Four Doors Down (21 page)

He shrugs. “Someone has to.”

My jaw gapes open. I’d heard he was good but still. “Like to the NFL?”

He laughs at the expression on my face. “You know I’m all state, right?”

“You know I don’t know what that means, right?”

He shakes his head, his eyes twinkling. “It means I do okay.”

Wow. I had no idea he was aiming so high. But then why would I? I lean toward him and nudge him with my shoulder, something that I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing only a couple of weeks ago but now feels totally natural. “Well, remember your old neighbor when you’re an NFL superstar.”

His eyes find mine and his gaze is so intense I daren’t look away. “You really think that’s all you are to me? My neighbor?” My mouth opens, but no words come out. He turns to look back out to the ocean. “I’m not likely to ever forget you, Becca.”

I clear my throat wondering how it went from relaxed and comfortable to awkward and tense in about two seconds flat.

“It’ll be weird, us not going to the same school, won’t it?” He says suddenly. His tone is lighter and I’m relieved he’s changing the subject. “I mean, we’ve been at the same school forever.”

I shrug. That’s true, we have always been at the same school since kindergarten, but it’s not as if we’re friendly anymore and talk to each other every day or anything. I wouldn’t say it would be weird.

“Are you nervous?” I ask.

He looks at me in surprise. “About college? No, why?”

“I dunno, you just, you know, have it all wrapped up at MacAllister. Everyone knows you, you can do whatever you want. I just thought you might be sad to leave it.”

“You think I can’t survive past high school?”

“Oh come on, Ryan. You know what I mean. You can do what you want at our school. All the guys have your back, you can get any girl you want.”

He looks out to sea. “Not any girl.”

I shrug. I’m not about to start feeding his ego. He knows the effect he has on the girls at school; he doesn’t need it clarified.

“You know that’s all bullshit, don’t you?” he asks suddenly.

“What?”

“Popularity or whatever it is that you mean.”

“Oh, I’m aware it’s bullshit, Ryan. It’s just the rest of the school that seems to care,” I say bitterly.

“I’ll miss a lot of the guys, but we’ll keep in touch, and I think Jake might end up in Cali too.”

“You mean you’ll still have to deal with Kevin Wilson next year?” I tease.

“Becca, I haven’t spoken to Kevin since that day he grabbed you. He’s an asshole.”

I look at him in surprise. I mean, I know he’s an ass, but I thought he and Ryan were friends. Now that I come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve seen them together recently, not that I pay that much attention, but he hasn’t been around my locker, or when I saw them at Sal’s.

I look around and notice a couple of college age guys looking over at Ryan. I’d seen them looking earlier too. I nod in their direction. “Do you know those guys?” I ask. “They keep looking over.”

Ryan turns to look and the guys immediately look away. Ryan smirks. “They’re not looking at me, Becca.”

I screw my face up, confused. He sighs and rolls his eyes.

“They’re looking at you because they think you’re hot.”

Wait, what?
I look over at the guys and they’re looking at us again. One of them smiles at me.

Ryan chuckles. “You really don’t see it, do you? Look, Kevin Wilson didn’t just know who you are because I joke around. He knows who you are because he thinks you’re hot. Most of the guys on the team are perfectly aware of who you are. Trust me.” My jaw falls open. This is sounding seriously close to Ryan paying me a compliment. I’m almost expecting him to follow it up with an insult or a joke, but he doesn’t. “You just don’t give anyone the time of day to talk to you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” I mumble, suddenly embarrassed.

“That’s why it’s so annoying that you’re with that dick when you could easily get someone else.”

My head snaps around to face him, but he’s still staring out into the distance.

“Are you talking about Charlie?” I ask sharply.

He looks at me. “Oh come on, Becca. He ditches you at a party when you’re wasted, paws all over you in front of us to prove that you’re his and won’t hang out with your cousin. The guy’s a jackass.”

My jaw falls open in shock. “What the hell, Ryan? You know nothing about Charlie.”

“I just think you can do better is all.”

“Oh really? You do? Well, the day you have a successful relationship is the day you can lecture me about mine. What is your record, anyway? Two months?” I sneer.

He doesn’t respond, just glares at me angrily. I’m so mad my hands are shaking.
How dare he say these things to me!
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” I carry on. “They don’t have to be your girlfriend for you to treat them like shit, do they? Just use them for sex whenever you feel like it, then move on.”

He scowls. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh no? Then why don’t you call up Jessica Murphy and ask her how she feels about you, huh? I know you’ve been hooking up with her but only when it suits you, right? Only when you’re bored or at a loose end?” Wow. I
must
be mad if I’m sticking up for Jessica Murphy.

“Shut up, Becca.”

“No, you shut up, Ryan! Jesus, you have a go at Charlie for leaving me for a gig at a party and kissing his girlfriend in front of a few people when all you do it treat girls like crap.”

I stand up and haul my bag up off the ground, sand flying everywhere.

“You are so self-absorbed, Becca!” he explodes angrily, standing up to face me. “You can’t even see what’s right in front of you. You can’t see anything past Charlie. Do you know how annoying that is? I’m trying to help you!”

“I don’t need your help. Charlie and I are fine and even if we weren’t, it’s none of your damn business.”

I turn and start storming away from him as fast as I can, shouting over my shoulder that I’ll find my own way home. I’m so angry I reach the sidewalk in record time. Where the hell does he get off saying that stuff to me? Why did he have to do that? I should never have gone with him today. I knew better and I still let him talk me into it. And then he went and ruined it.

Again.

I’m so annoyed with him I could hit him, but I’m annoyed at myself too. It was stupid to think we could be friends again. Stupid to think he could behave like an actual decent human being. And what’s really, really annoyed me more than anything else, is realizing that he still has the power to upset me. I still care enough to be upset.

I
’m in a booth at Sal’s with Charlie, Sam, and Chris. I personally didn’t want to come to Sal’s, it’s too much of a MacAllister hang out for my liking, and since I’m trying to avoid all the idiots in my school I wanted to go somewhere else, but Chris insisted it’s the best pizza in town. So here we are.

I can’t help but grin as Sam laughs at some joke that Chris just cracked. She looks so happy. Sam’s always been an amazing friend to me. Ever since she sat with me that lunchtime in middle school after Ryan ditched me, she’s always been there for me one hundred percent. We’ve never come right out and said that we’re BFF’s, we never sat down for that discussion, but she’s definitely my best friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without her.

She laughs again at something Chris has said, louder this time and she looks over at me to see my reaction. I positively beam at her. She’s so happy, so carefree. It wasn’t always the case.

Just before Christmas in our junior year, I had walked out of Spanish class after last period one day to see Ryan Jackson leaning against the lockers across from the classroom. I didn’t even bother acknowledging him as he pushed himself away from the lockers and moved toward me as I walked down the hall. “Becca,” I had carried on walking, ignoring him, thinking that he probably just wanted to send an insult my way. “Becca.” He reached out and grabbed my arm pulling me around.

“What?” I demanded, annoyed.

“It’s Sam. You need to come with me.”

I followed him down the hall, out a side entrance and across the back school fields. We were walking further and further away from the school, down toward the end of the premises toward some sheds where they stored equipment for sports. I was starting to worry. Sam hadn’t been herself for a couple of weeks; she was much quieter than usual and had seemed really preoccupied. When I tried to talk to her about it, she’d just dismissed it and disappeared. She’d been skipping lunch and I really hadn’t seen her much. Whenever I tried to make plans, she said she was too busy studying.

As we turned the corner by the last shed, I saw a couple of Ryan’s friends standing there looking behind them. When I walked past them, I saw Sam sitting on the ground further down, leaning against the wall and curled up in the fetal position. Jake stood awkwardly next to her, touching her shoulder. She was crying uncontrollably.

“Shit,” I muttered, dropping my bag and running over to her. I tapped her on the shoulder and when she saw it was me, she started to cry harder. I had sunk down next to her, wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a hug, letting her get it all out.

I remember being scared. This wasn’t like Sam. She was so levelheaded and so calm; something terrible must have happened. I was almost too scared to ask. I tried to calm her down, telling her it was okay and that everything was alright, but she couldn’t stop crying.

I looked up and saw Ryan and his friends standing further away, watching us.

“Go away,” I snapped. The last thing Sam needed was an audience and with this crowd, Sam’s meltdown would be all over the school within an hour. “There’s nothing to see. She’s fine. Totally fine.”

I turned back to Sam and when I looked up again, they’d all left.

“What happened?” I asked her when she seemed to be calming down. There were still tears, but she had her breathing under control now.

“I can’t do it, Becca,” she whispered. “I can’t do it.”

“Do what?”

She had reached for her bag and pulled out a few pieces of paper. It was an algebra test. There was a C grade scrawled across the top in red pen.

I got it.

Sam is incredibly intelligent. As in top of our class intelligent and will probably be valedictorian. Her parents are both highly successful. Her mom is a top surgeon at the local hospital and her dad is a professor of literature at Berkeley. Her oldest brother was valedictorian and got into Harvard and is going on to study at medical school. Her other brother was also valedictorian and got into Georgetown, and he’s planning on attending law school after he graduates. Sam is fully expected to be at the top of our class, get into one of the country’s top universities, then graduate with a brilliant career ahead of her.

The pressure was immense.

Our SAT’s were coming up and I knew that she’d been hammering the books. Turns out, it was much worse than I thought. She’d been studying until two in the morning every night and getting up at five to get in a couple of hours before the start of school. She was physically and mentally exhausted. She had to ace the SAT’s, she had to make her parents proud and when she got that C grade, it sent her over the edge. She couldn’t cope with the pressure. God, no one could. She just wanted to please her family and make them proud but the expectation on her was huge.

“This doesn’t mean anything, Sam. You’ve got this, okay? Sam? You are going to be okay.”

She took a deep breath and nodded at me. I looked around, trying to figure out what the best thing to do was. Sam needed to get out of here and she needed to talk to someone about the pressure she was under and how she was feeling. Unfortunately, that day I didn’t have my car, and Sam wasn’t in a good enough state to drive herself. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get her home.

I helped her stand and wrapped my arm around her, letting her lean on me for support. She was so exhausted it was an effort for her to even walk. We walked around the corner of the shed to head back toward school and standing there was Jake and Ryan. They hadn’t left with the others.

I turned to Jake. “Can you give us a ride?” I asked him, ignoring Ryan as usual. “I don’t have my car and need to get her home.”

He nodded and turned to walk toward the parking lot. We followed him, but then I turned back to Ryan, who was watching us leave. I left Sam to follow Jake and moved toward Ryan.

“Who saw her? Who was with you when you found her?” I didn’t even want to know what they’d been doing all the way down here.

“Me, Jake, Mason and John. Bianca and Katie.” I nodded. “Sadie Whitaker, too.” I screwed my face up at that. “She’s a sophomore,” he explained.

“Right. I need to go find them then. You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? She doesn’t need everyone gossiping about her, Ryan, not right now. Don’t tell anyone and I’ll go tell everyone else.”

I turned to walk away and he’d held out his arm to stop me.

“I’ll tell them. No one will say anything. I promise.” When I turned back to look at him, he looked deadly serious. I nodded, thinking I really should be with Sam rather than tracking down potential gossips and turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm again. “Is she okay?” he asked with genuine concern in his eyes.