Fractured Affections (The Affections Series Book 1) (8 page)

I give a small smile, like I’m happy for her, but I know this is just another day in the life of Riley. This man will be everything she ever wanted when all he probably wanted was sex. I hate the repetitive cycle she continues to move through. I wish for her to find stability and happiness with someone who loves her. As wild and crazy as she may be, she is my best friend. One of my only friends really, and I hate to see her hurt. It also scares the shit out of me that she continues to go home with random men that she just met.

“Well, tell me about him then,” I say, resting my elbows on the table.

“First of all, he is super tall with that sexy just got out of bed hair that I can grab a hold of. His eyes are a beautiful mocha color and his face is so masculine with light stubble, but his body is the real treat. I’ve never been with a man built like him before in my life.” She slumps back in her seat with a dreamy look on her face.

“He sounds very handsome, but has he taken you out to dinner or anything, or just back to his place?”

This snaps her right out of her daze. She sits straight up giving me an annoyed look. “Look, Rea, it’s hard to date these days. You never had to as an adult because you and Dalton were married so young. I’m trying, okay, but most men don’t offer up fancy dinners.”

“I know it’s probably hard to find a nice man, but most men are not going to offer to take you out for dinner if you are offering to go at it the first night you meet.”

“Shut up, Rea! I’m really excited about this guy. He seemed so lonely and sad, the times I ran into him, but when we get back to my place it seems to relieve some of whatever he is going through. He’s the only guy I’ve been with recently, who hasn’t rushed right out of the door, and that has to mean something. Maybe he enjoys me for more than sex.”

I reach across the table and lay my hand over hers. “I’m not trying to bust your bubble. I just worry about you is all. I love you and only want what’s best for you and for you to be happy.”

A smile touches her lips. “I am happy.”

“Okay then, tell me more.”

“The first night we met, we were both a little tipsy, so by the time we got back to my place there was no talking. I barely made it through the door before he was slamming me against a wall and tearing all my clothes off. He has this aggressive passion about him that just makes the sex so good.”

Damn, she has no standards. I bet they barely talked at the bar, too. It’s so hard for me to understand. I really try not to judge. She’s right. I did marry young. The only people I have ever been with physically are Dalton and Striker. Maybe I’m just a prude, but it sounds so trashy to take a man home within hours of meeting him.

Her voice drops to a whisper as she continues so surrounding ears cannot hear. “I have never been fucked like this before. He fucks me so hard, but in a good way. God, after the first time, I woke up with faint bruises from his big hands gripping me so hard. Afterward we just laid there; he actually stroked my hair and thanked me for helping him clear his mind.”

“Wow, what? He thanked you for helping him clear his mind, and you think there is potential there?” I ask and my voice raises a little, drawing some eyes our way.

“I know you don’t get it, but I’m not as lucky as you. Maybe if he can rely on me for something like clearing his mind, then he may need me in his life.  We have gotten together a couple times over the last two weeks, “she says with a shrug.

“Okay, you’re right. I don’t get it. If you want to tell me more, I won’t say a word. Please go on, I know you have been dying to tell me about him. You were so excited when I walked through the door. I don’t want to ruin it for you, so I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Well, the other two times he came over the sex was just as crazy. I have never come so hard in my life. I didn’t think I would be able to walk the next day, after this last time. He had me bent over the bed pounding away, while pulling tightly on my hair.”

I’m trying really hard not to stare at her, with my mouth hanging open, as I hear her talk about her sexcapades with this man that she doesn’t even know.

“I never thought I would like it rough like that, but he certainly has changed my mind. He had this way of making angry sex desirable, and Rea, he is hung like no man I have ever seen.”

I need to quickly change the direction of this conversation because I don’t know how to respond to her. “So, what type of work does he do?”

Riley’s face changes from total excitement to dumbstruck. “I…I don’t know. We never talked about it.”

“Oh. Alright, well how old is he, has he lived around here long?”

“I would say late twenties, early thirties. He did mention that he moved to town a short time ago and didn’t know many people around here.”

She must know something about this man. “Where does he live? Is his home nice?”

She thinks for a minute before responding. “Well, we have only been to my place, but I think he mentioned something about staying with a friend, while he works on getting his own place.”

“What’s his name? I at least want to know who you are out with if something happens.”

She looks shocked with this question. I swear if she doesn’t know his name I’m going to kill her. How the hell do you have sex with a man, multiple times, without even knowing his name? I’m sure he knows more about her than he cares to. How does she do this to herself?

“Ummm…..”

“You don’t know, do you?” I ask with concern.

“No, I don’t. Shit! What is wrong with me, Rea?” she asks and her voice shakes.

“Riley, nothing is wrong with you. You’re just longing for someone to share your life with. I know you would love to give Kiley a father that she deserves. You just need to change your approach.”

“All I want is for Kiley to have what all of her friends have, two parents at home who love her. It all started before Kiley though. If I wasn’t like this, then I wouldn’t have had a child out of marriage.”

Riley does need help, but I have no idea how you fix this. For me the solution is simple, you don’t sleep with random people, but I have never even dated really, so who am I to offer her dating advice?

“Listen, Ri, maybe you should just take a break from men, for a while. Let yourself have that extra time with Kiley, she loves you to death. I don’t even think she feels like she’s missing anything without a father. Find some special things that the two of you can do together to replace the time that you spend out trying to find a man. Maybe if you are not out in the bars, you won’t have to worry about fighting the urge to take another man home.”

I watch as Riley tries to hold back tears. I hate to see her upset. She is so much stronger than she gives herself credit for. She stands on her own two feet. I wish I could be more independent like her.

“Riley, you are an amazing mother. You love your daughter so much and are able to provide for her without anyone’s help. Start loving yourself the way the rest of us love you.”

I hate that I go through this so frequently with her. She always hates herself by the end of our conversation. With Dalton gone, I need to put more time into checking on her and keeping her busy and focused on just letting things happen. She is not going to find anything good by looking for Mr. Right in a bar.

We keep the rest of our conversation a little lighter and just discuss the kids, and how I’m doing with Dalton being gone. As we head out to our cars, my phone rings with a number I don’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me, Striker. I just wanted to see if tonight was good for you and the boys. It’s supposed to be nice this evening, no chance of rain of anything. Are you guys free?”

“Yeah, hold on Striker, I was just saying goodbye to my friend.” I move the phone away from my ear and hug Riley goodbye, promising to call her tonight.

“Striker, are you still there?”

“Yeah, so would tonight work for you guys? I think the boys will like it. The younger ones may have to ride with someone, but it should still be fun. They have batting cages and ice cream, too.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine, I will try to make an early dinner, so we can be ready. What time would you like to go? We just need to be back by eight, so the boys can get ready for bed because it’s a school night.”

“Is five or five thirty good?”

“Perfect, I’ll see you at the house later then.” I can’t believe I agreed to this. My rattled brain was not paying attention when he asked to take us out. I slide into the driver’s seat of my car, lean my head back, and close my eyes.

What am I so afraid of? So, Striker is going to spend time with the boys. It’s no big deal. Right? It might be easier on me to think of the boys spending time with him, if every conversation we have did not end in disaster. Hopefully, we can pull it together and not argue in front of the kids.

Once I arrive home, I head into the office, trailed by my two dogs. The leather chair squeaks as I settle in at my desk. Things are organized differently now that Dalton is gone, and it’s actually easier on me to get everything finished.  Shuffling through my stack of papers, I realize Dalton has not sent me one thing from the job he’s on. I don’t know what’s going on with him down there, but he’s really behind with sending me the things I need so that I can do my end of the work.

I never did hear from him last night, except for a text saying he would try to call me today. It worries me if he’s too tired to call. He doesn’t ever skip out on talking to us. The man works entirely too much. Which will lead to skipped meals and complete exhaustion, and he doesn’t realize it, until it’s taken a toll on him physically.

I just need to get this last entry in, and I’m done for the day. I feel closer to Dalton in here. I look around at the dark gray walls, where shelves are hung to hold pictures of our family; ones with Dalton and the boys from over the years, either fishing or at their sports events. I can’t help but smile. He is an awesome father considering how busy he is.

There’s more of Dalton and myself, but my favorite sits on his desk. It was taken years ago, after I finally faced my problems and depression and I could be whole again. It was the day that I finally gave him my heart.

I pick the picture up and look at it closely. I can’t even remember who caught this moment, but it is a perfect shot. We are facing each other with our noses touching. Dalton is staring down into my eyes with the brightest smile on his face, while holding my face between his strong hands. I have tears rolling down my cheeks, but the best part is that these tears were the first happy tears that I had cried since before Striker left. This picture represents my freedom from all the pain and my acceptance of the passion that Dalton and I could share. This was the day that I finally felt at home.

I smile to myself as I take the picture in. I can remember how it felt the first time he kissed me after that. The softness of his lips pressed firmly to mine, and even though, the kiss did not turn into anything overly erotic, it was one of the best kisses of my life. I finally let myself feel the love that Dalton had for me. I felt it in the deepest part of my soul. Even after the love I shared with Striker, I had never felt a love so deep and so true. I clung to that love with everything I had and let it heal me.

I’ve had some trouble with depression over the years, but never let myself fall so deeply into that hole again. I have to be stronger than that. Life can change any minute and we have no control. I became strong for my children. They deserve a mother that is whole and full of life. Not the person that I was for so long, after Striker left. Maybe that’s why I was so angry with him for so many years. I put my depression issues in his hands, made them his fault, and that’s not fair. I hold my happiness in my hands; it’s in my control.

I hope that tonight we can go and have fun with the boys and break free from the chains of our past. After his explosive episode the other night, he is obviously tortured by what happened. It’s time for him to find happiness, too. He deserves a love and a family, like I have found with Dalton.

I move to the brown leather sofa, across from the desk and lie back. Our dog, Bear, comes over to rest his head on my stomach. I slowly stroke the soft brown fur between his eyes and stare at my phone, willing it to ring or alert me that I have received a text. I know Dalton is probably in the middle of work, but I worry when I don’t hear from him. After fighting with myself about whether or not to disturb him, I decide to call through Facetime. Not only do I miss his voice, but I miss his face and his beautiful blue eyes that always crinkle slightly when he smiles.

The phone rings a few times before he answers, and his face appears on the small screen. He looks at me and there it is. That smile that I have been longing to see, but it’s overshadowed by the dark circles that wrap around his eyes. He looks so pale. My eyes widen as I take him in. “Dalton, are you doing alright? You look terrible. Have you been sleeping at all?”

“Well thanks, Rea,” he says, as he bends his head down and looks away from the camera of his phone.

“Dalton, look at me. You know I’m not trying to be rude. I’m concerned. If this job is too much, then you need to find someone else to take it over and come home.” I run my finger along the screen wishing I could reach through and touch his skin.

“It’s alright, Rea. I just had a stomach bug or something, baby. I’ll be okay. I know I look terrible, but you don’t need to worry. I just want you to focus on staying positive with me gone, for the boys.”

I don’t respond right away, I only stare at my husband and how terrible he looks. I hate that I’m not with him to take care of him. “If you need me, maybe I can come visit you for a weekend. I know it’s far-fetched, but maybe my mom could come stay with the boys for a weekend, and I can fly out to see you.”

He shakes his head. “No, my sweet Rea. Stay with the boys. They don’t need both of us gone.”

“Dalt- “He cuts me off before I can say more.

“Listen, I talked to Striker earlier. He said that you agreed to let him take you and the boys to ride go carts.”

“Yeah, I did. I thought the boys would like that.”