Forgive Me (25 page)

Zander’s dad leaves the room, and as Justin starts to pass by he gives me a tight hug. He whispers, “You smell like cigarettes.”

I look away, embarrassed. “I was at a bar and grill, then I got a ride with someone who smokes. No worries, I didn’t smoke.”

He laughs. “Didn’t think you did, mom. But I’m glad to see you here.” His voice so very soft and my heart warms. Does everyone want me to break up this wedding? Or am I just assuming things here? Either way, that is what I’m going to attempt to do, and I hope Zander doesn’t hate me forever for it.

I close the door behind me and face Zander, who is currently turned in the opposite direction. His forehead is placed against the wall, and by his body language, I know for a fact this is the last thing he wants to be doing right now. Not that I can blame him, but I’m intoxicated, heartbroken, scared, and in love. This has to be done.

“Zander,” I start my speech, “showing up the way I did last night, it was uncalled for. Showing up here right now, its even worse. I know it is. But please, understand my reasoning. I love you, I’ve always loved you, and I truly believe you marrying her is going to be a huge mistake. Please, Zander, don’t marry her. Don’t. I’ll beg you for the next forty minutes. I’ll do anything I can to stop this from happening. You don’t deserve her, she isn’t good enough for you. She never will be.”

He turns his head to the side, so I can see the profile of his face. He doesn’t face me, instead looks straight ahead to where the closet is, but I can actually hear him when he speaks. “And you think you deserve me? After everything you’ve done.”

“No. I don’t deserve you, Zander. I know I never will. But I’ll love you better. I’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and we can be… be a family.” I wring my hands together and look down, nervous about saying this, even with the liquid courage.

He sighs and I can feel him start to approach. His hands grab my cheeks and he pulls my head up to face him. “I’ve been with Emerson for three years, Lex. Three years. She loves me, I love her, and I didn’t just rush into this with her. We’ve gotten to know each other. We live together. We’ve worked through all our arguments. We’ve learned to cherish one another. She stuck by me when you showed up with my child, and she never made me feel like shit about it. She encouraged me to get to know him better. She has been good to me. So please, explain to me why she isn’t good enough for me, and no damn bullshit about her being a cheater.”

I’m surprised to hear a softness in his tone. He isn’t being an asshole about everything, he truly wants to know. It hurts he doesn’t believe me about her cheating, but then again, I’m sure he thought I was playing some sort of jealously game.

Nothing I can say will matter at his point, so I lean up on my toes and press my lips to his as hard as I can. His body tenses, but only for a second, and as I wrap my arms around his waist, he pulls me closer to him, deepening the kiss with his tongue.

I can’t help but melt into him. I turn our bodies around and walk towards the bed. When Zander’s legs hit the bed, he falls back and I fall with him, straddling his waist as he lays completely onto his back. His hands travel from my cheek, down my shoulders and arms, until they reach my hips.

Without much thought, my body naturally starts to grind down onto him. I can feel he wants more, as all of a sudden I can feel him harden between my legs. My core heats up even more and I can feel myself become wet. I don’t put anything thought into when I reach down and pulled my shirt from my body, my mouth pulling away from Zander’s for only a quick second. I toss my shirt onto the floor and reach behind me, unbuckling my bra and sliding it down my arms, throwing it to meet my shirt on the floor.

I can feel the rough growl deep inside Zander’s throat. He approves of my stripping, and that thought gives me courage to reach behind me to Zander’s hands. I pull them with me, pressing them against my bare breasts. I don’t have to do anymore, because his takes charge, massaging my breasts willingly and it feels amazing.

A moan escapes my mouth and Zander has no problem swallowing it. Our mouths separate and he starts sucking on my bottom lip as I arch into his touch. His mouth moves down my chin as he starts nibbling at my skin, sucking lightly at my neck.

“Zander,” I moan out. “Oh my God!”

“Shh,” he whispers against my skin. Our bodies turn so quickly, I let out a small giggle but easily turn serious again when Zander presses his erection into my parted legs. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” he states with a gravelly voice.

My breathing picks up to an embarrassing pace, but I don’t mind because everything seems right in the world, even with Zander’s words. I ignore them and reach down to undo his pants. He takes over quickly, and gets his pants as well as his boxers pulled down completely. He pulls at the button on my shorts as well, pulling them down with my underwear. His face comes down and he kisses at my mound, licking at the slit between my legs before making his way up my body.

Every kiss, every lick, every touch is magical. My hips start to grind into Zander’s body and he chuckles against my neck. “Hold on, I just had to get a good taste of you first.” His mouth lands back on mine and our bodies line up perfectly. His erection teases my entrance and I can feel myself needing him more and more each second that passes. I wrap my legs around him and try to force him forward.

I can feel his lips lift into a smile through our kiss. His hands go down and push on my hips, making them stay in place. One hand goes between our bodies and he grabs himself, guiding his cock to rub me up and down, spreading my wetness everywhere before he slowly pushes the head of his cock into me.

The amount of pleasure I feel just at that is outstanding. I need all of him, right now. He pulls his mouth away and touches his nose to mine. Putting both hands on my hips again, making me stay completely still, he pushes forth the rest of the way, completely filling me up.

My body arches up into him, my head falling back in pleasure. He kisses at my chin before pulling his body back and pushing into me again.
Shit, this is the most amazing feeling in the world.
It’s pure pleasure, pure ecstasy. Pure… love.

I can feel the love between us. I want this to last forever.

We continue making love, and even though I never want to stop, my body has different plans. Tingles start so deep in my stomach and I feel them tightening inside me in a new way. A way I don’t think I’ve discovered yet. My mouth opens wider as a moan escapes, but Zander deepens our kiss, not allowing me to be too loud.

Just as I start to tighten around him, I can feel his body tense. We come together and I feel that much more connected to him. He mouth leaves mine and goes down to my ear and I listen to him pant out his breaths as he finishes getting off. I close my eyes and fall into a complete euphoric bliss. Nothing in the world has felt more impeccable than this moment right here.

But it quickly fades when he pulls out of me and stands. Zander reaches down and grabs my clothing, tossing them at me before grabbing his own. He pulls everything up and buttons his pants while I slowly get dressed as well.

Once I’m finished, I walk over and wrap my arms around Zander, feeling a little guilty but happy that my mission is accomplished. They’re not getting married, and hopefully this means that Zander is now mine. We can finally work on being a family.

Then Zander steps back from me and looks away, running one of his hands over the top of his head. “You should probably go, Lexi.”

“W-what?” I stutter.

He grabs the jacket to his tux and slides it on before walking over to the mirror. I watch, completely flabbergasted. “You got what you wanted. Now, I have a wedding to get to.”

I absolutely hate the fact

That no one else has the ability to break me,

Or to make me feel happy like you do.

You are the only person who can ruin my day,

And you are the only person who can fix it.

–WC

              As soon as Zander leaves the room, Bray comes rushing in and looks at me, immediately knowing I didn’t stop the wedding. She comes over and pulls into her arms, hugging me close. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. What happened? You were in here almost twenty minutes, I thought for sure you were getting somewhere with him.”

              I start to sob against her shoulder. I’ve never felt so used. I’ve never felt so angry, or so sad, or so helpless. Right in this moment, I actually believe that I hate Zander. How can he just make love with me, completely bare- again- then he just leaves me minutes later to go marry someone else. This isn’t the Zander I knew. This isn’t the Zander I fell in love with. The Zander I knew and loved was anything but selfish and an ass.

              Once I’m able to catch my breath a little, I tell Bray. “We had sex then he said I needed to leave so he could marry her.” I’m not sure how much she understood, because with the tears and my face pressed into his shoulders, my voice is muffled.

              She pulls back and grabs my shoulders, giving me no option but to face her. “He did
what?
” she nearly yells.

              “Had sex with me.”

              “And he is still going to marry her?”

              I nod my head shamefully, looking down at our feet.

              “Oh, hell no.” Bray turns on her hells and marches out of the room before I have time to even attempt in stopping her. I rush after her, nervous about how this is going to play out.

              I hear her yell out, “Zander fucking Fields.”

I come around the corner and see him paused at the door, ready to walk outside. Bray marches after him and I walk faster. “Stop, Bray, stop. It’s okay. He made his choice.”

She ignores me completely as she yells out, “Who the hell do you think you are, having sex with Lexi then leaving her in the room to go marry Emerson? I never thought of you to being this much of a prick! How about you turn your ass around and at least fucking apologize!”

His head drops but he doesn’t say anything. I stand here, frozen in place, watching the train wreck before my eyes.

Bray continues after a minute, stepping closer to Zander. “How are you going to look your bride in the eyes, and say I do, when you just screwed someone else? That’s a way to start a freaking marriage, huh?” She tosses her hands into the air. “Well, guess what, your relationship has been screwed all along, because that fiancé of yours is a whore. So I guess you two belong together. Congrats, well wishes, all those other congratulatory things. Best of luck to the two of you.”

Zander pushes on the screen door and walks out onto the porch without even a glimpse in our direction. Bray turns around to face me, her face pinched in sorrow. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. But if he that is way Zander is now, then you don’t deserve him. You deserve so much more.”

As Bray walks towards me, my attention is focused on something completely different. Behind her stands Emerson, her mouth agape and her body slump. She looks the way I feel, and I know she just heard that conversation. She knows what just happened between Zander and I. And I actually sort of feel bad.

“Shit,” I hear Bray whisper but I don’t look at her. I just continue to stare at Emerson.

She throws down her veil and runs out the door, wipping at her face as tears start to fall. “I need to go after her,” I say.

Bray pushes on my shoulder as I start to take a step forward and I focus my attention back on her. “No, don’t. She isn’t going to want to hear what you have to say, and if anything, she is just going to get more pissed. Let her work it out on her own for right now. If you want to apologize, do it in a few days from now.”

I nod my head and pull Bray into a hug. “I’m a horrible person.”

“You’re not a horrible person. You’ve just done horrible things.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Bray laughs and her hand rubs at my shoulder. “You’re just human. Life goes on.”

Faith comes over and hands me a second cup of coffee. “Feeling any better?” she asks as she takes the seat next to me.