

"You know I always make a mess when I cook."

"I really need a drink, but we’ve got the thing tomorrow and I'm so stressed out right now."

"What happened?" Moving to her, he gave her a kiss on the lips.

"You're not going to believe this, but Natalie—"

The buzzer went off on the oven and he headed over and shut it off. "Dinner's ready. Why don’t you go up and change and meet me outside, then you can tell me."

"Okay." She sighed.

A few minutes later, Jillian walked out to the patio to discover Brian sitting at the table impeccably set with their good china, a bottle of Pellegrino and two plates of his breaded chicken over pasta dish— one of her favorites.

"This looks amazing."

Rising up, he held her chair out for her and she sat down. She squeezed the lime into her drink and took a sip. "You've been busy."

"That's not jar sauce either." He smiled, smugly.

"Wow. I'm starving."

She cut a bite sized piece of chicken with her knife then twirled some angle hair around her fork before skewering it and bringing it to her mouth. "Yummm."

He took a bite then asked, "So you were saying something about Natalie?"

"You're never going to believe this, but Lindsey's out. Natalie's now taking over for her." She lifted her palms up and scoffed. "She's actually playing herself in the movie."

"Holy shit. Are you okay?"

She took a sip from her glass then dipped a slice of Italian bread on her plate. "At first I'm going to say I may have had a bit of a negative reaction in front of the producers, oh and Chance Hart."

"Negative reaction, huh?"

"More like a meltdown… I may have used the C-word."

"Wow, the C-word."

"Multiple times… in the same sentence."

"Okay, you never say that."

"I know." They shared a nod.

He shrugged. "Well, I'm sure Chance has heard it before and they're all Hollywood people so they're used to all the cursing. I've seen Entourage, so I know about this stuff." He put on a mock smug expression that morphed into a laugh.

She shook her head, giggling. "You're probably, right."

"I can't believe they did that without checking with you first. Next they'll probably have her play you in the movie too."

"That's what I said!"

"So… you don't seem to be freaking out about this. What's up with that?"

"Sitting in the driveway, I just realized I'm not that upset about it anymore. They showed me a scene that they filmed with her and she was really, sorta good in it. She's got great chemistry with Chance and, you know, I couldn't stand Lindsey. Never liked her."

"Wow, okay." He took a sip from his drink and wiped his mouth. "And you're not on any Valium or pot or…"

"Shut up." She giggled. "Look, I don’t think I'll be having her over for dinner any time soon and if she comes on to you again I think I'll have to slap her across the face, but yeah, I think I'm actually okay with this."

"I'm really proud of you."

"Yeah, me too." She sounded a bit unsure. After looking across the backyard at the pool, she returned her attention to him. "Now, I still haven't actually seen her on the set and when I do there's no guarantee that I won't snap and try to strangle her."

He shrugged. "Let's just call that plan B."

"I'm good with that."

Smiling, he held his glass out for her. "To… to… to putting things behind us."

"Yes and to fertilizing this egg tomorrow." She clinked her glass against his and they both took a sip.

"Oh, God yes. Please let that happen. You know, I read that during a certain part of a woman's pregnancy they get super horny. I'd like to be around for that."

"I'll bet."

They each took a bite of chicken. He smiled. "This is pretty good. I'm so glad I didn't screw it up."

She nodded in agreement. "You totally deserve some good sex for this meal. Too bad, we can't tonight."

"Yeah, but I didn't do it for the sex." He held his head high, mockingly.

"Why'd you do it then?" She asked, playfully.

"Because I'm so crazy about you that when I'm not with you, I'm just thinking of ways that I can make your day a little bit brighter."

"Oh, that's so sweet." She gave him a smile.

"You know what? You should have pretended to be upset about this Natalie thing. You totally could have used that to get a foot rub or a back rub. Hell, you probably could have played it up all the way and gotten a full body."

"Why didn't I think of that?" After taking a sip from her glass, she leaned back in her seat and grimaced. "You know, my back really does hurt a little."

"It does?"

"Yes, I've got that procedure tomorrow and I'm just so stressed out about it."

He looked concerned. "Why don't you relax and take a hot bath later, then maybe I'll give you a little rub." He held his hand up and frowned. "But keep those panties on. I don't want you wiggling that adorable little naked ass in my face. You know, I've got to save everything for tomorrow."

"What did I do to deserve you?" She shook her head and looked at him dreamily.

"I really don't know." Tapping his chin with his index finger, he put on a sad expression. "But maybe next week you'll come up with some way to thank me."

She placed her hand on his and stroked it softly. "Oh, I'm already thinking of two ways."

He pulled his hand from hers and put on a straight face. "I'm serious stop that. I just got a little hard."

"Really?"

"Yes, he's very sensitive to your touch and all this sexual innuendo talk is, um… He's not like you, he can't just turn it on and off like that."

"Are we really talking about your penis right now?"

"Yes, yes we are." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and groaned. "God, now he's really, ouch." Reaching down, he adjusted his crotch.

"Sorry."

"I'm going to have to watch Sports Center or something to get rid of this."

"You poor baby."

"Maybe if we just stop talking about him, he'll calm back down."

"Okay, yeah, let's change the subject. How about Leigh, the receptionist at the fertility clinic? Let's talk about her. Didn’t you say that even if she was the last woman on earth you still wouldn't sleep with her?"

"Do you mean Shaquille O'Neal?" He maintained a straight face.

"What?" She giggled.

"Yeah, she's the white, female Shaq."

She bent over cracking up and clutching her stomach while tears streamed down her smiling face. After she pulled herself together, she said, "Okay, maybe she is a bit tall, but come on."

"Yeah, what would you call a white woman who's seven feet tall, as big and strong as a Russian power lifting champion and whose hands are three times the size of mine." He widened his eyes waiting.