Forever With You (Silver State Series) (28 page)

I
was grabbing takeout from Alonzo’s when I noticed her sitting in a corner booth with the guy from the photos on Facebook –
Aiden
.  My stomach clenched as I watched him lean in close to her.  He’d been smiling and gesticulating like he was telling an exciting story.  Meanwhile, Tawny grinned politely and listened without interrupting.

I’m frozen in a trance as I stare at her like some kind of crazed stalker – it’s almost too much seeing her like this, especially after having watched that damn video.  I can’t look at her without having vivid flashbacks.

I jump about ten feet in the air when one of the employees yells, “Freeman!”  Flustered, my eyes flit back to Tawny, but she doesn’t seem to have noticed my name being called.  I turn around to accept the paper bag of food, then take a minute to gather a few napkins and top off my Coke.  When I glance up again, Tawny is on her way out the door with her guy right behind her –
Shit
.  Without giving any forethought to what I’ll do when I get out there, I start jogging toward the door in an effort to catch her.

When I reach the door I almost plow into the person walking through it from the outside; I recoil in shock when I realize it’s Tawny.  The color drains from her face when she notices I’m the one responsible for our head-on collision.  “Kyle,” she says in surprise.  If I wasn’t focusing on her with such rapt concentration, I might’ve missed the pulsating vein in her left temple, evidence her heart is beating just as fast as mine is.

I grip her shoulders and step to the side, drawing her along with me so we’re not obstructing anyone’s path.  “How are you?” I ask, wishing we were having this conversation anywhere other than the front of a busy restaurant.

“I’m okay,” she says.  “Busy semester.”  She smiles feebly in a way that makes my heart hurt.  “What about you?” she asks.

“I’m getting by,” I reply.  “Just got accepted into the journalism program for next year.”

Her face breaks into a huge smile that makes me feel like I’m floating.  “Kyle, that’s amazing.  Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”  I can’t help but grin back at her – it feels too good to see her happy like this.  Immediately I begin trying to think of other ways to make her smile.

“How’s Donna?” she asks, suddenly more sober.

“Ah, uh, she’s…okay.  Just got done with chemo.”

The corner of Tawny’s mouth twitches up into a half grin.  “Hopefully she’ll be able to gain some of her strength back, then.”

“I’m hoping so,” I reply.  “Honestly I’m a little confused – Jack and I took her out to celebrate the end of her treatment last weekend, but for some reason she almost seems
more
depressed now than she was before.”

Tawny nods slowly, as if this makes perfect sense to her.  “I can understand that,” she says softly.

“Why?” I ask.  “I mean, I thought she’d be relieved to have it over with.”

She sighs.  “I’m sure she is.  It’s just – all the treatments she’s been through – surgery, radiation, chemo – going through all of that is
awful
, and it can wreck you physically, but at least it means you’re taking action.  That can be empowering, because the focus is on a
solution
.  I remember feeling sort of helpless when I finished chemo, because suddenly I was expected to just sit and
wait
to see if the cancer came back.  For people like me, and I imagine also like Donna, the
not doing
is so much harder than the
doing
.”

I feel like I’ve just had the all secrets of the universe explained to me – suddenly it all makes sense.  I’m so overcome with gratitude I could kiss her.  It’s inordinately difficult to refrain from doing so – as Tawny says,
not doing
is a whole hell of a lot harder than taking action.

“Wow,” I say instead.  “That…makes perfect sense, actually.”

She smiles.  “I’m glad.  It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been in the same situation – I know she’ll appreciate your understanding.”

She checks her watch.  I hold her eyes with my gaze, my mind racing to think of a way to keep her here with me and prolong this moment for as long as possible.  Of course, I’m just delaying the inevitable.  When Tawny glances back up at me I’m holding my breath.  “I have class,” she says, wincing apologetically.

I swallow.  “Yeah, me too,” I lie.  “I should get going.”

She ducks her head but keeps her eyes trained on mine.  For a moment neither of us speaks or makes a move.  The tension in the air between us is palpable, like we both have volumes to say but neither of us has the first clue how to begin. 

Tawny is first to break the silence.  “I was just going to get my gloves off the table,” she says softly.  “Bye, Kyle – it was good to see you.”

“Yeah – you too, Tawny.  See ya around.”

She slips around me, and I have no choice but to keep moving.  I step out onto the sidewalk and round the corner of the building, then duck into an alley and lean up against a brick wall to catch my breath.  I squeeze my eyes tightly shut as I allow my lungs to fill with the icy air. 
Jesus, when will I ever move on from this?

Tawny – Saturday, 4:30 AM

I
jerk awake drenched in a cold sweat and immediately wish I’d stayed asleep.  Obviously seeing Kyle and actually speaking to him was too much for my fragile psyche, because I just had the most amazingly, vibrantly intense sex dream about him.  In the dream, we’d been at a party, and I had jumped up on one of the tables and started dancing while Kyle watched me with a mischievous grin on his face.  At the end of my dance he’d scooped me up off the table and whispered in my ear how much he wanted me, then announced to everyone within earshot that I was “his girl.”  After that he’d carried me off to some back room and screwed me until I was on the brink of a very powerful orgasm – and that’s when I woke up.

For several minutes I keep my eyes pressed shut as I pant and try desperately to fall back to sleep, to resume where I left off in my erotic fantasy.  As it becomes clear that won’t be happening, I slowly open one eye, then the other.  I’m bewildered when I realize I’m not where I expected to be.  Instead of the fluorescent light above my bed, there’s a ceiling fan, and instead of my puffy comforter, I’m wrapped up in an afghan and somebody’s arms.

Slowly I turn my body, taking in the rest of my surroundings.  I freeze when my eyes land on the person holding me –
Aiden.  Oh God
.  It all comes rushing back to me – we were watching a movie on his couch, and I must’ve fallen asleep.  I’m curled up in my boyfriend’s arms, and I’m having a
sex dream
about
someone else!
  God, I’m a terrible person.

I turn my head to look at the glowing green numbers on the DVD player; I’m shocked when I realize it’s 4:32 in the morning.  That means I’ve been asleep for five hours, maybe even longer.  No wonder my neck is sore.

Slowly I twist and wiggle until I’ve eased myself out of Aiden’s grasp.  He mumbles something, and for a second I think I must’ve woken him, but then he turns around and faces the back of the couch and goes still once more.  I allow my breathing to steady, then begin to tiptoe across the carpet to the front door.  Quietly I gather my purse and slip on my boots, then let myself out the door.

Chapter 25 – Fill In

Monday, February 27

Kyle – 1:45 PM

Call me when you get a sec

Les’s text message arrives just as I’m walking out of class, so I decide to go ahead and give him a call.  He picks up on the first ring.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” I reply.  “Did you need something?”

“Yeah, what’re you doing for spring break?”

“Eh, I’m not sure.  My uncle said I could come work for him and earn some extra cash, but I haven’t decided yet.”

“Come to Cabo instead,” he says.

I laugh, thinking he must be joking.  “Wait, are you serious?” I ask when I realize he isn’t laughing with me.

“Yeah, man.  Steph just called.”  (Inwardly I roll my eyes.  Steph is one friend of Les’s I’ve never much cared for).  “They already booked some package through student services, but half their group just backed out, so they need three more or else they lose out on the special pricing.  She invited you, me and Leila.”

“Dude, that’s
three weeks
from now,” I reply incredulously.  “I don’t even have a fucking passport.”

“Leila doesn’t either,” he says, undeterred.  “We already checked into it – you can apply for expedited processing, and they can get it to you within two weeks.”

“You know things are tight for me right now, man,” I say.  “I can’t afford to go to fuckin’ Mexico just on a whim.”

“Freeman,” he says, “the package includes airfare and hotel, and if all three of us go it’s only four hundred dollars a person.  That’s an
amazing
deal
, dude.”

“I’m sure it is.  Doesn’t mean I have the four hundred bucks.”  Actually, I’m sort of busting his balls right now.  After working odd jobs and stashing some money from that photo contest last fall, I have a little bit of a nest egg going – and Cabo for spring break does sound pretty awesome.  Still, even though I have everything I need right now, it’s second nature for me to squirrel away every penny I earn, knowing another rainy day is likely to be just around the corner.

“Come on, man,” Les pleads.  “I’ll float you a loan if I have to.  Let’s just go down there – you’re only young once, you know?”

I sigh, unable to believe I’m actually about to agree to this.  “All right, I’ll go.  I don’t want your money, but you’re driving me to the fucking passport office.”

Les laughs.  “Yeah, okay.  We’ll stop there tonight before we go to the gym.”

6:30 PM

I
’m in the locker room surrounded by a bunch of other naked, sweaty dudes when my phone goes off.  I quickly pull on a pair of boxers and fish the phone from the pocket of my jeans, which are still folded inside my gym bag.  It’s a text message from Macary.

I hear you’re coming with us to Cabo!

Christ
.  Les didn’t tell me Macary was going.  I guess I should’ve known when he mentioned Steph was the one who masterminded the trip – she and Macary run in a pretty tight circle with one or two other girls whose names I’m forgetting.  I glance in Les’s direction, but he’s toweling off after a quick spray down in the shower, not looking my way.

I turn my phone on its side to flip the keyboard and type a message back.

Yeah looks that way

I’m so excited you’ll be there

I pause with my thumbs suspended above the keyboard, almost completely at a loss for what to say.  I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t want her to get the wrong idea either.  Then there’s the part of me that still wants to keep her waiting in the wings in case I ever decide I’m capable of getting past my hang up on Tawny Read –
God I’m an asshole
.

Me too

Seems neutral enough.  I shove my phone deep inside my bag and jerk on my clothes, suddenly in need of some fresh air.

Part 4

Chapter 26 – Flights

Monday, March 20

Tawny – 12:30 PM

“
L
adies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the ‘Fasten Seat Belt’ sign.  If you haven’t already done so, please stow your carry-on luggage beneath the seat in front of you or in an overhead bin.  Please take your seat and be sure your seat belt is securely fastened.”

I can hear the flight attendant, but I can’t see her – we’re all the way at the back of the plane in row thirty-nine, preparing to finish the last leg of our journey from Phoenix to Cabo.  The drone of the engine is almost deafening back here.

I’m sitting in the middle seat between Aiden and Vivian.  Aiden, who has the window seat, looks ready to pass out – he went out on a bender last night, which was bound to be a bad idea.  Vivian’s been jeering at him all morning for being such a dumbass.  Meanwhile, Viv sits next to the aisle with her head leaned back against the seat and her eyes closed, no doubt repeating her mantra – she’s an anxious flyer.  If our last flight was any indication, she’ll be clawing at my hand for both the takeoff and the landing.

Takeoff is smooth.  A little over an hour into the flight, the pilot announces we’re about to pass over the Gulf of California, which means we’ve officially crossed the border into Mexico –
I’m in a different country for the first time in my life!
  I lean across Aiden’s lap – he’s sound asleep with his ball cap covering his face – and watch as the sparkling expanse of blue water comes into view.  A surge of adrenaline spikes in my veins.  I turn back around to nudge Vivian, but she’s curled on her side with her earphones in, listening to her iPod.  I’m a little disappointed I don’t have anyone to share my excitement with, but not enough to let it dampen my spirits.  I settle back into my seat, unable to keep the grin from face.

Kyle – 3:15 PM

T
oday has been the day from hell.  Our flight was scheduled to depart Reno at 9:30.  I shared a cab to the airport with Les and Leila, where we met Steph, Macary and their friend Rochelle at the US Airways check-in desk.  Steph was already in tears when we got there because she’d somehow forgotten to pack her wallet.  At first I felt genuinely sorry for her, but then she turned into a real bitch.  Twenty minutes later I’d had enough of her attitude; an hour after that, when we’d already missed our flight, I made a silent vow to never travel with her again.